Better Now
He finds Jared sitting on the steps of a trailer, staring out at the
stretch of abandoned highway they're shooting on that night. The sun's
setting, down halfway behind the trees already, leaving the sky
streaked gold and pale orange and cotton candy pink, and Jensen knows
that they have half an hour, maybe, before they're needed again.
His first instinct is to go to Jared, to make a space for himself on
the stairs too, to poke at Jared until he gives up the few inches
Jensen'll need, because Jared, of course, is spread out, elbows
balanced on loosely spread knees. He doesn't go any closer, though,
because all day, Jared's been, well. Not quite as loud, his smile not
quite so freely given. He's hiding it pretty well, though, and Jensen
likes to think he's maybe one of the only people who'd notice.
So Jensen waits, because there's no way that Jared didn't hear him
coming, no way that Jared doesn't know he's there. And indeed he does,
because it only takes a beat or two before Jared's looking up and over.
He stares back at Jensen for a moment, eyes almost shuttered, and then
he smiles. It's not nearly as wide as the usual Jared-smile—Jensen
might even call it soft—but it still hits Jensen low in his gut. He
still finds himself smiling back. And then Jared's making room for him,
drawing his knees in, dropping his feet a few steps farther down, until
the heels of his shoes are almost touching the ground, and that's all
the invitation that Jensen needs.
He walks up the steps and takes the one right above Jared. Jared didn't
leave quite enough room, though, so they're sitting close enough that
the curve of Jared's shoulder is pressed to Jensen's thigh.
It's a deliberate touch.
It's even more deliberate when Jared shifts on his step, so that he's
almost leaning into Jensen. Even in this position, Jensen can feel the
tension in Jared's muscles, the stiffness of his body, and that's what
prompts him to raise his hand, to let it come to rest on the back of
Jared's neck. The muscles there are tight, thick, and it's instinct
that has Jensen brushing his thumb up towards Jared's hairline,
pressing down firmly over the thin skin.
It takes a long moment, another stroke of his thumb, two, but then
Jared starts relaxing, shoulders drooping. Jensen hears him sigh, and
when he looks down at Jared's face, he can see that his eyelids have
slid closed.
Another moment, a deep breath, and Jensen keeps stroking at Jared's
neck as he says, "So, you want to tell me what's going on?"
He knows Jared is going to shrug before he does—can feel the play of
muscles against his leg—and indeed he does.
"Just, you know, one of those days. Just feeling a little off. You know
how it goes."
And yeah, Jensen does. He nods even though Jared's not looking up at
him, even though he won't see.
"Yeah," he says. "I do."
"Better now," Jared says after another long moment, and Jensen can feel
his whole body shift as he looks up. As he smiles, almost as wide and
bright as Jensen's used to, close enough to real that Jensen pretty
much believes Jared's telling the truth. Still, though, he doesn't move
his hand.
"Yeah, well," Jensen says, and Jared says, "Yeah," firmly, before
looking back out towards the sunset. Before bending even farther into
Jensen's touch as Jensen trails his thumb over the line of Jared's neck
again.