The Art of Self-Destruction
By Zillah

and the wrong words make you listen
in this criminal world
remember it's true, loyalty is valuable
but our lives are valuable too

Snape woke slowly, cocooned by Lucius on his left and Narcissa on his right. Silver hair - Narcissa's - spilled over his shoulder, tickling him. He brushed it off and untangled himself from their limbs. He heard the faint cry of a baby, little Draco, but neither of his parents stirred. That, as Lucius would say, is what a nanny is for.

The space where Snape had been sleeping separated Lucius and Narcissa for a long moment before Lucius rolled over and nuzzled against Narcissa's back. Snape scratched his bare stomach and looked for his dressing gown.

A house-elf popped in out of nowhere, the gown in his hand and a worried look on his face, "You must come with Dobby, Master Severus."

Snape took the dressing gown and pulled it over his thin frame, looking down at Dobby with a sneer, "I think not. Away with you."

Dobby squeaked and looked at the bed before disappearing with a small popping sound. Severus Snape did not listen to house-elves, especially ones that broke their masters rules and appeared in their masters quarters.

 


 

Laughter rose in the air, the sound mingling with the sound of screams as Lucius stood over the body of a Muggle teenager. Narcissa was sitting in an armchair, clapping her thin hands happily. Snape felt sick to his stomach but forced a laugh out as well.

Lucius's parties were the highlight of any week - for most Death Eaters. Lord Voldemort provided well for his loyal followers and in turn, Lucius provided him with entertainment. Tonight's featured the classic, but always amusing, torture of Muggles in the middle of a stately manor living room. Magical Persian carpets turned a startling green colour when blood was spilled on them.

Snape hated these parties. Torture had its place in the greater scheme of world domination, but idle torture for pleasure had no place in Snape's life. Lord Voldemort quite enjoyed it though, as did Lucius and Narcissa.

Snape often thought that his sometime lovers were only happy when they pushed the boundaries of what was proper. How else could he explain his presence in their bed?

There was a tug on the hem of his robes and Snape looked down, spotting that same barmy house-elf who'd bothered him the other night in Lucius and Narcissa's chambers. The elf squeaked and pointed at the hidden doorway that Snape only knew about because he was here so often.

"Go away," Snape hissed, kicking the huddled elf. "You have no place here."

The elf tugged again, "Please, Master Severus. Come with Dobby."

"No," Snape said through gritted teeth, praying that no one was paying attention to him. A spray of blood arched through the air and the crowd let out a murmured sound of approval. "I have no use for you."

"Dobby must tell Master Severus something. It is very important for Master Severus to hear."

Snape kicked the little elf hard and the elf smacked against the wall, "Go before I turn you into this night's entertainment."

The elf squeaked again and disappeared before Snape could hurt him again. He gritted his teeth and turned back to Lucius's 'performance.' Bloody house-elf.

 


 

Snape's hands clutched at Narcissa's hips convulsively as she trailed fingernails that had been transfigured into knives over his skin. The hitch of the blades over each of his ribs left trails of red decorating the pale skin.

Narcissa bent at the waist languorously, her tongue following the trails of blood on Snape's skin. She ground her hips against him and he thrust up, crying out at the delicate touch over the wounds.

Lucius was gone on some important mission for Voldemort that involved murder, mayhem, and torture - Lucius's favourite things. Narcissa had called for Snape at Hogwarts and he had come immediately. Dumbledore had ordered him to always go when Lucius or Narcissa called for him.

"Severus," Narcissa murmured, trailing one finger down his cheek. He could feel the skin splitting at the gentle pressure. "Touch me."

He obediently lifted a hand to cup one pert breast, his thumb brushing over the erect nipple. Her mouth opened in a grotesque 'o' and he watched as she undulated on him, her nails digging into his hips, piercing the skin.

Snape knew he was awash in blood and sweat, his body a horrible canvas dedicated to Narcissa. How he loathed her and his whole part in this war.

Severus Snape, the slut spy that served the Malfoys exclusively at Albus Dumbledore's insistence no less.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered why he let any of them do this to him. The rest of his mind was too busy forcing himself to have an orgasm to care.

 


 

Snape scrubbed away the dried blood and sweat in the pristine marble bathroom he was designated to use. He sat in the tepid water and daydreamed about a normal life. He rarely allowed himself such indulgences, but after a session with Narcissa he needed it.

He leaned his head back against the marble and closed his eyes, thinking about a private lab with all the best equipment and ingredients. He saw a cage in the back, a man pacing the small length, his head down.

A cruel smile crossed Snape's face. Remus Lupin caged was one of his favourite fantasies. Forced to subject himself to any and all of Snape's experimentation while under the guise of looking for a cure. Snape had no desire to cure lycanthropy, but he wanted the prestige that went along with developing a cure.

"Master Severus, sir!"

Snape opened his eyes and saw the same meddlesome house-elf that had tried to talk to him the last two times he had been at Malfoy Manor. The elf was wringing the pillowcase it wore, a terrified expression on his face.

"Please listen to Dobby, Master Severus. Dobby has important information for you," the elf's ears quivered and he began to smack his head against the bathtub. "Bad Dobby! Bad!"

Snape reached out a soapy hand and stopped the elf's self-abuse, "Stop it, you loathsome toad. How did you get in here?"

"There is a passage, sir, that only the elves know about. Dobby had to talk to Master Severus so Dobby used it even though Dobby knows better. Bad Dobby!"

"Yes," Snape's voice was even, but cautious. "Why should I listen to an elf?"

"Because Dobby has heard bad things in this house," Dobby's voice quivered and he looked around nervously. "Master Severus is in trouble. He must not come to the next party Master Lucius throws."

Snape's blood ran cold, "Who said I am in trouble?"

Dobby squeaked and began to bang his head again as he talked, "Master - bang - Lucius was - bang - fire-talking to - bang - Volde... bang bang bang. Bad spy, he says! Oh, Master Severus, you is to be killed!"

Snape stopped Dobby's actions again, holding the elf firmly by his tiny shoulders, "Why am I to be killed?"

"Bad spy! So close to the old fool and nothing comes of it," Dobby squirmed in Snape's grasp. "The other spy does much better."

"Other spy?" Snape frowned. "There is another spy besides myself?"

Dobby squeaked and his eyes widened, "Dobby does not know who. Dobby only knows what Master Lucius says."

"Dobby," Snape released him. The elf could come in handy. "I would like you to do me a favour. Will you help me out?"

Dobby's ears fluttered and waved his hands, "Dobby is bound to his master."

"I just want you to listen to what is said in regards to me," Snape said, his voice slick and smooth. "I promise that if you do this for me, I will do something for you in return."

"Freedom?" Dobby's eyes widened. "Dobby wants freedom."

"Yes, Dobby," Snape's mouth stretched into a twisted smile. "Freedom. All you have to do is pay attention to what Lucius says."

Dobby bounced happily and nodded, "Dobby will do that for you, Master Severus! Dobby can listen."

Snape lay back against the marble of the tub and murmured a spell to heat up the water again, "Go then, Dobby. Listen. You will report to me next time I am here."

"Yes Dobby will!"

And with that the meddlesome house-elf disappeared and Snape got himself a spy inside Malfoy Manor. Not a bad night.

 


 

"You have done well, my boy," Dumbledore said quietly. He pushed the candy bowl towards Snape without a word. "You must be careful the next time you go to Malfoy Manor. Lucius may try to capture you."

"I could just not go," Snape said just as quietly. He ignored the candy bowl.

"No, I don't think that is a good idea," Dumbledore's blue eyes were cold as they peered at Snape from behind his spectacles. "You must complete the assignment you accepted."

"At the risk of my own safety?"

Dumbledore leaned close, "Yes, my boy. You have no choice."

 


 

Dobby did his job well. All Snape found he had to do was offer the pathetic creature the chance for freedom and he would unload his master's secrets in a heartbeat. It was truly the easiest spying job Snape had ever done.

 


 

"Walk with me, Severus," Lucius said, holding out his hand. "We must talk and I do not wish to disturb Narcissa."

Snape allowed Lucius to take his hand with that damnable cane in his other hand. He hated knowing that Lucius had his wand so close when Severus's was sitting in his robes on a chair in the bedroom.

"Severus, the Dark Lord is growing impatient," Lucius said casually as he walked towards the nursery. "I am only warning you of this because you are so close to myself and Narcissa. We would ... miss you."

"I have little to offer him," Snape said calmly. "Dumbledore, that old coot, is watching himself around me now. He believes I am loyal to him, yet rarely tells me of the plans."

"Then you must find a way to support our Lord, Severus," Lucius opened the door to the nursery, heading towards the crib where Draco slept. "He does not tolerate idleness in his Death Eaters. You must deliver something soon."

Snape looked at the sleeping baby and felt bile rise in his throat. "The Potters?"

"Have already been found and are being taken care of as we speak. He did not need your help for that one," Lucius's fingers traced Draco's chubby arm. "My son will someday serve our Lord as we do. I wish you to be alive to see that."

Snape forced himself to touch Draco's silvery hair, "Yes, Lucius."

Lucius's fingers tightened painfully around Snape's hand, pulling him away from Draco "Do not force my hand, Snape. I will not hesitate to do our Lord's bidding even when you are involved."

Snape met those cold eyes and nodded, "Yes, Lucius."

"Now go," Lucius let go of him. "Before he returns and I must do something I will regret."

Snape's eyes widened and he knew in a sickening rush that both Lucius and Voldemort were planning on killing him; only Lucius would regret it. He nodded again and turned away, offering his back to Lucius as a sign of trust. He forced himself to hurry from the room.

Dobby stood in the hallway, clutching the edge of his dirty pillowcase. His eyes were large and full of tears, "Master Severus? Dobby has news."

"I do not need your news," Snape growled at him. "I must go."

Dobby sniffled, "Is Dobby coming with Master Severus?"

Snape stopped and looked at the disgusting little creature, "And leave your family? Of course not. House-elves are not worthy of freedom."

Dobby's eyes filled with more tears, "But Master Severus said ..."

"Never trust a wizard." Snape watched as Dobby's chin trembled and he disappeared. He continued on his way, only stopping long enough to grab his robes and kiss Narcissa goodbye.

 


 

That was the last time Severus Snape was welcomed in Malfoy Manor. Voldemort was destroyed later that night by a mere child and he began his long imprisonment in Hogwarts. He was free to come and go as he chose, but facing students day in and day out was his punishment.

Lucius met with him right before Draco began at Hogwarts, eliciting Snape's promise to care for his son. Dobby stood behind Lucius and stared at Snape with big, watery eyes. Snape ignored him.

A year later though, Snape hid behind a column and watched as Lucius Malfoy tore into Harry bloody Potter for doing what Snape had promised years before. The blasted boy had freed Dobby.

Lucius was spitting mad and Potter just stood his ground, seemingly unafraid of Malfoy's threats. Snape saw the joy on Dobby's disgusting face and walked away.

House-elves didn't deserve freedom.

Though, perhaps, that one did.

 

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