Of Dice and Jen(sen)

by Epeeblade

Chapter 1

Whose brilliant idea was it,” Jensen grumbled to himself, as he shifted his computer tower to rest on one thigh. He paused mid-landing to catch his breath, dodging the girl with a box so large it obscured her vision, and then finished the last set of stairs as he said: “to get the dorm without an elevator?”

Boxes and computer equipment cluttered the landing in the center of the four bedrooms that would comprise his home for the next year. Off to his right the door to the full-size fridge was held open by a case of Mountain Dew. Only one bedroom door remained closed, the others stood wide open.

“Jensen!” Mike Rosenbaum popped his head out of door D and Jensen could only blink in surprise. Mike had shaved his head: completely bald, shiny Kojack bald. He hardly looked like the same guy who had worn his hair past his waist during their first three years at Springfield College.

“Nice haircut,” because really, Jensen just couldn’t let that go.

Tom Welling and Chad Lindberg emerged from the other room, Chad holding a pair of wire cutters in one hand. “Yeah, his lack of hygiene finally got to him,” Tom said.

“I just didn’t want you guys to have to clean my hair out of the shower drain,” Mike said.

“Fuck, Mike, you’re more of a girl without the long hair,” Chad laughed.

Mike rolled his eyes and tilted his head in Tom’s direction. “At least I don’t have twelve different bottle of hair gel.”

“So you’re not going to tell Jensen about the lice incident?” Tom said.

“I so don’t want to know.” Jensen set the computer tower down and fished out the key he had picked up from the main office.

They had finally scored senior housing, the set of townhouses that ranged the very edge of campus. Sandy had joked about them creating role-playing housing, on par with the frat houses along the main drag of town. “D&D on Tuesdays, Magic on Wednesdays…”

“And Mike’s anime screenings every other day of the week,” Jensen had retorted.

Jensen might have to share a bathroom and shower with three of his best friends, but he was sure glad to be able to hide in his own room when he needed to. When his floormates – computer science majors that they were -- needed to be up late, commiserating over coding hell and Y2K, Jensen could sequester himself in his own room and get some actual studying done. He unlocked his door now, revealing the tiny room with its extra long twin bed, scarred wooden desk and tall dresser. He figured it was about the size of his mother’s closet back home.

Maybe having his own room was overrated.

“Jensen? Where do you want this?” his father’s voice broke into his musings. Jensen turned to find that his dad had carried the monitor up the three flights of stairs.

Jensen winced. He hoped his 17-inch monitor would fit on the desk.

“Need some help hooking up?” Chad asked, poking his head in while Dad tried to fit the monitor in the small space. “Tom hacked the port so our network is live.”

Sweet, Jensen thought. He had missed the college’s T1 connection while home. He had to share his parents’ dialup account with his sister, who had just discovered AIM and never ever signed off. “I got a new PC over the summer,” he told Chad as they both dived under the desk, pulling wires through the hole in the wood.

“Built it himself,” his dad said with a smile. Jensen grinned back. It had been worth all the hard work – finding computer shows to get the spare parts, reading manuals about jumpers and dealing with some bum ram chips – to finally have the powerhouse machine he always wanted.

“Pentium 3,” he told Chad.

Chad whistled. “I see much Quake 2 in our future.”

“Tonight, if we can get you hooked up,” Tom said from the doorway.

“You boys do plan on getting some work done, right?” Dad said. He let the guys mess with the computer and stepped out of the way.

“Classes don’t start till Monday, Dad.” Jensen said. After freshman year, it always seemed weird when his parents stuck around to help him unpack. That first year Jensen hadn’t wanted them to leave, and missed home fiercely. He alternated the time doing his homework – even then he was a nerd about going to every class and doing every assignment – and calling his mother.

Then Mike had wandered onto their floor lounge. Jensen had escaped there to get some studying done, he couldn’t manage it with his roommate's loud music. Mike invited Jensen up to an impromptu game of Dungeons and Dragons he had going on in his room. At first Jensen didn't know what to make of the game, they didn't have a board, but they did have lots of dice. Mike had hid behind a little cardboard screen, scratching notes on a piece of paper and cackling to himself.

"We need someone to be the wizard," Tom had said apologetically upon their first meeting. Everyone else wanted to smash things.

Curious about how you could play a game without a board, Jensen's natural curiosity drove him, against his better judgment, to agree. This was certainly one of those things his pastor back at home warned against, but he figured it wouldn't be college without a little bit of rebellion.

They presented him with a character sheet filled with numbers and statistics that made little sense to him. "I'll roll for you," Tom offered. "You just need to play the part.”

And that, Jensen knew he could do, slipping into the role like one of his acting moments back in drama class in high school. He may not know what a THAC0 was, but he nailed the character of the misanthropic, myopic wizard. No one else seemed to mind rolling for him, or correcting him when he tried to do something impossible. Jensen fell into pretending to be someone else, just for a little while, in a world where magic and dragons were real, where he could escape both his statistics homework and his obnoxious roommate.

When Mike invited him to become a regular member of the group, he jumped at the chance. Four years later, he could calculate a THAC0 -- the die roll it took to hit a heavily armored opponent -- with the best of them, prepare a character sheet and design his own campaign. Somehow he fit that all in between biology labs and cramming for the GREs.

Hopefully all that hard work would pay off. Jensen put the box with his grad school applications carefully on the bookcase. He'd be spending most of the fall semester filling them out. With his test scores, Columbia was more than just a dream right now. He rested his hand on the blue folder on top; very soon he’d be on his way to becoming a physical therapist.

"How many books did you bring?" Mike groaned, dumping the blue plastic milk crate on the bed. It bounced and tumbled over, books scattering onto the floor.

"Hey!" Jensen bent to gather them up. "This is my room; keep the mess in yours." This crate held the resource books he needed for the Werewolf campaign he hoped to run this semester. If he had any interested players. The other crate had all his biology textbooks, no less heavy, but slightly more important.

"You're welcome, Jensen. I am happy to help lug your heavy ass books up three flights of stairs. Are you going to wait till your dad leaves before you hang up your Sailor Moon posters?"

Jensen rubbed at the back of his neck and ducked his head, pushing up his glasses as they drooped down his nose. "Fuck you, that’s your fault anyway." Without Mike there would be absolutely no pictures of scantily-clad Japanese teens with brightly colored hair anywhere near Jensen's walls. Particularly since no one believed him when he said he just liked the story. Just like most of the role-playing games he participated in, he loved the idea of far-flung worlds and reincarnated princesses. It made going back to the mundane so much easier.

It took them a better part of an hour to completely unpack the van his dad had rented for the trip. Luckily the townhouse came with its own refrigerator and microwave, so no need to lug those appliances all the way from Texas, like he had in previous years. He probably had the longest commute, Springfield tended to attract mostly local students.

Jensen figured it would take him the rest of the week to completely unpack and get his room just the way he wanted it, unlike Tom, who already had all his drawers organized, with even his socks folded and filed away. He had no idea how Tom had managed to share a room with Mike for three years.

Jensen walked his dad downstairs to the van parked on the sidewalk. "Are you sure you're going to be okay driving back by yourself?" Jensen felt a bit guilty for having his dad drive all the way out to Springfield and then back.

"I'll be fine, Jensen. I'm visiting your Aunt on the way back, remember?"

"Right." Jensen closed the door of the van and leaned against it. "I'll call Mama when you leave, tell her you're on the way."

His dad smiled. "Don't let those boys keep you from studying."

"They're good friends," Jensen said.

"With a lot of toys," his dad opened the driver's side door and climbed in. “You’ve got all those graduate school applications to finish!”

“I really just need the letters of recommendation,” Jensen explained. “I did most of the hard stuff before I left home.”

“Smart boy,” he patted Jensen’s shoulder, gripping it tightly for a moment. They always joked that Jensen was the smart one in the family, something that annoyed his siblings to no end.

"Take care of yourself, son. Don't be a stranger."

"I'll call," he promised. Then he stepped back and watched his dad pull into the moving day traffic. Jensen missed him already, though he figured that soon he'd be so busy, he'd forget he even had a family.

***

The first week of classes always had that settling in feeling to it. Jensen waited on line to buy his textbooks, he waited on line at one of the dining halls, and he came home to a room that was mostly boxes and half hung up posters. His computer was the only thing arranged exactly as he liked it. That wouldn't last long, he had already started installing the cracked copies of games that Mike insisted they all play. Of course, this would only last until Mike discovered something else new and shiny.

Jensen plunked his heavy backpack down on one of the dining hall tables. He flexed his back, relieved to have all the weight off of him. He'd leave the thing here while he got his tray; any potential thieves were welcome to the darn thing if they could actually carry it. Hurray for a major that had the unintended consequence of helping him build some muscle mass.

"Jensen!"

He looked up at the shrill cry and grinned as he spotted Sandy and Sophia making their way through the crowded dining hall. They dropped their backpacks next to his, along with a stack of brightly colored flyers. "Sandy! Sophia!" He hugged them both. "How was your summer?"

"Totally boring," Sophia snorted. "Sandy got to be in a play though."

Sandy blushed. "It was just a local thing for my town."

"Hey, you're adding to your acting creds." He grinned, stepping back. "Don't leave without giving me your numbers."

"Mine's the same as last year," Sandy said.

Right, Jensen thought. She and Danneel were still in the same dorm. "Right...So, ah, how IS Danneel?"

"Why don't you come over and ask?" Sandy laughed when Jensen shuddered. "She's not that bad."

Most of his friends would have agreed, Danneel was absolutely gorgeous, and had one hell of a crush on him. He couldn't tell her why he wasn't interested, so just deflected her attention as best he could. "As long as she doesn't invite me to another Bible study."

"You're overreacting," Sophia chided. "C'mon, let's get cheesesteaks before the line at the grill gets too long."

"Working on keeping that girlish figure?"

"Don't you know it," she laughed, swaying her hips as they made their way to yet another line.

"What are you hanging flyers for?" Jensen asked, plucking his tray from the pile in the door to the cafeteria. Sandy followed him, gathering silverware as they moved through the crowd of people.

"Eric wanted us to advertise the LARP. He thinks we could use some fresh blood."

Jensen snickered. "Freshmen as vampire victims?"

She poked his belly and he darted away. Sandy knew he was ticklish. "C'mon Jen, all you guys are graduating this year. Who's gonna be left to run the gaming club?"

"Fine, but nobody's gonna notice the flyers in the Freshman dorms. You're competing with the frats and all the other campus events the RA's are plugging." Jensen frowned at the salad bar. First week and the lettuce was already wilting? The food just seemed to be getting worse and worse each year; they knew the students didn't have any choice but to use their meal plans. The most edible food was from the grill, which just happened to be the food dripping with grease and fat. Or, as Gabe tended to say, "full of deliciosity."

They joined the line to the grill and placed their orders. "We don't want those kind of freshman anyway," Sandy told him. "There's gotta be a geek or two among the horde."

"Are they still invading the dining halls en masse?" he asked. Freshman usually arrived a week before everyone else, for orientation and bonding time. He remembered the first week; he went everywhere with his roommate and the other twenty people who shared their dorm floor. Justin turned out to be a major asshole, although he still remembered to say hi to Jensen when he saw him around campus.

"They'll be doing that until October, at least," she rolled her eyes. "Luckily they haven't found the food court in the student center yet."

"Only a matter of time."

***

Jensen grabbed one of the flyers on his way out of the dining hall, and he made sure both Sandy and Sophia had his room extension. For once he didn't have to share the phone with a roommate and he could have whatever stupid message on the voicemail that he wanted. Granted, he didn't plan on anything other than "this is Jensen, leave a message" but it was a damn sight better than Justin's insisting on song clips before the message. When he got back to the townhouses, Chad and Mike were poking at an open computer case, parts strewn around the tiny common area and They Might be Giants blaring from Chad's room.

"What exactly are you guys doing?" Jensen stepped over some wires to get to the fridge.

"Building a Linux box," Chad answered. He poked at the hard drive in his hands and frowned at it.

"Again?"

"Hopefully one that works this time." Mike straightened.

"Don't you guys ever go to class?"

"I make sure not to schedule class before noon." Mike looked at his watch. "I think I have one in an hour."

Jensen leaned against the door to the fridge, opening the bottle of Mountain Dew he had just grabbed. "You guys are still playing in the LARP right? Eric's planning on being here on Friday."

"Before the first meeting of ThIS?" Mike groaned, referring to the gamer club. "How are we going to let everyone know about it?"

Jensen waved the flyer at him. "Sandy and Sophia got it covered."

Chad snatched it out of his hand. "Like roleplaying? Want to go beyond tabletop? Then meet at the Springfield College Student Center, this Friday at 7PM for Springfield College by Night, A Vampire The Masquerade LARP...Man, this makes the thing sound better than it actually is."

"Maybe this year we'll actually finish the storyline."

"That's if Eric makes up his mind." Mike stretched. "I think he has four or five different endings planned. Fortunately the apocalypse only factors into three of them."

"Don't count on him actually going with a plan." Chad plunked the hard drive back into the computer case. "I've got to get to the computer lab. We're setting schedules today and I don't want to get stuck with Friday nights."

"You're apparently very busy." Jensen picked up the flyer and folded it carefully. "The game would fall apart without your character."

Chad snorted. "Only cause Kristin is dead set against me being elected leader. Gives it all a nice bit of drama."

"And Eric just loves his drama," Mike said. "I think I should find out where my class is."

Jensen rolled his eyes. Typical Mike. He didn't seem to put much effort into anything, yet always ended up on top. Then again, few of his friends needed to put in the same amount of time Jensen did for his classes. It was one of the hazards of the sciences. If he wanted to have any fun at all this weekend, he needed to start his reading and then work on his grad school applications. He had one month left to meet his deadlines, and there were still letters of recommendation to gather.

Fortunately, he could just shut the door to his closet sized room and close himself away to get started on it. After he checked his email, of course.

Chapter 2

Like most weekends at Springfield College, the campus quieted into a ghost town. The students, mostly locals, retreated back home, or left the lonely acreage to join parties already in full swing at the Frat houses. Jensen couldn't really go home on weekends, not unless he hopped on a plane and, really, it wasn't worth it. After his freshman year, he'd lost the desire to go; he was far too busy with studying or gaming to even bother missing home. When he did go back, he found he still loved his family, but he was much better at it from a distance, when he didn't have to explain every new interest.

The student center, one large lounge peppered with square seating areas, arranged like cubicles in the room, had little traffic. The snack bar, tucked into one corner, closed early on Fridays. The student store, hiding behind the glass of one wall, was dimly lit with only one student worker at the cash register, holding a magazine in one hand. Jensen guessed the computer lab would still be crowded, though that was sensibly located in a walled off corner, safe from the noise that usually permeated the larger lounge area.

He had arrived early with his floormates, camping out the section of chairs they usually reserved for LARPing. Mike and Tom had transformed into their vampire personas, dressing far better than usual in dark slacks and button down shirts. Chad's character didn't differ much from himself, so he still wore too-large ripped jeans and a brightly colored t-shirt with Japanese kanji on the front. Jensen didn't feel the need to dress up, his only concession to the event was to replace his wire-rimmed glasses with his contacts. He only saved those for special occasions.

The other players took their time in arriving. He grinned and waved as Chris Kane and Steve Carlson wandered in. Chris's jeans trailed the floor, fringe covering his canvas sandals. He played two characters normally, sometimes cleaning up to play the savvy lawyer Lindsay. Tonight he seemed firmly stuck in his other character, a Gangrel vampire who simply went by the name of Kane.

"How the hell you been?" Jensen asked, reaching out to smack Chris's outspread hand.

"Fucking busy as usual. You don't want to even look at my schedule. I shoulda quit freshman year and started my own damn band." Chris's grin softened his words.

"You have your own band," Steve muttered.

"Playing on the quad doesn't count," Mike countered.

"Where's Eric?" Chris looked around.

"He'll show up after everyone else, like usual." Tom shrugged, leaning back on the large oversized couch.

"Could have brought my guitar," Chris said. “What’s with the hair, Rosenbaum?”

Mike ran his hand over his naked pate. “Got sick of the boys from the Gay student union hitting on me.”

Jensen flinched as Chris laughed.

Steve jostled him with one elbow. "The girls just showed up."

Jensen peeked around them, expecting Sandy and Sofia. Oh, he thought, he had forgotten about the other girls; Alona and Kristin didn't go to Springfield. They attended the local community college and caught the ads Eric had placed there. Of course, Eric didn't go to Springfield either, so Jensen had no business being down on them for that. They just took the whole thing entirely too seriously; roleplaying was supposed to be fun. Alona and Kristin played the depressed vampire to the hilt, dressing all in black, wearing heavy eyeliner and dour expressions. He was all for feeling a role, but sometimes he didn't think these two actually enjoyed the game aspect of it. Kristin had far too much invested in getting her character, Claudia, elected leader of the Springfield College vampires.

"Hey, darling," Chris drawled, settling into flirting with Alona, the more approachable of the two. She smiled at him and played with her long, blond hair.

Great, he'd be stuck watching the two of them sniff around each other all evening. Jensen tapped his foot impatiently and stood with relief when Sandy and Sophia finally showed up. Sophia had her dark hair pulled into two pigtails, and wore a set of pink overalls. He didn't even want to know where she got that outfit. Sandy looked gorgeous as always, in a satin blouse and dark mini skirt. She was made to be an actress, he only hoped this theater thing worked out for her.

"You're late," he said, pulling Sandy down onto his lap.

She shrieked and pulled her skirt down over her thighs, settling herself on his knees. "We still made it before Gabe and Eric," she pointed out.

"I saw Gabe at the dining hall," Steve offered. "Is he bringing the snacks?"

"This ain't a tabletop, son," Chris kicked him. "Vampires don't drink ... Mountain Dew."

"Funny," Jensen rolled his eyes.

Just then Eric arrived, before Gabe for a change, but no less harassed than usual. He had a folder full of papers, jagged edges of torn out notebook pages sticking out everywhere. "Hey guys!" He dropped his messenger bag on the boxy table in the center of their seating area, and it clunked against the wood. "I got all your character sheets from last year, oh and you are not going to believe some of the things I've got planned!" He pulled off his tan trench coat and cowboy hat and dropped them over the arm of the couch Jensen sat on. Eric flipped through his folder and started handing out the character sheets. "You guys need to figure out what your characters did over the summer and give me a rundown, so I can make it fit into the storyline..."

"Excuse me?" A deep, drawling voice broke into Eric's excited ramblings and caught all of their attention. Jensen leaned over to see the speaker.

Two men stood behind Eric, but Jensen's eyes were drawn up and then up some more to the taller of the two. Dark hair curled around the stranger's head like a halo, illuminating golden skin and a brilliant, dimpled smile. Jensen's heart beat wildly in his chest.

"I assume this is y'all?" The gorgeous stranger held out one of Sandy and Sophia's pink flyers advertising the LARP.

"You're kidding?" Sophia nearly slid off the couch. "You guys are freshmen?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm Jared and this is my roommate, Chad," the tall guy gestured to his friend. Jensen gave him a cursory glance, noting blond hair and a scruffy looking chin, but he didn't move his gaze off of Jared for very long.

"And you're interested in joining?" Eric looked downright perky at the news. He always liked new players, probably gave him even more evil plot ideas, Jensen reflected.

"Well," the shorter one drawled, another Chad, Jensen remembered, "We kinda want to know what it is first."

"LARP stands for Live Action Role Playing," Sophia started.

"It's kinda like a play," Jensen jumped in. He flashed a smile. "We're pretending to be these characters and there's an ongoing storyline."

"Involving vampires on campus," Sandy finished. She looped an arm around Jensen's neck and he frowned. He didn't want to give the kid the wrong idea about him and Sandy.

Who was he kidding? What were the odds this Jared was gay, never mind be interested in Jensen?

"You'd need a character sheet." Eric produced a pair of blank ones from his folder. "You get to pick a name and a clan for your vampire."

Jared looked at his sheet and frowned. "What if I don't want to be a vampire? I'd rather be a vampire hunter or something."

The entire group groaned. Jared squinted. "What?"

"Jensen's playing the vampire hunter." Mike pointed at him.

"Only, shh, we're all not supposed to know that," Kristin said, rolling her eyes.

"Okay, I don't get that."

"There's a difference what we know in character and out of character," Jensen tried to explain. "There are things we have to know to keep the story going, but we act like we don't know them."

"You really just have to play," Sandy said. "You'll figure out all the rules and stuff as you go."

"And keep a copy of the rule book handy." Tom flashed his copy of Laws of the Night.

"Actually." Eric's eyes were lit with an unnatural light. "Jared could I speak to you over here? I have a great idea for your character..." And then Eric stole the cutie away and left the new Chad to the tender mercies of the rest of the group.

"You know," Kristin said, moving over to Chad's side. "I have a great idea for a story for your character. You could start out as human..."

"Oh." Alona joined her on Chad's other side. "And we could slowly seduce you to the dark side."

And increase Kristin's character's power in the circle. Man, she was conniving with the newbie. Jensen was damn glad he wasn't playing a vampire. His big coup last semester was killing off the vampire character of a graduating senior. The vampires had spent the spring trying to figure out who had done it and worrying if they were next. It set up this semester nicely. Jensen trusted Eric to incorporate the newbies into whatever crazy plot he had planned next.

"Sounds good to me," the new Chad was saying.

"Great, another whiny Toreador," Sandy whispered into Jensen's ear.

He bit his lip to keep from laughing.

Mike jostled them both from behind. "So what were our characters doing over the summer?"

Jensen spent a good ten minutes spinning tales with him, helping to figure out what exactly vampires who hung out on a college campus would do when said college was out of session. "Summer classes?" Sophia had suggested.

"No night classes in the summer," Tom argued.

Before they wrapped that up, Eric came back with a grinning Jared. "This is going to be fantastic," Eric said. "Let's get started."

Fifteen minutes later, the group had scattered. The Toreadors hung out near the arcade, eying the other Chad -- going by Murray --as he lined up a shot at the pool table. They were going to arrange their first meeting with the poor sap. Jensen wished him well. The other vampires were in various groups around the lounge, probably regrouping after the murder of last semester. His character knew them as fellow students, and only suspected that some of them were vampires. He would have to step up his game; this was his last year after all. Jensen liked the idea of going out with a bang.

He stepped out of the shadows of one of the tall stone pillars, intending to talk to Sandy's character, Sandra. Sometimes it was just easier when everyone kept their own damn name. Jensen didn't get far before he was barreled into by a large figure. Jared hit him hard and they both tumbled to the concrete floor.

"Ow." Jensen winced, rubbing his ass.

"Oh, man, I'm sorry." Jared knelt over him and held out a hand. "Sorry about that. I didn't see you."

"Uh, that's ok," Jensen said.

"I'm Sam," Jared said with a grin, pulling Jensen to his feet.

Ah, neat trick. "Dean," Jensen supplied. "You make a habit of running into people you don't know?"

"It's a good way of meeting people." Jared grinned. "I'm new here."

"If you keep knocking people over, it's no wonder you have trouble making friends and influencing people."

Jared winked. "I bet you could teach me a better way."

Was Jared flirting with him? Jensen felt his face heat. Probably not, the kid just slipped into the role so easily. Jensen wondered if he had acting experience in his past. "Try not falling over," Jensen suggested, pretending his voice wasn't shaking as he spoke. He cleared his throat. "So, uh, freshman?"

"Yeah, pre-law. Well, maybe. Haven't declared yet."

"I know what you mean. I got no intention of graduating any time soon." Unlike Jensen, Dean's goals at this college were very different. Figure out who the vampires taking out the students were, and torch them.

"Hey Dean," Sandy called. "Who's your friend?" She walked with Sophia, who skipped along to meet them. Sophia's alter ego belonged to the Malkavian clan, the vampires who embraced madness; he liked her interpretation of it.

"This is Sam. He's new."

Sandy nodded and smiled. "Nice to meet you Sam." Then she turned to Jensen. "Thaumaturgy check."

"Gah, anything complicated like that we need Eric." Jensen frowned. He turned and waved their GM over. Sandy conferred with him over to the side.

"What is she doing?" Jared whispered.

"Out of character," Jensen said, "she's going to try to read your aura. She'll play rock/paper/scissors with Eric to see if she succeeds and he'll tell her what she discovered."

"Oops," Jared murmured.

Sandy came back with a grin. "I think you'll fit in just fine around here, Sam."

Jensen slanted his eyes over at Jared. Hmm, interesting. Who exactly was Sam? Actually, more to the point, what exactly was Sam?

"I hope Dean hasn't been telling tales about the icky stuff that's been going on around campus."

"Icky, sticky, dead people," Sophia giggled.

"She's just like that," Jensen whispered, back in character.

"What...are you talking about?" Jared asked.

"It made the student paper last semester, but you wouldn't know. They found a body floating in the lake. I knew the guy, he wasn't a friend or anything, but it shakes you up, you know?"

"I can imagine." Jared nodded.

"This isn't the kind of thing Sam wants to hear about just starting out here," Jensen interrupted. As far as his character knew, Sam was an innocent, a human who was about to be drawn in by Sandra's wily ways. And Dean was pretty damn sure Sandra was a vamp, since she and David's character were thicker than thieves.

"I think I should know, at least where to avoid hanging out," Jared said.

"Drain the lake, find the killer, drink his blood."

"Sophy, why don't you go play," Sandy said, her voice dark. "Sam doesn't have time to deal with you."

"Liar, liar, pants on fire." Sophia pouted, but did go off to leave them.

"She's mentally challenged," Sandy explained, watching as Sophia went towards the group with Kane and Steve. Gabe never did show up, Jensen realized. He wondered what had happened to him. "Smart as a whip though when you get her on a good night."

"Is this how you make friends and influence people?" Jared turned to Jensen, looking puzzled.

Jensen laughed. "Later Sandra, I think you've scared our freshman enough."

"Hardly." She laughed and let him pull Sam away.

"I guess I should introduce you to everyone else." Jensen sighed. "Both in and out of character."

Jared laughed. "Just point them out to me, man, I don't think I can take any more weirdness tonight."

Jensen grinned and pointed. "Kane and Steve. They're the Gangrel vamps. Think vampires who can turn into wolves or mist." He didn't bother explaining Chris's second character. "Kristin and Alona, aka Claudia and Simone. They're the Toreadors. Think typical Interview with a Vampire mopey vamps. My floormates, Mike and Tom, they're Ventrue, the business vampires. Chad, Chad Lindberg, he's the Brujah who's looking to take over the group. Kristin doesn't like it."

"And the girl who didn't make any sense?"

"Sophia. She's a Malkavian. They've embraced insanity. Oh, Sandy's a Tremere. Watch out for her. She's sweet in real life, but her character's a total bitch."

Jared laughed. "I don't know how you keep this straight."

"We've been playing for a while. Eric's got some great stories planned out. They're still trying to figure out who killed David's character."

"And that was Dean." Jared grinned.

"But you don't know that," Jensen reprimanded.

"Maybe I do. Maybe there was a reason Sam dropped into this little town."

Jensen laughed. "Guess I'll find out."

"Oh," Jared said. "Your real name?"

"It's Jensen," he said. "Jensen Ackles."

Jared repeated it to himself, as if memorizing the syllables. Jensen swallowed. "Where you from, anyway? You remind me of home."

"Home wouldn't be Texas, would it?" Jared asked.

"Maybe," Jensen said with a grin.

There was some shouting coming from the other end of the lounge. "Crap, they gotta keep that down unless they want campus police on us. C'mon, let's see what's going on." Jensen took off towards the arcade, Jared on his heels.

They got to the alcove in time to hear Alona shout at Lindberg: "This isn't over."

"Sweetheart, don't test me," Lindberg drawled. "If the message is real, we'll have enough problems on our hands."

Tom had noticed Jensen and Jared's arrival and hissed, "Remember the masquerade, all of you," under his breath.

"Everything all right here?" Jared asked, slipping into the scene with no problem.

He was going to fit in just fine, Jensen thought. Now he just had to put together what the argument had been about and how he would slowly pull Sam into the vampire-hunting fold. Jensen's mind spun and he gleefully plotted. The LARP just got a hundred times more interesting.

***

Jensen wasn't surprised when Sandy slid in across from him in the food court booth. She knew he preferred to come here for breakfast on Saturdays, away from the crowds at the main dining hall. He did just fine with his bagel and coffee. She had her own tray, filled with cereal, fruit and juice. "So," she said with a grin. "Interesting game last night."

He grinned back. "You could say that. Too bad I missed the beginning of Alona and Chad's argument. That would have given me so much more to work with."

She smacked his hand. "That's not what I'm talking about. I meant the major crushing you were doing on tall, dark and goofy."

"Sandy." Jensen looked around to make sure no one they knew were around.

"Jensen, you know none of our crew wakes up before noon," she sighed. "No one's going to find out."

"They'd totally flip out," Jensen muttered, poking at his bagel. It didn't look nearly as appetizing as when it first came out of the toaster.

Sandy reached out to touch his hand, caressing this time with the tip of one finger. "I didn't mean to upset you, hon. You just looked so happy around him."

"God, do you think anyone else noticed?" Jensen groaned.

She snorted. "C'mon, the guys are about as emotionally aware as a stack of bricks. And I was the one sitting on your lap, remember? I could feel your blush."

Jensen's face heated at her words. "He's a freshman. He's probably straight. And I'm really too busy for shit like that."

"Shit like what? Dating? Having a relationship? Falling in love?"

"Typical theater major, everything is romance with you," he teased.

"Oh, fuck you." She grinned. "Too bad you're bio and not chemistry. Otherwise you'd be all over him."

He rolled his eyes. "There's more to a relationship than chemistry."

"Ha, you ARE thinking about him like that."

"Sandy, I just met him. Let me get a chance to get to know him before you start planning a commitment ceremony."

Sandy just grinned at him, and Jensen just knew she didn't plan on letting this go anytime soon.

Chapter 3

Jensen pushed his glasses up his sweaty nose, though they immediately slid back down. He sighed and tugged his backpack straps onto both shoulders. After lab he always felt grimy, like he needed another shower. Thank goodness he didn't have another class until this afternoon; maybe he could scrub the smell of formaldehyde off of his skin.

"Jensen!" he heard someone call from behind him.

Jensen turned, nearly skidding on the slippery tile used in the lobby of the science building. To his surprise, Jared was bounding towards him, a messenger bag slung over one shoulder, baggy jeans over sloppy flip flops that made the requisite noise against the flooring. He waved to some other students walking in the opposite direction before catching up with Jensen.

"Hey man, almost didn't recognize you." Jared jostled him with one shoulder.

Futilely, Jensen pushed his glasses up again. "Hey. What are you doing in my building?"

Jared snorted. "Class. Gen Bio I."

"That's the majors section," Jensen said. "You're a bio major?" He thought Jared had said he was pre-law, but wait, that was Sam, his character. Damn, he really knew next to nothing about the guy.

Jared shook his head. "Education, but I haven't picked my subject specialty yet. I'm thinking about either Biology or English."

Jensen frowned. "If you're just going to be a teacher, why bother with the bio major?"

He could see Jared's face close down, the light dimming from those changeable hazel eyes. Jensen reviewed what he said, and realized that once again he let his mouth get away from him and probably insulted the dude.

"My mom's a teacher. I don't think it's a waste at all." Jared took off towards the glass entrance doors.

Jensen took off after him. "Jared, wait, that's not what I meant. I'm sorry." He had to jog a bit to keep up with the giant. "It sounded wrong, I just...they're both tough majors. Bio is pretty ruthless about weeding people out the first year. Don't want to see your GPA get ruined, man."

Jared slowed down a bit, and turned to look at Jensen. Jensen tried giving him his best apologetic face -- wide-eyes, trembling lips -- the whole nine yards. When Jared let out a breath of air and smiled, he knew it had worked. "I think I can handle it."

He just might at that, Jared seemed the type of guy who went for things head first. "Want to grab something to eat?" Jensen offered. He wanted to prolong the conversation, get to know Jared better. Damn, all the things Sandy said. He just might be crushing on the tall kid.

"I can always eat." Jared laughed. "Food court?"

"Sure." Jensen smiled back.

They walked the length of the quad, back to the student center where the food court was hidden. Jensen waved to Chris and Steve who were propped up against a tree, tuning their guitars. Chris threw him a confused look, but Jensen kept on walking. He didn't want anyone else to interfere with his little lunch with Jared. He wanted to get to know him outside of the LARP and anyone involved in it.

"So, what year are you?" Jared asked. "Obviously you made it out of first year bio."

Jensen laughed. "I'm a senior. I'm in the A and P -- anatomy and physiology -- sequence now. We've moved up from cats to people."

Jared wrinkled his nose. "You cut up people?"

"Not really. I won't get a cadaver until grad school."

"Not medical school?"

"No, I'm applying for physical therapy." Jensen shrugged. "It's something I've always wanted to do."

Jared threw one of those huge smiles at him as he opened the door to the food court. "Hey man, good luck with it."

"Thanks."

They separated long enough to grab trays and find something to eat. Jensen wasn't too hungry; after lab his appetite tended to wane anyway. He met up with Jared again at the cash register and stared at the guy's filled tray. "Aren't you having dinner later?"

Jared shrugged. "I'm hungry. I'm a growing boy."

"You plan on getting taller?" Jensen held out his student ID to the cashier who swiped it along her register.

"There's a reason I got the biggest meal plan."

"If you keep eating like that you'll be out of money by October!"

Jared shrugged and handed over his own card. Jensen went to scope out a table. He chose a booth nestled in the corner. It was mostly private and that way he'd be able to see if any of his friends approached them. He felt sneaky, keeping Jared all to himself like this.

Jared slid across from him and Jensen promptly stole a french fry before it could fall off his tray. "Hey! Get your own! My meal plan!"

Jensen laughed, and opened his own can of coke. "So what's a nice Texas boy like you doing here at Springfield?"

Jared shrugged and squirted some ketchup out of a little packet all over his fries. Jensen found himself mesmerized by those large hands, and long fingers as they dwarfed the tiny ketchup package. "Wanted to do something different. Everyone goes to UT. I wanted to go someplace smaller. More like a small town than a big city." He looked away as he spoke, pink tingeing his cheeks. “One of my teachers went here.”

"And it's like fifteen hours away from home." Jensen grinned. "Has it been everything you expected?"

"Not exactly." Jared took a moment to bite into his huge cheeseburger. "It's big, for a small school. And I didn't expect to have so much free time between classes."

Yeah, Jensen remembered the culture shock after high school and spending seven hours straight attending class in hard plastic chairs. It was nice to be able to take a nap after class if he needed to. Or, he caught a whiff of himself again and pushed his sandwich away, have a shower after lab. "Just wait till midterms and papers start coming due. You'll need every one of those hours just to keep up."

Jared smirked. "Or prepare for the LARP?"

"Yeah. How the hell did you decide to show up based on those stupid signs?" Jensen chugged his coke. That didn't upset his stomach, at least.

"Didn't have anything else to do. And I always wanted to try Dungeons and Dragons. When I was a kid some friends of my brother used to play it in our basement, but my mama caught them and forbid them from doing it again. Don't think she liked the violence."

Jensen grimaced. "As long as she didn't accuse them of worshipping Satan."

"That might have come up a few times or two."

"We need a public relations campaign or something. Gamers get such bad press."

"And the ones that do make the news aren't exactly role models."

The silence stretched after that comment. Yeah, Jensen wasn't touching that with a ten-foot pole. It looked like a good opportunity to change the subject. He'd question Jared about plot ideas later. "So, did you get your email and stuff set up okay? You know they give us webspace right? Ten megs."

Jared shook his head. "I haven't been able to hook my computer up to the network yet."

"Oh, you gotta be hooked up by someone in Campus Computing. Mike and Chad work for them. If you want, I could take a look, I've picked up a bit over the years."

"You got time now? I don't have class till tonight."

"Sure." Jensen picked up his tray still filled with mostly uneaten food. Man, once he had a shower, he'd have to grab dinner. Jared came up behind him to toss out his own trash and brushed against his back. Jensen swallowed. Yeah, thinking about showers and Jared -- bad idea. He thought of that tall body, covered with droplets of water glistening off that tanned skin.

"Jensen?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"I said I live at Gilbert Tower."

"Right, freshman dorm. I lived there too my first year. Tenth floor."

Jared winced. "I'm only on the third. The fucking fire alarm went off three times last week."

"Ah, the joys of being a freshman."

"I'm not exactly seeing the joy here."

"You're lucky you know us," Jensen said as they walked against student traffic back to the tower. "Thanks to the LARP you are now connected to people who actually own cars. You might get off campus every now and then."

"Great, could you drive me to a grocery store? I'd like to get some toilet paper that doesn't chafe."

Jensen laughed so hard he had to stop and bend over to catch his breath. Jared pounded on his back helpfully.

They made it back to Jared's room without incident. "Chad's at class all day," Jared said, struggling with his key for a moment. "Um, his half is the messy side of the room."

"I live with Mike, trust me, messy doesn't faze me," Jensen said as he waited for Jared to dig out his key. Man, he did not miss these dorms -- too many people crammed into a small space, never mind having to share the bathroom down the hall with 20 other people.

Behind the door, Jared's room looked like any dorm room, about twice the size of Jensen's, with the twin beds pushed up against opposite walls. He guessed they had separated the bunk beds; Jared would probably knock his head against the bed above him, or hell, even the ceiling if they kept them stacked. The messier half of the room -- clothes in piles; the sheets bunched up on the end of the bed; books dropped carelessly on the floor, heedless of concern for their bindings -- had a few posters up, both of models in bikinis. Jensen figured that for Chad's side.

Jared's side was less messy, his bed at least was made, although piles of clothes still stacked up on the end. On the top of his pillow sat an orange and purple stuffed monkey.

A few photographs were stuck to the wall near his bed. Jensen caught sight of more canine faces than human, but it looked like there were family photos there as well. One large photo had Jared and a girl blowing raspberries at the camera.

"Well, here's my computer." Jared plopped down on his bed and pulled something out from underneath it.

At first Jensen thought Jared was pulling a prank on him. The thing looked more like a toilet seat than a portable computer; it curved like a clamshell. Jared picked up the blue plastic edge and lifted it up. "What the hell is that?" Jensen blurted.

He got a raspberry in return. "Why does everyone keep saying that to me? It's an iBook!"

Jensen took a tentative seat next to Jared, nervous about being so close to him on the guy's bed. But his attention was soon taken over by the computer. "It's a Macintosh."

"Don't tell me you have some deep inner hatred of Macs?"

"Can I?" Jensen reached out and Jared handed it over. He tilted the iBook and checked out the ports on the side. "This has an ethernet card built in. Sweet. All you need is the cable and you're good to go."

"Man, I knew I forgot something. We have wireless at home."

"Shit. Is your family nuts about technology or something?"

Jared grinned. "My mom's a teacher. We all have Macs. And my dad is really into technology, so he always gets the newest thing off the market."

"Crazy. You know, you should tell Tom you're good with Macs. He's always looking for someone to manage the Macintosh lab over in Gretona."

"I'm not that good." Jared looked away, and his cheeks turned pink again. He was adorable.

Jensen snorted. "Probably better than whoever they've got working there. Hey," he realized he hadn't invited Jared to a club meeting. "You should come out to ThIS on Wednesday."

"This?"

"The Imagination Society. It's the gamer club."

"Shouldn't that be 'Tis'?"

Jensen handed back the iBook. "It's funnier our way. We meet at 1:30, up in 101 in the student center. You said you wanted to know more about D&D and gaming. That's the best place to find out. And you can talk to Tom about the lab job." Maybe Jared would join the game Jensen intended to announce at the first meeting. He hoped he could get players.

"Um, sure," Jared said with a grin.

"Oh, what's your extension? I'll call if we have an extra cable lying around."

"2234," Jared supplied. "Here, I have a post-it."

Jensen took the slip of paper with a grin. He tucked it into his jeans pocket. "Thanks. Um, see you around."

Jared walked him to the door. "See you Wednesday."

Jensen grinned all the way back to his dorm. And if he took a bit longer in his shower, well, at least there was no one around to notice. He enjoyed the feel of the warm water on his skin, washing away the grime of the lab. Jensen slowly soaped himself up, lingering for a moment on his dick. The soap made it slick and slippery, and he stroked himself to hardness, delighting in the pleasure of his own touch. He thought about large hands and long capable fingers, touching him, sliding over his body and making him come. Jensen didn't even feel guilty afterwards, well, for the most part. Not like he'd actually jerked off to thoughts of Jared, just his hands.

Chapter 4

Room 101 slowly filled with the usual gang, everyone filing in laughing and loud. Jensen sat towards the back of the room, Sandy on one side. He kept the seat to the other side empty, just in case Jared showed. Mike and Tom jostled each other to the front. Tom started sketching a grid on the chalkboard, and filled in each column with days of the week. Under Friday he wrote in giant letters: LARP.

"Yeah, when does that start?" Gabe Tigerman said as he wandered into the room, tossing his backpack onto one of the tables.

"Last week, man." Chris Kane leaned back in his chair, plopping his bare feet on the table. His sandals sat neglected underneath. "Where the hell were you?"

"In my dorm! I didn't know you guys were starting!" Gabe sounded offended.

Sophia slipped in and sat next to Sandy, raising an eyebrow at the empty seat with Jensen's backpack on it.

The door slammed open, crashing into the opposite wall. Everyone turned around at the sound and Jared smiled and waved at the room.

Jensen waved him over and slid his backpack off the chair.

"Thanks," Jared said. "Want some candy?" He held out a package of gummy worms to Jensen.

"Can't you last five minutes between meals?" Jensen grumbled, stealing a worm.

"It's a whole four hours till dinner, man." Jared stuffed his mouth full and then grinned at Jensen.

"All right everyone," Mike called the meeting to order. "Before you break out your Magic cards, we've actually got some business to talk about."

Tom cleared his throat loudly. "Maybe we should welcome everyone back for the semester? And introduce the new member?"

"Oh you mean the really tall guy in the back? I didn't notice him. Jared, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Jared."

Jared stood and took a little bow. "Thank you! Thank you." The group applauded and he sat down with a grin.

Jensen leaned over and pointed out the people who Jared didn't know. "Gabe, he's in the Larp too, but he missed last week's. That's Nick, Seth, Marc and Chris Gauthier. They're just here for the anime and maybe Magic..."

"Magic?" Jared whispered back.

"You'll see..."

"Now," Mike turned to the board, "we have to settle the gaming schedule. Eric's running the LARP on Friday nights. I've scored the Townhouses Main lounge for anime nights on Tuesdays." He blocked off the square on the chart.

"No more gross anime!" Sophia called out. "I'm not sitting through anything with tentacles."

"Especially giant tentacles projected on the wall," Sandy agreed.

The rest of the room groaned. "Fine, fine," Mike sighed. "You've cut my library in half."

"You're lucky that's all I'm cutting in half," Sophia shot back.

Jensen cleared his throat. "I'd like to run a Werewolf campaign. Tabletop. Uh, probably in the common room in our townhouse."

"I'm in," Lindberg said. "Name the time."

"Wednesday nights, if that works okay with everyone."

"It's free." Mike pointed to the schedule. "Okay, anyone who wants to join, see Jensen after the meeting. What else is running?"

Marc raised his hand. "Magic nights."

"D&D, classic," Gabe added.

"What about computer games?" Lindberg asked.

After a bit, Mike managed to arrange a schedule where nothing really conflicted with anything else. "I'll post it on the website later," Tom said. And then the meeting degenerated into its usual chaos: more chatting and game playing than actual meeting.

Jensen showed Jared his Magic deck. "It's like the roleplaying, only with cards instead of dice. I really don't play much, but Lindberg put a deck together for me for the meetings."

Jared shuffled through the cards. "Neat artwork."

"Are you gonna stare at it, or are you guys gonna play?" Sandy leaned over the table. "I got a new deck I want to try out."

"Can you give Jared your old one? He hasn't been sucked into the paper crack yet," Jensen said.

"When you put it like that, I'm not sure I want to." Jared made a face. "I'm out of candy."

"Poor thing, " Sandy said. "Here, have a Life Saver. That should tide you over."

Sophia pulled out her own deck. "Why don't you and Jensen just play the one deck together? That way you can learn while we play."

Oh, sure, great idea, Jensen thought. Jared moved his chair closer and their arms brushed against each other as Jensen shuffled and dealt. Jensen shivered the first time the skin of their forearms met, the tiny hairs raising on the back of his neck. He swallowed and forced himself to pay attention on the game, not how warm Jared's skin felt.

"Are you going to try out for the play?" Sandy asked as she shuffled. Sophia pulled out her tiny pouch of counters and spilled the iridescent blue stones out onto the table.

Jensen shook his head. "I don't have time this semester. Unlike you, I'm not required to perform for my major."

"You were fantastic in the one-acts last semester." Sophia started to form her counters into little smiley face shapes.

"I don't have time." Jensen shook his head. His momma had wanted him to model as a kid, but his dad put his foot down and said Jensen was too young for that kind of thing. By the time he got old enough, he had lost interest in making faces for the camera. "And you know I only did that because it was the small theater. I can't imagine being up on stage in front of more than twenty people."

He turned to Jared to explain: "They're theater majors, they need to be in at least one stage show a semester."

"That's pretty cool." Jared grinned. He looked up from his cards to speak directly to Sandy and Sophia. "I took some acting classes as a kid. Too bad they didn't pay off."

Jensen jostled him slightly. "Hey, you're gonna be a teacher. You're going to be standing up in front of an audience for eight hours a day, five days a week. That's like acting all the damn time."

Jared turned that full watt gaze on him, eyes lit up, cheeks dimpled and Jensen just melted. Man, it just wasn't fair.

"Are we gonna play or are we gonna talk?" Sophia grumbled.

"Fine, I play a land, I'm done."

***

Jensen emerged from the lunch line with his tray full of mostly non-appetizing food. He looked out over the sea of faces at the tables. He could spot Jared easily, sitting heads taller than anyone else. Sandy sat across from him. They were one of the smaller groups in the Dining Hall. Most of the freshman still sat with their floors or other people in their majors, not yet spreading out in the smaller groups the upper-classmen usually divided into. He wondered if Jared hung out with any of them, he seemed to eat most of his meals with Jensen and the other member of THiS.

"Hey, Jensen." Jared swiped a fry from Jensen's tray, darting out of the way just to avoid getting smacked.

"My fry," Jensen whined.

"He already ate all of mine," Sandy said.

"You said you were on a diet, I'm just trying to be helpful." Jared grinned, displaying his dimples.

Jensen slid into the seat next to him, but he transferred his fries to the other side of his plate, as far from Jared's reach as he could get.

Jared all but bounced in his seat. His tray held only an empty plate and a pile of greasy napkins. No wonder he was picking from Sandy and Jensen's plates.

"Oh!" Jared pulled his messenger bag onto the table and started pulling out books and folders, loose-leaf paper sticking out of both with no apparent organization. Jared seemed to know exactly what he was looking for.

Jensen picked up the thick novel that Jared dropped onto the table. "The Fountainhead?"

"It's for Intro to Philosophy." Jared said, still searching in his bag.

"Don't tell me," Sandy started, "you have that guy that was one of Rand's protégés? He's like totally obsessed with her and makes the class analyze one of her novels each year. And if you don't agree with her, you'd better have a damn good paper otherwise."

"Speaking from experience?" Jensen asked. He had dodged the philosophy bullet by taking World Religions instead.

"You don't know the half of it." Sandy tapped Jared on his arm to get his attention. "I still have all my papers from that class if you want to have a look. We read Atlas Shrugged instead, but it's not that different."

Jared flashed one of his huge grins at Sandy, dimples full in force. Jensen wished that smile had been turned towards him and for a minute, felt annoyed that Sandy had taken Jared's attention instead. Don't be stupid, Jensen, he thought. You don't own him.

"Thanks!" Jared pulled out a red spiral notebook, the metal rings already bent out of shape. "This is what I wanted to tell you about. In my intro to teaching class, Professor Mancini talked about the roles of a teacher..."

"Professor Mancini? Not the same Manicini who teaches theater?" Sandy asked.

"Totally awesome, yet crazy red-headed lady?" Jared queried.

"Takes any opportunity to break into song?" Sandy added.

"Hell yeah." Jared grinned. "Guess she double dips. She was saying," he jostled Jensen's arm, and Jensen was just relieved to be included back in the conversation again, "that it's like being on stage every day. Like you said, about acting and teaching. That some days I'll have to be the stern overseer, and others I can be the goofball who makes the kids laugh. Sometimes all at the same time. It made me think about role-playing and how that's just training for my future." Jared gestured as he spoke, arms spread to make his point. "I'll have to learn to act a certain way, even if I'm having a bad day or if I really don't like a student."

"And you still want to be a teacher?" Jensen asked.

Jared shot him a look. "Of course. That's part of the fun, you don't know what every day is going to be like."

Of course, Jensen thought, there he went, putting his foot in his mouth again. Jared was so passionate about his plans, and Jensen should admire that. Hell, he did admire that. Not everyone knew what they wanted to do with their lives freshman year. Jensen had, of course, though there were times, usually during some all-night study sessions, where he really questioned his path.

"I love Mancini," Sandy said. "She helped me out a lot when I decided to change my major. She loves being on stage, and just becomes her characters."

"The thing about role-playing," Jared said, "is that you get to create your own character. You're not playing a character someone else wrote for you."

Unless it's a pre-scripted character sheet, Jensen thought, but didn't get the chance to retort. Sandy plunged ahead. "It's almost harder in some ways, because you're responsible for creating a credible backstory."

"Come on, I've seen some pretty bad backstories," Jensen said.

"And some bad role-playing." Sandy grinned. "But to do it right your character has to be their own person. Sandra is totally not me at all, but sometimes she seems so real that I wonder if she's not really out there."

"You're a space cadet," Jensen told her.

"Oh, like you haven't planned out Dean's life down to the tiniest detail," she shot back.

"Shut up," he said, because really, it was true. Jensen just didn't share the bits and pieces he had written up of Dean's life with the others.

Jared laughed. "I think I have some planning to do then."

Jensen slapped him on the back. "I could lend you some of my source books."

"Awesome, thanks," and then those dimples flashed at Jensen this time, exactly where they belonged.

***

"I just don't think Dean would trust Sam that quickly," Jensen argued, as he and Jared waited outside the elevator in Jackson Hall. They were meeting up with Sandy in her dorm room, then having lunch downstairs before the next ThIS meeting. It just made sense to go together beforehand, since they didn't have any classes. Jensen was glad Sandy and Jared got along so well. Jared had fit himself in perfectly to their group, a willing pupil, though he still borrowed Magic decks if he wanted to play.

"We gotta move the plot forward eventually." Jared frowned, hitting the button again. "Else we're gonna spend another night listening to Kristin fight with Chad. The other Chad."

"The real Chad," Jensen protested.

"So my Chad is a fake Chad?"

"You're the one who said the only reason he's sticking around is to get into Alona's pants. Which, might I add, is really pissing off Chris. Kane, not the other Chris in the gaming club."

"You're so lucky you have such a weird name." The elevator doors slid open and Jared strode inside. "I don't think I could take two Jensens."

"Cute." Jensen followed.

He knocked on Sandy's door, rapping out a little rhythm. Jared leaned against the wall, one long leg kicked out. The door swung open and a familiar redhead peeked out. Oh fuck. Danneel.

"Hey, Danneel. Thought you had class."

"Hey, Jensen! My class was canceled."

"We're, uh, looking for Sandy." Jensen looked at Jared, then away. Great, the last thing he needed was dealing with Danneel with Jared around.

"She's not back yet. You guys wanna come in?" She looked over at Jared.

"Oh, Jared, this is Danneel, Sandy's roommate. This is Jared. He's new."

Jared smiled and waved, his usual greeting. "Nice to meet you."

"Come on in." She moved back and now they had to follow. "I'm sure she'll be back any minute if she knew you guys were coming."

"Right." Jensen squared his shoulders and followed. Hopefully Sandy would be quick.

The girls' had covered their dorm room in posters from top to bottom. Near Sandy's bed she kept her "wall of men" -- cutouts from magazines that she found especially attractive. Jensen was particularly partial to one shot of Antonio Banderas in his underwear. Sandy was the only one who knew about that. Danneel's side had more posters of her favorite bands, and the requisite M.C. Esher print. Her cello sat in one corner, boxed up and lonely looking.

"Are these the sophomore dorms?" Jared asked. "You guys got your own bathroom!"

"Oh yeah, it's awesome. It's got a tub and everything," Danneel pointed out.

Great, they were making small talk about the bathrooms. Just shoot him now. Soon Jared would be waxing philosophical about the trials and tribulations of having to go down the hall to shower.

"We missed you on Thursday, Jensen," Danneel said, derailing the bathroom train of conversation.

Jensen would rather have discussed the bathrooms. "Oh, I have class. Lab. Can't miss it."

Jared looked at him quizzically. Jensen shook his head, hoping to let the subject drop.

"I have a schedule of other events going on." Danneel poked at some papers on her desk. "You have to be free sometime."

"What kind of events?" Jared asked.

"Fellowship." Danneel turned around and handed Jared a flyer.

"Danneel's really involved in the campus Christian group," Jensen explained. "I, uh, used to go my freshman year." Then stopped when he started to get uncomfortable. Jensen had just started to think of himself as gay at that point, and knew he had no place with that group.

"You really should think about coming back, Jensen." Daneel smiled at him. God, was she fluttering her eyelashes? Jensen shifted and looked away.

Thankfully, the door slammed open and Sandy made her appearance. "Jensen!" she shrieked when she saw him. She ran across the room and threw herself at him. He barely caught her and she wrapped both arms and legs around him. "I got it! I got the part!"

He laughed and set her down. "That's great! What part?"

"Lady freakin' Macbeth."

"That's fucking awesome!" He high-fived her. "I told you girl, you're going places."

She blushed and kept grinning.

"Hey, congrats," Jared said and leaned down to give her a hug.

"Thank you!" Sandy grinned. "Now let's get out of here. Don't want to be late."

They waved goodbye to Danneel as they left the room, Sandy unable to contain her giggles. "I can't believe it, it's an incredible part. Oh, Sophia is one of the witches."

Jensen snorted. "That fits."

Sandy smacked his arm. "Don't you dare, asshole."

Jensen shook his head. "You're both going to be great. It'll be the best production of Macbeth Springfield College has ever seen."

She put her finger over his lips. "It's the Scottish Play. Calling it by its real title is like inviting all kinds of bad luck."

He rolled his eyes, but it didn't dim his happiness for her. Sandy deserved this. She worked so hard and finally someone noticed.

It wasn't until they got out of the dorm building and well on their way to the dining hall that Jared asked, "So, how long has Danneel been trying to get into your pants?"

Jensen could feel the flush rising up his neck, he was sure his ears were burning red. "Uh." Jared tended to do that, figure out something without having Jensen say anything at all. Jensen wasn't sure if he liked that ability or not.

Sandy laughed. "Don't know about in his pants, I think Danneel pledged her virginity or something. But she's been crushing on Jensen since freshman year."

"Oh, God. Can we not talk about this?" Jensen grumbled, curling his fingers around his backpack straps. He ducked away from Jared's attempt to noogie his head. Damn the guy for being so much taller than him.

"What's wrong?" Jared asked. "The girl's been into you for four years."

"Don't even start," Jensen growled, "Mike's been after me to date her just cause she's hot. Don't need that crap from you too."

"Sorry, sorry." Jared held up his hands in apology. "I guess it's the constant witnessing that's turning you off?"

He shrugged. "She's just not my type." There, that understated the situation nicely. He didn't have to go into the entire sordid history. Honestly, he figured Danneel only played up the religion aspect because that's where they met, and she didn't really know Jensen well enough to tap any of his other interests.

"Are you going to explain what exactly is your type?" Sandy asked softly.

Damn it. He knew she was trying to help, to somehow shift the conversation to Jensen's orientation, but he didn't know how Jared felt about that, and he didn't want to lose their friendship over his stupid crush. "I'll know it when I see it," he grumbled, tired of the topic.

"Man, I'm sorry," Jared said. He threw a hand around Jensen and squeezed his shoulder. Jensen swallowed hard. Jared touched him all the time. An arm around his shoulders, a hand through Jensen's hair, once even a good-natured slap on the ass. Jensen loved it and hated it at the same time. It was torture, plain and simple. He could never have what he wanted.

"I know," he shrugged.

"Listen," Sandy said, "I'm gonna have to quit the Werewolf game. Just rip up my character sheet. I won't have time with rehearsals starting up."

"You're still going to manage the LARP, right?" Jared asked.

She grinned. "Oh yeah, I got a plan for this week. We're finally going to get the story moving."

"Oh, yeah?" Jensen raised an eyebrow at her.

"I'm not telling you, you'll just have to see. C'mon, I'm hungry."

"Must be all that bouncing around," Jared teased.

"Like you're not the bottomless pit," she shot back.

Jensen just rolled his eyes and grinned at their banter. He hated losing Sandy from his game, but he'd work around it. Jared had signed up, and Jensen was looking forward to seeing how he'd do with his first tabletop game. They had spent the last few weeks getting character sheets down and familiarizing the players with the world. Jensen had even lent Jared one of his player manuals.

They got caught up during the lunch rush, and ended up taking longer than normal. So they walked into the ThIS meeting a bit late. Jensen was honestly surprised the meeting hadn't already degenerated into the card game fest it usually turned into. Mike stood at the front of the room, next to one of the TVs that Media often brought to classrooms.

"Now that the dynamic trio have arrived, we can start," Mike said.

Jensen slid into a seat at the back, slightly quelled. Honestly, he had been spending a lot more time with Jared and Sandy than his floormates. But hell, he lived with them. He actually had to go looking for these two. Jared sat to one side of him and Sandy went off to sit by Sophia, whispering under her breath. Probably about the play, Jensen thought.

"What's so important that you had to wait for us?" Jensen asked.

"I knew you wouldn't want to miss this." Mike grinned. "You can thank me later. This, Ladies and Gentlemen, is an honest to goodness, genuine Sega Dreamcast." He flipped on the TV.

"How the hell did you get one of those?" Lindberg asked. Everyone had straightened in their seats. Jensen squinted, wishing he had gotten a closer seat.

"I have my ways." Mike took a controller. "You're going to love Soul Caliber..."

The only problem, Jensen thought, was that there was only one Dreamcast, two controllers and a shit load of people wanting to play. Jared's arm brushed his and he offered Jensen some of the candy he had gotten from the dining hall. Jensen grinned and took one of the red Twizzlers. He could wait his turn.

***

Jensen could admit to himself that he was a bit nervous. He played in countless campaigns, hell he'd designed storylines himself. But this was the first time he was doing it all on his own. And it would be Jared's first tabletop campaign. He wanted to make it good for the kid. Unlike just hanging out, this time Jensen felt responsible for Jared having a good time. He was Game Master, if the game tanked, it would be his fault.

"I am so nervous," he said to Sandy on the phone just before the game.

"Jensen, sweetie, love, honey," she sighed, "You've either got to get over this crush or admit it to him. You should not be so worked up over a game."

"It's my first time," Jensen started, not surprised at her sudden laugh. "First time GMing alone," he corrected. "What if I screw up?"

"I think it's more likely one of your players will screw up. Don't tell me, Mike took the overconfident flaw again?"

She had a good point.

"Oh god, this is going to be awful," he moaned, hiding his face behind his hand.

Sandy sighed. "You take everything so seriously, Jensen. Just relax. Have fun. Enjoy spending time with your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend," he whispered into the phone, but Sandy had already hung up.

Well, he thought, time to go face the masses.

The masses amounted to Jared, Mike, Tom, Chad Lindberg, Sophia and Gabe. Not a bad size for a game, but not the largest he had ever seen either. Jensen came down the stairs holding his binder with all his notes. Everyone had already arrived, taking seats around the table in the first floor common room, except for Gabe who had claimed the couch. The door leading to the RA's room was shut tight; Jensen was pretty sure Matt had class tonight anyway. He didn't want to end up annoying the entire house. Maybe they should have moved this to the main lounge, or even better, the laundry room.

"Hey guys." Jensen sat next to Jared, like he usually did, and plopped the binder on the table.

"I brought snacks," Gabe supplied, pointing to the chips and salsa on the little coffee table in the center of the room.

"I brought down the Mountain Dew," Tom said. "Too bad we don't have any cups."

"No backwashing!" Mike declared.

"Okay, gross." Jensen rolled his eyes. "Let's get started, I figure we'll run about two hours if all goes to plan."

Jared grabbed his character sheet from the pile and Jensen handed the rest out. "Okay, this is the scenario. Each of you have been having dreams and visions to come meet at Riverview park. There's a large monument in the center of the park, near, well, a river. The monument has a statue of a dog on it. So you all know you're in the right place. Why don't you describe what each of you are doing? Jared, don't worry about the dice just yet."

Jared had been spinning one of the ten-sided die around and around. If Jensen had to watch those long fingers move any more, he'd completely lose his mind.

"We'll tell you when to roll," Mike chimed in, "Just like we did for Jensen's first time."

Jensen rolled his eyes. Four years ago and Mike would never let him forget it. At least with this system they only needed one kind of dice. He had a little box full of the ten-sided dice, along with the 4, 6, 8, 12, 20 and 100 sided needed for Dungeons and Dragons. "Let's just get started. Mike, what is your character doing?"

They progressed fairly quickly from there. Mike's character was an asshole, as usual. Everyone else brought a nice mix into the group. Chad Lindberg played the techno werewolf, Sophia the angry Amazon from the Black Furies tribe, Tom the peacemaking hippy, and Gabe the loner type. Jared's character...well, it wasn't the tribe he picked -- Uktena -- it was the backstory he chose. His character was born as a wolf, not a human. So his first transformation was into a man, and the wolf knew little of the ways of humans. Jared played that up the entire night, missing jokes, asking questions about simple things. When Jensen played the role of an NPC shaman sent to guide them, Jared grabbed the side of his head and licked up a strip up Jensen's cheek. Everyone laughed. Jensen slapped Jared's hands away. "Jared, this isn't a LARP, you don't have to actually act everything out. Just say you're going to lick the dude!" he yelled to cover his blush. Jared's tongue had been so close to his lips.

"C'mon, Jensen, I'm just teasing," Jared drawled, his eyes heavy lidded. His voice went straight to Jensen's cock and he shifted in his seat. For the first time Jensen wondered if Jared was doing this on purpose. The constant touching, the always getting in Jensen's personal space, and now with the licking ...could Jared be flirting with him?

Jensen tossed a salsa-covered chip at him, laughing when Jared opened his mouth and tried to grab it in midair. "Good dog." He grinned.

"Okay, so does the Shaman throw us a bone or what?" Mike interrupted.

Jensen snorted and turned back to his notes. Maybe, he thought, just maybe his crush wasn't exactly unrequited.

***

Jensen always liked how the weather change let him know the semester was progressing. He liked melting into fall, the leaves changing colors and the brisk winds kicking up. However, he really wished he wasn't outside at night, with the wind blasting his face. Jared trudged along next to him, hands shoved firmly down his pockets, and head braced against the wind.

Sandy's little addition to the LARP had her daring Sam and Dean to visit the place where the student -- vampire -- died last spring. Or rather, where Dean had killed him and dumped the beheaded body with the intent to burn later. Unfortunately the rest of the vampires had stumbled upon the corpse first before he could finish. Jensen knew Sandra's motivation was to draw Dean out, to return him to the scene of the crime. Dean would have refused the dare, but Sam didn't know the backstory, and seemed up for the challenge.

So here they found themselves walking in the dark, Jensen holding the slim flashlight he normally brought to the LARP. It was one of his Dean props -- along with the plastic water gun tucked into his pants and the Halloween plastic knife strapped underneath his jeans. They trod along the dirt path along the man-made lake, towards the tiny bridge that crossed its narrow point, which students often took as a short cut off campus and into town and the only convenience store in walking distance. The trees shuddered in the wind, leaves spinning at their feet. Jensen ducked before he could run into some branches and heard Jared curse behind him.

"Sorry, man," he said, still acting as Dean for the moment. If the weather turned any worse, he'd break character and get them both back to the student center for something hot to drink. He had a feeling Sandy and Eric had set something up out here. He kept expecting some of the vampires to hop out of the shadows, and wondered how he could defend against that.

"What do you think is out here in the dark, Dean?" Jared asked. He usually appended the 'Dean' to make sure Jensen knew he was speaking in character.

"Hopefully just a bunch of drunken frat boys." Jensen grabbed a branch and pulled it away, annoyed. "You think they'd trim this damn path."

He heard rustling from up ahead. Jensen held his hand up and the both stilled. "Be prepared for anything," Jensen whispered.

"What do you mean by anything..." Jared started, when a figure came out of the bushes and slammed into Jensen. The flashlight rolled to the ground. He reached up and his fingers closed on slim shoulders. Jared must have gotten the light, because it shone over Jensen and the new comer.

"Danneel?" he shrieked. "What the hell are you doing out here?"

"You're not supposed to know who I am," she grinned. Jared moved the light closer and Jensen noticed the makeup on her neck, the little red marks probably made with lipstick or something like it.

"Don't tell me Sandy talked you into joining," he snapped.

"Just for tonight. NPC she called it."

Jensen couldn't wrap his mind around it. Danneel would never roleplay; she was one of those people who thought it was one step above devil worship. Unless she had finally given up trying to pull Jensen into her world and decided to move headfirst into his. His shoulders drooped and he let go of her, stepping back. "What did Sandy tell you?"

"Just that it was like acting. I'm supposed to be a vampire's victim and you're the vampire hunter. You save me." She grinned up at him.

Jensen shook his head and let the storyline fill his mind. "Okay, how are we going to play this? We supposed to find you unconscious or running through the woods?"

She shrugged. "I'm not dead, I told Sandy I didn't want to play a body. She said they'd come up in a bit."

He turned back to where Jared stood, still holding the flashlight. "Okay, you got your wish. Sam is going to find out about the supernatural in a very spectacular fashion."

Jensen carefully arranged the scene. They came upon Danneel -- going by her own name -- dazed and confused in the woods. She didn't remember what happened to her, one moment she was in the student center, the next she followed someone into the woods. The bite marks were obvious on her neck. They offered to escort her back to her dorm.

They came upon the vampires when they emerged from the woods, the streetlights acting like a spotlight over the group. It was the first time Jensen had ever seen them unified. "What did you find in the dark, Dean?" Sandy asked.

"You know I wonder," Jensen said, "if whatever killed that student is still out there. Someone attacked this girl."

"Maybe we should call campus police," Jared put in.

"No, that's okay, I'm fine," Danneel put in weakly.

She totally killed Jensen's little threat to the vamps.

"You should take her home. It's dangerous out here," Sandy said.

When the three of them started back on the path away from the vampires -- and God, they had all gotten the creepy stare thing down -- Sandy followed them, her arms crossed over her chest like a mummy. "She's invisible," Jensen said to Jared, "just pretend she's not there."

They dropped Danneel off at Jackson hall. Jared pulled Jensen aside and slammed him against the brick wall of the dorm. "What the hell is going on here, Dean?"

Jensen winced and it wasn't entirely faked. Jared had one hell of a grip on him, and the wall was hard, damn it. He also pressed close, Jensen could feel Jared's breath on his face, and he had to close his eyes to regain his composure. "There's a good reason to be afraid of the dark, Sam." He was aware of Sandy's presence, could see her out of the corner of his eye. "There are things that live in the night."

Jared let him go and stepped back. "Are those things your friends? The people you introduced me to?"

"I'm not sure about them all." Jensen shrugged. "But the guy who died last year? He was a vampire. They think I killed him."

"Did you, Dean?"

Crap, if Jensen confirmed while Sandy was listening, then the vampires would know he was the hunter. However, he didn't know Sandy was listening because she was supposed to be invisible. He just threw up a Dean grin and said, "What do you think, Sam? Do you even believe in vampires?"

Jared looked away. "You don't know what I believe."

"You're right, kid. Go back to your dorm and your classes, you don't want to be involved with this."

"I think maybe I do." Jared threw one of his half smiles at him, the absolutely adorable one that always had Jensen smiling in return.

"And scene," Sandy said from under her breath. "Guys, that was awesome, I totally wish I had a video camera."

"That's gotta be worth at least five experience points." Jensen laughed.

She came over and wrapped an arm around Jensen. "Eric had better be generous with the XP tonight. It's cold out here."

"Don't try stealing my warmth." He pushed her away half-heartedly. Besides, she had invited Danneel to the LARP. He thought he should be a bit pissed off at her. "It was your idea."

Sandy pouted at them, then turned and snuggled against Jared's massive chest. Jensen's stomach dropped at the sight of them together like that. Sandy only cuddled with Jensen in public, damn it. "It worked right? Moved the plot forward. Anything was better than listening to Kristin bitch."

Jensen pushed away from the wall. "Yeah. C'mon, let's back to the student center and collect our points. I want a new skill." He started walking away.

"You okay man?" Jared ran up beside him and slung an arm around his shoulders. Jensen felt better immediately.

Chapter 5

Pumpkins glowed at the front doors of many townhouses as Jensen walked along the path to the main lounge. Some townhouses had fake spider webbing around the windows, or a glow-in-the-dark skeleton hanging from the side. Halloween was only a few weeks away and midterms approached far more rapidly than he was ready for. But Jensen all but bounced as he made his way. All his applications were done. Every single one had been meticulously filled out. He had secured his letters of recommendation, written his essays, and packaged them all up. And finally he could make anime night. He'd had to drop some activities in order to get everything done, but tonight he was ready to sit back, relax and enjoy whatever movie Mike had cooked up for tonight.

Hopefully no tentacles would be involved.

He opened the door to the main lounge and stepped in.

"Jensen!" Mike shouted, coming over from where he and Tom were fighting with the projector/VCR set up. "Man, it's like I haven't seen you for weeks."

Jensen pumped the air with one fist. "My grad school apps are done. I am fucking free, man! Bring on the anime!"

Tom cocked his head to one side. "You do know that Sophia said no tentacles, right?"

"And I said no more cute schoolgirls in sparkly outfits." Sandy stood from her seat and came over to give him a hug. "You can only watch so much Sailor Moon before it warps your brain."

"You just didn't like the magical dream hole," Mike muttered, referring to a major plot point in the third Sailor Moon movie.

"The fact that you don't see anything wrong with what you just said proves my point!" Sandy threw up her hands.

"Jensen, we saved you a seat!" Jared didn't move from the couch in the back, up against the wall. Plastic chairs and the plush armchairs from the lounge were all arranged in a semi-circle, facing the one all-white wall where Mike projected his movies.

Jensen slapped Mike on the back. "I'm sure you picked a good one," and then he rapidly made his way to Jared's side. The couch was really only big enough for two people, and he wondered if Sandy planned on sitting on his lap the entire time. Again. However, she dropped into a chair between Sophia and Chad Lindberg.

"Tell me you brought candy," Jensen said.

Jared grinned. "Dude, don't you know me by now?" He leaned over and pulled a plastic bag out of his messenger bag. "I love this time of year. The stores have everything, man."

"Who took you off campus?" Jensen actually had a choice of candy to choose from. He pulled out some red Twizzlers. "Or did you walk to the convenience store?"

"Nah, Chris ran some people out to the supermarket on Saturday. You were busy, so we didn't bug ya." Jared popped a handful of gummi worms into his mouth.

"Who's we?" Jensen asked, curious.

"Sandy, Sophia, my Chad, Steve. Small group."

"Not many more would fit in Chris' car."

Jensen wondered why they hadn't asked him to come along. Then again, he had locked himself away with his applications.

"Yeah, I had to sit on Chad's lap as it was." Jared snickered. He stuck his tongue out at Jensen, showing it had turned perfectly blue.

"Okay guys, let's get started." Mike turned off the lights and the room quieted. The projector whirred as the fan sped up, and the picture finally came into being on the wall. "This is a great series," Mike said as they waited. "It's an OAV, so the story's not actually finished, but it ends in a good place. The hardest part is keeping all the names straight..."

And then Please Save My Earth started and Jensen found himself enthralled in the story of reincarnated aliens, born again as humans, but still fighting all the same issues that had plagued them the first time around. Since it was anime, of course all the males were in love with the same girl, a shy, quiet, Japanese schoolgirl named Alice. Except for one guy, named Issei, who just happened to have been a woman in his past life.

Jared had sprawled out on the couch, like he usually did, arms and legs akimbo. His calf brushed against Jensen's leg, his fingers feathered against the small hairs on the back of Jensen's neck. As always, Jensen felt the heat from Jared's body, their closeness causing his pulse to race and his face to flame.

And then Issei kissed his best friend, the man he was in love with in a past life. And that friend pushed him away and ran. The kiss...Jensen had never seen anything like it, two young men pressed against each other, caught in the moment. Then everything started moving again.

He wondered what everyone else thought of it. Jensen slid away from Jared's touch, leaning forward in his seat. He couldn't let Jared touch him right now, not with that on his mind. What would it be like, he thought, to kiss Jared? What would those bow-shaped pink lips taste like? Would they be soft? Would Jared open to him, let Jensen fuck his mouth with his tongue?

Jensen swallowed and shifted in his seat. God, he shouldn't be thinking about this here, if anywhere. He turned, against his better judgment, to look at Jared. Jared turned to look at him at the same time. His eyes glittered with something, Jensen couldn't tell. But his cheeks were pink in the light reflected from the projector. Could he be interested in Jensen at all?

Sandy would tell him to just shut up and go for it. Just tell Jared how he felt. But Jensen couldn't. He didn't want to risk their friendship, so new right now.

However, he thought, the idea coming to him suddenly after watching the scene on the wall, he could do it at the LARP. If Jared rejected him, well, it was only a game and Jensen was a damn good actor when needed. He could do it on Halloween, they were all gathering at Kristin and Alona's apartment for the event. Kristin and Alona were planning to turn Chad's character into a vampire. Apparently Eric had gone all out. He and Jared would need to disappear for a while when it all went down...and that was it.

Jensen grinned over at Jared, happy to have his decision made. He'd know soon enough exactly how Jared felt.

***

"I never even heard of a practical before," Jared grumbled, pulling out his notebooks and arranging them on the lab table in the corner.

They weren't the only group in the biology lab on a Saturday. The lab stayed open long hours for the students to study for midterms, coming up early next week. Thankfully they'd all be over by the time Halloween rolled around. Jensen pulled a set of latex gloves out of the box in the center of the table. "If you're going to stay in bio, expect to do a lot of them. They have to test you on what you do in the lab, it's more than just book knowledge. How can you be a doctor if you don't know what a pancreas looks like?"

Jared brushed his hair out of his eyes and grabbed his own set of gloves. They stretched over his ridiculously large hands.

Feel mischievous, Jensen grabbed a glove, stretched it and let it fly so it hit Jared straight in the chest. "Is that what they teach you in advanced bio?" Jared grabbed the glove and attempted to blow it up like a balloon. He eventually had to give up when he ran out of air.

Jensen laughed. "So what do you need my help with? I do have to get up to the A and P lab sometime this afternoon."

"Could you go over the cat with me?" Jared asked, his eyes softening. "I hate seeing the poor thing cut up."

Yeah, Jared was totally in the wrong major. He had a good head for the work, Jensen had spent most of the night before quizzing Jared from the textbook, however, the guy couldn't stand dissecting animals. He couldn't see beyond that to the purpose of the dissection and the lab to the end result -- learning how the body worked so when it broke, it could be fixed.

"Don't think of it that way." Jensen led the way to the cat station. Several opened up bodies littered the table, already ransacked by nervous freshman. "You know if you were in Principles of Bio instead you wouldn't need to have a practical."

"Shut up and show me the damn gall bladder." Jared peered over Jensen's shoulder.

Jensen chuckled. "First tell me what the gall bladder does."

Jared rolled his eyes. They had gone over this last night. Jensen had to practically order Jared to go to bed to prevent the guy from staying up all night studying. "It stores bile."

"So where should it be?"

"Near the liver?" Jared leaned closer, their arms touching. He reached out and poked the cat's liver, then moved his hand to the gall bladder. "There?"

"Yup."

They continued working, moving from the dissection station to the others set up around the room. Jensen explained how the exam would work and what Jared could expect. A few hours later, they hunched over lab stools near the plastic models of brains. Everyone else had left the lab as the afternoon had waned, and the studying had degenerated once Jared had named the model brains. He was currently tapping the dog brain, the one named Rover. It was an improvement over Sharkie for the Shark brain.

"I don't think I can fit any more of this in my brain," Jared groaned, dropping his pencil.

"You deserve a break," Jensen agreed. He rolled the chimp brain model -- Cheetos -- across the lab table.

Jared laughed. He picked it up and mimed tossing a football. "Go long!"

Jensen pushed back from the lab stool, which crashed to the ground in spectacular fashion and dived for the spinning brain. He managed to catch it, but slid to the ground and nearly collided with one of the stations.

"Shit, you okay?" Jared ran over and slipped on the same slick patch of linoleum and ended up on the floor next to Jensen.

Jensen tossed him the brain. "Touchdown," he said. "Why am I always on my ass around you?"

"Practice." Jared spun the brain around on one finger like a basketball. Or he tried to, the brain had ideas of its own.

"C'mon." Jensen stood and helped Jared to his feet. "I think it's past time to feed you."

They packed up quickly, Jared piling sheets of paper back into his binder. "Hey, Jensen, did you see the registration schedule for the spring semester?"

"Huh?" Jensen had already pulled his backpack over his shoulders.

"Was thinking we might want to take a class together."

"I don't think you're ready for A and P II," Jensen said. He thought for a moment. "I do need a literature credit, though. I'm guessing you need one too. We could try picking one of those."

"Awesome." Jared grinned at him. Jensen smiled back, thrilled that Jared wanted to take a class with him. Of course, they had been studying together for the past few days. Maybe for once it could be for the same damn class.

They walked out of the science building, towards the food court and its better selection of food. Jared had that serious look on his face, probably processing the information they had just gone over. Jensen had noticed Jared got that little furrow in his forehead when his mind was busy with schoolwork. He decided to take advantage of the preoccupation.

"What did you think of Mike's anime?" Jensen asked. He'd been dying to ask Jared for days what he thought, but never had the opportunity. He hadn't wanted to bring it up when anyone else was around, he wanted Jared's honest opinion, and hoped the absence of the other guys would draw it out.

Jared shrugged. "Kinda sad, really. I mean, they all got this second chance and they just kept fucking it up again."

No, no, Jensen thought, tell me what you thought of the two guys kissing! He tried to think of a way to approach the topic, but without downright asking about it. "Yeah," he agreed, "Even when Issei came back as a guy he was still in love with his best friend." What was that character's name again? There had been so many to remember and everyone had two names -- almost like trying to keep track of who was who in the LARP.

"That's kinda." Jared looked away. "You're gonna make fun of me."

"I won't," Jensen promised.

"It's like, even coming back as a man didn't stop her from loving him. I think it was the only honest kind of love in the whole series. She came back a man because she wanted to be his friend, even if she couldn't be his lover."

"That's...profound."

"Shut up." Jared slammed into him and nearly knocked him over.

"No," Jensen protested, "I meant it. That's an interpretation I didn't think of. That's why I like anime. There are so many genres and some really well-done stuff." At least Jared hadn't said the kiss had disgusted him.

"You should have seen last week's. Really interesting. It was about this Japanese secret agent where America was the bad guys. Ask Mike for the title, I don't remember."

"I will," Jensen promised as they continued towards the food court, their choice place to dine when seeking to fill Jared's bottomless pit. He could get cheeseburgers there. And candy.

"So what's the plan for Sunday?" Jared asked once they got food and settled into their booth.

"Plan?" Jensen shrugged. "Not to get killed by any vampires. I haven't really had time to consider plotting anything. Just rolling with whatever Eric throws at us."

Jared squired ketchup all over his fries before shoving five into his mouth. "Is Danneel gonna be there?"

It took a minute to get the translation through the fries. Jensen shook his head. "No way. I don't even know how Sandy talked her into coming last time. Danneel hates roleplaying."

"Maybe," Jared held up another bundle of fries as he spoke, "she just wanted to hang out with you?"

Jensen picked up his own burger. "That's what I'm afraid of." He had asked Sandy what the hell she was thinking with the whole Danneel thing right after that LARP.

Sandy had sighed, exasperated. "Eric liked my idea, but we needed an NPC. He doesn't play victim very well, and everyone else was busy with their own plots. Danneel was there when I was on the phone with him and volunteered."

"Email him next time."

"You know how Eric is about email. Unless it's in character. Look, it turned out fine. She's not asking to join the LARP or anything. Chill out, Jensen."

He had let it go, because it really wasn't Sandy's fault. It was his own damn fault for not just telling Danneel he wasn't interested. Then again, she never actually came out and asked him out. Danneel kept inviting him to her bible studies or fellowship meetings, and he always said he didn't have time. Maybe he needed to say a stronger no.

"You're really not into her?" Jared asked, holding his coke in one hand.

"No," Jensen said. "Like I said, not my type."

"You're every gonna tell me what your type is?" Jared asked.

Jensen grinned at him and risked a little bit of flirting, "You'll find out soon enough."

"Can't wait," Jared shot back.

***

Jensen came upstairs to his room to find the other three bedroom doors open. Mike shouted, "I need more lesbian ass!"

"Vespian gas, you freak!" Jensen yelled, poking his head into Chad Lindberg's room. He wasn't risking his head by distracting Mike. "You're playing Starcraft?"

"Round is almost over if you want in," Chad drawled. "You and me versus those two idiots?"

Jensen laughed. "Sure, I can play a round."

He unlocked his room, dropped his backpack and kicked off his shoes. By the time he had his computer loaded up with the game CD, the guys were ready for another round. He partnered with Chad and settled into the real time strategy game. This is what he missed over the summer, the inability to just have a pickup game with his buds. No waiting for the server time or arguing with his sister for access to the internet.

Tom and Mike elected to play as humans, so he and Chad chose the alien races -- the Zerg and the Protoss. Jensen set up his units collecting resources and building tiny little buildings. Eventually he'd build up his troops and come up with a strategy with Chad to take out their friends. He pulled up the team chat, tiny print on the left side of the screen where he and Chad could plot their next move. Although right now all they could do was wait until their characters stored up enough recourses.

//So where were you all day?// Chad's words came up on his screen.

//Bio Lab.//

//You're in the wrong major dude//

Jensen chuckled, and moved a few more figures around. He was low on food. //Don't want to sit on my ass and wait for code to compile all day long.//

//s'why gaming was invented//

He positioned some new buildings, and started to build some troops. Things were coming along nicely. He watched as Mike's armies attacked one of Chad's bases. They did some damage, but ended up dying quickly. This is why Mike sucked at this game. As soon as he got some military, he dove right in instead of being patient and building up his forces. Tom had better hold back to compensate for it.

Chad sent him another message during the lull. //Thought you had a girlfriend, you're never around//

Jensen frowned, then debated a moment before sending back. //Not yet. But there's someone I like.//

//seriously?//

//It's not going anywhere yet. I haven't said anything.// Jensen sighed.

//Anyone I know?//

That was a loaded question. //maybe// he said instead.

//You've got any ships? Tom's corner is looking vulnerable//

They focused back on the game, the troops built up and moving in. Jensen leaned forward and focused on his forces. Chad set everything up, all they needed was for Mike or Tom to make a mistake. It was only a matter of time.

***

"No," Jensen said, darting out of Sandy's reach. "Dean would so not wear fucking eyeliner."

Sophia sat on Sandy's bed, flipping through a magazine. She crossed her legs, pink bunny ears flopping on one slipper. Once again, her LARP character went for the outrageous. "He so would if he was trying to go undercover at a vampire party, hello."

As if Jensen wasn't nervous enough about the LARP party, they had to tag team him into trying makeup of all things. "You just want to see me wearing makeup." He had arrived just a few minutes ago. Sandy's room was the meeting place for those going in Sophia's car. He hadn't expected to be assaulted with eyeliner.

"It's Halloween, everyone will be wearing a costume. You'll look silly without one." Sandy waved the little wooden stick at him. She still had a bathrobe on over her own costume. Jensen had a feeling she hid it on purpose.

"I'll just tell people I'm a serial killer. They look like everyone else!" And jeans and a black long sleeved shirt would do just fine for Dean. If he was going to put his little kiss plan into action tonight, he didn't want to look like he had planned it. Though he did shave.

"Oh, hey Danneel," Sandy said.

Jensen uncovered his eyes for a split second and then Sandy leapt on him. "Nooo!!!!!"

Sophia laughed. "We're drama majors. We know eyeliner, man."

He made a face and Sandy poked him until he smoothed out his expression. "Just don't make me look dumb. And when it flakes into my contacts, you're going to have to be the one leading me around."

"Jensen, I would not make you look dumb," Sandy declared. Not in front of Jared. Those words remained unspoken. Sandy didn't even know what Jensen planned.

When she was done, he pushed past her and into the bathroom and took a long hard look in the mirror. He didn't look like himself. The lack of glasses changed the shape of his face, changed his eyes so they were the focal point. Sandy's eyeliner had only enhanced that, his lined lids framing his eyes, which looked very green now, instead of their normal shade of somewhere in-between. No, Sandy hadn't made him look stupid. He felt raw and open, stretching out of his skin. It was almost as if Dean existed, if that persona pulled at Jensen, wanting to take control.

He backed out of the room and opened his mouth to say something. But all words were lost when he caught sight of Sandy, who had finally removed her robe. "You might as well wear the robe!" he shrieked.

"What?" she bit back, a bit defensive. The black mini-skirt wasn't anything unusual, everyone had seen that number before. He just didn't think they made halter tops that were more halter and less top. The fabric hung over each breast, then plunged to right above her navel area. Jensen never thought about Sandy's boobs before and he never ever wanted to again. "It's my character, not me."

"That's going to fly so well when we get arrested for indecent exposure."

"Christ, would you guys get a room?" Sophia dropped the magazine.

Jensen looked away, not liking the implication. Sure he and Sandy spent a lot of time together, but she was his best friend. It wasn't like Sophia, or anyone else for that matter, knew he was gay. "That's just wrong, Soph," he said instead.

A knock came at the door. "Please let that be Jared so we can leave."

Sandy grabbed her black pea coat and slipped it on before answering. Probably a good idea. Jared would be looking down at her, and Jensen wanted to keep him out of Sandy's boobs as well.

"It's Jared," Sandy called.

"Let's go," Sophia grabbed her coat and car keys. Jensen grabbed his denim jacket. In a perfect world, Dean would be wearing a heavy leather one. However, unlike some others, he wasn't willing to spend that much money on clothing props.

"Hey," Jensen greeted Jared. Jared made a face at him. "Sandy did it," he pointed to the eyeliner.

"What did she do, sit on your chest and hold you down?" Jared snorted.

"She's feisty," Jensen defended himself.

"C'mon." Sandy linked arms with both of them. "This is going to be awesome. Remember, no breaking character once we get to Alona's apartment."

"I have the directions." Sophia waved the printout at them from the elevator. She all but bounced in her rag doll costume and bunny slippers. "Let's go."

Alona and Kristin shared an apartment about a half hour away from the college, closer to the county college they both attended. The bunny slippers didn’t hamper Sophia’s driving and they made it to the complex in record time. Eric greeted them at the door, a devious grin on his face.

"Remember, once you enter the door, it's all in character. Except for me, I'll be GMing." Eric handed envelopes to the girls. "Jensen, if you and Jared could hide out on the balcony at around ten pm? That way we can get Chad vamped up without you 'knowing'."

"Got it."

They ended up piling their coats in the closet next to the entrance. Jared's eyes nearly bulged out of his head at the sight of Sandy's outfit. "Say nothing," Jensen advised, a hand on Jared's arm to lead him away from the girls and towards the food. Halloween decorations ranged the length of the apartment, from pumpkins on the shelves, to flickering candles and an eerie looking black light in one corner.

"In character," Jared hissed.

So as Sam and Dean, they couldn't really go over and say hi to his floormates congregating in the area around the TV. The original Star Wars flickered on the screen and come on, Jensen thought, that couldn't be in character. At least they’d moved on from watching bootlegged copies of The Phantom Menace. Chris, Alona, and Steve sat on another couch, chatting with Gabe, who wore his usual heavy sweatshirt with the hood up. He played one of the Nosferatu and was supposed to be horribly disfigured under there. Kristin emerged from the kitchen with Chad Murray on one arm. Her costume consisted of a long black dress, cut to accentuate her figure, though nowhere near as revealing as Sandy's. She flashed a smile at him and Jared.

"Sam, Dean, so nice of you to come. Did Sandra invite you?"

Jensen smiled. "You know us, we're always up for a party." He carefully didn't mention that no one had invited him. The plot was that there were supposed to be other non-vamps there, more victims for the vampires on Halloween. Dean had learned of the party from hacking into some email accounts, or so Jensen had plotted with Eric. Eric had to roleplay all the extra victims, since they didn't have any other players who weren't undead.

"Have the ranch dip man, it's awesome," Chad said. He waved a carrot at them before following Kristin into the crowd.

Jared grabbed one of the Mountain Dew bottles from the cooler under the table. "You want?"

"Might as well, it's a good idea to be alert." He tried to slip into character, but for some reason couldn't quite reach Dean's state of mind. Jensen kept thinking of what he planned to do once they made it to the balcony.

"You never explained how you know these guys are vampires," Jared said, filling a plate with food. He might be acting as Sam now, but when Jared was hungry, he needed to be fed.

Jensen surveyed the room, hoping he looked like a cool and confident vampire hunter. "Lots of legwork. There's no fast way to tell. I just found evidence of people looking far younger than they should be. Put that together with students disappearing off campus..."

"Isn't there a sure way to tell? A vampire detector or something?"

"I wish there was, kid, it would make my job a whole lot easier." Jensen found himself sliding into Dean. As long as Jared kept playing along, they were good. He watched as Chad settled on the couch, in between Alona and Kristin, who giggled and petted him like a spoiled pet. Kane moved to Alona's side, grasped her by the arm and pulled her up. Oh, Jensen thought, this was gonna be good.

"What about other supernatural creatures?"

Jensen whirled his head around. "What?"

"Couldn't they tell you if someone was a vampire? Like a witch."

He shook his head and laughed. "You think there are any good supernatural things out there? If it's supernatural, I kill it."

Jared's face darkened. "Excuse me," he said and left Jensen standing there with his Mountain Dew, wondering what had just happened. Apparently Sam wasn't at all impressed with Dean's bravado. He sighed and then decided he might as well mingle. Time to learn as much about the cadre as possible. Perhaps the whole leadership thing would finally get resolved tonight. Even if Kristin succeeded, Jensen knew she wouldn't have power for long.

The hours passed quickly. Jensen darted in and out of the crowd, overhearing some very interesting conversations. Apparently the group was under pressure to conform to the Camarilla, the larger vampire government. Their failure to comply would risk them being branded as enemies. Without a centralized leader, the group was risking being targeting by Camarilla assassins for their silence. They got noticed because of the press surrounding the college, the increase in student deaths, and of course, Dean's very public killing of David.

Jensen's hands were shaking from drinking too much caffeine. Either that or from all the candy he had consumed since entering. He didn't know how Jared ate so much of the stuff without bouncing off the walls. Then again, a bouncing Jared was the norm. Jensen nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his arm. He turned and grinned at Eric. "It's time," Eric whispered.

Time. Oh, for Chad to be Embraced. For Dean to take Sam out on the balcony. For Jensen to complete his plan.

Here went absolutely nothing. Jensen walked over to Jared, who chatted with Sophia in the corner, laughing at whatever insane ramblings she had come up with for her character now. "Sam," he said, "Can I talk to you for a sec, in private?"

"Sure." Jared drew away smoothly and they walked to the glass doors that led outside. Jensen risked looking behind as everyone gathered around Eric. He wondered how they were going to roleplay this.

Jared closed the doors behind them, the wind rifling through his hair. They should have brought their jackets, Jensen thought, running his hands up and down his arms, trying to stay warm. He wasn't sure how long they had to stay out here, he probably should have asked Eric.

"What is it, Dean?" Jared asked, leaning against the wall to the side of the door. Good, no one would see them.

"What did I say to piss you off?" Jensen asked, coming closer. He could always say he needed the body heat.

Jared looked away and grimaced. It amazed Jensen how easily Jared slid into his character. "This is what you do? Killing things?"

"You make it sound like I'm all about death. Sam, I'm saving people." Jensen tried to put the emotion Dean would be feeling into his facial expression. Dean would want Sam to understand, he needed Sam to understand. Dean never got close to people, but he let Sam in now, and he couldn't risk losing their friendship.

"You believe that?"

"I know it."

"What have you killed besides vampires?" Jared asked, swallowing hard. His brow creased, and he looked worried. "Witches? Mages? Werewolves?"

Jensen shook his head. "I've put a few ghosts to rest. I stopped some witches from summoning a demon once, but I didn't kill any of them. And werewolves? I don't think they exist, never met one. So, yeah, it's mostly vampires. Sam, they kill people. They enjoy killing people. Don't you understand? They have to be stopped."

Jared's face smoothed out. He smiled at Jensen, eyes clear, the light from the street lamps below reflecting in his pupils. "I admire you for that, for wanting to save people."

Jensen shrugged. "I'm not always successful."

"You're human," Jared said, "that makes it even more inspiring, to do what you do and go up against creatures stronger than you."

"Sam," Jensen whispered. That wasn't the name he wanted to whisper, he wanted to say Jared, to make this real. But this was the only way to find out if Jared was interested without destroying everything. He stepped close to Jared, reached up and wound his hand in Jared's too long hair. Reaching up, he tilted his head and caressed Jared's lips with his own. For a moment, a fraction of a section, Jared's lips opened to him and Jensen tasted him, moist heat, a bit salty sweet, too many chips and chocolate bars. Jared's hands moved up, clamped around Jensen's upper arms and pushed him away, hard.

Jensen wiped his hand over his mouth, wondering if it looked as red and swollen as it felt. Jared stared at him with wide eyes; his cheeks flushed a bright pink. "Dean," he said.

Oh, Jensen's heart beat wildly in his chest. Had Jared liked it at all? Did he open his mouth in shock or because he wanted to kiss Jensen back? "Don't," Jensen started, not sure what he wanted to say. Don't pretend it wasn't real? Don't lie to me? Before he could finish, one of the balcony doors banged open. Jensen darted out of the way of a very angry looking Sophia.

"What are you doing out here alone boys? Aren't you always with Miss Sandra?" Either she had forgotten her character's shtick, or Sophia wasn't playing any more.

"Just getting some fresh air," Jared said, clearing his throat. His lips looked slick, and he licked them nervously.

"It's cold." She walked to the edge and looked out over the parking lot. Jensen felt a pang of worry. "Do you know?" She turned suddenly and stalked towards Jensen, forcing him back against the edge of rail. "Do you know the secret about your boy? I can see his aura, you know."

"You're insane." Jared grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away, giving Jensen some much needed breathing room.

Sophia began to laugh, an outrageous cackle that sounded menacing. Jensen wondered if she had been practicing. "You'll be insane soon enough," she hissed at Jared and folding her arms over her chest, which signaled that she had simply vanished to their eyes.

"Fuck," Jared whispered.

"Let's, just, go back inside," Jensen said weakly. He needed his space, needed to get away from Jared and from whatever game Sophia was playing. He wanted to kiss Jared again, feel the heat from his body, pay attention to all the things he hadn't noticed while his lips had been held captive. And for all his hope, he still had no fucking clue how Jared felt about him.

Back in the apartment, things appeared to be breaking up. People were milling in groups, around the food or the TV. Eric had the character sheets in hand and looked about ready to assign experience points. Jensen looked around, but didn't see Sandy anywhere. In that top she was darn hard to miss. "You see Sandy?" he asked.

"She's probably busy," Sophia snapped behind him and turned towards the kitchen. Jensen watched her and wondered what the hell had crawled up her ass. When he turned back, Sandy was walking down the hall that led to the bathroom and bedrooms, Chad Murray by her side.

"Okay everyone," Eric called, "You all did wonderfully. I'd like to give out the points..."

"And you're all welcome to stay afterwards," Alona said, tucked under Chris's arm. Jensen wondered if that was still in character or not. "We've got plenty of food."

Eric assigned the points and asked Jensen about his and Jared's conversation on the balcony. Jared mentioned Sophia's threat, but thankfully didn't mention the kiss. Eric gave them both three points.

After the awarding of points, Sophia came towards them with her coat in one hand and her car keys in the other. "I'm leaving now, if you guys don't want to go back to the dorm, you're going to need to find a ride with someone else."

Jared coughed. "No, I'm good," he said. Jensen nodded and they both went to find their coats.

"Jared," Jensen said when they had a moment of privacy, waiting outside for Sophia and Sandy.

"Jensen, it's cool. It's just a game, right?" he grinned his same blinding grin. Jensen couldn't see anything uncomfortable in those eyes. But he didn't see acceptance either.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Just a game."

Sophia and Sandy came out of the building, their voices rising as they came closer, puffs of cold air emerging from their heated words like clouds of ice. "Sophia, for God's sake, it's just a fucking game."

"You didn't have to go into the bedroom with him."

"Nothing happened. It's just a part, Sophia, I'm not some kind of slut!" Sandy's arms flailed as she shouted.

Jensen and Jared looked at each other, eyebrows raised. "Awkward," Jensen mouthed and Jared nodded in agreement.

They rode back to campus in silence.

Chapter 6

"Hold these." Jensen thrust the rather large bouquet of roses towards Jared.

"Why Jensen, for me?" Jared batted his eyelashes at him.

Jensen bent to tie his shoelaces, his glasses slid down his nose and dangled precariously off of his ears. "They're for Sandy, you jerk. I'm not tripping up to the stage."

Eric had canceled the LARP for the next two weeks due to Sandy and Sophia's play. It was pretty unusual, since they just worked around it when people couldn't come one night, but most of the LARP crew wanted to actually see the girls perform, so they all agreed last month to postpone. Good thing they had decided then, because Sophia and Sandy were not exactly talking to each other right now.

Jensen waited with Jared in the lobby, the doors to the theater hadn't opened yet, so they had time to kill before being allowed to find their seats. He straightened and took the flowers from Jared. His plan had worked well, almost too well. There didn't seem to be a blip on their friendship. However, Jensen couldn't stop his own feelings of awkwardness. Kissing Jared was an experience he couldn't forget; even now he had to look away, not wanting his eyes to linger upon Jared's pink lips.

"Did you get any for Sophia?" Jared asked, balancing forward on the balls of his feet, then rocking backwards. He never liked to stand still, always moving somehow.

"Chris has it covered. We figured it would be better if they got flowers from different people."

Jared rolled his eyes. "I talked to Chad. He said nothing happened other than game stuff. I don't get why she's so upset."

"You didn't actually tell Chad about any of this, did you?" Jensen asked. Sandy would never forgive either of them.

"I'm not that dumb; I asked him what happened while we were outside."

"You're not dumb at all," Jensen said. The doors opened and the usher appeared handing out programs. "Let's go." They picked the door Steve worked, taking their programs from him. Steve pretended to trip Jared, who merely took an exaggerated step over his foot. They got a glare from the other theater dude working the same door.

"Is the entire LARP crew into theater?" Jared asked. He squirmed in his seat, attempting to stretch his long legs out in the too short space.

"You don't see any of my floormates here, do you? I think they're sitting around Mike's PC ogling screenshots of Unreal Tournament." Jensen flipped open the program, noting that intermission was between acts three and four. They'd be able to feed Jared then. He made sure no candy made its way into the theater; he had too much respect for that, even if Jared didn't. However Jared had eaten an entire bag of gummy bears before they left the dorms to make up for it.

"I'd rather play a game over a table than on the computer." Jared slouched further, catching one of his legs around Jensen's, probably the only way he could sit comfortably. Jensen swallowed and concentrated on not jerking his leg away. "It's more fun to actually see the people you're playing with."

"Depends on the game," Jensen said.

The lights dimmed and the last stragglers hurried to their seats. After a moment, the curtain drew open. He could spot Sophia easily among the three witches, artfully arranged around a huge cauldron -- plastic, he had helped carry it up from the basement -- that spewed clouds of smoke into the air around the stage. She spoke first, and from the first moments, Jensen lost himself in the magic of the play.

Whoever had planned the stage dressing kept it minimal. Smoke featured heavily throughout, always creeping along the blackness of the stage, making the world of Macbeth seem unearthly. When Sandy appeared on stage in her first moments as Lady Macbeth, Jensen held his breath. He knew she would be magnificent, making the character her own, yet still projecting that ruthlessness inherent to the character. Well, before the madness set in anyway.

"She's really good," Jared said during intermission. He had brought his chocolate bar back to his seat. At Jensen's glare he said, "I'll finish it before it starts back up again."

Jensen just grinned and rolled his eyes. "Sandy? or Sophia?"

"Both of 'em. I can see why Sandy went into acting though, she's really feeling it."

"She started as a psych major," Jensen said. "Starred in a play freshman year and then she was off."

The lights went down and the curtain went up. The final two acts moved quickly as the action picked up. Macbeth -- played by a student Jensen didn't know -- died his ignoble death and MacDuff had the crowd applauding in their seats. As the curtain went down and the actors came out for their bows, Jensen slipped out of his seat with his flowers. He had to reach up, but Sandy caught them and threw a blinding grin at him. Over on the other side of the stage, he caught Chris handing his set to Sophia and breathed a sigh of relief. Opening night down, only five more shows to get through.

***

Jensen opened his email shortly before class. He had snuck into a computer lab between classes, too addicted to email to wait until his three-hour afternoon course finished. By this stage of the semester he had reached his usual state of tension, and break couldn't come fast enough. That reminded him -- he needed to double check the arrangements with his parents. Normally he'd fly home for Thanksgiving, since his time off was so short it didn't make sense for his dad to drive all the way up to Springfield to pick him up. This year they'd be spending it at his Aunt's, who conveniently lived halfway between the college and home.

Jensen just had to make sure he had a ride.

Unfortunately he had to leave his computer in his dorm. He fretted at the idea of going without it for almost an entire week. Maybe if he made some excuse about needing it for class, he could sneak some time on his Aunt's computer. Just face it, man, he thought, you're addicted.

In his inbox he had an email from Jared. It had "IC" in the subject line, which meant "in character" so Sam had technically written the email. Jensen swallowed, his finger hovering over the enter key for a moment. Had it been too much to hope for that Jared had let the whole kiss thing go?

Dean, (the email read) Look, I'm sorry about running out on you the other night. Sophy just really shook me up. Now that I know what we're dealing with, well, it just makes me nervous.

Whatever you're planning with the vamps --- I want in. I don't want these guys to go on killing other students.

I really value your friendship, Dean.

-Sam

Jensen looked at the clock, then clicked R to send a reply.

Sam, It's too dangerous. You're just a kid. You need to let me handle this. Dean

Because that's exactly how Dean would react. He wouldn't bring up the kiss, he wouldn't respond to Sam's subtle way of saying he didn't feel that way for Dean and he would protect the innocent at all costs. It didn't do much for the plot, so Jensen knew Dean would need to cave eventually; he looked forward to seeing how Jared would convince Dean otherwise.

Too bad he would have to wait until December to find out. With one play-less Friday before Thanksgiving, Eric just canceled until the next month. Some people were already cutting out that early, skipping Monday and Tuesday classes to do it. Jensen couldn't afford to miss any classes. This was his future. Even if was accepted into the grad school of his choice, they could always rescind the acceptance if he did poorly his senior year. Not that he planned on failing any classes, but Jensen never took chances, never diverted his focus. Sandy once said that was one of the most annoying things about him. He smiled and hit compose to drop her an email, since it seemed like forever since he'd seen her other than on stage.

Then he emailed the players of his Werewolf game, asking if they wanted to play the week before Thanksgiving. Truthfully, he'd rather cancel it. Sophia hadn't exactly been pleasant to be around during the last game and he didn't want to tiptoe around her again. She had made a comment after the game about him being on Sandy's side that he didn't quite know how to take. Luckily Jared had stuck around and she didn't follow up on it, probably realized that anything she said might get back to Chad, since Jared lived with the guy. Jensen would tell them both to have it out, but he didn't think the universe could deal with the aftermath of a Sandy/Sophia deathmatch.

Before he got up to leave his email dinged with a new message. Jared, still in character:

Dean, I'm more than just a kid. Don't count me out just yet. Sam

Jensen smiled and quit out of Pine. He couldn't wait for Jared to surprise him.

***

The campus slowly emptied as Thanksgiving grew closer. Jensen had most of his stuff packed up in one of his milk crates, waiting for his cousin to pick him up on Wednesday. With the way people kept leaving, he doubted they would have to fight the usual holiday traffic. He looked forward to catching up on his sleep and getting away from classes and studying and yes, even his gaming. Sometimes he just wanted to rest.

Dark clouds rolled in that morning, threatening a rain that never came. Jensen didn't bring an umbrella when he went to meet Jared and Sandy for lunch, a surefire sign, he thought, that it would pour the moment he stepped out of the dining hall. His skin felt sticky and his hair prickled on his scalp. Luckily it was too early for snow yet. He made a mental note to pick up a new pair of boots when he had the chance.

"I think they're running out of food," Jared said when Jensen slid in the seat across from him. His tray did look skimpy in comparison to his usual assortment of food. "I may have gotten the last hamburger."

"No!" Jensen gasped, "Not the last hamburger!" He dropped his backpack on the floor and went to see what he could scrounge up. Jared wasn't kidding about the slim pickings. He settled on a grilled cheese sandwich and some fries. And he managed to save the sandwich before it melted the Styrofoam plate the grill worker scooped it onto.

Jared raised his eyebrow at Jensen's plate, which had a napkin spread out over it and the grilled cheese settled on top, like a pillow in the middle of a tiny bed. Jensen shrugged. "It's fried, it's gotta be good."

Jared laughed. "Don't tell me you're one of those people who has deep fried turkey for Thanksgiving."

"What's wrong with deep fried turkey?" Jensen protested, biting into his crispy sandwich.

Sometimes he could see Jared's smile in his sleep. It seemed like he spent more time with Jared than any of his other friends. When registration time came, Jared had slept over, snuggling in a comforter on the floor in the common area between the four bedrooms, all so he could use Jensen's phone at six am, when the office opened. He wanted to make sure he got the class he and Jensen planned on taking together, and he didn't want to deny his roommate Chad the opportunity to register early for his own classes. Jensen doubted Chad Murray got up at six am to register; the kid had a perpetually sleepy look all the time. Maybe he just stayed up that late.

Jensen had already gotten into the literature class -- seniors got to register a full three days earlier. Jared had to compete with the entire freshman class. His diligence paid off, they were going to spend much more time together next semester, if such a thing were even possible.

"If you're doing to deep fry the turkey, you might as well go all out and do a real Texas barbeque," Jared said. "But for Thanksgiving, man, you have to go traditional. Turkey, stuffing, corn on the cob, apple pie!"

"I'm not sure about deep fried apple pie."

"Mmm," Jared all but drooled, "Deep fried apple pie."

"Someone sounds hungry," Sandy laughed as she came up to the table.

Jared turned and grinned at her. "We were talking about Thanksgiving. Jensen apparently has deep-fried turkey. What does your mom cook?"

Jensen felt like the conductor, helplessly watching as the train derailed. Jared didn't know, couldn't know, but he walked onto a minefield with one simple question. He opened his mouth to say something, anything to defuse the tension.

Sandy's face fell, all humor vanished in an instant. "My mom -- and my dad -- died when I was fourteen." And then she turned around, hurrying out of the dining hall.

Jensen had known since her freshman year. After one of Mike's all night D&D sessions, the group had camped out in the dorm lounge, half drunk from the lack of sleep.  Tom had started spilling his guts, and the entire night generated into a secret sharing. Nobody really talked about anything afterwards, but everyone knew and no one asked Sandy about her family.

"Sandy!" Jared called, his face crumbled. "Shit, I have to apologize." He grabbed his messenger bag and took off after her.

Jensen watched him leave the dining hall, the door slamming shut behind him. He stayed and finished his sandwich. Sandy wouldn't thank him for the interruption. Eventually he had to toss both trays and head out to his last class before break.

Jared never came back.

***

Jensen curled up on one of the twin beds in his Aunt Dina’s spare room. His brother Josh would be taking the other bed as soon as he got into town and their cousin David would then move to the sleeping bag between both beds. It seemed like the entire Ackles clan was traveling here for Thanksgiving. Usually they gathered at Christmas time at Jensen's grandparents' house, leaving Thanksgiving to smaller family units, but this time Aunt Dina and Uncle Will had opened their home to everyone, breaking out the sleeping bags and sofa beds for those who needed a place to stay.

Ever since most of the cousins had grown into their teens and left for college, these times together seemed to get more and more rare. Jensen remembered being sixteen and not wanting to bother with his relatives. Now though, he could appreciate seeing the people who had known him in all his embarrassing childhood selves. No one else could understand about making forts with sheets or winding his grandmother's yarn around the furniture to make a giant spider web.

Jensen had his Anatomy and Physiology textbook open, his notebook opened to a page with a half-sketched copy of the respiratory system; they’d be having a quiz when he got back to school, so he really needed to get this down. Normally drawing the system in question was enough to keep his concentration. He often got lost in the beauty of the human body, the perfection of how each separate system came together to keep a person alive. He tended to favor drawing muscles, sketching the striations of lines, the restrained movement in the tense tissue.

Today, however, he just couldn’t concentrate.  He had used his homework to get out of helping to get the house ready, so it would help if he could actually get the work done, but the smell of the roasting turkey somehow seeped up the stairs and invaded every corner of the house.

Jensen let the pencil drop and rested his head against the wall. He wondered what happened when Jared had followed Sandy out of the dining hall. He hated to see her so upset, but if anyone could lift her spirits, it was Jared, even if he had been the one to hurt her in the first place. Jared just had a presence about him, he could draw a room to attention, and could put a smile on anyone’s face after less than a minute of knowing him.

Hell, he should be over this stupid crush by now. Jensen touched his lips, remembering how it felt to kiss Jared in that one brief moment. He flushed at the thought, like he had gotten away with something secret and sneaky. Jared had pushed him away, true, but he hadn’t treated Jensen any differently afterwards. Maybe, just maybe, the idea didn’t completely disgust him. Jared kept touching him, after all, kept invading Jensen’s personal space like he belonged there too.

Maybe he shouldn’t give up all hope.

“Hey, bro,” the door swung open and Josh appeared, dragging a huge suitcase behind him. “I see you’ve managed to avoid doing any actual work.”

Jensen grinned and hopped off the bed. “That's because I have actual studying to do.”

  Josh dropped the suitcase on the other bed before slapping Jensen on the back. “Told ya, bro, the future is in computer science, not this biology thing you got going on. Blood and guts, ew.”

"Talk to me when you can get a computer that's as well designed as the human body."

Josh made a face. “While I try to forget that you just said that, wanna go sneak some pie? I think I saw some pecan on the counter.”

Jensen grinned -- another Ackles brothers' secret mission. “If we get caught, you’re taking the fall.”

“Deal,” Josh laughed, leading the way.

Maybe after all the family stuff was over, Jensen could politely pry the sole computer away from his thirteen-year-old cousin Amanda and check his email. At least he could send a message off to Sandy and make sure she was okay. He couldn’t even call anyone – all his phone numbers were saved in his email – and he wouldn’t abuse his aunt’s phone that way even if he had the numbers.

They ended up getting caught sneaking away with pie, but only because Jensen’s parents arrived in the midst of the pastry-thieving activity. So they both got roped into helping set up the table in the dining room as punishment.

"The pie was worth it," Josh said, snapping his end of the tablecloth.

Jensen spread his end out over the long table. "Oh yeah," he agreed.

"You boys don't want to spoil your dinner," their mom said, coming into the room with Aunt Dina and a pile of plates.

"Trust me, Mama," Josh grinned, "I won't have a bit of trouble eating Aunt Dina's turkey."

Josh had almost as big an appetite as Jared, Jensen thought with a smile. He took the heavier of the plates and started setting the table.

Mackenzie came in with the silverware and soon everyone was caught up in the preparations.

More and more members of the family started to arrive. Soon the house seemed crammed with Ackles and Conners -- some of Aunt Dina's side of the family. Jensen was introduced to cousins that weren't really his cousins. Food started to make its way to the table, and people crammed into the dining room. Conversation wafted through the house much like the comforting scent of dinner.

Jensen sat between his brother and father, Mom and Mackenzie across from them. "At least I don't have to sit at the kids' table," Mac muttered, playing with her butter fork.

Dad showed off his new cellular phone. It reminded Jensen of a rectangular banana, only thicker in size with a skinny antenna emerging from the top. Jensen passed it off to Josh, who commented on how he would soon be issued one at work.

"One of the perks of my job, free toys." Josh clicked the antenna back in the phone. "You won't know about that employment thing, Jensen, not until another four years of school."

"Three years," Jensen corrected.

Their dad grinned, "If I know you, you'll finish in two."

Jensen flushed at the praise.

"What's this about more school, Jensen?" His Uncle Matt asked, leaning over from Dad's other side.

"Oh, I'm applying to grad school to become a physical therapist," Jensen explained.

"You don't have to be a doctor for that first?" Uncle Matt asked.

"No, but I do have to do a lot of clinical work. I think I get my own cadaver first semester."

Josh tossed his fork onto his plate. "Jensen!"

“What, you don’t want me talking about dead bodies at the dinner table? What do you think the Turkey IS?”

“Jensen! Stop trying to gross out your brother!” His mother said.

"And like, the rest of the family." Mackenzie made a face.

They settled into eating. Jensen sat back and just enjoyed the food -- real home cooked food, none of the crap he had gotten used to at school. Like every Thanksgiving, after dinner, the family scattered, most of the men watching football on the upstairs TV. Jensen ended up in the basement, playing Mario Kart on his cousin's Nintendo 64 and kicking his brother's ass.

"If throwing bananas at fictional characters ever becomes a marketable skill, you'll make a fortune." Josh threw down his controller in disgust.

"My turn!" David scooped up the controller.

"Have fun." Jensen stood and stretched.

He wondered if he could accelerate the serving of dessert, or at least snag some pie for himself. Jensen trotted upstairs, ducked in front of the main TV, and made for the kitchen. Since he and Josh had already made away with some pecan earlier, he should probably try something else. He thought he saw Aunt Emily's special pumpkin pie, but he could have been mistaken. Of course, he knew better than to eat his cousin Ann's sugar free cranberry pie.

His parents sat around the kitchen table, with two open bottle of beer. Aunt Dina carefully loaded the dishwasher, and Uncle Tim and Uncle Matt were pulling out some unopened bottles from the fridge.

Uncle Matt was apparently in the middle of a story. "So the guy sends out invitations to the entire office. For his 'commitment ceremony.' It's not enough for him to be screwing another guy, he has to let the entire office know."

Jensen froze mid-reach for the pie on the counter. He swallowed and forced himself to move forward, pulling the slicer from the drawer and cutting himself a healthy piece.

"What did you do, Matt?" Dad asked, taking a healthy swallow of his beer.

"What? You think I said yes for the free food?" Uncle Matt laughed. Jensen never noticed the ugliness in his laugh before.

"Well, we all know how you feel about free food," Mom said, shooting Jensen a look. He realized he lacked a plate for his pie and started pulling open the cabinets looking for one.

"Not enough to go to a fag wedding," Uncle Matt snorted.

Jensen winced and nearly dropped the plate. He decided to get out of there and not bother looking for a fork.

"Matt, language!" Aunt Dina slapped his arm.

"It's not like it's a real marriage. The guy will be screwing someone else by next week. Christ, how could anyone live like that?"

Jensen managed to make it out of the kitchen without embarrassing himself. He could feel the flush on his cheeks and his hands trembled enough to make holding the pie precarious. Of course, he had forgotten a fork, but Jensen wasn't going back there.

"Hey, bro, you okay?" Josh asked as he ventured back into the basement.

Jensen slid onto the couch next to him. "Yeah, snagged some apple pie."

"Score."

He didn't even comment when Josh stole half the piece, licking his fingers after each bite. Even if things with Jared were different, if Jared had kissed him back…Jensen shook his head. He could never tell his family, he couldn't be out with them. He'd be just another fag in his Uncle's mind. And who knew what his parents would think?

Jensen really wanted to get back to campus now. He wanted to be far away from this ugliness, from people who were supposed to be his family, but would turn their backs if they only knew the truth about him.

"So," Josh said, when it looked like the cousins weren't going to give up the controllers any time soon. "What do you do when you're not cutting up dead bodies?"

Jensen rolled his eyes. "I'm always cutting up dead bodies. They chain us to the lab tables and throw food at us three times a day."

"Shut up." Josh slapped his arm.

He grinned, grateful for the change of topic. "What do you think about vampires?"

"Are they hot girl vampires?"

"You don't know the half of it..." Jensen started telling Josh about the LARP, and what had gone down at Halloween, especially Sandy's revealing outfit. He could pretend, just for a bit, that he was normal -- well, as normal as a guy who pretended to be a vampire every other week could be -- and enjoy his brother's friendship.

Chapter 7

Jensen arrived home to a dorm empty of his floormates. He dropped his stuff on the floor next to his bed, booted up his computer to make sure it still worked and then reached for the phone to call Jared. As the phone rang, he knelt on the floor, separating the foil covered packages of food from his clothing and books.

"Yo?" Chad's voice answered.

"Hey Chad, it's Jensen. Is Jared back yet?" He tried to remember if Jared had planned to fly back or drive up. They hadn't talked about it and he hadn't spoken to him since that disastrous lunch with Sandy.

Chad yawned into the phone. Didn't the guy ever get any sleep? "Yeah, think he said he was going to the dining hall."

Typical Jared, always headed for food. "Thanks," he told Chad.

He spent a few minutes putting the containers into the fridge. Thankfully he had remembered to clear it out before they left, otherwise he could probably write his lab report about the remains. He shuddered remembering last year when he had opened Mike and Tom's tiny fridge after returning back from break. They had to evacuate the room until it aired out enough. Hmm, Jensen thought, was that the time they had to rush Mike to the emergency room with food poisoning? The dude would eat anything.

Jensen toyed with the idea of calling Sandy before heading out to the dining hall. Odds were if she were back, she'd be there too. Maybe he'd find Mike, Tom and Lindberg there too. He didn't realize how quiet the townhouse was while empty. The people who lived below them also seemed to be MIA.

The campus, however, buzzed with energy as he left, his coat firmly buttoned, hands shoved into deep pockets to protect them from the cold air.

Everyone seemed to be strolling in, a little too full still, or a little too tired. With three weeks left in the semester, everything moved more quickly. Papers could have no more extensions, the library didn't have a free seat, and bio majors signed up for extra lab time. He smiled though, happy to be back, ready to start up his Werewolf campaign -- he had a great idea for a cliffhanger to end the plot before the winter break -- and to see what Eric would do next in the LARP after the events of Halloween.

Jensen squeezed past the crowd in the front of the dining hall -- it seemed everyone had the idea to meet up here -- and stopped at the entrance, looking for anyone he knew. He spotted the large group on the opposite side of the room and headed towards them. There sat Mike and Tom, Lindberg and Gabe. Jared towered over them all, sitting next to Sandy and Sophia. When did they start talking again?

He hadn't gotten very close -- sidestepping backpacks and people stopped between tables to chat -- when he saw Jared lean over towards Sandy. It didn't strike him at first, Jared always had to lean over to talk to anyone, but then he realized they were kissing. He half expected them both to draw back and laugh at the joke; that was some nice acting there. But then Jared drew back and threw his arm over Sandy's shoulders and pulled her towards him until she all but sat on his lap.

Jensen's fingers felt numb, like he couldn't get warm, no matter how deep he shoved his hands into his pockets. She knew, he thought, tightening those fingers into fists, she knew and she still... He turned, wanting out of that dining hall. He ran into an empty chair and sent it crashing to the ground, but didn't stop to pick it up. He thought he heard someone calling his name, but he didn't turn around. Too many people blocked his way to the door, and he could feel the heaviness mounting in his chest. He couldn't face them like this, not when every breath hurt to take in.

Finally, he broke free, darting out of the dining hall and into the dark campus. Head down, he headed away, walking so fast he might as well have been running. Everything swirled around in his head. Sandy and Jared. Kissing. They would be so damn perfect together too. How did he miss it? They were his friends, his best friends.

No one followed him to the arcade in the student center; he had managed to avoid that. Jensen turned a twenty into quarters and turned to the faintly glowing machines in the darkened room. Normally, he played pinball, but didn't think he could deal with the aggravation of the ball missing the paddles and sinking into the pit. He needed something even more mindless and planted himself in front of House of the Dead. There was nothing more mindless than shooting zombies. His front pocket sagged from the quarters. Jensen plopped two in and picked the plastic gun up from the holster.

He never played this game alone. He wasn't the type to play a first person shooter game in story mode to finish it to completion. Sometimes he'd play with Mike or Lindberg, laughing at the ridiculous zombies that lurched towards them on the large screen. So it felt strange to be here alone, the only voice that of the machine, telling him constantly to reload.

Yeah, alone. He should have known better. Jensen snorted, his fingers moving faster, hitting the trigger and slamming on the pedal to duck. He thought he could actually be Jared's friend. He thought he'd be happy, even if the guy were straight. Jensen never pictured having to watch Jared with a girl. He should have damn well known that Jared would find someone else. Like Jensen was even a blip on Jared's radar. He knew, KNEW, nothing would come of it. Since that kiss and Jared pushing him away...Jensen stupidly let himself get too close. He let himself fall for Jared simply because Jared hadn't withdrawn his presence after Jensen's fuck up.

He didn't think he'd have to watch Jared with Sandy. Yeah, Jared would get a girl and they'd get married and make ridiculously cute babies, but not now. Now Jared was all Jensen's, joining his games, hanging out in Jensen's room, studying at Jensen's direction.

Not anymore. Honeymoon period was finally over.

But Sandy knew, she knew how Jensen felt. How could she do this? He stepped back and kicked at the machine when his character died. He plunked in more quarters, realizing he was getting to the bottom of his pocket. Just a little bit longer, he thought. Let me pretend a little bit longer.

He couldn't beat the end boss, no matter how many quarters he spent, no matter how many times he shot at the screen.  The screen flickered a final "Game Over" at him. Jensen put his hand into his pocket and came up empty. Well, now wasn't that a kick in the head?

Jensen looked up at the clock on the wall. He had managed to waste and hour and a half. Good enough.

He managed to make it up to his room without anyone noticing. Maybe his floormates were still out, or hell, even sleeping. Break screwed with everyone's body clock.

The voicemail light on his phone glowed a bright red when he opened the door. Jensen flicked on the light and ignored it for as long as he could. Finally he logged in long enough to hear the computerized voice say: "Message from..." followed by Sandy's perky voice saying "Sandy and Danneel!" before hitting delete. Nothing she could say would make up for this. You didn't date your best friend's secret crush, not without telling said best friend first anyway.

He stripped methodically and climbed into bed, shivering until he got under the covers. She just should have told him, he thought. Why the hell did he have to be the last one to know?

***

The phone rang. And rang.

"You going to get that?" Mike stuck his head into Jensen's room.

Jensen leaned over and turned down the ringer. "Sorry."

"You screening your calls now?" Mike didn't leave the doorway.

Jensen shrugged. He looked back at his computer screen, he had just completed the second mission for the solo campaign in Starcraft. He found he liked the game, even when he wasn't playing networked with his friends.

"Jensen, man," Mike started. "Nobody knew you liked Sandy like that."

"What?" Jensen turned away from his screen. "What are you talking about?"

"How come Jared hasn't hung out here once this week? And you canceled your Werewolf game? Why'd you miss the ThIS meeting today?"

Because he didn't want to face either of them. He couldn't lie to Sandy and tell her he was happy for her. Jensen didn't think he could restrain himself from asking her "why?" And Jared? How could he look at him knowing Jared had chosen Sandy? How could he go back to being Jared's friend when he still thought about that kiss, remembered the feel of Jared's lips against his?

"You're delusional," he told Mike, because he couldn't admit the truth and he didn't want to lie to his friend. "I just didn't feel like going this week."

"Uh-huh," Mike said. "I see the lure of Starcraft proved too compelling."

"Your ass is too compelling."

"Oh, fuck you."

"Not even in my worst nightmare."

"If you're so bored," Mike stressed the word, "We could use some help in Campus Computing. We have to patch all the computers for Y2K."

Jensen groaned. "Seriously? You don't think the world's going to end just because a computer can't tell it's the year 2000?"

"Be realistic, Jensen. I'm getting paid overtime. I'm sure Morgan would hire you for rest of the semester. He needs all the hands he can get."

And it gave Jensen the perfect excuse for canceling his Werewolf game for the rest of the semester -- so much for those plot plans -- and for avoiding both Jared and Sandy. "Fine. Tell him I'm interested."

Mike grinned. "Awesome. And Jensen?"

"What?"

"I'm really sorry about Sandy." Mike slipped back to his room before Jensen could reply.

He went back to his game. There were Protoss to plot against.

***

Jensen couldn't believe there wasn't a single course section open. He frowned at the phone and tried yet another code. Without a literature course next semester, he couldn't graduate. However, he really didn't want to be stuck in a class with Jared. God, was it only last week that they were looking forward to it? Looking forward to sitting in the back together, passing notes and throwing spitballs at each other, just acting like five year olds like they normally did.

He slammed the phone down when the computerized voice once again told him "course section is closed." Damn it.

"Jensen, are you coming?" Mike hollered from the bottom of the steps.

"Coming where?" He yelled back.

"Hello, Friday night? LARP? Insane Kripke, any of this ringing a bell?"

Oh crap, he had forgotten about the LARP. He really didn't want to go. He had successfully avoided both Jared and Sandy for the entire week. He stayed out of the food court, carried meals from the dining hall back to his dorm, and skipped the class in the science building that let out the same time Jared's did.

"I'm not going!" he shouted back down.

"The hell you're not!"

"Excuse me," one of the girls who lived on the second floor butted into the conversation. "Can you not shout down the stairs?"

"Sorry!" Jensen shouted. He looked around his room, took a deep breath and grabbed his coat and keys.

Mike grinned at him when he trotted down the stairs. Tom and Lindberg waited with him, standing around the common room with their hands in their pockets. "We're going to be late," Jensen said. He grinned at them.

"Come on, asshole," Chad said. "You're holding us up."

Jensen pushed him into the wall, then ran out the door laughing. Chad tackled him into the shrubbery around the front of their townhouse. "I'm allergic to shrubs!" Jensen shouted, shoving a pile of crumbling dried leaves down Chad's pants.

"Now we're going to be late," Mike grumbled. He gave Jensen a hand up.

"And you're both dirty," Tom added. Jensen bit his lip at the sudden mental image of Tom with a feather duster cleaning them both off. Man, he didn't want to share that one.

He led the way towards the student center, feeling lighter. He still had some great friends, none of whom planned on lining up to date Jared any time soon.

His good mood faded when they saw the flashing lights of a campus police cruiser. Jensen halted in his tracks for a moment. "Don't tell me those idiots..."

"C'mon, don't freak," Mike warned. They jogged the rest of the way and found Eric standing with Jared, Sandy, Sophia and Gabe outside the student center. The campus police were talking to Chris and Steve. Chris held a piece of cloth to his nose, blood seeping to turn the fabric bright red.

"What the hell happened?" Mike asked.

Eric looked distraught. He clutched his folder of notes to his chest. "Some guys started hassling Steve about his trench coat."

Steve normally wore a black trench coat when it got cold. Lots of them had long black coats. This hadn't been a problem. Only the tragic event in Colorado earlier this year had everyone thinking people who dressed that way were murderers. "Fuck," Mike said.

"They asked Steve if he was planning on shooting up the student center," Jared added. "Things went downhill from there."

Jensen didn't look at him. "Nobody said anything about a vampire LARP game, did they?"

Silence greeted his pronouncement. "What the hell is wrong with you guys? The whole point is not to tell the normal people about it."

"We're not really vampires, Jensen, there's no actual masquerade," Sophia put in.

"Yeah, but there are actual consequences if people are stupid and start getting into fights with frat boys!" he shouted.

Jared grabbed his arm. "Jensen..." Jensen wrenched out of his grasp. His arm tingled where Jared touched him.

"I'm not going to wait around here to get questioned by the cops," he said. Jensen turned and took off for the dorms. He heard the footsteps behind him, but didn't stop, even when Jared called his name.

Jared jogged and caught up easily. "Hey man, you're wound kinda tight."

"Thanks," Jensen snapped back. He stopped walking, the last thing he wanted was for Jared to follow him back to his townhouse. "What do you want, Jared?"

Jared frowned at him. "I just...I haven't seen you at all since we got back from break. Not even after bio on Tuesday. I waited outside your class."

"I'm busy," Jensen said. "Finals are coming up, and I signed up to earn some extra money with Mike's computing crew."

"Oh. Hey, I have a final practical exam, you want to help me study again..."

Before he had even finished, Jensen burst out "No!"

"No?" Jared said softly. His face fell and Jensen felt like he had just kicked a puppy.

I can't have you, Jensen thought. I can't be close to you and think about you with her. "I'm just busy," he said. "I have my own practical for A and P. I can't...I just can't Jared." Now he could leave, now Jared wouldn't follow. Jensen stalked off on his own. He had left a game of Starcraft on pause in his dorm room. That would keep him busy a few hours, and keep the image of Jared's face crumpling out of his mind.

***

Jensen fumbled with his keys. The cold made his fingers sluggish and he bounced from toe to toe trying to separate the one for the outside door. He dropped the ring and bent over to pick it up, backpack shifting awkwardly over his body. "Damn it," he mumbled, straightening.

"Jensen."

He straightened up at the sound of Sandy's voice. She had cornered him, got him before he could retreat to the safety of his dorm room. "Sandy." He could do this, he could be civil.

"Jensen, I'm sorry."

He snorted. "It's not that simple."

"Just let me explain, we're not..."

"What's there to explain, Sandy?" he snapped. "You knew, you fucking knew how I felt and you went and did it anyway!" His voice rose with each word. Jensen couldn't believe she was trying to justify this now.

"Jensen, I didn't do it on purpose," she started, "He was just..."

"Is everything okay?" Mike's voice broke into the conversation. Jensen took a deep breath, grateful for the save.

"Just peachy," he said, finally unlocking the door and retreating inside the townhouse. He was aware of Mike's footsteps behind him, following him up to the third floor.

"Look man," Mike said before Jensen could complete his escape. "You got a right to be pissed off. But the club? The LARP? You were there first, don't let them push you out."

Mike did have a point. A damn good one. This was his senior year, he had looked forward to those things for so long. He'd just have to do them without Jared or Sandy. It hurt, to cut them loose, because Sandy had been by his side since his sophomore year, and Jared had wormed his way under Jensen's skin so quickly.

"You're right," he told Mike.

"I am?" Mike sounded astonished. He had never really been the one for the practical advice.

Jensen smiled. "Don't sound so surprised. Even you, my man, can have a good thought."

"Only on Tuesdays," Mike said.

Gaming Jensen, he decided, was going to make a come back. "I'll see you at the ThIS meeting tomorrow."

"Bring your magic deck."

***

Part of it, Jensen thought as he walked with Chad Lindberg towards the ThIS meeting, was the fact that Jensen never spoke up and told Jared how he felt. He had persisted on his little glow, denying that his crush had grown any further than that. Jared had given Jensen his time, his friendship, and Jensen didn't ask for more. Even that kiss at Halloween he had taken under the illusion of the game. Not for himself.

He couldn't very well tell Jared how he felt now. Sandy might have stabbed him in the back, but Jensen prided himself on the fact that he would not do the same to her. Not that he had illusions that Jared would suddenly change his sexual orientation and sweep Jensen off his feet after a few simple words. Love didn't work like that. He just wished he knew how love did work. The thought of leaving here next year, of starting over at a new place with no friends and no idea about how to find a relationship haunted him.

Chad jostled him, and Jensen looked up, realized he had been glaring at the ground, kicking his way through autumn’s fallen leaves. So much for trying to get back to normal. "You starting your Werewolf game back up?"

Jensen shook his head. "Not tonight, I didn't make up any of the stat sheets for the bad guys."

"One big fight before winter break? You planning on killing all the characters off before then?"

He laughed. "Only if you can't handle a few vampires."

"Jensen!"

One of the problems, he thought, with living on a small campus was that he tended to run into everyone he knew, sooner or later. "Danneel," he said, turning to greet her. He hadn't seen Sandy's roommate since before Thanksgiving, probably because he never stopped by Sandy's dorm any more. He plastered a smile on his face, no reason to be rude, not yet anyway.

"I'm glad I caught you!" She waved at her group of friends who kept walking along the path, and then turned and grinned, eyes bright with excitement. Danneel really was very pretty. He sighed. She'd make a lucky guy really happy some day.

"Yeah?" he said.

"Um. Yeah. Listen." She smiled at Chad too, but focused her attention mainly on Jensen. "There's gonna be a Christmas concert next week, and I wondered if you wanted to go..."

"Let me guess, it's going to be followed by an optional bible study." He rolled his eyes.

"Jensen..."

"Look, Danneel." Time to start standing up for himself. "If you wanted to ask me out, just ask me out. Stop inviting me to these things the Campus Christians are running. I really don't give a shit about your bible study."

Her face paled, and the smile dropped. "I was just trying to be your friend, Jensen. You used to come to these things; that's how we met."

"I stopped going for a reason."

"You kept telling me you were too busy."

"Too busy to be preached to. Too busy to have people telling me what to believe or how to think. I tried being nice about it, but you just never stopped."

"I'll leave you alone then," she said, her voice gone very quiet. She turned away, and Jensen thought he saw a glimmer of light in her eyes.

He shook his head as she left and turned back to Chad, meeting his startled expression. "That was cold, man."

"What?" Jensen defended. "She hasn't left me alone for years. I'm not going to just sit back and let people walk all over me, not anymore." He started walking towards the student center again.

"Are you sure going to this meeting is a good idea?" Chad asked. He ran to catch up with Jensen. "You're already pissed off and seeing..."

"I am not pissed off!" Jensen said. "I have nothing to say to her. I have nothing to say to Sandy or Jared either. I am going to go, and kick everyone's ass at Magic, and find out when the next tournament is, or what movies Mike is showing this week. I am going to have fun, damn it."

Chad held up his hands. "Whatever, man."

Jensen sighed and kept walking. He didn't mean to hurt Danneel. He just didn't care enough to spare her feelings anymore. No one spared his. When he opened the door to the meeting room and saw Jared and Sandy looking up at him, he felt a twinge of something. He couldn't explain it, just that his stomach turned sour. Danneel shouldn't have had to endure his rage, not when the cause sat in front of him right now.

He circled the table and sat between Gabe and Chris Kane. Kane had a spectacular splint on his nose. "Dude, they broke your nose?" Jensen asked.

"You should see the other guy," Chris said, making a fist.

"And how did you not end up arrested?"

"Jerks were drunk. Underage too."

"Nice."

"We're not meeting in the student center this week," Chris said. "Eric's gonna email with a location. You left before he could tell you."

"Fun," Jensen said, pushing back in his chair so he balanced on the back two legs.

"Okay guys," Mike called the meeting to order. "Couple of things. Next week is the last anime night of the semester. I'm holding something extra special for this one."

"Joy," Tom said from his side, rolling his eyes.

"The no-tentacle rule is still in force," Mike added, "So no worries on that point. Oh! We're going to hold a campus-wide Magic Tournament next semester. I talked to the guy who runs the comic shop in town, and he's donating some prizes in exchange for advertisement."

When did this happen? Jensen wondered. Probably, he thought, when he started the Protoss campaign in Starcraft.

"Any game announcements?" Tom asked.

Jensen raised his hand, though he didn't raise his eyes. "Going to have the last Werewolf game next week, too. Usual time and place." He didn't really want to do it, but Sandy didn't play, and maybe he could deal with Jared if they were without her. Maybe. At least he had the game to focus on.

"Last one ever, or last one for the semester?" Jared asked from across the room.

He didn't look over. "Depends on who survives."

Everyone laughed, and then Nick went on to mention his D&D campaign. Business went on as usual, the meeting degenerating into gaming pretty quickly after that. Jensen pulled out his deck and shuffled. He tried not to think about how he had taught Jared to play, their bodies pressed close and Jared's hand over his, choosing which cards to play.

"Duel me? I got a new deck I need to work out." Kane asked and Jensen accepted gratefully. He didn't join the giant game the rest of the room formed, so he didn't have to interact with Sandy or Jared.

All in all it was a successful meeting.

***

Eric's email had said to meet at the back door to Chris and Steve's dorm. It was one of the oldest dorms on campus and it lacked most of the amenities of the more modern buildings, but made up for that with charm. And by charm, Jensen supposed that meant cramped hallways, a creepy basement and an even creepier attic where old dorm furniture went into storage to die. That's where he suspected Eric planned to hold tonight's LARP, in the creepy attic which probably had cobwebs everywhere and creaked at the slightest noise. Jensen hadn't actually ventured up there, but his imagination went wild.

He hoped the LARP would turn out better than his Werewolf game had. He had made sure to sit away from Jared, even though that had meant he had had to look directly at him more than if he had sat next to him. The last thing he needed was Jared trying to touch him. They had been so free with affection before, but Jensen feared it now. He remembered how easily he let Jared hug him, grab him, or wrestle him down onto the grass; knowing that those touches meant nothing to Jared hurt.

The game itself didn't go badly, although the emphasis remained on the fighting instead of the character development Jensen had hoped for over break. The group worked together and successfully defeated the enemy. The only casualty was Gabe's character and he immediately rolled up another and started forming a plan as to how he met up with the group.

Afterwards Jensen did his best to usher everyone out, saying he had some studying to get to. He really didn't want Jared hanging around afterwards like he normally did. Jared stopped at the door and turned to face Jensen, standing his ground. "Sandy says you made Danneel cry."

He opened his mouth in shock. What the hell did Jared think he was doing, bringing that up here in front of everyone? What right did he have to lecture Jensen on how to do things? "You were the one who always told me I needed to tell her the truth."

"Yeah, man, but you didn't have to hurt her like that."

"I think you're the last person who should be lecturing me on how to break news to friends."

Jared pressed his lips together. He nodded stiffly, hugged his notebook to his chest and left without saying anything more.

Jensen shook his head now, venturing up the cracked and uneven path to the O'Neill building, Chris's dorm. Like most Friday nights, the campus emptied, even so close to finals. Maybe if he lived closer he'd feel the urge to go home every weekend like most of Springfield’s students, see his family and friends from high school. After nearly four years away from home though, Jensen found himself rapidly losing touch with those friends.

Apparently no one mowed the lawn behind the old dorm, as weeds and brown grass grew almost over the path. His feet crunched over dry faded leaves, making his approach incredibly conspicuous. Jensen wondered why he didn't see anyone else. Maybe they were all given separate locations? Would he find a note with a clue, maybe a treasure hunt? He stepped up to the back door and pushed it open -- another feature of the old dorm, it had multiple entrances, not all of them guarded by the nighttime security staff.

As soon as he ventured past the entrance into a dark hallway, a hand clamped over his mouth. Jensen kicked at the figure who grabbed him and held him still while a blindfold wrapped around his face. "Easy, it's a LARP event," Eric's voice whispered in his ear.

Don't I even get a rock/papers/scissors? Jensen would have asked except for the gag that replaced the hand over his mouth. They manhandled him down some stairs -- the basement then, not the attic -- and pushed him onto a chair, where they tied his ankles to the legs and his arms behind his back. I am going to kill you all, Jensen thought, in and out of game.

Maybe they were trying to punish him for being an asshole these past few weeks.

"Well, Dean," and that was Kristin's voice. "You thought you were so clever, ditching your boy like that."

"As if we couldn't smell his secret." Alona now.

He could hear them walking around him, the floorboards creaking beneath their feet. Jensen tilted his head, trying out all those myths that said your other senses got stronger when blindfolded. It smelled strongly of mold and dust in the basement. He tensed when he thought he felt something run over his shoulder. Oh god, please don't let it be spiders, he thought with a shudder.

"What are you going to do with him?" Chad Murray's voice. "I thought he was dinner."

"Dear Murray," Kristin laughed. "He's more than dinner. He's my ticket to power. I'll present him to the Camarilla as a hunter." She knelt close and put a hand on his knee. Jensen tried to jerk it away. "You did kill David, didn't you Dean? So sloppy. Of course, I couldn't say anything. Not until I knew I could turn this my way."

Jensen mumbled beneath his gag. She reached up and removed it. "You bitch!" he shouted.

She replaced the gag, shoving it back into his mouth. "Such language. Let's see what you'll start screaming when the Prince throws you to his dogs."

A loud bang echoed through the room. "Murray, see what that is," Kristin ordered.

There was no more speaking after that. Jensen strained in his ropes -- who the hell knew how to tie knots this well? He couldn't see anything behind the blindfold. The silence was broken by a deep growl. The hairs rose on the back of his neck. That... that actually sounded like a real dog. How far did Eric plan to take this? Then the screaming started. He jerked in his seat at the sounds. If he didn't know better, he's swear he was listening to someone being murdered -- the thumps and the squish and the moans.

Then he could only hear silence.

Large hands touched his cheek gently and Jensen jerked away, startled. He hadn't heard the person approach at all, no footsteps on the floorboards, nothing.

"Shh." The hands removed the blindfold and the gag, and Jensen looked up at Jared.

A single light bulb illuminated the damp basement. It hung behind Jared's head, so Jensen couldn't get a read on his expression. Red liquid dripped from his mouth. "J- Sam?" he gasped, correcting himself at the last moment.

Jared knelt beside him and began working on the knots on his legs. Jensen would rather he work on his hands, but didn't say anything. Suddenly it crystallized for him, all the hinting at Sam's secret, the growling, something Jared had said at the Halloween party. "You're a werewolf." he said, incredulous.

Jared ducked his head, then stopped what he was doing to reach up and cup Jensen's face between his hands. Jensen was grateful he was still tied up. "Dean, I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Eric stood in the doorway to the right and behind Jared, probably recording this moment for posterity. Jensen also saw a body lying just beyond Jensen's feet -- it looked like Chad and his chest was also covered in red liquid, meant to be blood. Absently he wondered what they used for the effect. Jensen looked back to Jared and realized that they were having two separate conversations here.

"I didn't exactly give you the opportunity to tell me," Jensen admitted. Dean had been so adamant about being a killer of supernatural beings that no werewolf would trust him. And Jensen never gave Jared the chance to explain he was dating Sandy. "I'm sorry," he said. It needed to be said. He hoped Jared could see past his character, see the apology for what it really was.

"There's more." Jared's thumbs rubbed circles on Jensen's cheeks and he squirmed in the seat. Why did Jared insist on touching him?

"Oh God, what else?" Jensen asked.

Jared smiled, not his usual grin, but something not quite there. "Okay, this is going to sound a little crazy, Dean, but well, here goes. I came to Springfield looking for you."

"What?"

"When I was a child, my father found out I was a werewolf and gave me to a tribe for safekeeping. He couldn't keep me with him, not with what he did. He apparently told my older brother that I had been killed by vampires."

Jensen took it back, he was just going to kill Eric. Eric, who had known about the origin story Jensen had created for Dean -- raised by a vampire hunter father, after his younger brother and mother had both been killed by vampires -- and worked Jared into the story. "That's impossible," he said.

"Dean, I am your brother." Jared's lips twitched as he fought not to giggle.

He would have shared in the giggles, even he could appreciate a Star Wars moment. But Jared was still caressing his face and Jensen thought back immediately to that kiss, that moment Jared pushed him away. Aware that Eric was listening to every word (and possibly others, who knew who lurked in the hallway?) Jensen said, "Oh God, that's why at the party..."

Jared nodded. "Yes, that's why. You're my older brother, Dean. I couldn't..."

Was that the only reason? Jensen wanted to ask. But he couldn't, there was Sandy now. And he had acted like a first class ass. He slumped in his chair and didn't say anything else while Jared cut through the ropes. Jensen stretched and stood. He patted himself down and pulled the fake knife from under his pants leg. "We're in this together now. Those vampires are going down."

Jared's eyes gleamed, "I already took out one of them." He jerked his fist over to Chad's 'body.'

"Good job. C'mon, we have work to do."

Eric congratulated them on a game well played. Jensen agreed, it had been a rather spectacular way to end the semester.

Eric had done it once again, blown their minds with something incredible. And everyone was waiting out in the hall to congratulate them when they emerged from the basement. Jensen felt himself blushing at the cheers.

"Jensen." Sandy touched his arm.

"I'm sorry," he mouthed, bending to give her a quick hug. It was only a start, he knew he wasn't quite ready for their former closeness, but he knew he had to forgive her, eventually.

Chapter 8

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us, honey?" Mom asked, pausing in the hall as she put on one of her earrings.

Jensen looked up from the TV. "I'm fine Mom, I'd rather stay in. I think I'm catching a cold." He sniffled for full effect.

She came over and gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead. "Have some tea and rest up then. We won't be out too late."

"Tell Aunt Kim I said 'Hi'." Jensen walked her to the door where his dad held both of their coats. For once on New Year's Eve, he'd have the house completely to himself. His sister had gone to a friend's house to spend the night and his parents would be at Aunt Kim's until one AM at least. He could do whatever the hell he pleased and not have to worry about making small talk with relatives he didn't particularly like at the moment. And he wouldn't have to answer any uncomfortable questions or try to stay away from Uncle Matt.

And nobody would complain that he spent all his time on the computer. Jensen went into his room and booted it up, thrilled to not have to fight for time on the internet. These month long winter breaks were getting harder and harder to deal with. He didn't want to share his space or his time with his family; he wanted to be out on his own. Soon, he thought. Soon.

He could hear the TV from his room and left it on so the house wouldn't feel so empty. When it got closer to midnight he'd switch it to the Dick Clark rebroadcast from New York. He'd count down the minutes and hope that everyone had managed to patch their Y2K problem in time and the world wouldn't be ending at midnight. Just in case, he logged onto IRC and planned on ringing in the new year online with most of his college buddies.

Shortly after logging in, he got a PM from JPad. Jensen smiled and opened up the separate window.

They hadn't really talked after the final LARP of the semester. For once Jensen really was busy. He had to fit in his commitment to campus computing while studying for finals, finishing papers and prepping for his final lab practical. He didn't remember sleeping at all the last day on campus. Once he got his dad's van loaded -- and he definitely took his computer home this time, no way was he going a whole month without it -- Jensen fell into the passenger seat and slept though the entire trip.

//Happy New Year// Jared's words came across his screen.

//Not for another three hours// Jensen typed back.

//Fine. Happy New Year's Eve. I'll say it again after midnight//

//If we don't suffer a catastrophic power failure by then.//

//Dude, it's already the year 2000 in Europe. I think the world would have ended by now.//

Jensen laughed. //You're right.//

//What are you doing online?//

//Where else would I be? What are you doing online? You actually have a girlfriend.// It hurt to type, but he had resolved to be a better sport.

//Who lives in California.//

Jensen checked to see if Sandy was online too. She wasn't, though his floormates were all hanging out in the same IRC room. He dropped them a quick "Hi" then went back to the window with Jared.

//Look, man, about Sandy, I didn't know you were interested in her. If it wasn't for the whole Sophia thing...//

//I'm NOT interested in Sandy// Jensen typed and hit enter before he registered the rest of Jared's message. //Wait, what Sophia thing?//

The screen remained blank for a bit and Jensen felt his face heat. He could hear Prince singing "Party like it's 1999..." from the speakers on the TV.

//Sophia was really pissed off cause she thought Sandy liked Chad. Murray, not Lindbergh. Sandy thought if she started dating someone quick Sophia would back off. And she did.//

//Wait, wait, wait// Jensen typed quickly. //You're not really dating?//

//I thought we'd pretend. Sandy's amazing. If something happened for real, I wouldn't mind. But man, I don't think she likes me like that.//

Jensen's hands were frozen on his keyboard. All that rage, all that pushing both of them away and for nothing. Was that what Sandy had come to tell him at his townhouse? Maybe if he hadn't deleted every single one of her emails he might have known this before.

//Jensen? you still there?//

//yeah// he managed to type back.

//If you're not interested in Sandy, who were you jealous of?//

Oh crap. Jared had hit on the problem with Jensen's constant denial of being in love with Sandy. //I wasn't jealous.//

//I don't know man, you were doing a pretty good impression of my teenage sister when her boyfriend kissed her best friend.//

//Jared...//

//Why'd you kiss me, Jen? At the Halloween party? Don't blame it on the game, Dean doesn't strike me as being gay.//

//But I do?// Jensen typed.

//Well, if you go around kissing guys...//

//One guy.// He hit enter and held his breath.

//You should have told me.//

//I'd hoped that kissing you would have the same effect.//

//I thought it was just the stupid game! I thought you were mocking me cause of how I kept flirting with you!//

//You were flirting with me?// Jensen sat back astonished. No way.

//I don't know why you haven't noticed that out of our entire circle of friends, you're the only guy I hug. I also don't play footsie with Chad.//

The play, Jensen thought Jared was just stretching his legs. //You asshole. You should have told me.//

//Now we're even.//

He had one important question to ask. Jensen swallowed and looked at the time display on the computer. Well, if the world ended at midnight, what did he have to lose? He grinned and typed back //Do you still wanna flirt with me?//

//I'd like to do more than flirt.//

That's when Jensen slipped off of his seat, did a little victory lap around his bedroom and then dropped back in front of the computer. //Ok.// He typed back. //We should hang out. You're what, five hours away?//

//Four if I'm driving.// Jared typed back. And then //Yeah, yeah, we really should hang out.//

//Awesome :)// Jensen threw a little smiley face in there, though it alone could not convey the sheer joy he was getting from this conversation.

//Wanna chat till midnight? See if the world goes boom?//

//I've got nothing else better to do.//

***

"Dear Sandy,"  

Jensen stared at the white text standing out in harsh relief against the black background. He had to write this email, had to make things right between him and Sandy. Part of him still held on to his anger -- she got to kiss Jared in public, she got to pretend to be his girlfriend while Jensen would never be able to do that, to be out among his friends. Another part of him felt he deserved to know before they had pulled that little stunt in the Dining Hall. The more rational side knew he hadn't given them the chance, he hadn't had access to email over the break, and, at his aunt's house, he had also been out of phone reach.

He flexed his fingers over the keys and finally typed, "I'm sorry. Jensen." Then sent the email.

"Jensen!" His sister's voice made its way up the stairs. He quickly signed off so he could tell her she could have the damn internet but then she shouted, "Your friend is here!"

Jared. He was early, Jensen looked at the clock, by an hour at least. He swallowed and ran a hand through his hair. Though he had put his contacts in that morning, he tried not to look like he was obviously dressing up. As far as his parents were concerned, Jared was just a close friend. And he didn't want Jared to think this was a date. Jensen wasn't even sure what this was, other than just hanging out.

He took a deep breath, then calmly walked down the steps and grinned at Jared. Did the guy get taller in the two weeks since Jensen had last seen him? He looked larger than life in his oversized hooded sweatshirt and baggy jeans. Jensen swore those shoulders got broader, that body filled out more than last month. Jared grinned, dimples fully in force.

"Hey," Jensen said. "I see you've met my sister."

"Hard to miss," Jared said.

"I'm standing right here." Mackenzie pouted. "How long have you known my brother?"

"Since September, when I started at Springfield." Jared shrugged.

"You're only a freshman?"

Jensen came down the last set of stairs and poked her in the arm. "Don't you have homework to be doing?"

"Not fair! You don't have school for another week," she grumbled, going back up the stairs. She waved at Jared before disappearing into her room.

Jensen turned back to his guest and let the grin creep onto his face. "Hey."

Jared laughed. "Hey."

"Uh, thanks for driving all the way out here." Jensen rolled his eyes. That sounded lame even to his own ears. "Do you wanna go grab something to eat?" Food was always a safe bet with Jared.

"Sure, can I put my stuff down somewhere?" Jared gestured to the duffel bag at his feet.

"Uh, yeah. My room. C'mon, I'll show you. You brought stuff to stay over?" Jensen turned back up the stairs to lead Jared to his bedroom. He was glad Jared couldn't see the flush rising in his cheeks. Jared was spending the night. He felt almost giddy with excitement.

Jared set the duffel, which looked pretty heavy, down easily at the foot of Jensen's bed. Jensen watched him do a twirl and check out the room. Jensen didn't think it was anything special -- bed, dresser, computer desk with his baby set on top, a row of bookshelves along one wall filled with alternating roleplaying and biology books. "No posters of half-naked anime chicks?" Jared asked, flicking the empty walls.

"I took 'em all to school." Jensen rubbed his forehead, slightly embarrassed. How did he explain his fascination for magical girl anime if his preferences swung the other way?

"Food?" Jared asked.

"Oh yeah, c'mon." Jensen led him to his car, a beat up old Chevy that he and his brother both learned to drive on. Mac would also start on this car, but she asked for a new one for her graduation and Jensen thought she might actually get it, most likely due to the fact that this car was on its last legs. "That yours?" he pointed to the shiny blue Suburban parked next to his parents' driveway.

"M'dad's," Jared shrugged. "He let me borrow it for the trip."

"Nice." Jensen unlocked the doors to his car. He grinned at Jared's folding himself up to fit in the compact car. "Next time we'll take your truck."

"Good idea," Jared said. He tightened his seat belt. "Your parents?"

"Oh, you'll have the joy of meeting them later. They're both at work now. If my mom goes for your cheeks, duck."

"Which ones?"

"Asshole," Jensen shot back, reaching out with one hand to sock Jared in the arm. He pulled out into the street. "Burgers okay?"

"More than okay."

They ended up at Cliff's, where the burgers were the size of Jensen's head. Check that, he thought, diving into his burger, they were at least the size of Jared's head.

"Finally." Jared all but hummed around his own burger. "Some decent portions."

Jensen laughed. "Stock up. We're going back to the crappy food in a week."

Jared frowned. "I've already gone through most of my meal plan."

"You should ask Danneel for some of hers, she never uses it all." Jensen stared at his plate, aware he was treading on dangerous ground.

"Jensen..."

"Yeah, I know, I was shitty to her. I'll figure something out when we get back." He had a lot to figure out when they got back. Jensen still didn't know what he was going to say to Sandy, never mind explain his sudden change of heart to his other friends. And he still didn't know what would happen between Jared and him. And oh yeah, his last semester of college ever, with hopefully grad school on the horizon.

"You're human," Jared said. Grease ran from his fingers down the backs of his hands. Man, that guy really got into his food. "You're allowed to fuck up every now and then."

"There's no saving roll for it though," at Jared's confused look, he clarified, "There are no do overs. I can't take back what I said."

"Isn't she supposed to turn the other cheek anyway?"

Jensen's lips quirked. "Which ones?"

Jared burst out laughing and just like that, they fit again. Jensen felt the awkwardness melt away. This he knew. This was Jared, his goofy partner in crime, the guy who plotted LARP scenarios with him, who acted out being a werewolf, who could laugh loud enough to soften a room and who could get wrapped up in his studies to the point where only Jensen could lift him out. It felt good to have him back.

***

They ended up sitting in front of the downstairs TV playing Street Fighter 2 on the old Super Nintendo. This was after spending precious moments trying to figure out how they could play Starcraft together. Jared had brought his iBook.

"Can a Mac and a PC even talk to each other?"

"Dude, just let me connect to your internet and we can play on battlenet."

"My parents have AOL. Only one computer can be online at a time."

"Well, crap."

Jared suggested a hub and splitting the connection, but neither felt like venturing out in the storm to see if they could find the equipment anywhere. Jensen pulled out the old SNES and hooked it up. "I'm not ready for the N64 yet," he said, "I'm waiting for the next big thing."

"Not a Dreamcast?" Jared sat on the couch, slouching like he normally did, his legs sprawled out to either side.

Jensen entertained a brief fantasy of sitting between those legs, of having Jared bracket him on either side. He swallowed hard and bit his lip to dampen the sudden flush of arousal. What if Mackenzie walked in? Or worse, one of his parents?

So he just sat next to Jared, pulling both controllers with him. Jared's hands dwarfed the tiny thing -- they really needed to make those bigger. Jensen let his legs slide out, until one was just under Jared's and they touched. Jared gave him a smile and then selected his character.

"Do you think Ken and Ryu had a thing?"

Jensen whipped around. "What?"

"I mean, something has to explain that rivalry. Maybe unparalleled sexual tension?"

"I told you to drop that woman's studies class..."

"I'm trying to bring up the subject..." Jared started.

"And doing a shitty job of it. I am not Ken."

"Thought the hair made me Ken by default?" Jared shook his hair back in a Fabio-flounce and Jensen had to laugh. Jared grinned. "It's nice to hear you laugh."

Jensen looked down. It felt like he hadn't laughed in a long time.

"Don't stop," Jared said and then jumped him.

"Damn it!" Sandy must have told Jared that he was ticklish. Jensen squirmed under Jared's relentless fingertips, until he rolled off the couch in an attempt to escape those nimble hands. Jared followed, and Jensen dodged, rolling onto the controller wires and getting caught up. "Now I have you!" Jared said in a deep super-villain voice.

Jensen decided it was time to play dirty and tickled back, catching Jared just under the armpits. Jared snorted and fell backwards. Jensen was just about to press his advantage and climb on top of Jared when his mom's voice broke into their laughter.

"Having fun?"

Jensen coughed and sat up. He needed to get some time to pull himself together. "Hi, Mom. This is Jared. Jared, this is my mom."

Jared wheezed and waved. "Nice to meet you ma'am." He dragged himself to his feet, all flushed with exertion. Jensen was sure a similar blush darkened his own cheeks, but not for the same reason.

"Nice to meet you, too. It's about time Jensen brought home one of his college friends."

"To be fair, ma'am, I'm the only one who lives close enough to drive up." Jared gave her his best grin. Of course he would completely charm Jensen's mother. Jared was a good Texas boy and he could lay on the "aw, shucks" charm like no other. It was part of what attracted Jensen to him; Jared reminded him of home. Or maybe, he felt Jared was home. Jensen tried mulling that over in his mind and decided to think about it later.

"Well, we're glad you're here. Did you boys get dinner?"

"We went to Cliff's," Jensen said.

"But I can always eat again." Jared grinned.

Jared continued to be his charming self throughout dinner. He passed the butter when asked, complimented Jensen's mama's cooking, and politely answered his dad's questioning about his classes and career plans.

"If you're a freshman, how'd you meet?" Mackenzie asked.

"I saw a flyer for a campus event." Jared looked over to Jensen for help. "Jensen was there."

Now this was a pickle. Jensen's parents knew he gamed, they just really didn't know the specifics behind the LARP. Jensen really didn't want to go into it right now and he was glad Jared -- for once -- was subtle.

"Oh, was it one of those coffee houses?" Mama asked. "You mentioned those a while back when I came up for Parents' Weekend that one time. That nice girl was running it, what was her name? Danielle?"

"Danneel, Mom," Jensen said. Man, it was like the ghost of Danneel haunted him today. "She's still around. I'm just not involved with that group anymore. Didn't really have much in common with them."

The conversation moved on from there, and then Jared helped clear the table. It was Mackenzie's turn to load the dishwasher, so Jensen stole Jared away and they sneaked back up to his room.

"Uh, where am I gonna sleep?" Jared asked, dropping onto Jensen's twin bed.

"Oh, lemme show ya." Jensen pushed Jared's legs out of the way and pulled out the trundle bed from underneath his. "I used to have a lot of friends sleep over in High School. They made Josh's room into an office for my dad, so unless you want the pullout couch downstairs, this is your best bet. Oh, I need to find the extra sheets." Jensen stood and began shifting through his dresser drawers, wondering if he had a set here or if he had to go look in the linen closet.

The wind wailed outside, the storm getting steadily worse. He was glad Jared had missed the worst of it, and could sleep safely here. They were having such weird weather -- colder than usual with the freak ice storm out of nowhere.

"So, they don't know," Jared said, his voice quiet, almost a whisper.

Jensen stopped sorting through his drawers. "I wasn't sure myself till a few years ago." He turned around and leaned back against the dresser. "Does it bother you?"

"Jensen, I'm here, aren't I?" Jared stood and got close, so close Jensen could feel the heat coming off of his body. Jensen looked up -- oh how strange to have to look up at someone -- Jared's face coming closer, his pink lips shiny. Jensen shut his eyes and let Jared close the distance, let him be the one to do it, to touch his lips to Jensen's. Jared moved quickly, a tiny peck, lips meeting once, then pulling away.

Jensen licked his lips, savoring the taste of Jared left behind. He reached out to grab Jared around the waist, to hold him there between Jensen's spread legs. "Don't, don't go anywhere."

"I've never, not with a guy," Jared whispered.

"Are you sure?" Jensen asked. "I mean, we don't have to, I'm not pressuring you, am I?"

Jared laughed, his voice husky, it sent a shudder down Jensen's spine. "Do you know how hard it was to push you away at Halloween? I grabbed your arms and I wanted to pull you closer."

Jensen slipped his fingers under Jared's shirt, thrilled to be touching soft skin, thrilled to be allowed to touch. "I thought I was being so obvious. I thought everyone knew how I felt about you."

"Sandy knew?" Jared had cupped Jensen's face between his hands again, rubbing his fingers against Jensen's five o'clock shadow.

"Why'd you think I was so pissed at her?" Jensen shrugged, looking away, or trying to, but Jared forced his gaze up.

This time when their lips met, they both opened to each other. Jensen leaned back, resigned to being the 'girl' at the moment, since he was the shorter one. He let Jared control the kiss, catching his fingers in Jensen's hair as they devoured each other. Jared nipped at Jensen's bottom lip, sucking it between his teeth and holding Jensen as his prisoner. All Jensen could smell was Jared, feel his warmth, taste his slick mouth. He gripped Jared's waist tighter, as he grew hard in his jeans. He didn't want to scare Jared, but the temptation to grind his groin against Jared's was almost too much.

Then, "Jensen!" his sister called.

Jared sprung away, his face flushed, lips wet and hair wildly mussed. His eyes opened wide and he stared at Jensen, realizing how close they were to getting caught.

"What do you want, Mac?" Jensen shouted back, adjusting himself quickly, his erection painful against the zipper.

"Do ya’ll wanna watch the movie with me and Mom?"

Jensen rolled his eyes and gave a half smile to Jared. "I'm sorry..."

"It's all right. It's not the best place." Jared shrugged. "When we get back to Springfield..."

"Hell, yeah," Jensen muttered.

"I need to...I should break it off with Sandy first. It's not like she's really my girlfriend, but, I kinda learned my lesson about not talking to my friends."

Jensen smiled. "Yeah, I think you're right." But he was definitely going to be looking forward to returning back to school. The Spring semester couldn't begin fast enough.

Chapter 9

Jensen wished that Spring semester meant spring weather. Winter would hang on for another two months at least, keeping the campus draped in snow and under frigid air. He didn't complain about the cold this time, helping his father carry his computer back up the townhouse steps. No, he wanted to see Jared too badly, to pursue what they had begun in his bedroom back in Texas.

Sleeping with Jared only a few feet away had been sweet torture. Jensen had turned on his side and watched as Jared curled onto the twin bed, somehow fitting his tall frame into the small surface. So much of Jared's life had to be twisting himself to fit. Jensen knew how that felt, even if he was four inches shorter. Sometimes he felt like he was squeezing himself into so many molds, being someone for his parents, someone else for his friends and yet a third person for his professors. With Jared, all that faded away.

He had reached out once, when Jared's snores echoed throughout his bedroom, and let his hand sit next to Jared's on the bed. Jensen didn't want to be cheesy or sappy, he wasn't a goddamn girl. But he wanted to touch, to feel that connection. He hoped Jared felt that way too.

"Are you all set?" Dad asked before leaving, doing one last sweep of the van to make sure everything was out.

"Yeah, just gotta hook up my computer. Thanks, Dad." Jensen gave his dad a quick hug before he left. God, what would his parents say if he told them about Jared? About how Jensen really felt about the nice Texan boy he had brought home?

He couldn't deny who he was anymore. He remembered the first time he looked at gay porn on the internet. His roommate at the time -- was that Justin or Andy? -- had gone home for the weekend and Jensen had taken advantage of the connection and the privacy to explore his sexuality in peace. Of course, he didn't think of it that way, he started looking for porn in general. He had never found anything that really did it for him. Nothing that made him hard enough to pound nails or make him want to fist his dick until he came so hard he hit his chin.

Until he found that one site and saw that guy on his knees before another, bigger dude. The big guy had his hand on the other's head, wrapped in his hair, just hanging on for the ride. The other one looked like sucking that cock was the most delicious thing in the world. He had his hand on his own dick, getting off just on the taste of it. Before he knew it, Jensen had his own prick out, and two tugs later had ruined one of his favorite t-shirts.

After that, he stopped denying it, to himself at least. Sandy figured it out, especially once his interactions with Danneel turned unbelievably awkward. He had to stop going to Campus Christian meetings, not able to take the constant denigration of anyone different. At home, his pastor talked about God loving everyone, that everyone sinned, and the point of faith was to trust in that love. He didn't feel loved whenever he hung out with Danneel and her Campus Christian friends, too aware of how they would act if they knew about him, so he stayed home instead of meeting her at a coffee house like he said he would. Jensen couldn't tell her why, couldn't let anyone know.

He connected his computer, a sudden thought causing his heart to beat loudly in his chest. He hadn't told Jared not to tell anyone. He wasn't ready to tell his friends. They would get all weird about it, treating Jensen differently, as if announcing he was gay meant he would suddenly be fashionable or watch Will and Grace, or like crazy flashy things. He straightened and caught sight of his sparkly Sailor Moon posters. Well, two out of three wasn't bad.

The phone rang, breaking him out of his meandering thoughts. Jensen grabbed the receiver. "Hello?"

"Jen?" Jared had started using that nickname in Texas. Normally Jensen hated when anyone shortened his name. He had gone on several tirades against it freshman year. But from Jared's lips the name sung with affection, not of the derision he usually expected.

"Yeah. You're back?" He hoped his voice didn't sound too eager over the phone.

"Just got in. I, uh, haven't talked to Sandy yet. I'm going to go stop by her dorm."

"Oh." Right, they had to get that settled out of the way. "None of my floormates are back yet."

"Oh." Jared paused. "If she's not in I'll come right over."

"I'm not going anywhere. Bring food!" Jensen grinned as he hung up the phone. He went back to putting his clothes away and changing the sheets on his bed. It never hurt to be prepared. Jensen smoothed out the top sheet, wondering if this made him look too contrived.

Damn it, this was Jared. He shouldn't be straightening up, or messing around with sheets. Things didn't have to change. They'd still eat, play games and wrestle, but maybe they'd kiss too, and the wrestling would turn to something else.

The phone ringing got him up again and he nearly answered with a demand for Jared to get his ass over there. But Jared wasn't on the other end of the line. It was Sandy.

"You asshole."

"Hi Sandy," he said.

"Oh, Jensen, I'm so happy for you."

That was totally NOT the reaction he expected when he picked up the phone. "What?"

"I'm still pissed off." Now that met with his expectations. "But you two...I think you're meant to be together."

"Christ, Sandy, this isn't a romance novel," he let the humor creep into his voice. It felt so good to talk to her again.

"No, because if it was, I'd get to watch."

"Sandy!" he squeaked into the phone. His cheeks flamed with embarrassment.

Thankfully the doorbell rang. "Did you send Jared over here?"

"Oh yeah, he couldn't wait to leave."

"Sandy, thank you. Just...please don't tell anyone, not yet," he whispered into the phone.

She sighed. "You can't hide forever."

"Just a little bit longer," he promised. Then he ended the call and all but skipped down the stairs.

Jared stood there with a tower of styrofoam containers in one hand, his messenger bag slung over one shoulder and snow flakes melting off the yarn of his fuzzy hat. "Hey."

"Hey." Jensen smiled. He gestured to the food. "Didn't you bring me anything?"

Jared laughed and followed Jensen back up. They made a little picnic on the floor of Jensen's room, spreading out the containers and eating sloppily with their hands. Jensen had just turned the fridge back on, and the Mountain Dew they had was syrupy warm.

"I'll get dinner next time," Jensen said. "I know how much you value your meal plan."

Jared laughed and wiped barbeque sauce off of his chin. Jensen curled his fingers in his lap, resisting the urge to reach out and rub off the last bit of sauce. What the hell, he thought and leaned forward. He brushed off the dollop of sauce and pulled away. Jared grabbed his hand and licked his finger.

Jensen took a deep breath. "Glad you didn't change your mind."

"You kidding? It was all I could think about."

Jensen stood and closed his door, switching the lock. "One of the bonuses of having my own room."

"These walls are pretty thin."

"That means we'll hear them when they get back." Jensen dropped back to the floor, crawling over to where Jared still sat.

Jared bit his lip. "God, you don't know what you look like..."

Like Jared was the one to talk. Jensen stopped him with his lips, tilting his head just enough so their noses didn't bump. Jared closed his eyes and opened to him, kissing back. This time Jensen pressed forward, controlling the pace, devouring Jared's mouth, tongue licking against his lips, and into his mouth. Jared slipped his hands under Jensen's shirt, his fingers hot against Jensen's skin.

Jensen pulled back, nipping at Jared's chin. God, he loved the feel of that strong jaw, loved how the texture of the stubble felt against his tongue. Jared moaned softly. He tugged Jensen's shirt up, fingers sliding along his torso and up past his ribs. Jensen gasped, the fleeting touch was just shy of ticklish. "I want to touch you everywhere."

Jensen knew where he wanted Jared to touch. His erection pressed painfully against his jeans. He wanted to tackle Jared onto the bed, to thrust hips against hips until they both creamed their pants. But he also wanted to take it slow, to let Jared touch him everywhere, to explore Jared in turn, taste his skin, see if he really was big everywhere.

"I don't know what to do," he confessed.

Jared smiled. He pulled one hand from underneath Jensen's shirt to palm his jaw, pulling Jensen's lower lip with his thumb. "We'll figure it out. I mean, it's sex, right? It can't be much different than with a girl."

"You mean you've..." Jensen caught himself before he could give any more away, but Jared caught it.

"You've never?" His eyes got impossibly wide.

Jensen shrugged and looked away. "Back when I was still dating girls I was just never interested in it. Didn't figure out why until recently."

"Well," Jared said, "At least it's something I've done before. I get to teach you something for a change."

"Are you sure you like guys?" Jensen realized how small his voice sounded and he hated it.

"Jensen!" Jared tilted his face up. "It's possible to like both guys and girls, you know. They even have a name for it. Bi-something."

Jensen made a face at him.

"Isn't it enough that I like you?" Jared asked. He leaned down and sealed their mouths together. Jensen made a noise in his throat and reached out to tug Jared closer, to feel him pressed up close and tight.

That's when they heard the clomping up the stairs. Thank goodness his housemates were as well behaved as horses. They broke apart and Jensen straightened his shirt. "Gotta say hi. But we will finish this."

Jared laughed. "We'd better! Playing Starcraft barely takes the edge off."

Jensen grinned then went to open the door. Mike and Tom were carting up boxes of crap. They didn't act surprised to see Jared there, but Jensen knew they had to be. It wasn't until Jared left for his dorm (damn it, foiled again!) that they questioned him.

His friends weren't the most articulate fellows, thankfully. Jensen and Mike were busy playing Bubble Bobble on the Dreamcast when Mike said, "You and Jared make up?"

"Yeah," Jensen said. "Over the break."

"Good."

And that was all he had to say about that.

***

Jared had made it to the classroom before him -- not surprising because his dorm wasn't at the ass end of campus -- and claimed one of the desks in the back of the room, up against the wall. He grinned when Jensen entered the room, his entire face lighting up. Jensen grinned back, his stomach fluttering at the sight of his boyfriend, though they hadn't really called each other that yet. They hadn't had a chance to do more than kiss before this first class together.

"Hey." Jensen slid into the seat beside him. "Why the back row? Worried the prof will call on you?"

Jared made a face at him. "I always sit in the back. I'm too tall; most people can't see over me."

"You," Jensen poked his arm, enjoying being able to touch, even if it wasn't the touch he wanted, "are too nice of a guy, Jared Padalecki."

"Oh really?" Jared's voice deepened. He bent so only Jensen could hear, "I'd like to show you exactly how not-nice I can be."

Jensen swallowed. The low words had gone straight to his groin, and he felt himself stiffening in his jeans. God, he wasn't a horny teenager anymore; he shouldn't be getting hard at nothing more than words. He cleared his throat. "I'm so holding you to that."

The door to the classroom slammed shut, throwing Jensen out of his Jared-induced haze. Their professor -- he assumed the tall woman with the head of messy curls in torn jeans and a corduroy jacket was their prof -- made her way to the large desk in the center of the room and tossed a leather satchel on to it. "Whew, that thing is heavy."

The class whispered and giggled before settling.

"In case you haven't guessed, I'm your professor. Dr. Graham. That's 'doctor': not 'misses', 'miss' or 'hey you.'" She opened the satchel and pulled out a stack of papers. "This is your syllabus. Know your syllabus. Live and die by the syllabus." Graham handed the stack to the student in the front row and gestured. The kid immediately started passing the stack out.

Jensen hadn't seen such a thick syllabus since his Organic Chemistry class; he hoped this one wouldn't prove as nightmarish. He flipped through the sheets and raised his eyebrows at the number of novels they were expected to read, never mind the short stories listed in the anthology. Did they sign up for a majors' class? He was sure this met the gen ed requirement.

"You'll notice that class participation is 30% of your grade."

The whispers got louder in the room. Jared raised his hand and Jensen looked over at him, wide-eyed. At the professor's nod he asked. "What exactly do you mean by participation?"

She grinned at him. "Good call. Most people think this is an easy A, you show up, you get noticed and bam! 30%. Class participation means that you're here, that you bring intelligent discussion on the readings -- and if you don't do the readings you might as well not show up that day -- and that you give two presentations on papers you've written for this class."

Now everyone took the opportunity to groan.

"The door is right there; drop/add goes on for another week. If you're looking for the easy A, this isn't the class for it. I'm sick and tired of students thinking literature is easy. Some of you are English majors, but according to my roster, most of you aren't. I expect the same quality of work from everyone." Graham crossed her arms and stared the class down.

Jensen froze as her gaze centered on him and Jared. Jared had his legs kicked out like usual, his calf rubbing up against Jensen's. He hoped she didn't think they were two practical jokers, sitting in the back like this. Jensen took all his classes seriously, although, honestly, he tended to relax a bit in the gen eds. Western Civ wasn't going to come up in the middle of a Physical Therapy session. Those were the only textbooks he sold back, the only notes he tossed at the end of the year. If not for Jared, he'd be tempted to drop this class right now. He didn't need this stress over his core classes.

He turned and Jared grinned. "She's so awesome," he mouthed.

Well, Jensen thought, at least now he knew how Jared felt.

***

"You know," Jared said. "Everyone we know is going to be at the ThIS meeting on Wednesday."

"Yeah?" Jensen wasn't really paying attention. He had a million books to buy for their literature class. They stood on line in the bookstore, debating on whether they could share the novels or if they really needed a copy each.

Jared got in front of him, leaning against the shelves. "So, that means none of your floormates will be in your dorm."

"Won't they notice us not being there?"

Jared waved a copy of Heart of Darkness.

"Not if we're busy studying."

"I like the way you think."

The first time, the plan worked perfectly. They snuck up to Jensen’s room, careful to avoid anyone they knew, skipping the dining hall and waiting until after the meeting time. Jensen tore off his coat before locking the door behind him.

Jared unwound his scarf, tugged off his hat, and dropped his own coat. He stood in the center of the room, his cheeks flushed from the cold. His fingers clenched and he breathed deep, chest rising as his eyes trailed down Jensen’s body.

Jensen broke first, stepping forward to slide his fingers under Jared’s shirt, eager to touch bare skin. He latched his lips against Jared’s neck, sucking gently at the soft skin there, nipping along his jaw line.

Jared groaned and wrapped his arms around Jensen, pulling them tight together. Jensen could feel Jared’s erection against his belly. His own strained against his jeans. He pushed Jared back until they both tumbled onto the bed. They had spent so much time like this, lips together, hands on smooth skin, but never gone any further than that, always interrupted by something – either the phone or one of Jensen’s floormates coming back.

Now they had time. Jensen couldn’t help himself; he gave into his impulse to grind against Jared, pushing his dick against his. He didn’t remember ever being this hard. He had Jared spread out on the bed, his for the taking. Jensen lost himself in the sensation, aware of nothing but Jared, the warmth of his body beneath him, the crisp scent of peppermint and musk, the soft threads of his hair ticking Jensen’s nose as he kissed and licked and nibbled.

“Easy.” Jared slipped a hand down between them; the first time Jensen had ever had anyone else touch him. It proved too much and he came, gasping and shuddering against Jared.

“Sorry, sorry,” he moaned.

“Just, lemme,” and Jared grasped Jensen’s ass, a globe in each hand and pulled him tight, thrusting up against him, dick poking Jensen’s hip until Jared too gasped and writhed.

Embarrassed, Jensen ducked his head underneath Jared’s chin, still shuddering from his orgasm. He felt Jared’s fingers comb through his hair gently.

“First time I ever tried this,” Jared said, his voice slightly breathless. “I came from putting the condom on.”

Jensen choked out a laugh against Jared’s shirt. He appreciated the story, even if it turned out not to be true. Trust Jared to know exactly what to say. Jensen pushed himself up. “I hope I have pants that fit you.”

Jared laughed. “I’ll just take off my boxers and go commando. Don’t think it’s soaked through to my jeans yet.”

Jensen let his head fall and just groaned.

The second time, Jensen planned for a little more finesse. Besides, Jared was much too tall to fit on the bed.

Jensen locked the door and pointed to the bed. "Sit," he said.

Jared dropped his coat on the floor. "I'm not actually a puppy, you know."

Jensen pulled off his coat and then his shirt. "Humor me."

Jared sat, leaning back on his hands, after adjusting himself in his jeans. He grinned as Jensen came forward, then gasped when Jensen dropped to his knees, settling himself between Jared's spread legs. "Jen, you don't have to."

He dropped a hand on either knee. "I want to." Jared didn't know how long Jensen had been fantasizing about this moment. He moved closer, taking in the strong smell of arousal, even through Jared's jeans. He placed a hand on the bulge in the crotch, grinning when Jared jumped at his touch. "Easy." He undid the buckle of Jared's belt, sliding it out of the way before attacking the button and zipper.

"Let me," Jared said, lifting his hips up.

"No, I want to..." Jensen couldn't look at Jared when he said it. "I want to suck you with all your clothes on, with nothing but your dick out."

"Damn, Jen." Jared closed his eyes. "Didn't know you had a kinky side."

"I'm the one who likes to roleplay, remember?" He pulled out Jared's dick, slipping it through the hole in his boxers. Later he'd explore all of Jared, learn every freckle and mole, find out exactly where he was ticklish. Now he just stroked that cock -- yes, Jared was indeed proportional -- marveling at how it jumped in his hand. He expected it to feel familiar, like his own dick in his hands, but Jared felt different, smoother and tighter, a bit more rounded at the crown.

"Jen, please."

"Shh," he breathed the sound over the very tip. For a split second, he couldn't do it. He stared at it, stroking the soft skin covering the hardness. This was wrong, dirty, shameful, bad, sinful, and oh god, he was so hard it hurt. His heart thumped loudly in his chest and each of Jared's breaths made tiny puffs of sound in the room. Jared's jeans scraped against his forearms, everything felt too real. Jensen leaned forward and took one lick at the very slit of Jared's cock. Salty bitterness sprang against his tongue. He bent and licked again, just under the ridge, tasting the smoothness.

Jared jerked upwards and nearly clocked Jensen in the chin. Jensen put an arm over each thigh. "Stay," he warned.

"Can't promise." Jared's voice had dipped in tone, rough and husky in the dimly lit room. They had left the light off and only sunlight filtered through the closed blinds.

Jensen wrapped his lips around Jared's cock, holding him down as best as he could. He couldn't imagine fitting that entire thing in his mouth, and porn had given little practical advice as to how to deep throat. He marveled as he sunk lower, this was Jared inside his body, each inch deeper into his mouth. Jared hardened further against his tongue. Jensen slid up and down, trying to get some sort of rhythm. He didn't want this to suck for Jared. Well, he wanted to suck in the right way.

"Use your hands," Jared directed, leaning back, his eyes tightly closed.

Who was the porn expert here? Jensen thought, but slid his right hand out and wrapped it around the base. This worked, he could balance better, hold Jared's cock and worship it as it deserved. It got wet and slippery fast, the scent of saliva and sweat overtaking his nose. Jensen risked lifting his other hand off Jared -- who had locked his muscles, holding himself stiffly to avoid thrusting up -- to wrench his own jeans open. He needed to touch himself, to relieve that pressure building up inside.

"Jensen," Jared moaned. "Gotta..."

Jensen hallowed his cheeks and sucked hard, working the length with his fingers. He felt it before the hot come seared his mouth, pumping out of Jared's cock in waves. He tried to swallow, but had to pull off, coughing as he milked Jared through the rest of his orgasm. Jared grabbed his shoulders and pushed him backwards onto the floor. Jensen didn't get a chance to protest before Jared latched onto his mouth, sucking and licking the come out of it. Jensen jerked his hips up, desperate for friction. "Jared..." he gasped when Jared let his lips loose for a moment to lap up the cream dripping from his chin.

Jared reached down and pulled on Jensen's dick. His fingers were too cool against his boiling cock. Jensen whimpered at the sensation -- it was too much. One stroke, maybe two, then he was coming, pulses of fluid drenching Jared's hand. Jensen moaned, burying his face in Jared's shoulder, trying to hide as he caught his breath.

"You okay?" Jared whispered, nuzzling Jensen's neck, his stubble prickling the sensitive skin. Jensen shuddered, his bare chest cruelly pressed against the scratchy fabric of Jared's shirt.

"Too much," he gasped, still not ready to look at Jared.

"Imagine when we finally manage to get completely naked," Jared whispered.

"Not sure I'll survive it." Jensen laughed.

***

"Okay, you have to tell me what whacked out plan you and Jared are cooking up."

Jensen looked up from his studying, sprawled out on his belly on his bed, his A and P text nestled between his forearms. Mike hovered in his doorway. They usually kept their doors open when they were all home, and not doing anything private. He frowned at Mike's words. "What?" He cleared his throat. "What do you mean?"

"You've missed two ThIS meetings in a row. First LARP is Friday. You have to be up to something. Tell me!"

"No way!" Jensen rolled off his bed. Honestly, they had no plan, but this was a good time to come up with one, quickly.

"You're no fun," Mike whined.

"Ignore him!" Tom's voice came from outside the room. "It's better off if we're surprised."

They really needed to come up with a plan. Jensen made a mental note to comb his Werewolf books for some ideas. Sam had to have some wolf buddies, right? Maybe he could use that. "You know we're taking this class together, me and Jared. It's a lot more work than we thought."

Tom came to stand beside Mike. "Thought you said you had Professor Graham?  She's all about the discussion."

"You have to actually read the books." Jensen grabbed his copy of Jane Eyre and thumbed through it. "I read one half, Jared reads the other and we give each other all the details."

"That the one with the guy who keeps his crazy wife in the attic?"

"Dude, you've totally just ruined this for me."

Tom laughed. "Starcraft?"

Jensen looked at the time. He was going to meet Jared in an hour for dinner. "Short match. Meeting Jared for dinner."

"He's totally using you for your meal plan," Mike went back to his room. "I call Protoss!"

"Hey," Tom said, "I'm glad you guys are talking again. You and Jared."

Oh yeah, they were doing so much more than talking. Jensen ducked his head, hoping the heat rising to his cheeks didn't translate into a full out blush. "Yeah. C'mon, let's gang up on Mike."

"I heard that!"

***

"We really should have come up with a plan," Jensen whispered to Jared. They knelt in the sparse bushes outside the student center, hiding from the vampires within.

"We were kinda busy," Jared whispered back.

"Boo!" Sandy's voice had them both jumping. "Chill out guys, I'm OOC."

Jensen pulled himself out of the bushes, dusting mulch off his jeans and really hoping the plants hadn't been defiled by any drunken frat boys recently. Jared followed. He grabbed onto Jensen's belt loops to pull himself up. Sandy raised an eyebrow. Jensen didn't meet her gaze, but Jared looped an arm around his shoulders, not afraid to show that casual affection. This was the first time the three of them had been alone together since they had gotten back from winter break. He wasn't quite sure exactly where they all stood.

"They haven't started yet. I think Chad is rolling up a new character." She shrugged. "Murray, not Lindberg."

Jared rubbed circles into Jensen's shoulders. "I didn't think he'd want to keep playing."

"He and Sophia are attached at the hip, kinda like you guys."

"Wait," Jared said, "Sophia and my roommate Chad are dating?"

"Hah, shows how much time you've spent in your room."

Jensen leaned back against Jared, offering some physical support. "So you don't have to pretend to be dating anymore?"

"I told Sophia we broke up over break," Sandy said. "Chad had already asked her out by then so she didn't really care. I don't know whether to be happy for her or to tell her to run for the hills."

"Hey, Chad's not a bad guy," Jared said.

"I wouldn't want to date him," Jensen said.

Sandy smacked his arm. "You're taken. You're totally taken, right?"

Jensen looked up at Jared, who grinned at him, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "Looks like," Jensen answered. "Just, don't tell anyone."

"Ooh, a secret romance."

"No, you cannot watch!"

She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, here's a secret note Dean is supposed to find." Sandy handed it out and Jensen took it. "Don't be strangers. I want to hear details."

Jared gripped him closer and then pulled away. "Would it really be so bad if our friends knew?" He asked as they watched Sandy walk back into the student center.

"Are you ready to tell your parents you're dating another guy? Do you really want the whole gay label over your head for the rest of your college career?" Jensen pulled away, unfolding the note.

"Don't make it sound like you're protecting me."

"I'm not ready, Jared. I can't..." I can't be that person, not yet. Jensen skimmed the note.

Jared touched his shoulders again. "I can wait. You know, we can't hide forever."

"Did that count as our first fight?"

"I think that was the time you insulted my major within five minutes of knowing me."

"Right." Jensen flicked the note. "Kane wants a secret meeting with Sam and Dean behind the administration building. We in?"

"Thank God someone else is showing some initiative."

"You know we could probably come up with something. It's not my fault every time I lock my door you get distracted."

Jared laughed. "C'mon, let's go meet Kane, big brother."

"Oh, do not even go there."

Kane wasn't alone. Steve waited with him, the two blending into the shadows, dressed in their raggedy Gangrel clothing, ripped jeans and long overcoats. They leaned against the wall of the old brick building, the ember of Kane's cigarette the only light. "Do we need to wave the white flag?" Kane called as soon as Jensen and Jared got close.

"What makes you think that will matter?" Jensen called back, wearing Dean's bravado like a shield.

"Thought you had honor, or at least your wolf-boy does."

Jared rumbled, that deep almost growl startling Jensen almost as much as Kane and Steve. How the hell did Jared manage that? "You're the ones who pervert the form of the Wolf," he challenged.

"Look." Jensen held out a hand, as if holding Jared back. Hah, if that were even possible. "What do you want?"

"I want a truce," Kane said. "You leave us alone, we'll clean up Claudia and her mess."

Jensen snorted. "How does that change anything? You'll still have the campus for your hunting ground."

"We know better than to kill where we feed," Steve finally spoke up.

"Like I'd let you go to kill again."

"Either you deal with us, or you don't get any help with taking down the Camarilla Prince who is on his way here as we speak."

Huh. Jensen stayed quiet for a moment. "You can't take down a Prince. You'll have a price on your head."

Kane grinned. "Like I don't already? Think about it, hunter. Meet us here next week with your decision." At Jensen's nod he added, "Okay, this is the part where we turn to mist and float away."

"You want to challenge me for that?" Jensen asked with a laugh, ready to defend his rock/paper/scissors honor. He threw scissors, and Kane countered with rock. Damn it. He went to play Steve and threw scissors again.  Who would predict he'd throw the same play twice in a roll? Apparently he'd played with these two too often. Steve threw rock as well. "I hate you guys."

"Next time," Jared said, "I play the challenge."

***

Jensen talked Jared into skipping anime night – even though it was Mike’s special fansubbed copy of Mononokehime – and used the time before Jared arrived to get everything ready. He had spread his comforter out along the floor of his dorm room. The space was small and narrow, but gave them much more room to maneuver than the tiny twin bed. His floormates wouldn't miss anime night with Mike running the damn thing, so Jensen would have plenty of time to explore Jared's body, not having to worry about someone returning from a ThIS meeting, eager to try out a new game or talk about LARP plots.

He locked the door behind Jared, like he always did, throwing the bolt, which clicked loudly into the silence of the room. Jensen turned and leaned against the door, just staring at Jared. The light from his desk lamp illuminated him, making the angles of Jared’s face stand out, looking harsher than they should. Jared slipped off his coat and tossed it onto the bed. Then he stripped off his sweatshirt, followed quickly by the t-shirt underneath, revealing the hard planes of his stomach. Jensen kept his back to the door, just drinking in the sight. He didn't know Jared hid such a strong physique underneath his baggy clothing, but he hadn't known Jared ran every morning until that morning in Texas, when he woke to find Jared gone from his bedroom. Jensen found him at the breakfast table, chatting with his mom, having already gone for his jog in the rain, his t-shirt plastered to his body. If Jensen hadn't lusted after Jared before, that would have clinched it.

"Your turn," Jared said, his hands stilling at his fly.

The heater along the window kicked in, filling the room with hissing and warm air.

Jensen tugged his shirt off. "You've already seen me without a shirt on."

"I don't want to be the only one naked here," Jared grumbled, slipping off his belt.

Jensen toed off his tennis shoes and stepped onto the comforter. He reached out to skim his fingers along Jared's torso, closing over Jared's hands over his fly. Jared leaned down and they kissed, soft open-mouthed nips at each other. "If," Jared said between kisses, "We don't. Stop. We'll never get naked."

Well, neither of them wanted to risk that. Jensen stepped back, fumbling at his buckle with trembling fingers. He groaned as his jeans slipped past his erection. He pushed his boxers off too, standing in nothing but his socks.

Jared dropped to his knees, clutching at Jensen's hips, thumbs rubbing into Jensen's skin. "You don't," Jensen started to say, but, oh, he wanted. Jared breathed on his cock, warm misty breath that caused his dick to jump. His heart thumped and Jensen struggled to control his breathing. So close, he thought.

"You have freckles on your dick!" Jared exclaimed. He looked up, hazel-green eyes wide under long eyelashes, his mouth parted in surprise.

"Not that many," Jensen grumbled, his arousal dampening a little. Trust Jared to find the weirdest thing about him. He jerked as Jared reached out to touch his tongue to each freckle. "Don't play connect the dots," he managed to ground out.

Jared chuckled, drawing away. He moved quickly, grabbing Jensen around the waist and in a move that would make the best pro-wrestler proud, had Jensen flat on his back on the spread out comforter. It wasn't fair, Jensen thought, that Jared was so much taller, so much stronger. He felt small and fragile, looking up at his boyfriend. That got him hard, Jared could hold him down, could press his full weight over Jensen and just make Jensen take it. He swallowed, baring his throat and letting Jared do his worst.

What Jared wanted to do, apparently, was map every inch of Jensen's body, with his tongue and his fingers by turns. "You're amazing," he breathed against Jensen's chest, lips inches away from his nipple, fingers tapping at the other. Jensen squirmed, arching up, looking for some contact on his untouched dick.

"Jared," he whispered, the name coming out like a plea. He hadn't known about Jared's touching fixation.

"Just let me," Jared pleaded, swiping his tongue down the center of Jensen's chest. "Your body is amazing."

"M'nothing special." Jensen threw his arm over his eyes, not wanting to watch.

Jared straddled him -- finally, finally -- and pulled Jensen's arm away from his face. "Don't you ever say that," he said, lowering himself with excruciating slowness. Jensen jerked up and gasped as his dick hit Jared's. He latched onto Jared's neck, breathing in the strong scents of sweat and arousal, and a touch of Jared's shampoo. "Yeah," Jared groaned, thrusting against Jensen, their hips stuttered together at first. It was messy and uncoordinated. Jensen couldn't quite get enough, each pass almost there, but Jared would slip-slide away.

Bracing himself, Jared began to thrust against the edge of Jensen's hip, hitting his cock on every other pass. Jensen took hold of Jared's arms, digging in so hard his fingernails left bruises. He threw his head back, hitting the floor as he thrust upwards, hot fluid coating his dick as Jared cried out. Jared's eyes squinted and he almost looked like he was in pain. Jensen changed his grip, tightening on the flesh of Jared's ass, holding him where he wanted so he could grind to his heart's content.

"Fuck, Jen," Jared said. "Want to be in you so bad..."

"Oh God," Jensen groaned and finally finally came, erupting between their bodies.

Jared rolled off of him, curling against Jensen's body in the bunched up comforter. He ran a large hand over Jensen's belly, through their mixed semen. Jensen liked that thought, their essences combined. Then he rolled his eyes at himself, thinking he had been watching way too much anime lately.

"Was that okay?" Jared said in a small voice.

Jensen turned and let Jared cuddle him in his huge arms. "Oh yeah."

"Every time we, you know, I keep thinking, I'm your first. What if I put you off sex forever?" Jared ran his hands down Jensen's back as he spoke, constantly touching as if he needed the skin-to-skin contact.

Jensen laughed at first, but then looked up to meet Jared's totally serious face. Sometimes he forgot that Jared was a lot younger than him. For all the experience he had, Jensen realized Jared still worried. "Hey man, that's not going to happen." He ran his fingers through Jared's hair, the strands soft between his fingers. "We're not ready for any of that weird stuff yet. I like this."

"Me, too." Jared tilted his head, enjoying the hair massage.

"Don't fall asleep, we should clean up before the guys come back."

Jared mumbled a bit of nothing and snuggled into the comforter. Jensen sighed. He'd go grab a damp washcloth and clean them both off. After tugging on his sweatpants, he stopped at the door and just watched Jared drowse. He let out little puffs of air, his lips pursing with almost snores. Like always, Jared curled his huge frame into a little ball, looking almost small on Jensen's floor.

"Totally not put off sex." Jensen laughed to himself and then ducked out to hit the bathroom, double-checking to make sure that no one else was around. He'd wake Jared up in an hour or so, and then kick him out. Maybe someday they'd make it through the night sleeping in each other's arms.

***

"So," Sandy said.

"So?" Jensen asked. They sat in the dining hall between classes. She had spotted Jensen heading back to his dorm and practically dragged him out to lunch. He still felt strange around her, stuck somewhere between angry and contrite.

"You planning anything special for Valentine's Day?"

He dropped his fork. It never occurred to him that he should have planned something. All the plotting he had been engaging in with Jared either involved the LARP or how to squeeze some more sex in while his floormates were out. There had been a spectacular episode in Jared's dorm when Chad was supposed to be out with Sophia. Chad had walked in before any clothes had been removed and they passed it off as practicing a scene for the LARP. Still, it was a really close call. "C'mon Sandy, do you really think Jared wants flowers for Valentine's Day?"

"No, but I'm thinking he might like some chocolate. Or maybe taken out for a nice dinner?"

She had a point but, "Not sure if you noticed, but I'm lacking in vehicular transportation at the moment."

"Borrow Lindberg's car."

"One: I value my life too much for that bucket of nuts and bolts and two: how exactly should I ask him for it? 'Hey Chad, let me borrow your car so I can take my boyfriend -- oh yeah, yeah I'm gay and dating Jared, no biggie -- out to dinner for Valentine's Day'! What do you think he'd say?"

"Knowing Chad, he'd drawl 'Thanks for telling me Jensen, here's the keys,'" Sandy did a darn good impression of Chad's slow voice. Jensen couldn't stop the twitch from turning into a grin.

"You're horrible, you know that?"

"So I've heard."

Now he really didn't feel like eating. Jensen covered his face with both hands, rubbing his forehead tiredly. "Sandy..."

"We have to talk about it."

"We don't have to."

She twirled her spaghetti around her fork, no mean feat with those undercooked noodles. "At first I couldn't believe you'd think I'd actually do that to you."

"I saw you kissing him right here in the dining hall. I come back home and it's like everything had changed. Everything I knew was wrong." Maybe he could try a fry. That didn't look like it would hurt. He dipped it in ketchup a few times, but didn't bring it towards his mouth.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Jensen. I just don't want this hanging over us anymore."

"And I'm sorry I didn't give you the chance to explain. Okay, we even now? Can we go back to, to life now?" He gave up on the fry and tossed it back onto his tray.

"And when you say 'life' you do mean plotting to do something nice for Jared?" She grinned.

He didn't deserve a friend like her, Jensen realized. Though the entire experience had taught him a rather thorough lesson in the importance of listening. He made a mental check mark on his self-actualization chart. Damn that freshman year psyche course. "Yeah," he said. "Maybe I should buy him candy or something."

"You are hopeless, absolutely hopeless."

"He's not going to want flowers!" Jensen protested again. They would figure something out. He looked up from his mean to grin at Sandy and saw movement out of the corner of his eye. "Crap, Danneel just walked in. Catch you later?"

"You'll have to talk to her eventually."

"Not if I graduate first," he grumbled, grabbing his tray and making for the trash, far away from the entrance to the food. Well, maybe scratch off some of those check marks then.

***

Jensen stalked the student center, filled with vendor tables brought in to hock stuff to poor students before the commercialized event otherwise known as Valentine's Day. He figured the main problem was that he had no real frame of reference. What did gay guys buy for each other? Was Jared even expecting something or would he be appalled at being the recipient of a gift? Jensen still wasn't completely convinced that Jared didn't see Jen as the 'girl' in their relationship. Not that Jensen had given him any reason to doubt that, what with all the neck baring and giving it up on his back going on.

Not that he minded, really. Jensen pulled at the collar of his coat. Did it get hot in here? Too bad he wasn't going to get the chance to get Jared naked any time soon. Even with canceling his Werewolf game -- to the consternation of his players, but frankly too bad, sex came before ten-sided dice -- Jensen still found it hard to sneak Jared up to his room without the others knowing. Last time they tried, Tom popped his head out and it degenerated into an impromptu Magic tournament. Really not what Jensen had planned.

He walked past the vendors with the bright red heart boxes. Candy was good, giant red hearts bad. Jensen wondered if Jared was expecting something more, maybe moving forward in their sexual escapades. They hadn't been dating that long -- man, it hadn't even been a full month yet. Should Jensen plan on celebrating their one-month anniversary? The anniversary of the first time they got naked? Why the hell was this Valentine's thing special anyway? This was why there needed to be a manual or something -- how to act in your first homosexual relationship with a guy who is technically bisexual but only had straight sex before you converted him to the dark side. That would be too long of a title though.

Sex made him stupid, he thought, stopping in front of a table with lots of stuffed animals and beanie babies. The girls of ZTA were sponsoring it. They grinned at him in their matching pink and green outfits -- come on, honestly?

"Want to get something for your girlfriend?" One of them asked.

Oh, he was so tempted to mention it was for his boyfriend instead. Jensen went to shake his head no, when he saw the cute grey and white wolf, sitting between a unicorn and some fuzzy bunnies. "Hey," he said, "I'll take this one." He grabbed the wolf, amazed no one had snapped it up before now.

"Would you like it gift-wrapped?" she pointed to a sign about the fundraiser and the gift-wrapping money going to a good cause.

Jared really didn't like any of the pink and red wrapping paper. "Do you have a bag I could put it in?"

Ten minutes later he left with the stuffed wolf safe in his backpack, although the poor thing was stuck in a glittery red paper gift bag. Oh well, Jared would appreciate the sparkles.

***

In the end, they ended up ordering dinner and camping out on Jensen's floor. On the other side of the window, snow drifted to the ground, threatening to stick, and ruin Valentine's Day for hundreds of college couples waiting outside restaurants for a table. Jensen ordered something that called itself barbecue, but in his mind, you didn't barbecue chicken and you didn't smother it in sweet sauce like this.

"Man, this makes me wish we were home. With real barbecue." Jared sighed over his wing, red sauce smeared all over his mouth.

"It's not bad though," Jensen said around his own mouthful.

Jared laughed. "Never saw you stuff your face like that."

Jensen blushed, thinking of another way to stuff his face. He licked sauce off of his finger, aware of how Jared stared, his eyes wide. Jensen slowed, sucking his thumb into his mouth to get every trace of sauce. Jared crawled closer, putting the take out boxes in jeopardy. He tilted Jensen's head up and leaned in for a kiss, sharing the tangy flavor of the chicken between them. Jensen moaned and opened his mouth, licking the flavor out of Jared's mouth.

"Where are your floormates?" Jared groaned, pulling back slightly. He kept his grip on either side of Jensen's face, fingers sticky against Jensen's skin.

"Went to the dining hall to get dinner," Jensen managed.

Jared leaned forward so that their foreheads were touching. "Not enough time."

"Well, we could be really quiet..." But even as he said it, Jensen knew neither of them would risk it. It was one thing for their friends to know about them someday, it was something else to be heard having sex.

He might have wished for a better V-Day for them. He even walked to the off-campus convenience store and bought a bottle of KY and some condoms, blushing the entire time. Jensen ended up stashing both items in his bedside drawer, stuffed in a sock so nobody could accidentally spot the incriminating items from a distance. Jared hadn't pushed for more, thankfully. Jensen liked the touching and the hand jobs and he really liked the blowjobs. He didn't want to tell Jared he was scared of taking that final step. It was just so intimate, the invasion of his body by another. Even though the thought of Jared doing that to him -- the image of Jared over him, pounding his ass into the bed -- was enough to keep Jensen awake at night, his cock hard and throbbing in his pajama pants. He wondered if the reality would feel as good as the fantasy.

"I have something for you." Jensen pulled away and reached under his bed. He pulled out the bright red bag and threw it towards Jared.

With a huge smile, Jared pried open the bag and laughed. "Is this supposed to be Sam all wolfed out?"

"I took one look at the puppy-eyes and thought of you."

"Aw, that's so sweet."

"Shut up." Jensen covered his face with one hand, feeling his cheeks burn.

"Hey." Jared grabbed Jensen's hand and pulled it away. "It's an awesome gift, thanks. I gotcha something too."

"Oh?" Jensen looked up.

Jared dragged his messenger bag over from the door and flipped open the top. He pulled out a gigantic bag of red Twizzlers. "You're always stealing mine, so I figured you liked them. Oh, and this." He handed over a tiny red envelope too.

Jensen took the candy and tore the bag open. He had several twists of the candy in his mouth before attacking the card. Jensen opened up the envelope and burst out laughing. "Where did you find Hello Kitty Valentines?"

"Mike got a package of crap from Japan. Those were in there and I asked if I could buy them off him." Jared shrugged. "Thought you'd get a kick out of 'em."

"Yeah, reminds me of the little cartoon ones we used to send in fifth grade." Jensen balanced the little card on his keyboard, in a place of honor. While he had his back turned, Jared wrapped his arms around his waist from behind, digging his chin into the back of Jensen's neck. "Did Sandy badger you into getting me a gift?"

Jared snorted. "She got you, too?"

"Jared." Jensen slid his hands over Jared's, twining their fingers. "If you want something more..."

"Jen." Jared's lips mouthed the words against his ear. "I love the wolf."

They pulled away when they heard what sounded like a herd of elephants bounding up the stairs. Jared grabbed the wolf and shoved it in his messenger bag, pulling the flap over it neatly. Jensen left his card on the desk, the Twizzlers right next to the keyboard.

"Yo, Jensen!" Someone pounded on his door.

Rolling his eyes, Jensen unlocked it. "We could have been studying."

"Studying barbecue chicken," Mike retorted, noting the take out on the floor. "You totally held out on us. We had to trek in the snow all the way to the dining hall..."

"Two miles, up hill both ways," Tom added. He unlocked his door, which was directly across from Jensen's. "Hey Jared."

"Uh, hey." Jared had his hands tucked into his pockets, his shoulders hunched over.

"You up for some Magic? Maybe Starcraft when you get back to your dorm?" Chad asked. He pulled open the fridge, tucking in some of the leftovers from the dining hall.

"Actually, I'm going to head back. Early class tomorrow." Jared went hunting for his coat.

"C'mon, they have to cancel classes. It's snowing really hard," Mike whined.

Jensen laughed. He picked up his own coat, which hid Jared's underneath. "I'll walk you over; I like the snow."

"Right, it never snows in Texas," Mike said.

"Never ever," Jared agreed.

They managed to get away, emerging from the townhouse entrance to the cold night. Snow fell in large clumps, snowflakes so large Jensen could have eaten them like candy. He kicked his way through the drifts, ruining the perfect smoothness that looked like cake icing. His tennis shoes were soon soaked. But he didn't care. Jared walked beside him, keeping in step. The snow glowed in the darkness, a bright white reflection, like two halves of a whole. They didn't meet many others on the campus, most had gone in for the night.

"I don't know what I'm doing," Jensen blurted. The feeling had been hovering all night, like heartburn caught in his chest. "I don't know how to date another guy."

Jared's arms swayed as they walked, catching Jensen's hand deliberately, fingers stupidly bare in the cold, but necessary if they wanted to squeeze in as much touch as possible. "I don't know how either."

Jensen tilted his head back, opened his mouth and tried to catch some snow. He slipped and Jared grabbed his arm to steady him. They stopped walking and just stared at each other, the light from one of the path’s lamps illuminating them both. Snowflakes ringed Jared's knit hat. "I think we're doing okay," Jensen whispered.

Jared let go of Jensen's arm and turned back, walking towards his dorm. Jensen waited a beat and then followed. "I can't get enough of you," Jared admitted. "I want to touch you all the time and tell everyone...but I can't."

Jensen risked grabbing Jared's hand, twining their fingers together. "I want that too. I wish we didn't have to hide. I wish I didn't think about getting caught and getting hurt..."

"Hurt?"

He shrugged. "Lots of people don't like the idea of two guys together." Some of those people were like his Uncle Matt, making snide comments behind closed doors. Others felt compelled to hurt and kill what they didn't like.

"Fuck 'em."

Jensen laughed. "I wish it were that simple."

"Jensen, I think right now we should worry about our classes, and the LARP, and figuring out how to sneak past your floormates. Can we save the world another night?"

He gripped Jared's hand tighter, though he could barely feel his fingers in the cold. "Yeah," he said. "I can do that."

***

The words floated across his computer screen. Jensen squinted, wondering if he needed to update the prescription on his glasses. Although he really didn't want to have to deal with all that entailed right now -- finding a doctor, ordering new glasses, getting them fitted. He hadn't written much, barely an introduction and some scattered thoughts with no resemblance to anything called a sentence.

A knock on his open door had Jensen looking up in gratitude -- God knew he needed the interruption. He grinned when he saw Jared standing there. "Hey! How'd you get in?"

"Your downstairs neighbor let me in." Jared shrugged. "What are you doing?"

"Working on that paper for Graham's class. Man, I don't think my brain can twist that way."

Jared dropped his bag on the floor, followed by his coat as usual. He came over to look at Jensen's screen. "What are you writing about?"

"I have some idea about Jane as outcast, you know, being an orphan and all. Then I want to compare her to the crazy lady in the attic."

"She's an outcast because she's crazy," Jared pointed out. He reached out and rested his hands on Jensen's shoulders, rubbing the tension out of them.

"Maybe Rochester has a thing for outcasts," Jensen went on. "Wasn't the first wife an orphan too? At least, wasn't she practically sold to him by her brother? Where did I read that?"

"Graham mentioned it. If you want to write that way, you should read Wide Sargasso Sea. It tells the story from the crazy lady's point of view. She's not that different from Jane."

"Wait, you read that?"

Jared stopped his massage for a moment. "Well, it sounded interesting when Graham talked about it."

"You are planning on changing your subject specialty to English, aren't you?"

"Would make my momma proud; she's an English teacher." Jared went back to working on Jensen's back, digging his thumb into a particularly tight knot.

Jensen made an embarrassingly loud groan; Jared was damn good with his hands. He closed his eyes and let his arms fall to his sides as he enjoyed the massage.

"Hey, what's with the orgasm noises?" Mike's voice came from the hallway.

Oh, shit, he had forgotten the door was open. Jensen's eyes flew open and he flushed a deep red. To his credit, Jared didn't move -- moving away would have been admitting to guilt. Jared just grinned and said, "I have the magic touch."

Mike gave them both a strange look. Then he grinned and said "That's why you're keeping him to yourself, Jensen?"

"I'm not, that's not," Jensen sputtered. "It's not like I'm hiding him in my room."

Well, not like he could admit to hiding Jared in his room. Jared eased off, giving his shoulders one last squeeze.

"Chill dude." Mike moved to the fridge, popping the door open. "You know, you guys have been missing a lot of ThIS meetings. And anime nights."

"This class is a killer, dude," Jared said.

"Seems like a lot of work for a gen ed. Why didn't you guys just take World Lit I? I heard that class was a total joke." Mike chugged out of an open bottle of Mountain Dew. Jensen made a mental note to make sure he didn't take a bottle without a sealed cap the next time he raided the fridge.

"It was the only class open," Jensen said. "And I need it to graduate."

"Why do you always have to do things the hard way?" Mike asked before going back to his room.

His words stuck with Jensen, long after Jared left to go to class.

***

"See if you can get Lindberg to lend you his car on Saturday," Jared said out of the blue on the way to class on Thursday.

"What?" Jensen had his train of thought derailed. "Why? What am I supposed to tell him?"

"Tell him we need to go out and buy me dice at the gaming store or something."

"Then he'd want to come with us," Jensen pointed out. He figured whatever Jared wanted it for, it was something they didn't want any of their friends to be in on.

"Tell him we're planning something good for next week's LARP?"

"Then we'll really have to have something good for next week's LARP!"

"Trust me, I'll figure something out."

"I'm glad someone's thinking here," Jensen had grumbled.

But the excuse had worked and Chad had given up his keys. "Remember," he said, "the volume on the radio doesn't work. Don't be surprised if you go over a pothole and the station changes. Oh, and you kinda have to jiggle the gearshift to get it out of reverse."

"Thanks Chad, I think," Jensen had replied, not eager to wrestle with Chad's beast of a car.

He met Jared in the parking lot. Jared had the same duffel bag he had taken to Jensen's house slung over one shoulder, along with his messenger bag on the other. "You sure about this?" Jensen asked. "Lindberg's car is kinda famous for breaking down. A lot."

Jared flashed him a grin. "Why do you think I didn't ask Sophia for hers?"

"I can't abscond with his car, dude," Jensen protested. He scanned the student lot, looking for the dingy faded blue of Chad's Dodge Aries. He found it parked at the very end of the lot. The driver's side door wasn't even locked. Well, who the hell would want to steal this piece of crap anyway? Oh wait, he remembered Chad saying not to lock the driver's side door, it wouldn't unlock without a hanger. Fortunately Lindberg kept a hanger in his trunk.

"Lemme drive," Jared said, holding his hand out for the keys.

"Be my guest." Jensen handed them over. "Remember to jiggle the gear shift."

"Oh, you know how I love to handle a gear shift." Jared waggled his eyebrows.

Jensen laughed, settling into the passenger seat. He dropped his backpack in the back seat along with Jared's stuff, and then pulled on the seatbelt, though he had a sinking feeling the seatbelt wouldn't do him any good when it came right down to it. Jared started the car and they peeled out onto the road.

Jared drove over a raised manhole and the radio blared on, Jewel's lonely, whiny, vocals filling the cabin. Jensen winced and pushed the tape into the tape deck. Chad had to have something halfway decent on it. They both burst out laughing when the worn out tape started warbling, "I want it that way." Jared finally found the volume button and twisted it as low as it would go. Hopefully it would stay that way.

"You're a freshman," Jensen said suddenly.

"Thanks for that bit of wisdom, I can see how you've managed to do so well in one of the most difficult majors on campus." Jared pulled onto the main road and made for the highway.

"Oh, shut up. I'm just saying you don't know this area that well. How do you know where you're going?"

Jared glanced over and grinned. He shifted his hands on the tattered steering wheel. "They have these amazing things called maps. And you know what else? They're on this new invention called the world wide web."

"Okay, so I apparently put on the stupid hat this morning," Jensen grumbled, looking out the window and watching the world fly by. He actually didn't recognize where they were going, so he really hoped these maps were accurate.

Jared reached out and grabbed Jensen's leg. "Sorry, man, just don't want to spoil the surprise."

Jensen generally hated surprises. He never wanted to crush Jared's enthusiasm, so he kept that thought to himself. Jared took the next exit off of the highway and they moved onto a busy road. They didn't go far before Jared was pulling into the parking lot of a deserted motel.

"You're kidding," Jensen whispered, rubbing his sweaty palms against his jeans. Had he given Jared any signals that he wanted this? He thought they'd sort of agreed to wait.

"Happy Birthday, Jen," Jared said. "I wanted us to have a real bed together. I know we can't stay the night here, that's why I found a place with hourly rates."

Jensen snorted. "Way to go with the research there." He hadn't expected anything; his birthday wasn't till Wednesday. "This is my present?"

Jared touched Jensen's face, turning it so they could meet each other's eyes. "Only if you want."

"Yeah," Jensen decided. "I want."

To his surprise the room didn't smell bad and seemed reasonably clean. It was shoebox sized however, dwarfed by the king size bed in the center. Barely a foot separated the bed and the wall. Jensen had to shuffle in sideways. He dropped his bag and coat on the one chair shoved into the corner and fell on the bed. Jared followed, closing the door behind him and locking it.

Huh, he thought. That's the first time it was Jared locking the door. They usually fooled around in Jensen's room, and he controlled the entrance, decided when the time to start would be. Jensen felt bad about that, briefly.

Then Jared dropped the duffel on the bed and unzipped it. He pulled out a paper bag, which he tossed at Jensen. "I thought we could...but only if you want to Jensen. I swear."

Normally they'd have been on each other the moment the door closed. Jensen realized they didn't know how to act outside of the campus, when they had no worries about his floormates banging on the door, or Chad Murray busting in. He opened the paper bag and swallowed at the sight of the lube and box of condoms. "Jared, I never thought...It's just, you're kinda big, you know?"

Jared laughed and took back the bag. "I'm offering you my ass, you ass."

The tension suddenly leached from his body. Jensen launched himself across the bed and at Jared, pushing him down against the patterned orange comforter. "That's one hell of a birthday present." They kissed, the heat rising between them. Now they could let it simmer slowly, instead of rushing through a quick grope on the floor. Jensen found he liked it, liked being able to take his time, to suck on Jared's lips until the guy squirmed underneath him. His hands slid up Jared's shirt, exploring his smooth tanned skin, just as Jared explored him once. Jensen tweaked at his nipples, delighted when Jared arched up and cried out.

"Why haven't we done this before?" he asked, pulling away, his lips slick with spit. Jared's tongue darted out, chasing the lost contact.

"Roommates," Jared ground out, his hips lifting to make contact with Jensen's.

"Slow, Tiger," Jensen reprimanded. He fell so easily into taking control. For once he didn't feel like the submissive partner, didn't feel like Jared treated him like the girl because that had been the only type of sexual relationship Jared had had before. Jensen liked the reversal, but he also found he liked being able to switch if he wanted to be the one pounded into the bed, even though he really wasn't ready for that yet. "Take off your shirt."

And so it went, their shirts, then their pants and underwear, all stripped off and tossed on the floor. None of that was as important as getting their hands on the other's body. Jensen welcomed the heat, sweat dripping off his forehead as they slid together, Jared between his legs, over and underneath and around. The scent of cleaner dissipated, overcome by their combined musk. Jared could only smell Jared, the scent of cloves and candy that belonged to him and him alone.

Jensen had to reach down and grab his own dick, too hard too quickly. He'd be no good to Jared if he came so early. "How?" he asked, sitting back. They could do with a moment of space. Jared sprawled against the pillows, his golden body flushed and glistening, his nose adorably red as it got every time he exerted himself. He reached down and fisted his cock, eyes heavy lidded as they watched Jensen.

"Wanna come with you in me," he breathed.

Clearly Jared had gotten a hold of Jensen's porn collection. "Jared, I've never, help me here."

Jared grabbed the bottle of lube, which he had taken out of its box earlier, fortunately. He clasped it against Jensen's hand. "Fingers first. God, I'm so hard Jen I'm gonna bust."

"Maybe you should, then we could take it slow."

Jared groaned and tugged on his dick. He circled the head with his thumb, spreading the precome, making it nice and slick. Jensen needed a taste, so his extended his tongue, just lapping off that tiny bead of fluid. Then he joined hands with Jared, both of them linked as they stroked his cock, tall and hard and nearly purple in its engorgement. That looked almost painful. "Come on, Jare," he said, voice husky and low.

Jared erupted over their fingers, spurting milky come all over his belly. Jensen lifted his hand and started licking himself clean. At Jared's groan he raised an eyebrow. "You're going to kill me," Jared said. "Your mouth, God."

Jensen laughed. Everything seemed hilarious, he felt full of joy. "Could you, on your knees? It'll be easier for the first time."

"Better be a second and a third time." Jared struggled to roll over, as boneless as ever after an orgasm. He balanced his head on the pillows, presenting Jensen with that round, fine ass. He ran his fingers long Jared's skin, mind absently cataloging the muscle groups, gluteals flexing at the touch. Jensen could see the muscles tense along Jared's back, and he stroked along Jared's side, hoping to ease that tightness, his fingers tracing the line of ribs, then back down along his spine.

With both hands he pulled at Jared's thighs, spreading the legs a bit wider so he could get at his target. Jensen ran one finger over that round muscle, feeling it tense beneath that touch, slick only with sweat. Holy shit, he was actually going to do this. Best birthday present ever, he thought, still giddy with anticipation. First, though, he needed lube. He refused to hurt Jared.

The bottle stymied him at first, before he realized it just flipped open. Jensen coated his hand and then slid one finger inside. Hot, slick and oh so tight. God, he was going to be inside that? "Is that, are you okay?" he managed to gasp out.

"It's." Jared pushed back and Jensen couldn't help but moan. "Not bad. Kinda weird, sensitive, you know."

No, Jensen didn't know. He slid around, exploring inside just as he had explored Jared's outside. Something felt different, rough to his touch and Jared bucked and gasped beneath him. "Holy shit," Jared whispered. "Do that again..."

Huh, Jensen thought, tapping his finger against that spot again. Apparently the prostate proved just as sensitive as promised, though he hadn’t expected Jared to move like that. Jared moaned and twitched beneath Jensen, burying his face into the pillow. As he loosened slowly, Jensen added another finger, his spare hand stroking along Jared's rapidly hardening dick.

"Jensen, please," Jared gasped, "it's too much."

"Shh," he soothed. "You're not loose enough yet."

"Just add s'more lube."

"I'm not hurting you," Jensen stated. He grabbed some more lube just in case, then tried three fingers. Jared hissed and Jensen stopped.

"I'm okay." Jared turned to look at him. Jensen withdrew his fingers, then leaned down to kiss him. He couldn't forget that he was doing this to Jared, his Jared, who was giving him this precious gift.

Jensen pulled back, checking the expression on Jared's face, the light in his eyes, making sure all was well. Jared nodded slowly and Jensen reached for the box of condoms. Okay, he thought, ripping one open, how the hell do I put one on. All the knowledge went rapidly out of his head and it was only Jared's laughter that brought him back.

"Lemme." Jared sat up and took the rubber from Jensen's hands and slid it down Jensen's cock. Jensen closed his eyes against the tight sensation, the over stimulation of Jared's fingers on him. "There you go."

When he could look again, Jared had gone back to his hands and knees, legs spread wide. Jensen eased behind him. "Tell me if I hurt you."

He didn't slide right in, and they didn't find a rhythm right away. It took some time, pushing in, then out, some more lube, a little massage of the ring of muscles before Jared's body would even let him inside. Once in, he nearly came, overwhelmed at the heat and tightness and at just the thought of finally being inside Jared. Jensen held on to Jared's hips, grasping tightly trying to keep himself grounded.

Jared would shimmy under him and make these tiny little gasps. It was adorable and amazingly sexy at the same time. Jensen's knees ached, but he didn't care, rolling his hips, trying to make it good for Jared. "C'mon," he whispered.

"Can't." Jared shifted, getting one hand under himself. Oh, Jensen had forgotten to give a reach around. He couldn't let go though, so he let Jared bring himself off, his body all but vibrating underneath Jensen's. When he came, he clamped around Jensen's dick so hard Jensen yelped and came, stilling and digging his nails into Jared's skin.

Jensen pulled out slowly, crawled beside Jared and dropped next to him on the bed. "Condom," Jared whispered. "Gotta tie it off or it'll get messy."

"Yeah." Whatever that meant. Jensen pulled it off and stuffed it inside the brown paper bag on the floor next to the bed. The room was wrecked: covers on the floor, pillows all over, and the entire place smelled like come and the slightly plastic scent of the lube they had used.

"Don't go far." Jared spooned behind him, wrapping his arms around Jensen's waist, tucking his head against Jensen's neck.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Oh, my god, yeah," Jared answered, adjusting their bodies so they fit skin to skin. "Can we, can we stay here like this, a little longer?"

Jensen reached up to pat Jared's head, carding his fingers through his hair. Jared always got sleepy after sex. "Sleep, Jare. We got time." Nobody would pound on the door, no one would barge into the room, for the first time they were safe and alone. Jensen closed his eyes. He usually got a bit wired afterwards; while Jared dozed he'd be off with too much energy to lie still. But right now, his limbs dragged and his eyes drifted closed. "Thank you," he murmured. Jared had given him something special.

"Love you," Jared said. He sounded half-asleep and before Jensen could react or even answer, a heavy snore broke the silence.

Jensen grinned and snuggled against the wayward pillow.

***

"What are you doing for spring break?" Jared asked. They sat outside the student center on one of the wooden park benches that ringed the campus. Normally it was hard to get a seat, but that was during nice weather and, well, daylight. March swept in still cold and windy, though spring break was not that long off. Tonight the vampires were congregating inside -- Jensen was actually kind of tired of being relegated to outside. Of course, if he ventured inside, he would be fair game, though really, it would be pretty stupid for the vampires to attack him in such a public place.

Since it was just the two of them, Jared and Jensen didn't bother to roleplay. He'd rather talk to Jared than his fake brother, although he and Jared had a long email conversation going as Sam and Dean that they forwarded to Eric every so often. Eric gave them extra experience points for the email, which Jensen had just used to buy shotgun proficiency for his character.

"Going home. Finishing some papers." He didn't know how some people could go off to Mexico or Florida during break; Jensen always loved having the extra time to catch up on his work, and to spend time at home with his family. Despite traveling so far away, he missed home.

"Not going to the Magic tournament in Baltimore with the guys?" Jared looked at him. He wiggled closer, till their thighs were touching, and threw an arm over Jensen's shoulder.

"You kidding? I own two decks, Jared. Lindberg is the one with the Black Lotus."

At Jared's confused look -- which was adorable, all crinkled forehead and wiggly eyebrows -- Jensen explained about the rare card.

"It's 300 bucks for one card?" Jared boggled.

"And it's only useful if you get it in the first couple of draws." Jensen shook his head. "Why were you asking about break?"

"Oh." Jared shifted how he sat and played with his shoelace. "Did you want to come home with me? Meet my family, see San Antone?"

Jensen grabbed Jared's forearm and squeezed it gently. "I'd love to come visit you. Can't spend the whole break with you, my mama would be pissed."

"I could swing up and pick you up on the way back. My dad is letting me take the Suburban back to school."

"How'd you swing a parking space?"

Jared grinned. "I have to visit some local schools for my ed class, so I get an exception."

"Nice."

The doors to the student center opened and Chris and Steve walked out. "Showtime," Jensen murmured. He and Jared stood, taking on their character's personas.

"Unless there are some dead vampires in there, I don't see you helping us any," Jensen said, using his deepest Dean voice. Dean and Sam had decided to tentatively ally with Kane and Steve in an attempt to bring down the larger vampire group.

"These things take time," Kane drawled. "and I've got news. The Prince will be coming after spring break."

"That's when we strike?" Jensen asked.

"It depends on who he brings with him." Kane shrugged. "We'll be in touch."

"Wait," Jared said. "We have something you should see."

All eyes were on Jared as he opened his messenger bag and pulled out the simple looking dagger Jared had picked up at the antique store they had stopped at on the way back from the motel. He was careful to handle it through a leather sheath.

"Just so you don't think about reneging," Jensen said. "It's an enchanted dagger, pure silver. Your throat will be the first it slices if you double cross us."

"You think you're fast enough, wolf boy?" Kane snarled.

"Oh yeah." Jared grinned, showing his teeth. "Go ahead and test me."

"Kane." Steve got between them.

Chris nodded and turned away. "We'll be in touch boys."

"Nice," Jensen whispered, "Now put that thing away before campus police sees."

Jared chuckled and shoved it back in the bag.

Chapter 10

When Jensen rang the doorbell, he didn't expect the cacophony of barking that followed the high pitched ding. Jared opened the door with a grin, one hand caught in the collar of a fluffy cocker spaniel. "Hey. Just let Heinrich sniff ya, he's a wimp. Austen's more of a bitch, mom locked her in the kitchen."

Jensen laughed and knelt to let the caramel colored dog have a sniff at his hand. After a few tentative sniffs, the dog licked a strip up Jensen's wrist. "He's just like you," Jensen teased softly.

Jared laughed. He closed the door behind Jensen and his backpack. "Man, someday when I get my own place I'm going to have huge dogs."

"Tired of tripping over the little ones?"

"Damn straight." Jared led the way. "C'mon, my mom is in the kitchen. She's on spring break too."

"Cool." Jensen held on to his bag and followed through the living room. He ended up stepping over dog toys and grabbing on to the well worn couch to keep from stepping on Heinrich.

"How was the drive?"

"Great. I followed your example, borrowed my dad's car."

Jared laughed. "Honestly, I didn't think you could make it here in that tin can you call a Chevy."

"Hey, it goes and it stops. That's all I need. And at least the radio works, unlike Lindberg's car."

"So true. Hey, Mama," Jared said.

Mrs. Padalecki looked up from the magazine she had on her kitchen table. She grinned and stood to greet Jensen.

"This is Jensen. Jensen, this is my Mom."

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Padalecki." Jensen shook her hand politely.

"Oh, call me Sherri, dear." He couldn't do that, but Jensen just smiled and nodded. Jared's mom looked so tiny compared to her son. Her long hair was tied back and she smiled with eyes that matched Jared's. She stepped back and gave him an appraising look. "Now aren't you handsome. I can see why Jared's so taken with you."

Jensen felt his face flush. Jared reached up and threw his arm around Jensen's shoulders. "Mama, you're embarrassing him. I didn't tell him I told you."

"You told your parents?" Jensen blurted.

"Jared tells me everything," Sherri said confidently. "Jared why don't you get him settled in the guest room; it'll give you boys some time to talk." She patted Jensen's cheek gently. "Sorry, hon, house rules. Boyfriends and girlfriends get to sleep in the spare room."

Jensen let Jared all but lead him away, down the hallway to a very simple, but nicely furnished guest room. Jared took his backpack and set it down next to the bed. "Jensen, say something, you're kinda freaking me out here."

"You told your parents? And they didn't freak out?" Jensen sat on the edge of the bed -- Queen size, too bad he and Jared weren't going to be able to try it out over break.

"Why would they? They knew I was bi." Jared shrugged.

Knowing and seeing were two different things, Jensen thought. He couldn't imagine telling his parents. "And they don't mind? They don't think it's...sinful." His voice lowered on the final word.

Jared sat next to him. He grabbed Jensen's hand and held it between his two larger ones. "I guess I'm pretty lucky; my parents love me the way I am."

"I can't tell my parents, they'd just freak." Jensen imagined telling his dad -- his dad who was so proud of him, who supported his going away to school, his dreams of graduate school -- and watching his face crumble, those dreams he had of grandkids and an upstanding son fading away.

"I'm sorry." Jared leaned forward to press their lips together gently. Jensen closed his eyes and let the kiss take it all away.

"Jared!" A female voice squealed.

Jensen pulled back so fast he fell backwards on the bed. There was a girl in the doorway, she couldn't be any older than Mackenzie.

"You didn't tell me he was here!" She ran and jumped onto the bed next to him. Jared reached over and tickled her until she fell on the floor laughing.

"Jensen, this is my bratty little sister, Megan." Jared let her up only after the dogs ran into the room yelping at the commotion. Heinrick hopped up onto the bed next to Jensen and started licking his face.

"Nice to meet you, Megan," Jensen tried to say politely, but ended up grimacing as he wiped the dog slobber off of his chin.

She sat up, still giggling. "I'm so glad you're here. I've been saving up the naked baby pictures."

"You did not!" Jared shouted.

"You'll never find them!"

"That means they're under your mattress." He stood up and went for the door.

"Jared! No!" Megan stood and tackled his legs, the dogs barking and circling them.

"Megan!" their mother's voice called. "Leave Jared and his boyfriend alone!"

Jensen couldn't help the grin. Jared's family? Totally awesome, just like Jared himself.

He ended up following the siblings out. Megan showed off their wireless network and a house full of Macintosh computers. Jensen appreciated the familial geekiness -- that was something he didn't have with his own family. He loved his parents, but they couldn't navigate a computer to save their lives. Then he got roped into setting the table and helping with dinner, laughing as Jared needed to taste test everything at least fifty times.

"Stop that." Sherri eventually smacked him with a wooden spoon. "Leave some for when you father comes home."

Jared just shrugged. He went over to help Jensen fold napkins. "Dad'll be home late. He's an accountant and it's tax season."

"Fun," Jensen said. He wondered if Jared's dad would be just as accepting as his mom and sister. He worried about it, his stomach churning at the rich scent of dinner -- a spicy chicken and rice dish.

They started eating before Jared's father got home; he had called to say he'd be even later than expected. When he finally came in, they were mid-meal. Megan sprang from her seat to greet him and he swung her into his arms. Jensen could see where Jared got his height.

"Sorry I'm late." He came over to Jensen. "I'm Jerry, Jared's dad. You must be Jensen. Nice to have you here."

"Thank you, sir," Jensen said.

"Keep eating, just let me wash up."

And then they were five and everything fit just as before. Jared sneaked pieces of chicken to the dogs under the table. Sherri told embarrassing stories about Jared as a child -- "I swear, he loved apple sauce until he found out there were actual apples in it." Jerry had a large booming laugh that filled up the entire room. Megan wanted them to help her bake cookies afterwards.

Jensen felt at home. He looked over at Jared and met his eyes, smiling at him across the table. Jared looked surprised for a moment, his eyes widening. Then he just grinned and nodded back.

***

Later, Jensen thought they had been led into a false sense of security. Spending part of his break at Jared's had been fun, Jensen hadn't wanted to leave, but he did have papers to write and Jared was too much of a distraction. Jensen drove himself back to his parents' house, knowing he'd see Jared again in only a few short days. That proved incentive to get his work done quickly.

When Jared showed up with his dad's truck to drive them back to school, Jensen's dad conveyed his disappointment. It was only then that Jensen realized Dad always drove him back, and that was one of the few times the two of them got to just talk. This was Jensen's last spring break.

"You okay?" Jared had asked.

Jensen tried not to let it get to him, but finally confessed. "It's the last time I'll be going back to school from spring break. It's kinda sad."

"Oh." Jared got quiet.

They took a break about halfway up. Jared cornered him in the men's room and slammed him against the wall, taking Jensen's mouth in a punishing kiss. "Jared, don't want to get arrested, man," Jensen protested, fisting his hands in Jared's sweatshirt.

Jared had grumbled. "I just gotta drive faster."

"You know my floormates won't be back until Monday; that tournament's going all weekend," Jensen said once back in the car.

"You mean I can sleep over and walk around in my underwear?"

"Sleep over, yes. No underwear required. I don't need to see that."

Jared laughed. "I always thought doing it in the shower would be hot."

Jensen pulled at his collar. The thought of Jared naked and wet, droplets of water beading on his perfectly formed chest had him shifting in the passenger seat, trying to give his hardening dick some room. "Ok, now you totally need to drive faster."

They arrived back on campus in the wee hours of Sunday, the sun just rising over the horizon. They might have beaten most of the RA's back, and certainly most of the staff. No dining hall, no food in the fridge, just Jensen's key and a silent townhouse.

They left Jared's stuff in the truck, parking it in his newly assigned spot. He just grabbed his messenger bag and then they crashed at Jensen's place.

"My back doesn't remember what it's like to lie down," Jared bitched from the floor of Jensen's room, stretched out so he took up nearly all of the area next to the bed.

"You tired?" Jensen asked. He climbed over Jared's legs and lowered himself so that he straddled Jared's middle.

"Oh, fuck no." Jared grinned. He grabbed Jensen and flipped him over. "I've been waiting to get at you all week."

"Longest time we went without." Jensen caught his hand in Jared's hair, man he loved playing with that hair, combing through the soft strands, the way Jared tilted his head and closed his eyes like an overgrown puppy. "Door's open," he said.

"No floormates till Monday you said."

"Why Jared, I didn't know you had a kinky side."

"I even like having sex with the lights on! Imagine that!" Jared teased back.

Then they didn't have time for words. Clothes melted off and provided more of a nest on the floor. Jensen missed the huge bed of the motel, if he thought they could have gotten away with it, he'd have suggested stopping on the way back to school, but he had to call his mama as soon as they got in and she'd have noticed a night spent elsewhere.

"Do you wanna do me?" Jared asked.

For once they were back in the townhouse and they had all the time in the world. Jensen had the time to take care with Jared's body. He could open him up slowly and push into him. "Lean over the bed," Jensen whispered, and went hunting for the lube.

Jared knelt against the tiny twin bed as if he were praying. Jensen's fingers twitched. That pose shouldn't look as inviting as it did. Jared’s body bent submissively, legs spread and just waiting for Jensen's touch. Yet the power in those shoulders and back, the tightly corded muscles, the way Jared looked over his shoulder all gave a feeling of strength. Jared was a contradiction.

Jensen found the lube.

Jared's body opened easily to him. Now Jensen knew what to do, how to slide his fingers into Jared, just how much pressure he needed to press against Jared's prostate to leave his lover whimpering. He hoped this never became routine, something he just did before the main event. Jensen loved watching Jared, how his body shined with sweat, how Jared held himself, open and aching for Jensen's cock. He slid inside, unable to resist.

He loved the way Jared moved beneath him, how their bodies fit together. This time Jensen remembered to reach around and fist Jared's cock in his hand. It took more concentration than he was used to, but he somehow managed. The distraction lasted long enough to stave off his own orgasm, so he lasted through Jared's, long enough to feel the muscles clamp around him and squeeze him to climax.

"You're amazing," Jared whispered.

They attempted to fit on the bed, curled around each other like two cats.

"I'm sticky," Jared said later, after they roused from their doze.

Jensen yawned and tried to snuggle closer. His ass hung off the end of the bed. "You should have cleaned up before we fell asleep."

"Shower."

"Go ahead."

"No, numbnuts, we should get in the shower together."

Jensen started to wake up. "You really want to? I think the stall is smaller than the bed."

"It'll be fun." Jared had two modes -- sleepy and wide-full-on-awake. He hopped out of bed. "You get the towels, I'll run the water."

Jensen had done laundry at home, so he had a full set of fluffy clean towels. He grabbed the two largest and followed Jared into the shower. The shower was separate from the bathroom, each a room on either side of the little kitchenette. That way if you needed to pee, you didn't have to interrupt your floormate's shower. The room had a dry area, then a curtain before the stall.

Jared had turned the spray on and had gotten under the nozzle. The water pressure was good, the townhouses were the latest and best in new construction. Jensen could only see the suggestion of Jared's body behind the curtain. He closed the shower door behind him and pulled aside the curtain.

The reality looked even better than his imagination. Jared's body sparkled with droplets of water, his hair plastered to his head, and rivulets ran down his face like tears. He grinned and held out his hand. Jensen stepped inside. They had to stand tightly together in the tiny space.

Jensen reached up and kissed Jared, rocking against him. No way could they do anything more than this, latching their lips together and rocking their thighs against each other.

"You're stealing all the water," Jensen whispered. He wrapped his fingers around Jared's biceps, conscious of every place where their bodies touched, his skin hyper sensitive due to the water.

Jared had his back to the nozzle, so most of the water splashed across his back. He twisted, now the water hit them both along the side. "Sorry," he said.

Jensen laughed, burying his face in Jared's neck. He lapped at the water, tasting wet, warm Jared.

"No hickies." Jared slid his hands down Jensen's back, stopping just above the swell of his buttocks. Jensen pressed himself closer, till his dick dragged against Jared's. He had to stand on his toes to do it, which make Jared laugh.

Like most times they gave into their bodies, they didn't use much finesse. Jensen figured as long as they both managed to come, they had to be doing something right. Now they clung to each other, pressing and pulling for enough friction. Jared caught his mouth and held him with the force of his kiss. Jensen held on tighter, as if just along for the ride.

When Jared reached one hand between them and captured both of their dicks in his huge hand, Jensen gasped and nearly lost his balance. He grasped at the slippery wall, but found no support. Jared held him up with one hand and brought him off with the other. Jensen's heart pounded in his ears, the rush of the water obscuring even the sound of his panting breaths.

Jared groaned out his own release, the sound lost against Jensen's lips. "Now you're all sticky again," Jensen whispered. Jared chuckled. Jensen grinned and stole one quick kiss. They moved apart and rinsed off quickly. Jensen stepped out of the shower first, toweling off so Jared could rinse off without being restricted by Jensen's body in the tiny stall. He tied the towel around his waist and opened the door, a wave of steam following him.

"Hey Jensen, how was your...holy shit!"

Jensen felt the blood drain from his face. He grasped at the wall, digging his fingers into the wood.

Mike stood in the hallway, a suitcase sitting outside of his open door. Tom and Chad's doors were open too. Jensen hadn't heard them over the rush of water in the shower. At Mike's shout, he knew Jared stood behind him. He hoped Jared at least covered himself with a towel.

"You," he started, "gaming tournament..."

Chad poked his head out of his room. "Lost big time man, left early. Hey, Jared, why are you naked?"

"Chad!" Mike shouted. "They were in the shower together."

Chad still looked confused. Jensen didn't blame him, he didn't know what to think either. Jared settled his arm on Jensen's shoulder and propelled him towards his room. "Hi guys, later guys," Jared said and shut the door behind them.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit." Jensen sat down on his bed -- the very spot where he had fucked Jared a few short hours ago -- and dropped his head into his hands. “Fuck!”

"Jensen." Jared knelt in front of him, grabbing on to one of Jensen's knees. "It's gonna be okay."

"Dude, they just saw..."

"Yeah, I was there, man." Jared looked away. He sucked in his bottom lip, his entire face drawn and pensive. Jensen had never seen Jared look quite that way.

"What am I gonna do?" Jensen squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe he was still asleep, dreaming with Jared by his side. It wouldn't be the strangest dream he'd ever had.

"I don't know," Jared said. He stood and dropped the towel, picking up his discarded clothing. Jensen watched, one hand fisted in the towel. He couldn't move, didn't want to move and make this real.

Mike knew. Lindberg knew. Only a matter of time before Tom and everyone else in the gaming club found out. Jensen never wanted anyone to find out. Jared was his secret.

He looked up when his jeans landed in his lap. "C'mon Jen, get dressed. You gotta go talk to them."

"The hell I do," he snapped.

"Weren't you the one who vowed to stop with the avoidance issues?"

"Shh, they're probably listening, trying to figure out what we're doing in here!"

"Well, then all they can hear is us arguing." Jared tilted Jensen's face up, forcing him to look at him. "Jensen, c'mon. I can't, I can't go out there alone."

Sometimes he forgot Jared was only eighteen. Hell, he was just a kid in some respects. Jensen felt his stomach bottom out. Jared was just a kid and he was corrupting him with his sinful, gay ways, inciting him to lust. That's why he kept this secret, Jensen felt the shame flow over him, his cheeks flushing a deep red. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Jensen." Jared tried again. "Don't do this, don't shut me out."

"You should just go, Jared," he said.

"They're your friends. They'll understand."

"Understand what? You haven't been here the past four years. You don't know how it works. The gay jokes come right after the girl jokes."

"Do you honestly think they feel like that about you?" Jared sat next to him, wrapping his arms around Jensen and letting Jensen curl against his shoulder, grabbing on to his sweatshirt like a blanket.

You shouldn't do this, Jensen thought, letting Jared comfort him. He should tell Jared to go, try to make things right with his floormates, tell them it was an April Fool's Day prank or something. Go back to pretending to be just friends. Because nothing would be the same again, ever. "Jared," he whispered.

"I'm not letting you go. Never," Jared promised.

Jensen held on tighter. He wasn't letting go either.

***

Jared eventually went back to his dorm that night, promising to call as soon as he got settled. Jensen watched him leave, then went back upstairs to deal with the fallout. He found the guys all in Mike's room, watching the TV as Mike pounded out a game on his Dreamcast.

Jensen cleared his throat. "Um, hey."

"So how long have you been fucking Jared?" Mike asked, not taking his eyes off the screen.

Jensen winced, and he saw Tom frown. He decided to go for honesty. "Since January."

"So that whole Sandy thing?" Tom asked.

Oh, now how the hell to explain that? "It's complicated. Jared's bi though." There, now that didn't make that whole relationship look like the sham it was.

Chad blinked, rubbing the back of his neck. "So he likes girls too. And you don't."

"No."

"Jesus Christ, Jensen," Mike snapped, still focused on his game. "And you never felt like mentioning this?"

Jensen threw his hands in the air. "It's not like I'm going to molest you in your sleep, Mike. I'm not attracted to every single guy."

Mike finally looked away from the game, meeting Jensen's eyes from across the room. "The point, Jensen, is that you lied to us for the past four fucking years!"

"Mike," Jensen started, not knowing quite what to say.

"Dude," Chad suddenly busted out, eyes wide. "Tell me you guys didn't have sex in my car!"

Jensen broke off a sudden laugh. "No, Chad. Your car is safe."

"The shower is obviously not," Mike bit out.

The phone rang in Jensen's room, probably Jared. Jensen turned to answer it, obviously this conversation was going nowhere.

"Hey," Tom said, suddenly behind him. "Just, give us time, okay?"

Jensen nodded and pulled his door shut behind him. He picked up the phone. "Hey?"

"Hi," Jared's voice greeted him. "Did you talk to them?"

"Didn't go well," Jensen reported. He pulled the phone out from the desk and took it to the bed with him. Jensen curled around his pillow, a poor substitute for Jared's large body.

"I'm sorry," Jared whispered. Maybe his roommate was sleeping. "It was my stupid idea to go in the shower."

"C'mon, Jared." He couldn't let Jared blame himself. "We had the door wide open. If they got home any earlier they would have seen a lot more than us in towels." And that was a sobering thought. Jensen shuddered at the thought of being caught naked and covered with come, entwined with Jared. No one else should see that, not because he was ashamed, but because Jared belonged solely to him.

"I just wish," Jared started.

"Jared?"

"That we didn't have to be embarrassed. That it was just as normal as me dating Sandy."

"Trust me, if you walked out of that shower with Sandy, there would still be some words said."

Jared laughed softly. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah." Jensen wished he could protect Jared from the ugliness of the world. Jared didn't deserve it just because he was unlucky enough to fall for Jensen. He kicked off his jeans and snuggled under the covers. "So, are you ready for class tomorrow?"

Jared didn't comment on the change of topic. He went with it, illuminating several of the points he hoped to bring up in their lit class tomorrow.

Jensen smiled and fell asleep with Jared's voice in his ear, late in the night.

***

Jensen got to class way before Jared. He sat in their usual seats, leaning back with his feet propped up on the desk in front of him. Most of the other students staggered in slowly. Typical Monday after spring break. Jensen popped open his binder and flipped to a new page. Unlike his bio classes, his notes for lit were jumbled and varied. He'd have something written in the corner of the page and circled several times and have absolutely no idea what it meant. There were plenty of half-finished sentences as he attempted to transcribe bits of classroom discussion. The class structure boggled his organized mind. He wanted notes that fit in perfect columns, labs that resulted in repeatable results.

Jared burst in the door right before the professor, obviously just woken up. His worn sweatpants hung low around his waist, a stripe of skin showing beneath his too tight yellow t-shirt. Jensen wanted to throw a jacket around him, to cover him up from prying eyes. He looked away, not liking the sudden flare of jealousy.

"Hey." Jared slid into the desk next to him and grinned sleepily. Dark circles framed his eyes. Jensen felt a stab of guilt -- they had been up late.

To his surprise, Jared reached out and ruffled Jensen's hair, letting his hand linger on his neck before sliding away.

Well, they didn't have any more reason to hide, did they? Jensen caught his hand and squeezed it once, before turning his attention back to the front of the room, where Professor Graham was unpacking her stuff, frazzled as usual.

"So, I hope you all had restful breaks. And that you did the research for your final papers."

The class collectively groaned.

"No? Let me guess, you spent the time on the beach in Mexico, right Michelle?" she looked at the girl in the front row with a terrible sunburn.

Michelle squirmed a bit and got a bit redder, if that were even possible.

"Luckily for all of you, I have no life and graded your papers." Graham plunked the stack on the desk in front of her. "Some great ideas. Jared, nice insight on Bertha being Rochester's dark anima." She moved to the back of the room and tossed the paper on Jared's desk.

Jared flipped it to the back for the grade, then grinned and flashed the A towards Jensen. Jensen smiled back. He bit his lip when Jared sprawled, hooking their legs together under the desk. Graham continued her paper returns, sometimes with comments, sometimes without. She left Jensen's on his desk with nothing more than "Here you go, Jensen."

He flipped it to the back and frowned at the comments there. "Superficial analysis. You don't have to write about something because you think *I* will like it. Write what you feel, Jensen." The B- was scrawled under her words. He scanned through the pages, noting all the purple ink -- Graham didn't like to use red. Jensen didn't know why not, his bio professors had no problems correcting his work in stark crimson.

Jared looked over and Jensen slammed the paper face over on the desk. Jared made a "what the hell?" face and Jensen just shook his head. It really didn't matter if his writing was superficial, or that he didn't understand the theme of identity in feminist criticism. He wouldn't need to know any of this for grad school.

Jensen grabbed his pen and got ready to take notes whenever they actually started class. Those letters should be coming soon. He needed to remember to check his mailbox.

***

"So, I heard you guys are polishing the brass," Sophia said as she and Sandy dropped into the extra chairs in their table.

"Why, Sophia, please join us. You're not interrupting anything at all. Have a seat," Jensen said. Jared, who sat across from him, laughed.

Sandy grabbed one of his fries. Jensen pushed the tray at her and sat back. "Go ahead, I wasn't hungry anyway."

"You're awfully prickly for a guy who's getting laid," Sophia noted.

"He's pissed I got a higher grade on this last paper," Jared said.

"Shut up." Jensen was mildly annoyed about that, but he'd rather the conversation turn towards grades rather than his sex life. No such luck.

"C'mon." Sophia grabbed Jared's drink and took a long sip. Jared scowled at her. His precious meal plan dollars were rapidly dwindling. "I heard you got totally caught by Mike and Chad. There was mention of towels and bodily fluids."

"Don't be gross, Sophia," Sandy put in. She could at least help Jensen out a little more here.

"We were just getting out of the shower," Jared said. No, Jared! Don't tell them.

"Together?" Sophia squealed.

"It doesn't bother you?" Jared asked suddenly. Jensen immediately wanted to gather him in his arms. Whenever Jared used that tone of voice, just a shade like a little boy's, he incited every single protective instinct Jensen had.

"Only that I wasn't there," Sophia grumbled.

Well, that was a different take on the whole thing. Jensen exchanged a look with Jared. Then he remembered that Sophia was a theater major. If she had a problem with gay guys, she'd have one hell of a time in the industry. It eased the tension in his shoulders a bit.

"Who gave you a hard time?" Sandy asked, watching Jensen.

"Mike," he answered. "Don't think Chad and Tom were too thrilled either."

"Did you even talk with them?"

"I tried. Tom told me to give them time," Jensen said.

"They really need to get over themselves." Sophia snorted. "Like they're so perfect? Remember when Mike lost his virginity? How he bragged for weeks?"

Jensen smiled. "Remember that stupid robot? The one he programmed to say 'I had sex'?"

"Must have been something," Jared said. He stood up and grabbed his messenger bag. "Gotta go, I have class. You can have the rest of my lunch, Sophia. No, I insist." A tiny crust of bread stood proudly in the center of his otherwise empty plate. He came around the table, tilted Jensen's face upward and kissed him in front of Sophia, Sandy and the entire dining hall. As he pulled away, Jared whispered, "Owed ya one."

Jensen smiled as he watched him go. Sandy smacked his arm and brought him back down rapidly. "Was that Danneel on line at the register?"

"I don't see her," Sophia dismissed. "C'mon, Jensen, I want details."

He shrugged and grabbed his tray. "Nothing to say. We're dating. It's cool. Yeah. I have to get to class, too." He didn't, but Sophia didn't know that. And no way was he discussing this without Jared to back him up.

He waved good-bye to them both and headed out. Out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw a flash of red hair, but it was only a red poster on the wall.

Chapter 11

"I had this weird dream last night," Jensen said. He and Jared walked out of the dining hall and started towards his townhouse. They planned on skipping today's ThIS meeting, like they had every Wednesday since they got together. Jensen avoided his floormates all the time now; he couldn't even bring Jared up to just hang out.

"Is this one of those good dreams?" Jared asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"No, weird. You know Morgan? The dude who supervises the student workers in Campus Computing? I dreamed he was Sam and Dean's dad."

"So we were really brothers in your dream? Ew." Jared stuck out his tongue.

Jensen laughed. "I think Morgan could totally be a vampire hunter. The guy is ripped."

Jared made a growling noise in his throat. "You are totally not checking him out."

"Dude, seriously." Jensen hip bumped him.

Jared laughed and threw his free arm around Jensen's shoulders. They turned up the path to the townhouses and nearly ran right into Mike, Tom and Chad Lindberg.

They stopped walking and just stared at each other.

Tom cleared his throat. "Not going to the meeting, guys?"

"No," Jared snapped, "We're going back to Jensen's room to make out."

Jensen's jaw dropped.

"Just stay out of the goddamn shower this time," Mike said.

"Mike," Jensen began.

"No, Jensen, you've made your choice."

"You wouldn't be so pissed if I was a girl," Jared argued.

Jensen put a hand on Jared's arm, hoping that would get him to calm down a bit. He'd never seen Jared really mad. It scared him.

"I think we'd still be pissed if Jensen ditched us for a girl," Chad said.

That silenced them all. Jensen rubbed his forehead, hiding behind his hand for a moment. Chad had a point, the guy always did. "I'm sorry," he said finally.

"Don't miss the LARP, at least," Tom said, then prodded Mike in the shoulder. They continued walking towards the student center.

Jensen had to take a moment to swallow down the sour feeling in his stomach. Jared rested a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it gently. "You okay?"

"No." Jensen led the way back to his townhouse. "But you can make it up to me."

Jared grinned. "Oh, I will."

Afterwards, entwined on the tiny bed, if Jensen hid his face against Jared's neck, and held him all the more closely, Jared didn't comment.

***

"I have to check my mail," Jensen said, pushing open the door to the office where all the mailboxes were kept.

"Fine, fine, fine." Jared never let go of him. Now that he had permission to touch, he seemed to do it all the time. He would sling an arm over his shoulders, grab Jensen around the waist, sit with his long legs propped in Jensen's lap.

Jensen liked being touched by Jared, sure, but in public he still tensed; he couldn't shake the feeling that they were being watched and judged. He asked Jared not to kiss him in public. That one time in the dining hall was sweet, he admitted, but not everyone was Sophia and Sandy. Jared had pouted, but he agreed.

"Shouldn't everything be sent by email, anyway?" Jared had his chin on Jensen's shoulder, watching as he unlocked the little bronze box.

"Not grad school letters." Jensen pulled out several envelopes. He held them in his hand, just staring at the return address on the first, thick envelope. Columbia.

"Jen?" Jared prodded.

Jensen tore open the envelope, his hand trembling just a bit as he pulled out the stack of papers. "Jared, I got in."

"Awesome." Jared took the envelope and pulled away from Jensen to look at it. "Columbia? That's...that's all the way in New York."

Jensen bounced on the balls of his feet. "Yes, that's where Columbia is." He snatched the letter back from Jared and flipped through the pages, absently noting the dates and other information. "I've only been dreaming about getting in here since I was 16."

"Oh." Jared's voice got very small.

Jensen stopped and looked up. "Jared?"

Jared shrugged and gestured, pointing to the two of them. "You're going away. You're going to be gone in September. What about us?"

He really hadn't thought about it. The idea of him and Jared as a couple hadn't even been a possibility when he posted his applications back in the fall. They had gone from week to week, sneaking around, having sex, but never talking about where they hoped to go with all this. "Jared, I, this is what I've dreamed about."

Jared's face just shut down. Jensen had never seen anything like it before. Those usually expressive eyes turned to stone, that perfect mouth filed into a straight line. "Fine."

"Can't you be happy for me? This is why I've been working so hard," Jensen pleaded. He didn't want Jared to look like that. He wanted to share his joy.

"How can I be happy that you're leaving?" Jared burst out, expression breaking, the anger and hurt showing. "That you're happy about leaving me?"

How could Jared think that Jensen wanted to leave him? "That's not it, that's not it at all."

"What is this, Jensen? What the hell are we doing here? Is this just fucking?"

"Jared, shhh." Jensen looked around, wondering if the workers in the office had heard them.

"You didn't want to tell your friends..."

"You've seen how they acted when they found out!"

"...and you don't want to tell your parents."

"I can't tell my parents. Not everyone has perfect Stepford parents like yours! If I told my dad I was gay I'd be kicked out so fast. Then what the hell would I do about school?"

Jared took a step back. "So it's okay to use them for money while lying about who you are."

"You're totally twisting everything." Jensen wanted to pull his hair out. Why couldn't Jared understand?

"You're the one who's avoiding the issue! Are you ashamed of us? Of me?"

Jensen shook his head. "You're such a kid sometimes. You don't know how the world works. You think everything is just going to accept this because you're Jared Padalecki, all around nice guy. That's not how it is. People are going to hate you. People are not going to hire you cause they think you're going to damage their children. You'd be better off not dating guys at all!"

"I'm not a kid, Jensen!" Jared waved his hands as he spoke, his gestures getting more frenzied as his voice rose. "I don't need to be protected from the real world! Don't you think I know all that? I don't give a damn, I want to be with you, because I love you, God damn it. You," he pointed at Jensen, all the blood rushing to his face and giving him that flushed look he often had right after sex. "You need to decide if you want to be with me. If you want this to be anything more than sneaking around behind everyone's back."

With that, Jared turned, his messenger bag swinging behind him to land hard against his back.

Jensen spun around and kicked the wall of post-office boxes.

***

"Where's your boyfriend?"

"Shut up," Jensen growled at Mike, slamming his dorm room door behind him. He wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone right then. He dropped his backpack and curled up on his bed. After Jared had left the mailroom, Jensen had gone to the arcade and played pinball until he ran out of quarters and free games. Every time the ball had slipped between his paddles, he had the feeling he kept grasping for something just out of reach.

His sheets still smelled like Jared.

Was this the end? All the hurt and misunderstanding of the previous semester and that was it? Jensen loses his virginity and then moves on? He remembered how Jared slowly wormed his way into Jensen's life, appearing at the first LARP, then showing up after class, and having lunch together. He tried to imagine his life six months from now, in a city filled with cold, tall buildings, without Jared by his side.

Jensen had to swallow against the lump in his throat.

He never believed he could truly be happy with another man. Happiness for him would be a long and fulfilling career, because he could never marry a woman, never have a normal life with the picket fences and the 2.3 kids. Sometimes late at night when Jared had gone, his uncle's words from Thanksgiving would go through his mind. It wasn't just the jokes, the mockery. It was the idea that if you were gay you were destined to misery, both in this life and the next.

Well, right now Jensen couldn't dispute that. He put the letter from Columbia on his desk. He could go to one of the best schools in the country, in a place where he could hide if he wanted. He could be out if he wanted. In New York City, no one would care.

No one would care.

His phone rang, startling him out of his thoughts. He lifted the receiver hesitantly. "Hello?" He hoped it was Jared.

When Sandy's voice greeted him, he damped down his disappointment. Jared had told Jensen it was up to him. He shouldn't expect a call.

"Hi Sandy. What's up?" He sat at his computer and loaded up Starcraft. When it doubt, go with the old standbys.

"Jensen? You sound weird."

He snorted. That was the understatement of the year. "I got accepted to Columbia."

"Jensen! That's..." she started to squeal, and then it must have occurred to her. "Oh, Jensen."

"Jared didn't take it well."

"So I take it you're still going?"

"Why wouldn't I, Sandy? Why wouldn't I do what I've planned on doing for the past four years!"

“Because things are different now.”

Jensen turned away from his computer screen, pulling the phone with him. He lowered his voice, not wanting any of his roommates to overhear. "He's better off without me, Sandy. He should marry a nice girl, have a family, be an elementary school teacher..."

"Jensen, you are an idiot," Sandy snapped.

"Thanks so much. Now I remember why we're friends."

He could hear her take an exasperated breath over the phone. Then he heard a muffled sound, like she covered the receiver. Oh man, Danneel was probably there, listening to the whole sordid thing. "Look," she came back. "You fought for him, are you telling me you're suddenly going to let him go now?"

"Sandy." He didn't know what to say to that.

"Just don't rush into anything. You applied to other schools, right?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "I haven't even looked at the other letters." He pulled at his backpack, where he had stashed the rest of his mail. They had most likely held it over spring break, so he had much more than normal. He had letters from two other schools. Jensen opened them both with Sandy on the phone. Two more acceptances, but at schools just as far away.

"You don't have to make up your mind now."

"You shouldn't..." Jensen started. "I think I lost him already Sandy. It's not going to matter what I do."

"Jensen, what did you say to him?"

"Lots of things I shouldn't," he said.

After he got off the phone with Sandy -- after a long conversation in which they resolved nothing -- he picked up the phone again and dialed home.

His mother was thrilled to hear from him. Jensen felt a smidgen of guilt; he really tended to get lost in school, rarely calling home. "Mama," he said. "I got accepted to Columbia." Maybe someone would be happy for him.

"Oh, sweetheart, that's wonderful. That's where you wanted to go, right?"

"Yeah." He wondered if his reticence showed in his voice.

"It's so far away," his mom said. "I hate that you're so far away now."

"Gotta see the world sometime," he tried to joke, but it fell flat. "It's an amazing opportunity. It's an incredible school, and it's New York City..."

"Honey, who are you trying to convince, me or you?"

And Jensen didn't know.

***

Friday evening Jensen set out for the student center alone. He had tried calling Jared yesterday, then earlier this afternoon. Chad had answered both times and said that Jared had gone out, but he didn't know where. Jensen wondered if Jared would screen his calls. Damn it, he had said it was up to Jensen, why was he hiding now?

For the first time, Jensen felt alone on campus. Normally he liked the typical Friday night emptiness, as everyone left to find a party or go home for the weekend. He shivered in the early spring air. The warmth crept back slowly, not with the sudden fierceness of the season back home.

What would spring be like in New York? he wondered. Could he even tell, in the dark city, with its tall, tall buildings? He always looked to the daffodils that popped up all around Springfield's campus for the first sign that spring was truly on its way. What would he look for, alone and hundreds of miles away from everything he'd known?

Everyone else looked to have arrived long before Jensen. He stepped into the student center and they were all milling around the couches in the center of the room, even Jared. For a moment, relief flooded through him, Jared had come. Then his stomach roiled at the thought of having to act normal. Everyone now knew that he and Jared were dating, but no one but Sandy knew they had been fighting. When had his life turned into a soap opera?

"Hey," he said, stepping up behind a rather frazzled looking Eric.

"Jensen, great, we weren't sure you were coming."

Why wouldn't I? Jensen didn't ask, but he frowned at the statement. His eyes met Jared's, and he had to clench his fists at what he saw there. Jared looked pale, his hair unbrushed and wild around his head, curls flying every which way. Jensen longed to get his hands in there, smooth out the strands and watch Jared melt at his touch.

"Can we start now?" Mike asked.

"I'll give you all five minutes to get into position. Everyone knows where they're going?"

Jensen had to scramble for a moment. Tonight the new Prince would arrive. Dean and Sam would need to be able to watch from a distance. They should probably head out of sight. Jared stood and made for the student store, Jensen followed. Everyone else scattered.

They stopped a good distance from the cashier, where the lone student worker sulked at her station. Jared picked up an issue of Newsweek and flipped through it. "Jared," Jensen whispered. "I tried calling you." He didn't dare touch him, Jensen didn't know if it would be welcome at all.

"Oh." Jared looked up and bit his lip. "I had to visit some schools for my class project. Did you leave a message?"

Jensen shook his head. "Chad said he didn't know where you were."

Jared rolled his eyes. "He probably had other things on his mind."

"Sophia?" Jensen supplied. They were talking at least, although not about the gaping chasm of an issue that stood between them.

"Yeah, she's dragged him into volunteering for some play thing."

"The one-acts, yeah, some student-written plays. They probably need stagehands." Jensen had done it himself.

"And he's playing the Prince tonight."

"Chad Murray?" Jensen said. His voice rose, and he checked behind him to make sure the cashier wasn't listening. "Is playing the Prince?"

"Sophia," Jared said by way of explanation.

Made sense. Jensen sighed. Were the others talking about them that way? "Jensen missed the meeting again." "Jared." "Ah."

Before he could change the subject, maybe force Jared to admit what was going on in his head, Jared hissed, "In character."

Chris and Steve had entered the store. Chris nodded at the cashier, giving her a smile that had her blushing and looking away. Trust Chris to flirt in character, with all the vampiric attributes he didn't actually possess.

"Show time boys," Kane said, coming up to them. "The Camarilla Prince will be here in exactly a half an hour."

"Alone or with an entourage?" Jensen asked.

"Don't know. We'll have to wait and see. Stef is going to get him in private conference."

"When I do," Steve took over. "I want you to be waiting for him. Up in room 212B."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Jensen asked, though he meant the question out of character as well. They didn't need to be messing with any meetings that could be going on in one of the upstairs conference rooms.

"I checked it out," Kane assured them. "It's clear."

"One more thing." Steve turned to Jared. "You have to clear out until I've got the Prince upstairs. He can sense your wolf stink."

Jared bared his teeth at Steve. Jensen reached out and laid a hand on Jared's back without even thinking about it. He hated that he wouldn't get a chance to talk to Jared right now. But then again, did he really know what he wanted to say? "Easy," he said to Jared. "Fine. I'll be watching though. Make sure you do as you say."

They all agreed on the plan and what time to meet. Then Jensen watched Jared walk away. He placed his hand on the glass window and stared until Jared left the building.

"I should have known from the moment you first looked at him," Chris said.

Jensen turned and flushed. "Does everyone know?"

"Just about. You shoulda saw Kristin's face when she found out."

"And you're okay with it?" Jensen asked slowly.

Chris punched him in the arm. "Man, you don't think I'd be like that, do you?"

"Mike is." Jensen let the anger creep into his voice.

"Mike just needs to figure out where you fit now. He gets ideas about people and when they suddenly don't fit into his little boxes anymore, he flips."

"Look at you, Mr. Psych 101."

"Whatever. See you in ten." Chris left the store and went out to mingle with his fellow vampires.

Jensen watched as Chad (Murray, not Lindberg) strode into the student center like he owned the place. Not that he had to stretch very far to get that characterization right, but Jensen figured Sophia had to have been working with him. On the acting, although they might have been working in other ways. He restrained the giggle and watched the parlay.

Chad spoke with each of the vamps in turn. Kristin looked really pissed off. Alona hung on Kane's arm and he reminded himself to ask about that later. Eventually, Steve made his way to Chad's side and the two took off. Everyone started to scatter, into the arcade, different alcoves, even outside the student center. Jensen wondered what the plan was. He exited the student store and made his way to the center of the large room. Chris sat propped on the back of one couch.

"That's your precious Prince?" Jensen decided to stay in character. That way he could mock Chad guilt-free.

"You should know better than to be fooled by looks alone." Kane jumped off the couch and led the way. "C'mon. Our boys are waiting."

They waited for the elevator to the second floor, avoiding the stairs to avoid any of the other vamps and possibly Jared. Jensen didn't see him come back in, but there was more than one entrance to the student center. Jensen affected his Dean stance, one hand ready to grab the weapon at his back, in this case the special dagger Jared had gotten at the antique shop. He felt a pang, remembering what they had done just before stopping at that store. Jared had given him the gift of his body for Jensen's birthday, a gift Jensen had not given in return.

The elevator dinged and Jensen stepped through the open doors, shaking those thoughts from his mind. Time for action now.

Kane led the way down the darkened hallway, to the conference room in the back. Jensen could see the open door, light spilling into the hallway. They entered to find Steve splayed out on the ground, red goo smeared all over his chest, with Jared kneeling beside him.

"You bastard!" Kane shouted, diving for Jared.

"Hold it!" Jensen pulled out the knife. Kane stopped a few steps away, fists clenched at his sides. "Sam, what the hell?"

Jared stood and stepped away. "I didn't do it. I found him like this."

"I should have known you'd double cross us!" Kane shouted.

"Think man, if we were going to double cross you," which they were, but Jensen didn't say. "We would have waited until you killed the Prince and the others."

"So, what, the Prince did this?" Kane knelt over Steve, taking his hand in his. Steve's face nearly cracked as he fought not to giggle.

"Or someone who knew what we were up to," Jensen said.

"Where DID the Prince go, anyway?" Jared put in.

Jensen went to the door and looked around. He didn't see anyone else. "We can't let anyone know about this." He closed the door behind him. "We clean this up. You go back with the vamps, tell them Stef left or something. Look for the guilty faces."

"Why should I listen to you?" Kane growled.

"Because." Jared knelt and looked him straight in the eye. "Someone knows you meant to take them out. You're the next target. And we're the only shot you got at living through the night."

They broke character to get rid of Steve's "body," just walking Steve out of the student center without anyone else seeing. Kane went back when the group reconvened -- including Prince Chad. Jared and Jensen watched from the second floor balcony.

"Eric's done it again," Jensen said.

"Do you think Steve even knows who killed him?" Jared asked.

Jensen laughed. "We'll have to ask."

Eric waved at them to come on down. Jensen figured they were breaking for the night. He turned towards the stairs. Jared's arm on his stopped him at the top. "Jared," he whispered.

Jared caught Jensen's face between his hands and kissed him. Jensen leaned into it. He had missed this so much. "I'm sorry." Jared pulled away, their foreheads still touching. "I want to give you time. I just want to touch you."

"Come back with me?" Jensen asked.

Straightening his shoulders, Jared shook his head. "I can't. Not yet."

Jensen watched him go down the stairs, his heart sinking with every step.

***

Jensen left the library, his backpack filled with photocopies and printouts that he wasn't even sure he'd need. He still had no clue what to write for his final paper for lit class, and the deadline loomed closer. Normally he'd poke Jared for ideas until something clicked. Maybe that was his problem. He had to write this without Jared's help.

It would be good practice for the rest of his life, he thought glumly, kicking at the rocks on the path as he started towards the dorm area of campus. It wasn't close enough to finals for the library to have been busy on a Saturday. Jensen had had his pick of computers, and his first choice of books. Maybe he should stay far away from Jane Eyre, he thought, although Graham had given them the freedom to write on any of the books they had read during the semester.

He still felt annoyed at her comments on his paper, but writing about that stupid book again just to prove he could wouldn't help.

He didn't have time to waste on this. There were dozens of note cards filled with terms and definitions on his bed, each a different part of the human circulatory system. He needed to have that down by his exam next week. If he could just write the damn paper, he could free the space in his brain that he needed.

"Jensen."

Jensen whirled at the sound of his name. He spotted Danneel sitting on one of the benches that ranged the campus; this one set off from the main path, under a tree heavy with budding blossoms, flowers poking up at her feet. She hadn't called very loud, maybe she didn't want him to hear.

He couldn't avoid her forever, and really, they were long overdue for this conversation.

"Hey." He sat next to her on the bench, letting his backpack fall on the ground.

Her hands played with the edges of her jacket, a short tan trench over a skirt and tights. "I saw you at the library."

"Yeah. Working on a paper." He kicked his bag for emphasis. That summed up how he felt about the damn thing. "Listen, Danneel, I'm sorry for being such a jerk before Christmas. I shouldn't have said those things to you."

She looked away, red hair sliding down to cover her face so he couldn't see her expression, couldn't judge what she felt. "But you still meant them."

Jensen covered his face with his hands, rubbing his cheeks and forehead, trying to give himself time to think. "Look, I was in a bad mood and I took it out on you. That was wrong. I really am sorry."

Danneel leaned forward, clasping her hands around her knees, her face still hidden. "I saw you and Jared in the dining hall."

Oh. So Sandy had been right about Danneel being there. Still, the news about him and Jared had been out for a while now, he couldn't think Danneel had remained ignorant. Hell, the president of the GLBT club had introduced himself to Jensen at the food court last week. Sandy could have told her, but she hadn't mentioned any of this. Sandy hadn't spoken about Danneel in a long time.

"Is it my fault?" she asked.

"Danneel? What?"

"I kept pushing at you when you didn't want me to. Kept asking you to come to fellowship meetings. Is that why you turned your face from God?"

"I didn't," Jensen protested. "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I hate God."

She faced him now, her hand gripping his forearm tightly. "God can help you, Jensen, God can change you."

He pulled his arm out of her grasp. "Don't you think I tried? That I prayed and prayed to change? Do you remember when I stopped coming to meetings?"

Danneel shook her head, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

"Michael Weatherly. Do you remember him?"

She blinked and tilted her head, as if searching for the memory. "He was one of the campus ministers."

Jensen looked at his fingers. "I had the biggest crush on him. That's when I knew for sure."

"Jensen..."

"I hated myself for that, you know. Maybe that's why I never reached out to anyone before Jared." Jensen didn't look at her, couldn't look at her. He remembered how he felt, four years ago, a freshman trying to find his way. The Campus Christians were almost like his church at home, a place he could go to feel safe. And then he remembered the first night he jerked off, thinking about Michael, picturing himself on his knees.

He couldn't look Michael in the eye after that. He was afraid the sin would be obvious in his eyes. "I didn't think I deserved it."

She didn't say anything. Perhaps she was too polite to say anything.

Danneel probably thought he didn't deserve to be happy either. Jensen never saw her disagreeing with the tirades about the degeneration of society that often went with a fellowship meeting, tirades that put the blame on people like him.

"You know, Jensen, I wanted to be your friend so badly," she started. "But I didn't really know you, did I?"

"No." But Jared did, he thought. Jared knew him, and had known him for a much shorter time than Danneel. "I'm sorry, Danneel."

"Me too," she said.

Chapter 12

Jensen barely made it to class on time Monday. He tossed and turned the night before, going over and over his conversation with Danneel, interspersed with Jared's pained "I can't" from Friday. He wanted to be with Jared, he did, but he couldn't see a way for them. Jared had three years ahead of him here, and Jensen was looking at three years of grad school in New York. Could he live with seeing Jared only on holidays and breaks? A better question would be, could their relationship last?

Jared already sat in his desk towards the back, and like everyone else in the room, furiously paged through his notes. Jensen sat next to him confused.

Graham, already at the front of the room, clarified at his puzzled expression. "Quiz, Jensen. I'm giving everyone ten minutes to review their notes."

Oh, crap, he thought, unzipping his backpack. He pulled out his binder, thick with the papers he had copied from the library, none of them sorted through as of yet. His pencil snapped as he pulled it out and he stared down at it sadly.

He jostled Jared's elbow. "Do you have a pen I can borrow?"

Jared kicked his messenger bag. "Here."

Jensen bent over and grabbed Jared's bag, unzipping the main portion. He dug through the jagged papers and twisted notebooks. Jared had the habit of just shoving everything in his bag, so for a moment, Jensen felt like he was undertaking an archaeological dig. Just when he thought he might be able to see a shining pen at the bottom of all that junk, he pulled out some glossy pages -- college brochures. Jensen paused in his pen quest.

These weren't just brochures, they were transfer applications. To schools in New York City. Oh, Jared, he thought, saliva thick in his throat.

"Five minutes!" Graham called.

Jensen finally found a pen, pulled it out and let Jared's bag slump over. He thumbed through his own notes, but he could barely recall what they were supposed to have read for today. Crap, he was so screwed. He hated being unprepared.

Before he knew it, Graham started passing out the papers, and he was on his own. Jensen stared at the five simple questions, took a deep breath and started writing.

***

Jensen didn't know if he should bring up the applications he saw in Jared's bag after class. They left together, as usual, although no joking conversation followed. Jared finally made an attempt. "Stupid quiz."

"Like you didn't ace that," Jensen snorted, stepping lightly.

"I didn't exactly spend my weekend reading," Jared admitted.

Oh. "Do you want to grab something to eat?" Jensen asked.

"Actually, I can't. I have a meeting with my advisor." Jared stopped along the crossroads, two paths that diverged here, one would take them to the dining hall, the other to the admin offices where Jared most likely had to go. "I have to figure some things out."

Jensen touched Jared's arm. "I do want to be with you, Jared," he said. "Can we talk about this?"

Jared nodded. "Yeah. Just, not now."

"Let me know when." There, he put the ball back in Jared's court. Jared had already taken it off and running, if those applications were anything to go by.

"I'll call you." Jared turned and trotted off to his appointment.

Jensen made his way back to his dorm. He wasn't in the mood to sit in the dining hall alone, nor did he feel like actually finding anyone to eat with. They should have some sandwich fixings in the fridge; Lindberg had made a supermarket run on Sunday.

He stopped to get his snail mail on the way back, like he had every day since he and Jared had found out about his Columbia acceptance. He had two more schools to hear from. Today, he pulled out a single thick envelope, the return address for the State school only an hour or so from Springfield. Thick envelopes were good, they had forms to fill out and meant an acceptance. Thin packets only had the single slip of paper needed for a rejection.

Jensen tore open the envelope and whipped out the bundle of papers inside. His eyes widened at the words on the first sheet. For a moment, he couldn't believe it. If the box hadn't been locked and the envelope sealed, he would have thought someone was playing a prank on him. "Due to your academic performance, you have been offered a full scholarship..."

This changed everything. Jensen folded the letter and tucked it safely inside his backpack.

He laughed as he walked back to his townhouse. Hell, he would have skipped if he thought he could have gotten away with it. A huge weight had been lifted and Jensen felt freer than he had in years.

Jared loved him enough to consider following him across the country. Jensen never expected that kind of gift, never thought something so wonderful would happen to him in his entire lifetime. Now, they had choices, they could make this decision together. Jensen wasn't going to give Jared up. Sandy was right; he had fought too hard for him.

And he wouldn't be sacrificing his dream either. Jensen always wanted to help people. He was drawn to the inter workings of the human body, the intricacies of musculature, the perfection of the skeletal system. But he never wanted to be a doctor, he didn't want to see people as just their parts. That's why he felt drawn to physical therapy; he'd have the chance to work with people, help them get back on their feet, provide his support one on one.

He could follow that dream at State just as well as he could at Columbia. He had been so focused on that one goal -- getting into the best school for physical therapy -- he had forgotten about the rest of his life.

Jensen trotted up the stairs to his room. He made himself a sandwich, and brought it with him as he sat down in front of his computer. He jotted off a quick email to Jared, reminding him to call. Then he opened up Word and started working on his Lit paper. He thrummed with excitement and anticipation, and he wanted to capture that before it faded.

"Hey, Jensen!"

He looked up and grinned at Lindberg. "Yeah?"

"You've got your door open. You haven't had it open in a while."

Since he and Jared had gotten caught Chad meant. Jensen had felt the need to retreat from his friends, so he hid behind his locked door. "You know," he said. "I think it's gonna be open from now on."

"Awesome man. You up for some Unreal Tournament? Or Starcraft?"

Jensen tapped his computer screen. "I actually have to work on this paper. Maybe later?"

"Sure."

He grinned at Chad, then turned back to his paper. He still wasn't sure what Graham was looking for, but maybe he could write something different. Jensen needed to stop treating this like a lab report. There was no tried and true method, no quantitative analysis that translated into character or plot themes. He just had to write.

Jared called shortly before dinner. "Do you want to meet up at the dining hall?" Jared asked, his voice hesitant over the phone. Jensen never wanted him to sound like that.

"Sure. But then I do have to get back to this paper." He was finally on a roll and he was going to stick with it, damn it.

"Oh."

"Jared, you got gas in that truck of yours?" Jensen asked, suddenly struck with an idea.

"What? Why?"

"We're skipping anime night. And, uh, maybe anything else you got planned for Wednesday morning."

Jared was quiet over the phone. "Jensen, are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Jared, I know I've said some stupid things, but I know what I want now, and I'm not about to give it up." Jensen sighed. "Just, trust me? And pack an overnight bag."

"You're nuts." Jared laughed down the line.

"You knew that before you slept with me," Jensen teased. When he hung up the phone, he had the widest smile on his face.

***

"Do you remember how to get to that motel?" Jensen slid into the passenger seat of Jared's truck.

Jared looked over from the driver's side. "Uh, yeah, but I think we'd need a credit card if we want to spend the night."

"I've got that covered." Jensen waved his hand towards the road. "One of the perks of dating an older man."

"Oooh." Jared threw the truck into gear and took off. "Because four years is so much older."

"Well, it was when I was fourteen and you were ten."

"Ew." Jared made a face.

Jensen took a deep breath. This was it. Tonight would decide the course of their relationship forever. He decided to put it all on the line. Jared deserved everything Jensen had to give.

They pulled into the brightly lit parking lot of the motel -- the Breezy Inn. The neon light outside had a few letters burned out, so it advertised "vac  ny." Jensen planned on vacating New York, he thought with a snicker. He went and got the room while Jared parked. Everyone they knew right now was piled into the main lounge, watching whatever new anime Mike had cooked up. Jensen felt a pang at missing it, he had missed too many this semester and soon he'd graduate and there wouldn't be Mike down the hall to bug for a movie.

This came first though, fixing this. Then he and Jared could go to anime night together.

Jensen dangled the key in front of Jared. "Lucky number 13."

"Great. Good thing I'm not superstitious."

Fortunately this room was a bit bigger than the one they stayed in the first time. Jensen didn't have to sidestep to walk inside. He plopped his backpack on the bed, drew out the letter from the top and placed it on the bed. "Gonna hit the head," he said, dragging the pack off so Jared had damn well better notice the letter on the bed. Then he retreated to the bathroom.

After closing the door, Jensen didn't have more than a hand span to turn around in. He actually thought the shower stall at the dorms might be bigger. At least the pale green and chrome fixtures seemed clean. He washed his hands, flushed and then went back into the bedroom.

Jared sat on the bed, back against the headboard, letter on his lap. His eyes shone in the dim lamplight. "You got a full ride to State?"

Jensen sat facing him and put his hand on Jared's knee. "Yeah."

"Jen..."

"Jared, I saw the transfer apps you had in your bag," Jensen interrupted. "You were willing to go to New York to follow me?'

Jared nodded. "My advisor wasn't happy with me when I mentioned it. I hadn't even talked to my parents about it yet."

"You." Jensen crawled up the bed, until he was all but sitting on Jared's lap. "I don't deserve you."

Jared put the letter on the end table, then curled his arms around Jensen's waist. "I don't want to hear you say that again. Don't you think I'm smart enough to choose a person who's worthy of my love?"

"You keep saying that," Jensen whispered.

Jared kissed him, sucking on Jensen's lower lip like he always did. Jensen closed his eyes and let himself feel. Jared always overwhelmed him. Now he pushed Jensen back against the pillows, his much larger body covering him from head to toe. Jensen caught his hands in Jared's hair, guiding his head. He pulled away, nuzzling at Jared's prickly cheek; he loved how the stubble caught against his. Jared smelled like bubblegum and bananas. Jensen didn't want to know what he had been eating.

Jensen tilted his head up and Jared took advantage, sucking on his throat. He swallowed, holding Jared close. God, he couldn't get comfortable, his dick pressed up against his jeans, hard and painful. But he didn't want to push Jared away. Hell, they needed to get naked eventually.

"Jare," he said, and Jared stopped, pulling away with one long last suck. Now that would leave a mark. "Do you want to, maybe, uh?" God, why couldn't he get this out? "I'd like you to fuck me."

Jared's eyes went so wide, Jensen worried for a moment. "Seriously?"

"Yeah." Jensen tucked a lock of hair behind Jared's ear. "You always seem to like it, and, I think I should try it, at least."

To be honest, he still worried about Jared's size. He trusted Jared to stop if they couldn't get him to fit. But Jensen was tired of letting his anxiety about being labeled 'gay' affect his sex life. He liked fucking guys; he loved being with Jared. That's what mattered.

"Strip." Jared drew back and pulled off his clothing in record time. Jensen laughed. He swore Jared ripped his t-shirt in his eagerness to chuck it. Jensen followed suit, though at his own pace. They did have all night.

"Did you bring stuff?" Jared asked. He perched on the end of the bed, completely nude. Jensen drank in the sight. Jared had his own grace, his way of moving, how he held his body -- muscles taut and rippling with each movement. Jensen itched to touch that sun-kissed skin. He folded his hands together to quench that urge. "Front pocket of my backpack."

Jared laughed when he pulled out the large bottle of lube. "How much do you think we're gonna need?"

Jensen leaned over and cupped Jared's dick in his hands. "Have you looked down lately?"

Groaning, Jared reached down and placed his hand over Jensen's. They stroked together for a moment, then Jensen drew away. "C'mon. Prep me."

"Hands and knees." Jared made a swirly motion with one hand, echoing the first time they had done this.

Jensen swallowed. "Jared, just, be careful?"

Jared cupped his face with one of those huge hands and kissed him. "I won't hurt you."

He didn't need that promise; Jensen knew Jared wouldn't. He turned and crawled back up the bed. The comforter scraped against his knees, made his palms itch. Jensen reached up and grasped the iron headboard, his knuckles turning white. Warm hands kneaded his buttocks and he nearly jumped.

"Shh, easy." Jared's breath was warm against his lower back. He peppered kisses all along Jensen's buttocks, and Jensen nearly laughed at the tickling sensation. He closed his eyes to feel more. Gentle fingers pulled his cheeks apart and moist heat touched his hole briefly.

Jensen gasped air into his lungs, trying not to tense up when those long fingers pushed against him. He pushed his forehead against the headboard, trying to let the cold of the metal distract him.

"Jensen, you're not hard," Jared whispered. He had one lubed finger inside. Jensen squirmed around it.

"I can't," Jensen said, trembling.

Jared caught him around the waist and pulled Jensen back into his lap. Jensen threw his head back and enjoyed the skin-to-skin contact. He could feel Jared's erection between his legs. Jared tugged at Jensen's dick, skimming the slit with his thumb and milking it for precome. "You're too tense."

Jensen wrapped one hand around Jared's forearm. "I just can't," he gasped.

"Shh." Jared kissed down his neck, slowing bringing Jensen back to full hardness. "Maybe if you could see me?"

"Maybe." Jensen let Jared spread him out on the bed, tilting his hips up with one of the flat pillows. He spread his legs and bent his knees.

"It's just me," Jared whispered, working a finger inside.

Jensen squirmed again. It felt strange. He tried not to picture the diagrams of anatomy, what the anal sphincter looked like from the inside. He really had to stop thinking about the sensitive tissue. He had to remember those muscles stretched. Jared twisted his finger inside Jensen, and something sparked, tingling all along his nerve endings. Ah ha, that was his prostate!

"Do that again." He looked down to see Jared framed between his legs, his finger disappearing inside Jensen's body. Jared wrapped one arm around Jensen's thigh and pressed a kiss against the skin there. Then he nipped the inner thigh while tapping his finger against that spot inside Jensen.

Jensen nearly arched off the bed. He fisted his hands in the scratchy comforter, taking great gulps of air, the scent of lube and musk overtaking his nose. Droplets of sweat gathered on his chest as a flush rose across his skin, over his dusky nipples and to his hot cheeks.

Jared pulled out, added some more lube and pushed in with two fingers. He found that spot inside Jensen again and pushed. Jensen closed his eyes, his entire body focusing on that one space inside him, consumed with the pleasure, tiny sparks like mini orgasms cresting in his ass. "Jared, if you keep at it like that, I'm gonna come," he gasped.

"Would that be so bad?" Jared added some more lube and twisted his fingers inside Jensen.

"Want you in me," Jensen moaned.

"Almost there, Jen, you're opening up for me so nicely." Jared pulled back and grasped for one of the condoms. He got it on, slicked himself up, then got into position. Jensen pushed back with his hands, tilting his pelvis up. Jared pushed one of his legs back; Jensen hooked the other around Jared's hips. Then Jared pushed inside, slow, so slowly, but he felt so huge.

Jensen's world narrowed to between his legs. It hurt, at first, and he reached for Jared, holding onto his shoulders, remembering that this was Jared, Jared who would not hurt him.

Then, he opened, and Jared slid further, inches that seemed to go on forever.

"You in?" Jensen gasped.

Jared snickered. "Finally."

"Your own damned fault. Monster dick." Jensen squeezed experimentally.

"Jesus Christ," Jared swore. "Can I?"

"Fuck me, Jared. Use me, pound me, fuck..."

Jared didn't wait for an engraved invitation. He drew back and rolled his hips against Jensen's, sliding in and out. They didn't have their rhythm here, never having done this before. Jensen moved slightly out of sync, his cock rubbing against Jared's stomach with every thrust. Then, Jared found the right angle and when he pressed inside, Jensen saw stars.

"God." Jared thrust forward one last time, then fell forward, teeth clamping down on Jensen's shoulder as he came.

Just a little bit more, Jensen thrust up against Jared's stomach, just enough and then he erupted all over himself and Jared.

Jared pulled out slowly, then dropped next to Jensen on the bed. "Okay?"

Oh, my God, fuck yeah, Jensen thought. "Yeah," he said.

"That was intense." Jared laughed, throwing one arm over his eyes. "You were so tight."

"Monster dick!" Jensen yelled. He laughed -- didn't giggle, no, not him -- and managed to get coordinated enough to stumble to the bathroom to wet one of the hand towels. If they were sleeping here, then they had to clean up before crawling under the covers. He hoped the sheets were less scratchy than the comforter.

He wiped down himself and Jared before pulling down the comforter. Jared slid between the sheets with a happy grumble. Jensen joined him, tucking one arm around Jared's shoulders. Tonight they could sleep together, for the first time they could spend the entire night curled against each other in a normal sized bed. Jensen closed his eyes and dropped into slumber, nuzzling against Jared's smooth shoulder.

Jensen woke to warm suction on his dick, and he nearly sat up in surprise.

"Easy." Jared pulled off long enough to push Jensen back against the pillows. "Let me."

So he did, luxuriating in a half-awake haze of pleasure as Jared skillfully brought him to climax. "Do you want me to?" he asked as Jared climbed back up.

"Just touch me," Jared whispered, his lips finding their way to Jensen's neck, sucking another hickey into life. It was a damn good thing they didn't have to hide anymore. Jensen reached under the sheets and found his way to Jared's dick, scorching hot and heavy against his hand. He stroked it the way Jared liked it, nearly as familiar with this as his own prick.

Jared twisted against the bed, his hands clamping down on Jensen's arms, holding him in place. He came with a barely choked off shout. "Don't hold back," Jensen said, "I like it when you're loud."

"Fuck," Jared said, wiping himself off with the end of the sheet.

"No," Jensen said, shifting to his side to avoid the ache in his ass. "That was earlier."

Jared laughed. He pulled Jensen close and plopped his head on Jensen's chest. "Time is it?"

Jensen squinted at the clock on the side table where he had plunked his glasses. "Maybe 3 or 5 am, can't quite make it out."

"Best idea ever," Jared murmured, his fingers making patterns against Jensen's skin, possibly playing connect-the-dots with Jensen's freckles again.

They were too wired to fall back to sleep just yet, and still sated from their second round. Jared started rambling about something, and Jensen closed his eyes, just content to listen to his boyfriend's deep voice, his honey tones reminding him achingly of home.

"What kind of name is Ackles anyway?" Jared asked. "I bet you always got to be at the front of the line. The first locker, the best seat in the class."

"Had to sit in the front cause of my glasses anyway," Jensen answered sleepily.

"I always got sent in the back with the S's. Aren't too many letters left after that," Jared grumbled. "Nobody can even spell it either. It's not that hard!"

"Just long." Jensen combed his hand through Jared's hair, playing with the soft strands. "Well, when we get married you'll just have to take my name then."

Jared stiffened for just a moment, and Jensen thought he had overstepped with the joke. Then Jared relaxed, curling even closer if possible. "We'd have to move to Vermont."

"Too cold," Jensen complained. He closed his eyes against, just letting himself feel: the softness of Jared's hair, the warmth of his skin where he pressed against Jensen. "I'm gonna have to tell my parents, I think."

"Jen." Jared uncoiled from his position and knelt up, staring down at Jensen with wide-eyes. "You don't, you don't have to."

"Not because of you, though, that's kinda nice." Jensen curved his hand around Jared's face. "Because I've been hiding too long."

"Aw, Jen." Jared leaned forward and kissed him. "Love ya."

"Love you too, you big dork." Jensen pushed him back down onto the bed. "Now go to sleep. We've got a ThIS meeting to crash tomorrow."

Jared snorted. "No way."

"No hiding, not any more, Jare, not anymore."

Chapter 13

They made it back to campus with plenty of time before the ThIS meeting. Jared had woken with his usual bright-eyed exuberance and Jensen had hidden under the covers. By the time he crawled out of bed, he was ready to grab some breakfast and head back to school. He caught sight of his reflection in the mirror and groaned, seeing the purple-red love bites that stood out all along his neck. No way could they show up at the meeting like that.

"We'll have to go back to my dorm," Jensen told Jared as they loaded up the truck. "I have a turtleneck somewhere."

"You embarrassed?" Jared flashed a too wide smile at him.

Jensen thwapped him on the arm. "Apparently there are such things as vampires."

"I can't help it if your neck's so bitable."

"Well, next time keep it beneath the collar line."

Jared winked. "Yes, sir!"

"Just drive."

Jensen kept the collar of his jacket up as they trekked across the campus parking lot and towards the townhouses. They didn't meet anyone they knew, fortunately, so he wasn't forced to look like an overgrown turtle with no neck. He'd probably meet the guys, he thought, unlocking the door with Jared on his heels. He'd make with the turtle impression then.

They walked in to find Sandy coming down the steps. She stopped when she saw them, one hand clinging to the railing. "Sandy?" Jensen asked. "Were you looking for us?" Maybe he should have told her where he and Jared had gone. It was nice of her to come check on him though.

Then Lindberg skidded around the curve brandishing something in his hand. "Sandy, you forgot, oh shit."

A striped pink bra dangled from Chad's fingers.

Jensen blinked. Jared put a hand on his back and pushed him forward. "We were jus' going on upstairs." Jared grinned. "Don't mind us, see ya'll at the ThIS meeting."

"Jensen," Sandy squeaked out as he passed her, her voice higher than he had ever heard it.

Jensen just laughed. "Details later!"

She tugged at his collar and raised an eyebrow. "Definitely."

After they got upstairs, leaving Chad and Sandy at the bottom of the steps, Jared shut the door behind them and Jensen started pulling out shirts. "Do you tell Sandy everything?" Jared asked.

Jensen looked up, holding a blue sweatshirt in one hand. He didn't even remember owning a blue sweatshirt. Where the hell was the dark green turtleneck from Christmas? "What? No! I told her we had sex, but I really didn't go into any of the nitty gritty."

Jared's eyes narrowed. "You're not going to tell her about losing your ass virginity?"

Jensen choked. "Jared?"

His boyfriend stalked across the room, lifted Jensen up effortlessly and crushed their mouths together. He backed them both up till the back of Jensen's knees hit the end of the bed and then he went down, wincing at bouncing on his ass. Jared climbed over him and straddled his waist, owning Jensen's mouth, his fingers holding Jensen's face steady as he licked and nibbled with those perfect pink lips.

Jensen pulled away to gasp for air. "What the hell?"

"This is just for us," Jared said. Jensen had never seen him so fierce, staring at Jensen with an intense focus on his face. "No one else."

He held on to Jared's shoulders. "No one else," he agreed. Then he let Jared show him exactly what that meant.

***

They managed to be late to the meeting. Jensen had found his turtleneck, but his face was so flushed he was damn sure every single person at that meeting knew what they had been doing. Luckily, Sandy and Lindberg were just as red-faced. Sophia made no secret of her ownership of her Chad, sitting on his lap when the two of them walked in. Well, Jensen though, he guessed spring really was the time for lovers -- and hot, oversexed college students.

Mike looked pretty shell-shocked to see them. He didn't make any nasty comments though, just carried on with the rest of the business announcements. "And the last LARP of the semester will be on May 5th. It's cutting pretty close to the end of the semester, I know, but Eric wants to wrap everything up for us graduating seniors."

"You're not coming back to play?" Sandy asked. She and Sophia were juniors.

"I think you'll all have to start up a new one," Tom said. "Most of the group is graduating."

At his words, Jared's hand pressed against Jensen's thigh, squeezing it. Jensen covered the hand with his own, hopefully reassuring Jared. Huh, he thought. Last LARP ever. They should go out with a bang. He started drafting plot ideas, and wondered what Jared would think. He'd ask him afterwards; this wasn't something he wanted everyone else to hear.

"So everyone should start wrapping up their games," Mike said, "That is if you want an ending."

Jensen thought of his long-canceled Werewolf game and his ears burned. He did regret not being able to finish it, but knew there wasn't any time, not if he wanted to finish his schoolwork, and make time for Jared.

"After the last LARP we'll be going to the Golden Moon Diner. Everyone's invited, even non-LARPers. Just let Tom know if you're going."

And then the card decks came out and the Dreamcast attached to the rolling television cart went on. Jared and Jensen joined a game with Chris and Steve.

"Haven't seen you two here in a while," Chris drawled.

"Thought you were too busy studying." Steve tried to hold a straight face, and then the two of them dissolved into laughter.

Jensen was so glad he had changed into the turtleneck. "I finally finished that stupid paper," he said, breaking out his deck and shuffling.

"You did?" Jared asked, surprised. "For Graham?"

Jensen shrugged. "I got inspired." He ignored the grin that curved across Jared's face. "I can't believe it's my last semester here."

"You'll be going on to more school though, right?" Chris asked. "Not giving up the homework forever."

"Yeah, I'll be going to State in the fall," Jensen said it out loud for the first time. "Full ride and everything. Just have to mail in my acceptance."

"Are you serious?" Sandy turned from where she sat next to her Chad. "You're staying here?"

"Yeah." Jensen smiled at her.

She ran over and hugged him. Jensen wheezed, unable to breathe. Jared tapped her on the shoulder. "Leggo my boyfriend, please?"

Sandy swatted him, and then launched herself at Jared, twining her arms around his neck. "I'm so happy for you guys."

Jared patted her on the back. "Thanks." His voice sounded strangled. Good, Jensen thought, let him be subjected to a Sandy-hug for once.

"What are you guys doing?" He asked Chris and Steve.

"We're going on tour!" Steve said.

Chris nodded. "Spending the entire summer bumming around the country, playing in dive bars and parks. I want to take as much time as possible before," here he shuddered, "getting a real job."

"Real jobs are overrated," Jared said.

"You should come with us," Steve said. "Jensen can sing backup and Jared can haul the equipment around."

Jensen laughed. "Nobody wants to hear me sing."

Jared reached over and ruffled Jensen's hair with his free hand. The other arm was still occupied by Sandy. "I do."

"Well, you have to say that," Jensen grumbled.

"Are we talking, or are we playing here?" Steve asked.

"Just take your damn turn," Chris snapped.

Jensen smiled. Yeah, looked like things were getting back to normal -- well, as normal as things ever got around here.

***

Rain poured down over the campus, water coming down in large, fat drops. Jensen could barely see outside his window, the splatter covering the glass in thick slivers. The storm pounded against the wall and the roof, so Jensen could hear nothing more than the thumping over and above him. He tossed and turned, unable to get back to sleep with the cacophony surrounding him. Normally he liked the sound of rain, but this thrummed down too fast and too hard for any comfort.

"Jensen!"

Jensen rolled and checked his clock. Had he really slept so late? He missed his first class. He grabbed a t-shirt and threw it over his head before answering the door. Jared's fingers had left bruises all along his back, and he didn't want to have to explain that to Mike. So he blinked at the blurry sight of Mike, Lindberg and Tom standing outside his door, all covered head to toe in rain-gear.

"What the hell?"

"State of emergency, classes are canceled," Mike said with glee.

Oh, good, he hadn't missed any classes. "Great. I can get back to sleep then."

Tom held out a keycard. "All non-essential campus offices are closed. That means, we have the computer lab all to ourselves."

"Because my man Tom here is the lab manager!" Mike grinned.

“We’re meeting everyone at the Macintosh lab. Tom already installed the games on those computers. Nobody noticed,” Chad put in.

“Oh, call Jared,” Mike said. “Tell him to meet us there.”

Feeling slightly off-balance, Jensen grabbed his phone and did just that.

They ran through the torrential rain, through the nearly empty campus, except for the insane freshman sliding down the muddy hills. That looked mildly like fun, Jensen thought, but he didn’t have nearly enough quarters to do that much laundry.

Jared met them about halfway, his backside all covered with mud. Jensen figured he couldn't resist the sliding.

No lights shone through the academic building that housed the computer lab. Most of the other members of ThIS waited out in the rain until Tom ran up and used his keycard to let them all in. Jensen left his soaked jacket and tennis shoes at the front of the lab, with everyone else’s. It didn't help his soaked jeans, which he just rolled up to the knees. Jared had worn sandals as usual, so now he flopped around barefoot in soggy pants.

Mike started dividing the group into teams. "No couples on the same team," he declared.

"C'mon, man," Lindberg griped. He and Sandy had set themselves up at neighboring computers.

"Dude, you're the one who taught her to play," Mike said.

"She'll kick all of our asses." Jensen dropped into a chair next to Jared.

Mike whirled on him. "Same goes for your guys. Different teams."

"You suck, man," Jared said, but he grinned as he said it. Jensen knew how he felt. For the first time, Mike appeared to be accepting his and Jared's relationship.

"Any other arbitrary rules you want us to know about?" Jensen started up the game and waited for it to load.

"Yeah, I get to pick the team colors."

They settled into the game, the room quieting as everyone picked teams, and found their places on the map. It would take time for Jensen to build his army, but he worked quickly, knowing how fast Lindberg tended to have his own city up and running.

Jared tapped his arm and held out a bag of candy. Jensen took a red Twizzler and stuck the end of it in his mouth, one eye still on the screen. He felt Jared's arm on his shoulder and he turned. Jared reached out and chomped on the other end of the red licorice stick. Surprised, Jensen didn't let go of his end, just sat and watched while Jared slid down the Twizzler, chewing away at the candy.

"Hey, he's looking at your screen!" Lindberg called.

Jensen pushed Jared away. "My candy!"

Jared laughed, and settled back in his seat. Oh, Jensen thought, it was so on now. He threw himself back into the game, sending his forces after Jared's. The other members of his team started attacking as well. Just when everyone seemed to be down to their last remnants of soldiers and ships, Sandy's little army made its way into the fray, all of her forces fresh. She decimated Jared's team. Jensen went back to making more soldiers and ships. Anyone could win now.

Hours later, they locked up the room and wandered back towards the dining hall. The rain had let up some, but they were still soaked from before. Jensen hung back from the rest of the crowd, tilting his head at Jared to show where he was going. He walked in step next to Mike.

"I just wanted to say thanks, man," Jensen said. "You know, for inviting me and Jared."

"Dude, if I have to put up with Lindberg and Sandy." Mike made a face. "You and your freshman don't seem that bad."

Jensen laughed.

***

Jensen had made presentations before, hell he had to take public speaking his very first semester of freshman year. However, most of the time he had diagrams or handouts to distribute, something to distract the attention of his audience. Many of his science presentations were as part of a group, so he could simply hang back and let others take center stage, only hopping in when needed.

This presentation made his palms sweat. He stood in front of his literature class, about to give the five-minute summary of his final paper. He had no handouts, no partners to hide behind. Jared had given his in the previous class session, so he could sit back and just watch as Jensen made a fool of himself.

He didn't know why he felt so uncomfortable. Strike that, he knew exactly why he stood up here fidgeting, fingers losing their grip on his stack of index cards. This was Jared's place -- Jensen didn't quite fit in here. He couldn't pretend to be someone else, take on a character on stage or in a game. Here he had to be true to himself, or so Graham had scribbled on so many of his papers.

Jensen cleared his throat. "Hi." He rubbed his forehead with one hand, hiding for a moment. Then Jensen met Jared's eyes across the room and smiled. "For those of you who can't see me over Jared's huge head back there, I'm Jensen." The class giggled. Graham, who sat in the corner for these presentations, even cracked a smile.

"I'm not an English major, so, all this stuff was really new for me," he admitted, deviating from his script a bit. "Honestly, I'm much better at biology, which is my major. Then I thought about...how in medicine, if you want to treat someone, you need to diagnose the problem first. And you can't do that without all the information. Keeping secrets can get someone killed. So, uh, how does this relate to Jane Eyre?"

He went on for a bit, flipping through his cards to remember what he had actually written his paper about.  Because Rochester hid his first wife, he nearly lost the woman he loved forever. Jensen threw some bits of metaphor -- the actual wife in the attic probably represented some defect in Rochester's soul -- cited some sources, and then he was done. He wiped the sweat off of his forehead as he made his way back to his seat at Jared's side.

"Thank God that's over," Jensen whispered.

"You were awesome," Jared hissed back.

"You have to say that."

"Doesn't make it any less true."

Yeah, Jared was so getting laid tonight, Jensen thought with a grin. He sobered as Graham got up to address the class. This was it, the last time he and Jared would be sitting in a classroom together, sending each other notes and stealing each other's textbooks.

"I want to thank everyone for your presentations," Graham said. "Especially Monica, we all appreciated the free cookies."

Everyone laughed.

"I hope you all learned something this semester," she continued. "I find that's not always true for most of my students. It was my pleasure to share this time with you."

Jensen reached out and squeezed Jared's thigh under the desk. He wouldn't be forgetting this class any time soon.

***

"Are you absolutely sure about this?" Eric asked.

Jensen, Jared and Steve stood around him outside the student center for the last LARP of the semester. Inside the rest of the vampires were gathering for the final meeting with the Prince, where it would be decided that they would join the larger network of vampires across the country.

"C'mon, Eric, it's my last LARP ever," Jensen said. "Let's go out with a bang."

Eric sighed. He threw his hands in the air. "You're making me throw out my outlines!"

"You can make new ones," Jared said. Even he knew about Eric's tendency to redo major plot points at the last minute.

"Steve?" Eric asked.

Steve shrugged. "I'm in. My vamp's already dead. Don't mind killing a few more."

"Okay, okay, let me go in and get the others in place. You just...roleplay your first meeting." He gestured at Steve and then turned on heel to go back into the student center.

Jensen looked at Jared, who looked at Steve. He shook himself and turned to Jared. "So, Sam, who's your friend?"

"Dean, this is, um, Karl," by the pause Jensen knew Jared had made the name up right there. They had created the plan between the two of them, only including Steve as backup after his vampire character kicked the bucket. So although Jensen had written up a perfectly good character sheet for the new werewolf, he hadn't included a name, figuring Steve might want pick his own. "He's an old friend. We...grew up together."

"You mean he's like you?" Jensen asked, trying to fit some anger into his voice. Dean would be angry about Sam's reminder of how he spent his childhood, away from Dean, simply because he had been born a werewolf. Jensen had asked Eric about that bit of surprise, since in his original character plan, Dean's brother had simply been killed by vampires.

"It just fit together, Jensen," Eric had explained. "I wanted Jared to play your long lost brother, but I needed a reason for him to be alive. And since Dean's father hunted supernatural creatures, he wouldn't be able to raise one as a son. And, you know how the werewolf thing is hereditary in the game, but it's recessive, so Sam could be a werewolf and not Dean..." Eric had rambled on a bit more about the history of the game, but Jensen finally figured Eric just wanted to introduce a new species into the LARP.

Steve grinned at Jensen, baring his teeth. "Why don't you just ask right out, pretty boy? I'm of the same tribe as your brother."

Jared put a hand on Jensen's chest to hold him back. "He's here to help, we can't do this without him."

"We know who the vamps are now, we've got the dagger and hell, you're stronger than all of them combined. Do we really need him?"

Jared frowned. "I'm not enough if they use their sorcery. I need to know you're protected, Dean."

"I can take care of myself. I've killed plenty of vampires," Jensen protested.

"Not all at the same time, and not when there's a Prince involved."

Of course, Jared was right, but Jensen knew Dean wouldn't give in that easily. "Fine."

The door to the student center opened and Chris came out. "You'd better scatter. They're leaving."

"Leaving?" Jensen asked.

"Splitting up. Should be perfect for you," Chris's voice had an edge to it. "The Prince wants to speak to Claudia in private. Probably will discipline her for the bullshit she's put everyone through. Then he'll elect a leader for the college. They plan on meeting by the lake at ten."

Jensen checked his watch. "The Prince and Claudia first. Then the others."

"Then scatter." Chris turned to go, then paused. "Oh, and wait for Eric, he's going to need to judge all the activity."

From there, everything started to move very quickly. They followed Chad and Kristin out to the basement of O'Neill, where they were no match for two werewolves in their crinos form -- large and bipedal with long, sharp claws. Then they retreated to the forest around the lake before everyone else got there. Eric kept up frantically, tallying up all the hands of rock/paper/scissors being played. Jensen managed to win every round by simply not playing scissors. Perhaps he had grown a bit too predictable. It worked in his favor this time.

Even so, he managed to get two "injuries" fighting the vampires, and Eric told him his right arm was out of commission. Jensen held the dagger in his left, surrounded by his two werewolf guardians. He looked over the "bodies" of his friends, all sprawled over and playing dead, when he heard the sound of clapping.

Sandy came into their line of sight, still clapping. "Excellent job, boys. I couldn't have done it myself."

"No, you have others do your work for you," Jensen snapped. "Do you honestly expect us to let you go now that the others are dead?"

"No, Dean, I expect you to die."

Jared snickered and Jensen elbowed him. Now was not the time to break character. "From where I'm looking, I think we outnumber you, sweetheart."

"Not really." Chris made his way to her side.

"Oh, look you're double crossing us. I didn't expect that at all," Jared said dryly.

Chris smirked at them. "It only matters that I win. Stef didn't understand that."

"You killed him!" Jensen gasped.

"I'll take the wolf wannabee," Steve said. "You handle the witch."

And then some furious rock/paper/scissors battles later: Sandy attempted to cast some spells, and managed to knock Sam out of the fight. While she was occupied with that, Jensen played rock in a physical attack and succeeded in injuring her. That gave Jared time to recover and play his own battle.

Soon it was all over, and the vampires were nothing more than dust at their feet.

"Awesome!" Mike said, getting to his feet. "Can I wash the ketchup off now?"

All this time, Jensen hadn't known what they had been using for blood. He shouldn't have been surprised; it was the most readily available item on campus.

Eric laughed. "That was great, guys. Never had a game end so spectacularly before."

"Everyone ready to head out to the diner?" Lindberg asked. He looked down at his ketchup-stained shirt. “After we get changed, that is.”

"Food sounds good," Jared said.

"You always want food," Jensen grumbled.

"Not always." Jared threw a grin at him and Jensen was glad it was too dark for anyone to notice his blush. Yes, Jared often exhibited a hunger for Jensen's body that rivaled his own passion for food. Now was not the time to be thinking about that, not when they had a night out with others to look forward to. But later, he'd get Jared to come back with him to Jensen's dorm, and he'd see how quiet they could be. Jensen grinned, looking forward to it.

He threw an arm around Jared's waist. "Food sounds great."

Chapter 14

Jensen rolled up his Sailor Moon poster, pulling off the sticky tack he used to adhere it to the dorm room walls. Hard to believe this was the last time he would take down this artwork, the last time he'd pack up his computer, the last time he'd try to fit all his clothes in the few suitcases and laundry baskets. This would be the last time his father would pick him up at Springfield.

Granted, he would be back in a week for graduation, but unlike most of the Springfield students -- locals or seniors with apartments -- he'd be flying in, and he'd be with his parents and sister and grandparents. Nothing would ever again be like his time here.

"Hey?" Jared knocked on the open door. "Your dad is loading up the crates of books."

Jensen pulled him in and closed the door. "Good, he'll be busy for a while."

"Jen." Jared placed his hands on Jensen's waist and leaned down to kiss him.

Jensen caught his fingers in Jared's hair, holding him in place while they kissed. He closed his eyes and just let himself feel. Jared's body was so warm against his, hard and muscled, such a contradiction to the softness of his hair, the smoothness of his skin wherever Jensen touched. His lips tasted sweet, like the candy he always ate. Jensen pulled away for a moment and buried his face in Jared's neck, just breathing in his scent, memorizing it for the time they would be apart.

"I'm going to tell them," Jensen whispered. "Before graduation."

"You don't have to," Jared said. "You're going to be moving back up here, you won't have to hide."

"That's just it, Jared, I don't want to hide anymore." It didn't mean he wasn't scared as shit. He'd made arrangements just in case his own family kicked him out. Jared's parents had said Jensen could stay with them. Or he could join Chris and Steve on tour until moving into graduate housing at State. He'd hate it. He didn't want to lose his family. But he'd be okay, somehow.

They broke apart at the sound of footsteps on the stairs and Jensen opened the door, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth.

"Do we have all the boxes, Jensen?" his dad asked, rounding the corner from the stairs onto the main landing.

Jensen nodded. "Just taking down my posters, oh, and my backpack. Everything else is packed up."

"Thanks for helping out, Jared." Dad clamped a hand on Jared's shoulder. "Went much faster with an extra set of hands."

"No problem, sir." Jared looked away, his cheeks coloring a bit. Man, if only Dad knew how awkward he was making Jared feel.

Jensen locked up his room for the last time while Jared and Dad carried the posters downstairs. His hand brushed the white painted door. So much had happened inside.  Hard to believe that part of his life was over. But, Jensen turned around, thinking of Jared and grad school, he had a hell of a lot to look forward to.

After dropping off his key with his RA, he joined his dad and Jared back at the van. "I'll see you at graduation?" he asked Jared.

"Dude, I'm not going to miss it," Jared promised. "Hell, I'll probably see you at the airport if I can get on the same flight y'all are on."

"Don't wait too long. I'll call you."

"You'd better." Then Jared swooped down and gave him a bone-crushing hug. Jensen felt his cheeks flush. It was just a hug. Jared was always touchy-feely. Dad couldn't think anything of it.

When he got in the passenger seat, his dad gave him a strange look. "Jared doesn't live very far from us."

"Oh." Jensen turned away. "He's just like that."

Dad laughed. "I can see that. He seems like a nice young man."

"Yeah." Jensen played with the hem of his shirt, keeping his gaze down. What could he add to that? That's why I fell in love with him? "I'm glad he's my friend," he finally said, turning to watch the campus fly by.

***

Jensen never unpacked. He kept his boxes lined up along the wall of his room, because, as he told his parents, he would only need to pack it all up again when he moved later that summer. Eventually he did take his clothes out of the suitcases, but only because he needed something to wear.

He'd been back for four days. Every time he thought about sitting down with his parents and telling them, his palms started sweating and his stomach churned. Maybe Jared was right, he thought, he didn't really need to tell them.

The phone rang and Jensen just missed picking it up. "It's Jared," his sister whined, sounding out the name. "He calls you all the time."

"Thank you for that." Jensen grabbed the cordless handset out of her hands. "I wouldn't have noticed otherwise."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't stay on too long, I'm waiting for Nathan to call."

"Oooh, Nathan," Jensen mocked in turn, because really, she was his little sister, he had to. He held the phone up to his ear and headed back to his room. "Jared?"

"Hey, Jen." Jared's warm tones were barely there behind the scratchy static of the phone. They really needed a new one. "Sounds a bit busy over there."

"And we don't even have two crazy dogs." Jensen closed his bedroom door and sprawled out on his bed. "Did you get your flight squared away yet?"

"Yeah, I'll be meeting you at the airport. It's so weird to be done with school in May."

"You'll get used to it." Jensen laughed.

"Did you tell them yet?" Jared asked after a brief moment of silence.

Jensen closed his eyes. "It's not easy. I can't exactly say 'I'm gay, pass the peas.'"

"Dude, did you just Molly Ringwald me?"

He laughed. "Like you don't have Pretty in Pink on VHS."

"No one was supposed to know about that!" Jared said, but Jensen could hear the laughter in his voice.

"Tonight. I'll tell them tonight," Jensen said. "Mackenzie's at a friend's house, so it'll be just us."

"Jen, do you want me to drive up?"

"No." Jensen shook his head as if Jared could see him. "If I need you, I promise I'll call."

He kept that thought in the back of his mind throughout dinner. If he needed him, he knew Jared would do his best to be there as soon as possible. His mom passed him the bowl of peas and he stared at it, wanting to both laugh and grimace at the same time.

"Aren't you hungry, Jensen?" she asked.

Not really, he thought, going over in his mind what he planned on saying later. He didn't want to ruin his parents' dinner though. "Oh, I'm fine. Just don't feel like peas for some reason." He reached for the potatoes instead.

Afterwards he helped his mother clean up, rinsing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. He knew he was only putting it off. "Mom," he said. He closed the machine and hit the start button. "Could I talk to you and Dad for a sec?"

She turned from wiping down the table. "Sure, hon, is everything all right?"

"Depends on how you define all right," Jensen muttered.

They moved to the living room where his dad paged through the daily paper. He looked up when they entered. Jensen sat across from them, his fingers curled into fists on his lap. "I have something to tell you."

"Honey?" His mom asked. She took his father's hand and gripped it tightly.

Jensen closed his eyes. He couldn't just blurt it out, couldn't just say, "I'm gay," because so much more went into this. It wasn't about his preferences, it was about Jared too, and what Jensen hoped for. He made himself look up and meet his parents' faces. God, they looked so worried. "Jared and I," he started out. "Are more than just friends."

His father's brow furrowed. "Jensen, that doesn't make any sense..." he trailed off, sudden comprehension appearing in his face.

"Jensen," he mother said. "You mean..."

"We're dating," he blurted, because he couldn't say 'boyfriend' to his parents.

"I don't understand," his father said. All the color had leached from his face. "How could you?"

"This isn't something new," Jensen felt he had to say. "I've felt like this before Jared. I just couldn't tell you, I didn't have any reason to tell you."

"This boy is the reason?"

"He's not the reason I'm gay." Oh great, there he went and said it when he swore he wouldn't. Jensen stood up. "He makes me happy, and I wanted you to know."

Jensen turned and retreated to his room. He had said what he needed to say and he had to just leave.  Jensen curled around the pillow on his bed. He never wanted to see that look on his father's face. The man just looked so defeated and shocked and hurt. And Jensen had done it to him. I'm sorry, he thought. He hated this, how he had just ruined everything.

A soft knock on the door had him sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "Come in."

His mother stepped inside, shutting the door behind her. "Oh, Jensen."

He looked away when she sat next to him, but couldn't hide when she traced her fingers along his ear, tucking his hair back affectionately, like she used to do when he was a kid. "Mama," he said, hating how small his voice sounded.

"I have to tell you," she said, still holding him close to her. "I had a feeling about this very thing."

Jensen turned to her in shock. "What?"

"When was the last time you brought a girl home? Other than your senior prom date?" she smiled, but her eyes were still so sad. "I was so happy to meet Sandy, I thought for sure I was wrong."

"Sandy is a very good friend," Jensen said. "The best."

"But not the one you're dating." Her lips pinched as she said it.

"No." How could he explain how Jared made him feel? How Jensen felt just to be near him? Why Jared's body excited his like no woman's could? Should you even say things like that to your own mother?

"You should go talk to your father."

"What can I say to him? The way he looked at me." Jensen stared at his hands again.

She grabbed one of his hands and held it tight. "He's still your father."

Of course, she was right. Jensen found himself outside Josh's old room, his dad's new office when his mom wasn't using it to store her quilting supplies. He found his father sitting on the ottoman near the window, holding something in his hand. As he got closer, Jensen could see it was a tiny baseball glove. Probably the same one he learned to play catch with.

"Dad," he said from the door, not willing to disturb his father's thoughts.

"It's wrong, Jensen," Dad said. "You know it's wrong. This going against everything we believe in."

Jensen stepped inside the room. He put his hands in his jean pockets. "I thought we believed in a God who is all loving and all forgiving."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"Dad," Jensen started. "Do you think I didn't try? That I didn't spend the past four years praying to be normal?"

His dad looked up. "We can find people to help you."

Jensen shook his head. "No, Dad." No way did he want to be poked and prodded by nutjobs who thought they could change him. It had taken him long enough, but Jensen was happy just the way he was. And he wasn't giving up Jared, not for anything. "This is me." He stepped forward, crouching down to take the baseball glove out of his dad's hands. "I'm sorry," he said, finally, because he was.

Jensen brushed his fingers against the worn leather. He remembered making little league for the first time, so happy because he could finally play in the same league as his big brother. He and Dad had spent hours outside, just tossing the ball until Jensen managed to catch more often than miss.

"Where'd you get this?" he asked.

Dad shrugged. "Bunch of Josh's stuff is over in that trunk your Momma keeps down here."

He wondered if his dad was going over the same memory.

"I can't accept this, Jensen. I won't have that boy in my house. I can't look at you and him and...." he broke off.

Jensen nodded. He'd expected this. "Okay. When do you want me to leave?"

His father blinked at him. "Leave?"

"You just said you can't accept me." Jensen stood. "You obviously don't want me around."

"Jensen, you're my son!" His father pushed himself up from the bench. "Do you honestly think I'd throw you out of your home?"

Well, yeah, Jensen thought. "I just heard...that happens to a lot of kids, when they, uh, come out."

His dad winced at those words. It hurt to see that, how Jensen had put this between them. "I wouldn't," he said finally. "I wouldn't throw you out. But I can't have this sin in my home."

Jensen shrugged. "What do you want me to do, Dad? I'll be gone at the end of the summer. I don't have to come back."

"You honestly think this relationship will last? You care more about him than your family? Than your faith?"

’You don't know how I feel’, Jensen thought. "I can't lie about who I am anymore. I can't pretend anymore. It hurt to lie to you, Dad. That last day on campus? With Jared? When I had to pretend he was nothing more than a friend?"

"Don't, don't talk about him." Dad turned away and walked to the door. "You're my son, Jensen, you'll always be my son. But this? I don't know what to think. I'll pray for you. For the family."

’That went better than expected,’ Jensen thought, watching his Dad walk away. He figured he could use the extra prayers anyway.

***

Maybe, Jensen thought, he should have told his parents that Jared would be meeting them at the airport. Actually, he was pretty sure he had mentioned that, though that was pre-coming out. Dad didn't look very happy to see Jared there waiting for them, but he couldn't say anything. His grandparents were there, and Jensen had promised not to tell them.

"Hey." Jared came over with a grin. He knew better than to touch Jensen. They had spent hours online chatting about what his dad could and could not stand. Jared didn't like how Jensen's father had reacted, but honestly, Jensen told him, this was the best they could hope for right now.

Jensen played with the straps of his carry-on bag. "Hey. Um, Jared, these are my grandparents." He introduced the new family members and let Jared put on his usual charm. They would end up loving him in no time.

He stayed very aware of the mask his father wore, the way he didn't smile when Jared approached. "I'm sorry," he said softly, while Jared chatted with his mother and sister. You liked him before, he wanted to say, but Jensen didn't want to stir things up any more than necessary.

Dad shook his head. "Let's just...go get you graduated, son."

"I think we have a flight to endure first." Jensen gave him a tentative smile.

"I'm still proud of you," his dad said suddenly, before the gate. "I don't want you to think your accomplishments don't mean anything, because they do."

Jensen swallowed. He hadn't known. He'd figured he'd disappointed his dad, but the arrangements were already made and there was nothing Dad could do to change them. These past few days at home had been silent, awkward. Jensen hadn't known how to be, anymore. He skipped dinner, hid in his room, avoided his parents, played more Starcraft. "Thank you," he said softly. "That means," everything "a lot."

He managed to switch seats on the plane so Jared and he sat together, a row in front of his parents. "You okay?" Jared asked as quietly as he could.

"I think I will be."

Graduation would go on for three days. The first night the individual schools handed out awards to their graduates. The next day the undergrads would walk the campus mall to get their diplomas and then stay for the reception. Jensen and his family planned to be gone before the third day -- dedicated to the graduate school. His mother had booked them a block of rooms at a nearby hotel -- not, thank goodness, the same seedy motel he and Jared had their first sexual encounter.

Originally, she had it planned that Jensen and Jared shared a room. At the last minute, she changed it so Jensen shared with his dad, while she and Mackenzie shared a room. Nobody explained why to Mackenzie, but Jensen could tell she was getting suspicious.

"I thought I was getting my own room," she had complained. "Why can't Jensen share with Jared?"

"I don't trust you not to wander around all these college boys," their mom had teased, and Mac had let it drop.

They got another surprise at the hotel. Josh sat in the lobby waiting for them with his girlfriend Alexis, whom he then went and introduced as his fiancé. They got a lot of squeals and hugs. Jensen punched his brother in the arm and said, "Way to steal my thunder, bro."

"Oh, shut up." Josh gave him a one-armed hug.

Jensen looked over at Jared and frowned. They would never have this, would never be engaged and have his family happy for them.

"Stop it," Jared whispered once Josh moved to get his hand shaken by their father.  "I can hear you brooding from here."

"You know me too well," Jensen whispered back.

"And that is why you love me," Jared grinned. When he smiled, Jensen couldn't do anything less.

"So," Josh said, coming around them both. "Gonna be my best man?"

"Only if Jared is invited to the wedding," Jensen tried to say it as a joke, but didn't know if it came out more serious than he intended.

"First I have to meet him." Josh shook Jared's hand. "There. Any friend of Jensen's is welcome."

"Thanks," Jared said, "I'll take you up on that."

Maybe Jensen could explain it to Josh later. He shook his head. No, Josh probably wouldn't take it any better than their parents had. Jensen would just have to keep Jared to himself a bit longer.

After the awards ceremony -- during which Jensen managed to snag a plaque for graduating Magna Cum Laude  -- they all made their way back through the halls of the hotel. Jensen’s bones ached, and his ears were still clogged from the plane ride. Crawling into bed seemed like the best thing in the world right about then. Too bad he wouldn't be crawling in bed next to Jared.

He hung back and waited while Jared opened his hotel room. Jared turned and grinned at him. They had jostled each other all the way down the hall and Jensen had drunk in each time their skin had touched. He felt starved for Jared's skin, they were so close, yet forbidden to touch.

"Jensen!" his father called from their door. "It's late and you have to be at the campus early tomorrow."

"Just let me say goodnight, Dad!" Jensen called back. His dad crossed his arms across his chest and leaned against the wall, watching them both. Damn it.

"It's ok." Jared grabbed his shoulder, sneaking in a gentle rubbing of his thumb of the soft skin just under Jensen's ear. "I'll see you tomorrow. Night."

"Night." Jensen forced himself away, already missing the warmth of Jared's hand on his skin. He didn't look back, knowing he'd want to do more than just look.

He walked past his father and into their shared room. Jensen pulled out his suitcase and started digging around for his toothbrush.

"Do Jared's parents know?" His dad asked. "He's so young."

Jensen sat back on his heels. "They know. They know about me too. It's apparently not a big deal for them." Jensen shrugged, pulling his pajamas out of the case. "Don't worry, his mother made me sleep in the guest room when I stayed there."

"That's not what I meant, Jensen." Dad sat on the edge of his bed. "I just...I'd like to talk to his parents."

"Try to change their minds?" Jensen snapped.

"See how they cope."

Jensen didn't have an answer for that, so he just disappeared into the bathroom. When he came back out, his dad's snores echoed through the room. "Night, Dad," he whispered.

***

"Did they get the most boring guy in the world or what?" Mike grumbled about the commencement speaker.

Jensen didn't think the guy was too bad, of course, he was scarily alert from the three cups of coffee he finished off at breakfast that morning. His leg bounced, and he put his hand on his knee to try to calm the motion. They were just about to go up and get their diplomas and he itched to get out of his uncomfortable plastic chair.

"Could have been worse. Could have rained and then we'd have been shoved in the gym," Tom said.

"Ah, my friend, the eternal optimist," Mike said.

They were directed to stand and make their way towards the stage. Jensen followed Mike and Tom, Chad lurking behind him. Chris and Steve were further down the line. Jensen had seen Chris arriving with Alona earlier. It seemed he and Jared weren't the only couple to come out of Springfield this year. This would be the last time they all stood together, he thought with a pang. After this, yeah, they might get together and hang out, but nothing would be the same again.

Jensen handed the card with his name on it to the guy at the top of the stage steps. This way, they got his name right just as he reached out to receive his fake diploma. When his name was called, he could hear his family clapping and shouting for him.

"Yeah, Jensen!" And that was Jared's voice, louder than the rest. Jensen grinned and waved at the crowd before heading back down the steps and towards his seat again.

There wasn't much left to go after that. They tossed their caps up in the air. Some people had used masking tape to spell out "2000" on the backs of their hats. Jensen caught one falling down, it might have been Mike's, but it was close enough. They processed out in the field, only the neat orderly line broke up into chaos as people started milling into the crowd, looking for their families.

Jensen found his, kissed his mother and had his cheeks pinched by his grandmother. "I'm proud of you, hon," Mom whispered, handing him off.

"You did good," Dad said, clasping him on the back. "Pretty soon we'll have a physical therapist in the family."

Jensen grinned, his face flushing.

"Where's the food?" Mackenzie whined, but not before she handed him the shiniest helium balloon in the world. It had the word "ConGRADulations!" written on the side. Jensen took it from her and laughed.

"Did someone say food?" Jared appeared by his side.

They managed to lose his family on the way to the reception tables. Jared pulled Jensen away from the crowds. They hid behind one of the tents set up around the lawn, next to the natural corridor formed by two academic buildings. "Hey," Jared whispered. He slid his arms around Jensen's waist, caught up in the black fabric of his academic gown. "You're wearing a dress."

"Shut up." Jensen tore off his hat and wrapped his arms around Jared's neck. Their lips met and after just a week apart, Jensen thirsted for this connection. He closed his eyes and dove into Jared's mouth, attacking his lips and sucking on his tongue.

Jared pulled back, panting. "Easy, Tiger, we can't finish this here."

Jensen's lips curved into a smile. "You know, I bet we could find a dorm room we could borrow for a bit. Chad taught me that trick with the coat hanger and the electronic locks."

Jared laughed, his voice booming. "I like the way you think."

"We need to get back out there." Jensen sighed, leaning up for another soft kiss. "I bet you're hungry."

"Mmm, you don't know how hungry," Jared said. Jensen shivered at the huskiness in his voice, even in the sunny heat. 

Jensen threaded his fingers through Jared's hair, slightly damp with sweat. "Not in front of my family."

"I know."

"They've been, much better than I expected. I'm sorry they're not more accepting."

"Jen!" Jared's eyes widened. "Man, I know how scared you were to tell them. And your dad managing to not kill me? Awesome."

Jensen laughed. "I'll come visit you, during the summer. Hell, maybe we can try to catch up with Chris and Steve's tour."

"And you'll be close enough next year." Jared had moved to cup Jensen's face between his large hands, tracing lines over Jensen's cheekbones, connecting the freckles as usual. "It won't be sex every Wednesday..."

"But we'll make it work," Jensen decided. "I'm not giving you up now."

"Me neither." Jared bent and kissed him again, nipping at Jensen's bottom lip, sucking it until it was read and swollen.

"C'mon." Jensen pulled away. He picked up his hat and shoved it on Jared's head, flicking the tassel.

Jared grinned and followed him back into the crowd.

THE END

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