Amaranth (Jensen's Song)

by Epeeblade

fanfic

"Why are you here, Cadet?"

Jensen's first instinct was to answer honestly and literally -- because you tied me into this position. But he kept silent for once, knowing the question wasn't meant precisely that way. Whatever Colonel Ferris meant, she'd get to in her own sweet time. If anything, he'd learned patience from her.

She had attached the manacles on his ankles to hooks in the floor, then had him bend over from the waist while she attached the chain to his soft leather wrist cuffs, so his arms stretched out in front of him. He had nothing to grasp onto, no pole or bar, and unless he wanted to scrabble for the chains, he was out of luck. Jensen knew he had to break himself of that habit soon anyway; it was a weakness he couldn't afford. He didn't have a problem holding this position, never had, even with the weights swinging from the clamps attached to his nipples and hung around his balls. He did, however, had a problem with anticipation, waiting as Ferris circled behind him, most likely standing in front of the wall where the toys hung.

Sometimes she'd chain him facing that wall, so he could anticipate his fate. But now, she didn't want him to know.

A smack hard against once buttock brought his attention back. Stupid, he thought, letting himself get lost in thought. His life could weigh on whether or not he paid attention. Jensen couldn't afford to get lost in this. He had to ignore everything, the pain, the embarrassment, the way all of that made his cock so hard he could barely stand it.

"I asked you a question, Cadet. Why are you here?"

So he answered. "To protect and serve my planet and the UP, sir!"

She moved in front of him, arms crossed, and the flogger tucked under her arm. "Nice try."

The sad thing was, it could have been true.

***

He remembered it being very clear that day, bright and sunny, not a cloud in the sky, not even any evidence of the smog that sometimes blew its way over their Texas countryside. They were all in the kitchen: Jared at the table chomping loudly on a piece of toast, Meggie finishing her cereal while Mom and Dad rushed around, doing whatever it was that adults did.

Dad was on the phone with Mr. Stewart, the ranch manager. "That's fine, Frank. Just hold down the fort till we get back later tonight. Hopefully their ship won't be too late."

Mom pulled on a sweater and then pulled it off again. "It's always so cold at the Spaceport," she murmured. "Meggie, go get a sweatshirt, just in case, dear."

"Mom," she sighed. "I'm fine."

"You say that now, but once we're up there you'll be asking to borrow mine." Mom ruffled her hair gently.

Jensen took his breakfast dishes to the sink and rinsed them carefully, the water warm over his hands. Jared always teased him about being a neat freak, but he never liked leaving a mess for his mom. Probably a result of him taking oldest child syndrome too far, after Josh's death. "What time is the shuttle leaving?"

"Nine-thirty, we have plenty of time to get to Dallas," Mom looked at her watch and frowned. "You and Jared are going to be late for school if you don't hurry."

Jensen dried his hands and leaned over to peck her cheek. "Don't see why we have to go when Meggie gets the day off."

"I've never been to the Spaceport before!" she said. "It's educational."

"You're just jealous that you weren't born on another planet like me and Jen," Jared kicked her under the table, but not as hard as he would if their parents weren't watching.

"You don't even remember it," Meggie retorted.

"No, but I got dual citizenship and you don't."

"Jared, stop teasing her," Dad came back into the kitchen, clicking his phone shut. "This is the first time she'll be meeting your grandparents."

Jared's grandparents were the only grandparents Jensen had ever known. He barely remembered them from when they lived on Sienna, couldn't even call up their faces. He knew they had let his parents adopt Jared because the Ackles had just gotten their emigration passes back to Earth. The Padaleckis didn't want their only surviving grandson to grow up in the same war zone that killed his parents and brother. They always sent gifts for all three Ackles children, making no distinction about biology. Jensen never questioned it; Jared was his brother in all the ways that mattered.

"Don't be nervous," Jensen told her. "They're very sweet."

"I wish I could remember," Jared said softly. Not just his grandparents, Jensen knew, but the rest of his family too.

"You'll see them soon enough." Mom tucked her sweater into a canvas shoulder bag. "Meggie go get your sweatshirt, it's time to leave. You boys be good, Jensen make sure Jared comes right home after school."

"Mom, I'm fourteen, I'm not a baby," Jared protested when she took hold of his face and kissed his cheek.

"You'll always be my baby."

That was the last time Jensen saw his parents.

He had just come back from lunch, not skipping like the rest of the seniors who had only two months to graduation. Jensen was supposed to wait for Jared and if that meant sitting through study hall and then health, he'd do it. When he got to study hall, the teacher directed them all into the school gym, the bleachers out and folding chairs set on the court to fit the entire school inside.

"Some announcement or something," one of his friends whispered.

"Hope nobody got busted for underaged drinking in the locker room."

"Again?"

Jensen rolled his eyes. Getting the entire school together for underaged drinking? No, this was something big. Maybe a teacher had died or something. He filed in one of the folding chair rows with the rest of his study hall, scanning the crowd as he arched forward to avoid resting against the hard metal back. The freshmen all seemed to be clustered on the bleachers at the far end of the room. He couldn't make out Jared from back here.

The principal appeared on the stage at the far end of the room, holding the tiny mic in one hand. They hadn't set up a podium for him. He quieted everyone down and waited a moment before he started to speak. "I am very sorry to tell you children this, and I wish it didn't fall to me to announce it like this. Today the planet Earth was attacked by Confederation forces." His voice caught as he spoke the last words and he had to stop and compose himself before continuing.

Whispers of shock spread through the room. Jensen leaned forward, his palms sweaty on his thighs.

"The Alfani Spaceport and the moon base were both attacked and destroyed..."

The words cause blood to rush in Jensen's ears and he barely heard any more.

"...no one knows how they got so close without being detected...warships were sent after them...."

He stood and pushed back his chair. He wasn't the only one who moved, everyone was up and screaming. Other kids had parents who worked at the Spaceport or the moon base, or friends or other family there. He just moved, staggering towards the freshman part of the gym. Jared, he had to find Jared.

Jensen pushed his way through, ignoring the principal's attempts to keep everyone calm. "Jared!"

Then he saw him, his little brother standing on the bleacher steps, his phone pressed to his ear, tears streaming down his face. "Jensen," he whispered as Jensen ran to him and threw his arms around the younger boy. "I keep calling and they don't answer. Why don't they answer?"

***

"I'm not lying," he told Ferris, although he knew she couldn't take him at face value. She was only getting started after all.

Jensen could take much more than this, he knew. Every swipe of the flogger against his ass and back only brought him closer to the edge, his dick straining against its bonds. She had thought better of the setup and added a thick leather strap around the base of his cock. Now she could beat him as hard as she liked and he couldn't come. He wasn't Tom, after all, who could come on nothing more than sharp, sweet pain. Unlike Tom, Jensen had staying power, and that, he knew, was part of the reason they valued him.

"There is lying and there is avoiding the truth," she said, running her fingers over his hot, oversensitive skin. He fought to keep from arching into her touch like a spoiled cat, caught up in he way her hand felt on his back and buttocks, almost soothing.

"Is this supposed to test how I'd do under torture?" he asked, honestly curious.

She laughed. Then she slapped him again, harder this time. He could feel the handprint on his ass long after. "No, Jensen, not torture."

She walked away again, leaving him wondering where she had gone, what she wanted. He bit his lip, tasting sweat and salt, and knew his entire body must be flush with it. Jensen felt too hot and wished he could wipe his own forehead down. All he could do was wait, listening for Ferris to return. When she came back, he heard something being wheeled in across the room. Jensen turned his head as best as he could, hoping that sound didn't meant what he thought it did.

Yes, she had brought in one of the fucking machines.

No, he thought, tensing at the thought, she hadn't prepped him at all. Even with lube this was going to be uncomfortable. "I don't understand what you want."

"I think you do."

***

The thing is, they probably could have made it okay. Dad's manager knew his stuff, and he wasn't the type of guy to try to take advantage of a teenage kid fresh out of high school. Jensen could only be grateful he had turned eighteen last month. They couldn't take away the ranch or Jared. They were doing as best as they could, even if Jared cried himself to sleep every night. Jensen put food on the table, he ran the ranch, he made Jared go to school when it started up again in August, and he tried to be parent, brother and friend in the silent house that used to be a home.

And then Jared got sick.

"Mr. Ackles," the doctor greeted him when he entered the tiny hospital office. They had come here on the recommendation of Jared's regular doctor and after so many tests, there apparently was a diagnosis. Dr. Henry wanted to speak to Jensen alone first.

"Please, just call me Jensen," he said, uncomfortable. He wanted to be out in the waiting room with Jared.

"Jensen, then. Have a seat."

He sat, sinking in the too plush cushion, back against scratchy fabric. Twiddled his thumbs and waited.

"You're Jared's legal guardian, correct?"

"He's my brother," Jensen replied.

"But you are not biological brothers, correct?"

He felt his back stiffen. "My parents adopted Jared when he was six months old. He is as much my brother as any biological sibling, as much as my sister...was."

The doctor waved his hand. "No, no, I didn't mean it like that...Let me explain." Then he pulled out Jared's results. "Your brother has a tumor on his spine."

Jensen thought that was the worst news he could hear, but sat back when the doctor continued that it was treatable. Jared would be ok. Now that they knew what was wrong, they could fix it.

"It won't be the last one, I'm afraid."

"What?" Jensen interrupted. "What do you mean?"

"Jared has a very rare genetic disorder. His body will constantly grow tumors that will need to be removed. Some may be cancerous and some could even grow in his brain. This is a very serious condition."

No, he thought. Jared couldn't leave him too. They were the only family the other had in the world, in the entire galaxy. "You can treat it, right?" Jensen begged, hoping against hope.

"The only way to fight this is with extensive gene therapy."

Jensen didn't know much, then, about gene therapy. He didn't know what would be involved in changing his brother's very DNA. All he knew was that he'd make sure Jared got that treatment, whatever the cost.

First, though, they had to get this tumor out.

Jensen sat by Jared's hospital bed, watching his brother flip through the channels on the tiny 3D viewer on the end of his bed. He hadn't told Jared yet about his disorder, or how there would be more surgeries to come. Jared needed to make it through this first, and spinal surgeries weren't easy.

They weren't cheap either. Although the insurance his parents had purchased for all of them would pay for it, Jensen found it wouldn't pay for the gene therapy. If he sold the ranch, that might cover the cost, but it would leave nothing for generating future income, nor for any additional therapy afterwards. He curled his fingers into fists, still mulling the problem in his mind, unable to sleep at night while worrying.

"There's nothing on." Jared stopped his channel flipping and tossed the remote on the bed, leaving the viewer stuck on some sitcom.

"You're supposed to be getting ready to sleep anyway. They're doing the surgery first thing in the morning."

Jared snorted. "Yeah, I want to be sure to be wide awake for that."

Jensen reached out and covered Jared's hand with his. Before their parents had died, Jared would never have allowed that, but he didn't move, didn't pull his warm hand out from under Jensen's. "You're gonna be ok, Jare, I swear."

Jared didn't answer.

Later, Jensen watched him sleep, the images from the 3D viewer still flickering. He moved to turn it off, but accidentally hit the sound first. That's when, by luck or fate, the ad appeared.

He'd seen it before, promising money for college, the training for a future career, all for joining the military service. Jensen had dismissed it, because he wasn't going to need that, his parents were going to pay for college, once he figured out what he wanted to do. And he wasn't in a hurry to rush out into space and die in the wars. But this time...they talked about standing up the Confederation, about doing one's duty. And they said they would make sure to take care of their soldiers and their families.

For a moment, Jensen believed and that's all he needed.

***   He could work through discomfort, especially when he knew it would not last long. His muscles would stretch, and if he pushed back, just like that, it might even start to feel good. Ferris had hooked him up to the machine -- inserted the long, jelly-like dildo into his ass, set the brakes on the wheels, and then flipped it on. She kept the setting low, so it pistoned so slowly in and out of his body, almost too slow for any real pleasure. But he could not take his focus off of it, was unable to consider anything but the world between his legs.

She had left him here. He heard the door slam behind her, and he felt nothing but relief. The machine was a known quantity, Jensen knew exactly how long and how hard he could take. Unless it broke down, that machine was more reliable than any person who had trained him. The machine wouldn't ask questions he didn't know the answer to.

No, that wasn't true, he thought with a grunt, the sound escaping against his will. Sometimes he found it easier to make noise, to cry out and let the pain go. Even when gagged, he could usually force out a moan or a whimper. Another crutch, he thought, something else he had to work on getting rid of. Otherwise, he was too darn easy to break.

***

Jensen was smart. At least, that's what his teachers told him, and why they put him in advanced classes and made him take those tests. Jensen could have gotten into any college he wanted; he had thrown out the responses unopened when they arrived shortly after his parents' deaths. But he kept that in mind when he went to the recruiter's office in Dallas. He had just come from putting the ranch on the market. Now he needed something more to distract Jared, when he went home to tell his wheelchair-bound brother that they needed to leave their home so Jensen could afford the years-long therapy Jared needed.

From the moment he walked in, he knew the recruiter wanted him to sign up. She didn't blink when he told her exactly what he wanted. Jensen had made up the list the night before. He wanted to keep his brother with him while he went through training. He wanted the best medical care for Jared -- he wanted the cure. And he wanted Jared to be taken care of if something happened to Jensen.

The recruiter smiled at him, handed him an application and signed him up for the physical and mental tests he needed to pass in order to be accepted.

Jensen didn't commit right then. He took the application and her promises home with him. Jared looked up from the couch when he entered and Jensen nearly flinched. Jared had gotten better at maneuvering in and out of the chair, which was only temporary the doctors swore, with enough therapy Jared would walk again, but Jensen always worried Jared would fall, and he couldn't deal with not being here to help.

"Hey, Jen, how did your trip go?"

Jensen sat next to Jared and let his face fall into his hands. He felt Jared's gentle touch on his shoulder. "I'm sorry," Jensen said.

"Why?"

Jared was only fifteen, Jensen thought. Jensen needed to be the adult here. But he couldn't hide the disease from Jared, that he had done so far was outright wrong. So Jensen told him, finally, about the tumors that would ravage his body, and possibly kill him if went unchecked. "The only cure is gene therapy."

Jared swallowed and looked down at his hands. "There is a cure then."

"Jared, it won't be easy. It's the kind of thing that will take years to work." Jensen found himself ruffling his brother's soft hair, like their mother used to do so often. "And the insurance won't cover it. I, I have to sell the ranch."

"Jensen, no!" Jared protested. "You can't sell our home!"

"I'd rather have you alive than a piece of land!"

"Mom and Dad and Meggie lived here," Jared said, his voice thick with tears. "You can't."

Maybe he could figure something out, Jensen thought, maybe he didn't have to sell the house too. "I, Jared, I won't if I don't have to, ok? I have a way to fix things."

"How?"

Jensen pulled the application out of his pocket. "I could enlist at the military academy."

"Jensen! And go fight in the war and die too?"

"Listen, Jared, please, just listen," and he had Jared tucked into his side, tears still leaking from his eyes. "It's four years at the academy, I get a college education too. By then, who knows, things might have changed, the war might even be over. And they'll pay for everything, cover all the medical bills, and we can still stay together...Jared, it's a chance."

Jared hadn't agreed that night. He didn't speak to Jensen for a week, but Jensen put in his application and took the tests the recruiter had ordered. They had poked and prodded him, asked increasingly embarrassing questions. For a brief moment, Jensen worried they would refuse him, that they had found something lacking, that he wasn't fit to do the job. Then he was invited to a meeting with the recruiter, one of the testers and a solemn looking soldier. The recruiter had smiled and asked if he had ever heard of the Sex Corps.

Jensen hadn't, but learned more than he had ever wanted to know. There was no way he could say no, they had offered him everything he had asked for, and if it depended on him trading on his looks and body in a different way, well, then Jensen would just suck it up and deal. Besides, it was all for Jared.

He tried to save the house for Jared. He sold it to the Corps with the understanding that if anything happened to him, the house and ranch would be restored to Jared. He had to give the kid something to hold on to. Jensen knew that just the thought of losing Jared too tore him up inside. He wouldn't wish that fate on his brother; he didn't want Jared lost and alone. But he wanted his brother to have the chance to live like a normal kid, to grow up and go to college and have a first and second love.

This was the only choice.

***

Ferris came back to raise the settings on the machine. She had told him once, and it might have been the very first thing she said to him during training, he didn't really remember, that she would push every limit he had. She'd bring him to the brink and then take him past it. And that he would never break under her watch.

He held the record on this particular machine, and he wasn't anywhere near his limit yet, but he wondered when Ferris was going to come back. She was always good about adding more lube. Mike had once wondered why they didn't invent a machine that squirted lube while it fucked, and Sophia had just made a comment about SOP at the Scut-house. Besides, Mike was the guy on the other end of the machine, and probably didn't want to get his hands dirty constantly adding more lube. Though, that wasn't fair, Jensen thought, Mike might be a sadistic son of a bitch, but he never caused any pain that wasn't wanted.

The door opened again, and Jensen wouldn't have caught it except that he was listening for it, knew that Ferris was trying to be quiet. He was a good boy though, and didn't call her out. He didn't react until the cold slippery lube hit his ass crack, sliding down to where it was most needed. Then he cried out in shock, shifting against his bonds. The tangy scent of the lube Ferris preferred filled the room, covering the smell of sweat and arousal. 

"That was nothing, boy," she told him. "Remember the ice you took for me once?"

Oh, that was something, Jensen shivered at the thought. He could feel the strain on his arms and legs suddenly, his back protesting the position. Ferris ran her fingers along his flank, easing the tortured muscles with her skilled touch. "Can you answer me now, Cadet? How far will I have to go today?"

***

Jensen had seen the ocean before, of course, but never like this, standing in front of a huge picture window that gazed off into the Atlantic, away from the city and the rest of the Sea-base, showing nothing but blue for miles and miles. Most families on base lived in these towers, cylinders that rose into the sky like sentinels over the Space ships that were built out here. Jensen would be living in the barracks once he started training, but right now he and Jared lived here together.

"Jensen, this place is huge." Jared came stumbling into the room, still unsure on his forearm crutches. Jensen bit his lip to keep from smiling. A few weeks ago he wasn't sure Jared would walk again at all. "Why do we need three bedrooms?"

"I guess in case we have a guest?" Jensen suggested. The place had come furnished, and though sparse, it had all the essentials: beds and couches and kitchen table and chairs, and all the appliances they could want. They didn't bring much with them, only the contents of their bedrooms, and those things that belonged to Mom and Dad that he couldn't bear to part with, like Dad's silly Texas Rangers baseball cap and the half-finished bit of needlepoint Mom was working on before they left. He knew Jared had kept one of Meggie's stuffed pink cows, hidden at the very bottom of his suitcase.

Jared looked out the window with him and his lips trembled. "It's beautiful, but I still miss home."

"Yeah, kid, me too." Jensen moved to ruffle Jared's hair, although now he had to reach much higher. His brother was growing so fast.

And so were the tumors inside him. The doctor had found another one, this time growing in one leg, not as quickly as the other had, but still there. They were running out of time. Jensen had made appointments with the base doctors for tomorrow, they were considered some of the best on this half of the planet. The sooner Jared's gene treatment started, the better.

A gentle knock at the door broke into the moment and Jensen moved to answer it, leaving Jared alone for a moment. The crutches were new, and no matter how quickly Jared wanted to get back up on his feet, he needed far more physical therapy than he had gotten. Jensen didn't know who to expect -- recruiters with more information for him, the movers who had forgotten something -- but was even more surprised at the older woman who stood there.   "You must be Cadet Ackles," she said with a grin.

He supposed he had better start thinking of himself like that; soon Jared would be the only person in the world who would call Jensen by his first name. "Yes...and you are?"

"They didn't tell you. Of course they didn't." She ran her fingers through her long blond hair, her blue eyes wrinkling at the corners when she smiled at him.  "I'm Samantha Smith. They assigned me to your case."

"My case?" Jensen asked, still with no clue what exactly was going on.

"Your brother. He'll need a caretaker while you're in training. I'm also a registered nurse."

In the beginning he didn't want to like Sam. She invaded their lives with a motherly touch that neither of them could stand at first, the pain still too fresh. Later though, when the bad nights came where Jared woke up screaming in pain, the constant treatments that never seemed to work, her gentle touch healed them both.

Sam would stay with Jared while Jensen went into basic training. All cadets, Sex Corps or not, had to endure the same six weeks long bootcamp. Jensen would live with his unit in the barracks, he would live and breathe UP military. The only contact a new cadet in bootcamp had with his or her family until the grueling training period had ended was a rare telephone call on the weekends. It would be the longest Jared and Jensen had been apart since their parents had died.  

Jared had watched him leave, leaning against the doorway, his crutches clutched in both hands. Jensen felt his eyes on him all the way to the apartment's elevator tube. He carried nothing but a duffel bag slung over his shoulder with the essentials ordered in his introduction letter. It wasn't nearly enough to hide himself from view. Jensen didn't turn back; he couldn't turn back now.  

He had to rely on Sam to take Jared to his appointments, to do the things Jensen couldn't. He had made an agreement, signed the papers that promised his life away in exchange for this care for Jared. And though Jensen desperately wanted to be by Jared's side when his brother underwent his second surgery, he knew it was more important that he fulfilled his obligations. The military would be the ones paying for the surgery, providing the best doctors, ensuring Jared would recover fully. Jensen couldn't turn around and simply stay. It would have to be the first of many separations.

Jensen had a red band on the arm of his cadet uniform, and when he showed up with the rest of his unit the first time, he saw only eight other cadets with the same band. Three were in his unit.  

Mike was the first to approach them all, being his usual loud self, making sure all the Scuts sat together at lunch. At first Jensen didn't get Mike, who wasn't unearthly beautiful like Tom or alluring like Sophia. Mike just drew people to him, somehow, and even when he criticized them harshly, no one ended up mad or angry with him. Later, when Jensen learned more about himself, he finally understood Mike's presence in the Corps.  

"I heard Cadet Hartley turned down placement with the Scuts," Mike announced that day during lunch. It was week three and Jensen hadn't yet had a chance to call Jared and check up on him.  

Sophia looked up from gobbling down her gooey mashed potatoes at that comment. They had little time to eat and at this point during Basic had learned how to swallow fast and not think about the food, they needed the energy just to keep up with the physical demands. "No way. I thought you couldn't say no."  

"They bust you down to infantry, I thought," Tom said.  

"His placement is Planetside," Jensen said. The other three looked at him and he blushed at the attention. "Hey, you're not the only one people gossip to, Rosenbaum."  

"I'm sure you just threw that Texan drawl and they melted all over you, Ackles," Mike shot back. "Who was it? Cadet Bell's in his unit. Don't tell me you're getting some with her on the side."    

Sophia slapped his arm. "Ackles wouldn't fuck with someone in Alpha unit, even if she is a Scut, too."  

Jensen hated that term at first: Scut - Sex Corp Slut. Everyone threw it around like it was official, even their drill instructor, Colonel Judge. Right now Jensen was being treated like any other military Cadet, but soon his training would change drastically, and he'd be one of them, nothing more than one of the sluts.  

"No, he's saving himself for me," Mike shot back and Tom rolled his eyes at both of them.  

"What's wrong with Planetside?" Tom turned the conversation back and Jensen shot him a grateful look.  

"It's the worst posting. You're pretty much stuck on Earth, you don't get a ship, you don't get to see any action, and you're at the bottom when it comes to promotions."  

"That's what he gets for turning down the Scuts," Mike scoffed. "They don't ask just anybody."  

"Hah, the way they tell it in Alpha, all you need is to spread your legs and you're in." Sophia frowned.  

"So nobody in that unit is smart enough to know it was a Scut that foiled the assassination attempt on the president last year?" Tom snapped.  

"You know, guys, I think Cadet Hartley and the rest of Alpha needs to be taught a little lesson," Mike cracked his knuckles.  

"We don't know it was Hartley who's been spreading that bullshit," Jensen protested.  

"The hell we don't." Mike stood with his tray. They didn't have much time before lunch was over. "I'll get you proof, Ackles, and then you'll see. We'll teach him."

Mike cornered Hartley in the showers the next day. Jensen watched as Mike made sure Hartley got his turn late by getting rid of all available towels, so the Cadet had to go back to laundry to pick up some new ones. Mike, Tom and Jensen stayed behind as everyone filed out, not wanting to be late to roll call.  

Hartley got out of the shower, holding his towel around his waist and eyeing the three of them. "What the hell is this?"  

"This is just a friendly conversation, Cadet," Mike smiled that creepy little smile. For some reason, whenever he saw it, it sent a little thrill through Jensen. He squirmed now, uncomfortable, but felt that frisson of excitement at watching Mike work.  

"I didn't think Scuts were known for talking," Hartley shot back.

"So it's true," Jensen blurted. "You did turn down the Sex Corps."  

"We want to know why," Mike cut in, like he had planned Jensen's outburst.  

Justin got real close, nearly in Mike's face, like he didn't give a shit that there were three of them. "I don't fuck guys, pretty boy, not even on UP's payroll."

"So you'll let them ground you instead. Well you showed them," Tom said.  

Faster than Jensen thought he could move, Hartley whirled, grasped Tom by the collar of his jumpsuit and slammed him into the lockers behind him. Jensen winced at the sound as Tom's head collided with the metal. Tom only grinned. "Go on, hit me. You know you want to."  

"Welling," Mike growled under his breath.  

Hartley let Tom go and stepped back. "Fuck all of you. I'm not playing in your special club."

He didn't need to play with them, Jensen thought. They just wanted the same respect the other cadets got. Badmouthing the Sex Corps to his unit meant they had to show Hartley they weren't weak and they wouldn't back down.  

Mike got the rest of Bravo unit in on it, and a week before Basic was to end, the members of Alpha unit woke up the morning of inspection to find that all of their clothing, every stitch from underwear to dress uniforms, had been replaced with fetish gear. Jensen didn't know where Mike managed to get it all, but he sent them all a message all right.  

After supper, Colonel Judge ordered the three of them to come into his office. Jensen frowned at Sophia, who only shrugged. How had Judge known the three of them had orchestrated the whole thing? Jensen filed in after Mike and Tom, closing the door behind him and prepared to get chewed out.  

Instead, Colonel Judge raised an eyebrow and grinned. "So that is why you needed all that equipment, Cadet Rosenbaum."  

Jensen's eyes widened. Colonel Judge was in on it?

That's when he found out the colonel was a Scut too, a fact the other cadets would have picked up on had they noticed the red instead of black behind the gold on his uniform trim. He avoided the classic Red uniform for a reason, Judge explained, and that was so he could tell who didn't hold his Scuts in high esteem. They tended to change their minds after meeting the huge colonel.  

"Now get out there and look like I yelled at you," he ordered. "And not a word to anyone about this."  

"Sir, yes sir!"

On the phone with Jared that weekend, Jensen came so close to telling his brother the whole story. But then he'd have to explain about the Sex Corps and he had never mentioned his assignment to his brother. The kid was only 16, Jensen didn't even want him thinking about sex, never mind that he himself had lost his virginity at age 14. That's what he told himself, every time Jensen skirted around the issue and avoided talking about what exactly he'd be studying in the academy.  

It wasn't as if he were ashamed, no, that's what the whole prank had been about. Jensen was proud of his friends, proud to be doing his duty, proud to be a member of the UP Sex Corps.  

"You're different," Jared had said when Jensen came back.  

So was Jared. Back in the wheelchair for now, although he could still hobble around on one leg, he looked thin and pale. His once floppy hair hung limp and lank around his face where dark circles looked like they had taken up permanent residence. The second surgery had been hard enough, and apparently he'd gotten his first round of injections for the gene therapy.  

Jensen hated himself for going away for so long. "Is it the haircut?" he asked, running his fingers over his shorn hair. He'd gotten the regulation buzz cut six weeks ago and it was just beginning to fill in nicely.  

Happily Jared had laughed. "No, though it looks good on you. It's how you move. You're just different."  

"C'mon." Jensen got behind the chair and started to wheel Jared into the kitchen. "Tell me everything that happened while I was gone…did Sam get you registered for school yet? Do we need to get you a uniform?"  

He let Jared talk, not always listening to the words, but just happy to let the cadence of his brother's voice wash over him. He had missed him so very, very much.

***

"Please," Jensen begged, still not sure exactly what he was begging for. Longing grew in the pit of his stomach and he just knew that he needed. He could only beg and hope she'd know what to give him.  

Ferris's hands were in his hair, sharp tugs pulling his head up and exposing his neck. He could only gaze at her, standing before him like the pinnacle of everything military, everything he was pledging himself to be, in her starched uniform, colonel's insignia bright on her lapel. "Please what?" she demanded, an order he couldn't refuse.  

The machine still pummeled him inside. She had turned up the setting after adding more lube, watching him carefully, as Jensen's body bucked and shuddered under its force, now almost too full, too raw. Her will had reduced him to this, nothing more than a body at her mercy. Need swelled inside him and Jensen's cock felt so swollen, nearly painful. "Let me come," he begged, held right on the edge and unable to cross over, not with that ring around his dick.   "Do you think you deserve to come? Have you been a good boy? You haven't answered my question." She tightened her fingers in his hair, roots straining. "Why are you here?"

***

His first day at the academy, Jensen couldn't help his thoughts from wandering to his brother. Sam would take Jared to his first day of high school on the base, filled with other kids who had family in the service. He'd have to repeat sophomore year, missing most of it the first time around from being in the hospital. Jared had stubbornly taken his crutches and refused to show up at school in the wheelchair, despite recommendations that he not push himself so fast. After surgery and beginning gene therapy, Jared needed to take it easy, but he could out-stubborn Jensen when he needed to.

This time, however, Jensen would be going home each night and during the weekends. Unlike the other students, he didn't have to live in the dorm. It was an exception he had demanded.

At first, Jensen had worried exactly what his training would consist of. He was surprised to learn he'd be taking classes in foreign languages, politics, psychology, and diplomacy among other topics. There were only two courses in his schedule dedicated to what he thought of as true Sex Corps training: "A Cultural History of Sex" and "A Hands-on Approach to Sexuality."

"You report to medical yet?" Mike had appeared in the hallway, Tom trailing behind him as usual.

"Medical?" Jensen repeated, his head still not quite on his day. He shook it, reminding himself that he'd see Jared later on.

"C'mon," each of them took a hold of his arms and propelled him down the hallway. "Scuts have to report first of every month. We get physicals more often than the other cadets."

And what Jensen also got was a complicated series of injections. Later he found out they were all given a cocktail of drugs to raise their libido and increase resistance to sexually transmitted diseases. And, of course, they were all made temporarily sterile.

"It's reversible, Jensen, stop freaking out about it," Sophia said during Sex Lab, which is what their little group had taken to calling their last class of the day. That's where they learned most of what was being done to their bodies. "Personally, I think it's great. No time of the month."

"No more excuses for being a bitch," Mike tossed their way.

"At least I had the excuse. What's your reason?"

"Shh," Jensen hushed them as Colonel Ferris, their instructor, finally entered for class.

That's when they learned how truly interactive this course was. Jensen had needed to learn how to lose all shame over his body quickly. Colonel Ferris explained how she would pick volunteers from the class to demonstrate because "you ain't gonna learn this stuff in books," and then proceeded to the class roll where she selected the first name alphabetically -- Ackles, of course.

Jensen walked to the front of the class, his heart pounding in his chest. He could feel his face heating and he just knew he was blushing, before the woman had even started anything. All eyes in the classroom were directed on him, Jensen's friends, classmates, people he barely knew.  Then Ferris asked him to strip, indicating where to put his uniform.

Later, he wondered why he didn't question her at all. Jensen had said "yes, sir" and done her bidding, stripping down to nothing in the front of the room, his entire body pink with embarrassment. He couldn't hide at all, and he really couldn't hide his erection. It surprised him, then, how he could feel so mortified and yet be so turned on at the same time. Ferris didn't even raise an eyebrow at him, merely moved his body the way she wanted to and began her demonstration. His skin felt hyper sensitive where she touched him and somehow he wanted more, though even then he knew better than to ask for it. 

Jensen tried turning it over in his mind at home, how he had felt while on display. It was more than simple exhibitionism, Hell, they all had seen each other naked before in Basic. It had something to do with the way Ferris had commanded him, something in the desire to please and do well, and how it all got mixed up somehow with sex in his mind. Her commands were nothing like his orders during bootcamp, otherwise, he would have gotten hard every time he had to drop and do twenty. Of course there he was simply one of many, with Ferris, he felt singled out, special. He didn't come up with any answers then, and merely shook his head in relief that Sophia would come next in the roll.

Ferris would often pick on him as one of her volunteers, and he'd have to come to the front of the classroom and strip off his gray Cadet uniform for whatever demonstration she had planned. Jensen never could stop blushing, no matter how many times they did this. Though one time he counted and he swore Ferris called on him more to volunteer than anyone else.

"I think she likes the way you blush," Sophia had said.

"She probably just doesn't want to call out for 'Bush' all the time," Mike snickered. He never got tired of mocking her name. When General Beaver addressed the group at assembly, he had to shove his entire fist in his mouth to keep from embarrassing them all. 

"She always calls on me to demonstrate the kinky stuff," Jensen complained.

"Like you don't love it," Tom protested. 

Jensen blushed, because he did. He couldn't hide it any longer, they were taught never to ignore their bodies and Jensen's responded to each of the items Ferris tried out on him. His list of demos included nipple clamps, cock rings, collars and leashes. Today they were going to do butt plugs and he just knew his ass would end up on that huge table at the front of the lecture hall. "You ever wonder how they choose us for this? Who gets to do what?"

"You know, why don't we find out?" Mike gave them all that same mischievous grin from Basic.

That was how they all ended up, hours later, sneaking into the Academy office to hack into the computers that held their records. They all had sore asses this time, because Ferris had distributed the plugs and made everyone try them out, taking turns practicing on both male and female partners. Jensen found himself struggling with the contradiction between the intimate and the perfunctory. How could he look at Sophia or Tom now, knowing what he had done to them earlier? How could he not?

"Got it," Tom said, cracking the seal quickly. He wasn't chosen for the Corps solely for his good looks.

They all gathered around him as he pulled up each of their records. Jensen frowned at his own rating of 'submissive,' that wasn't how he thought of himself at all, and complained.

"Oh?" Mike said in his ear, "Then how come whenever Ferris makes you get on your knees you pop a boner so fast you break the sound barrier?"

Jensen shivered at the dark voice. How did Mike do that? "I just...I'm not weak," he protested.

Sophia looked over at him. "Oh, Ackles. You have been sheltered, haven't you?"

"Shut up," Jensen said, not wanting to deal with the revelation right then. So he pointed to the screen and Tom kept flipping. Mike got rated as a sadist -- no surprise there -- to Tom's listing as "masochist - rank 1." Sophia's ranking -- switch -- had a note indicating 'can be anything required for situation', which had her grinning smugly. They were all rated with bisexual tendencies.

"Do me a favor and look up Hartley," Mike said. "If they were considering him, he must have a rating."

"You still stuck on him?" Tom spat. "He's not that hot."

"Not even in the leather shorts?" Mike teased, running a hand down Tom's back, nails first scratching hard. Tom shuddered at the touch before focusing his attention back on the screen.

"Huh," Tom said. "He's from a military family. Both parents in the Corps, Space not Scut."

"'Course," Mike murmured. "His rating?"

"Dominant, heterosexual," Tom replied.

"Clearly," Jensen rolled his eyes. "Like that's a big surprise."

"Come on, let's get out of here," Sophia said, prompting Tom to shut down and set the alarm to turn back on after they left.

Jensen walked Sophia back to her dorm, the guys splitting with them to head back to the male dorm on the other side of the building. His head swam with what he had learned. Jensen had never put a label on himself and before coming here to the Academy, had never thought his sexual experiences made him out to be submissive at all. Although Ferris' labs seemed to bring that out in him, coaxing responses he wasn't sure he could have given normally. He couldn't blame Ferris, even if he wanted to, Jensen couldn't deny the reactions of his own body, no matter how much his mind protested.

"I don't have a roommate," Sophia said suddenly.

Jensen gave her a sideways look, thoughts interrupted and uncertain exactly where she was going with this.

"It's one of the Scut privileges," she smiled at him. "They want us to bring people back to our rooms."

He was going to throw back a joke in reply, something about wanting to bring as many people back as possible, but then he finally got what she was hinting at. "Oh, you want, you mean."

Sophia laughed. "Come on Ackles, show me how submissive you aren't."

He wanted to prove her wrong, he really did, but from the moment she locked the door behind her, Sophia had him at her mercy. She let down her long dark hair from its regulation bun and fixated her smoldering, dark gaze on him. Jensen could do little more than worship her, sliding his hands over smooth skin, cataloging each touch that made her shiver or moan. He held her heavy breasts in each hand, dipping down to kiss them, soft wet kisses that became suckling on her nipples. She tasted of smoke and salt, her nipples tight against his tongue, he breathed her in, taking in the rich scent of female musk.

She prodded him towards the bed, helping him out of his jumpsuit - when had it gotten so difficult to undo a simple zipper? Now she took the time to explore, finding out exactly what made him writhe beneath her fingers. He arched up when she pinched his nipples - he had found how much he enjoyed that type of play when Ferris had placed the weighted nipple clamps on him not that long ago - but he moaned when she licked that area just behind his balls.

"You're so sensitive," she marveled, cupping him with one hand. Jensen threw his head back, closing his eyes against the sight of her straddling him, hair brushing over her full chest. If he didn't look away now, this would be over all too soon. "You," she said again, her voice hushed and low, "Look at you, it's like you were made for this."

He didn't know exactly what she meant by that, but didn't have time to think about it, because then she was over him, sliding him up inside her with one swift motion. Jensen caught her around her hips, in some misguided attempt to control the motion. Sophia could never be guided, she always moved at her own pace. So he merely held on, nothing more than her toy to be ridden. He arched up when he felt her clamp around him, encasing him in slick heat that was nearly painfully tight.  She cried out above him and he let himself go, coming up into her in heavy spurts.

That was the first time he slept with Sophia, and one of the few times they managed it outside of class and duty. She always seemed to know what he needed, her own gift, he supposed. That night she made him remember all the things he liked about sex when it wasn't a duty or a demonstration. He found freedom between her thighs, healing at her hands, and a deeper connection with a dear friend. Jensen discovered his power in this, the power to worship, to let go, and fall deeper into the simplicity of desire.   Jared gave him an annoyed look over the breakfast table the next morning. "I heard you coming in!"

"You shouldn't have waited up," Jensen retorted, pouring some milk over a bowl of cereal.

"I didn't, you came home after my morning alarm went off."

"Oh. Jared." Jensen sat down, feeling ashamed that he had left his little brother home without word, despite Sam's presence in the third bedroom. Before he could apologize, Jared quirked a grin at him.

"So, was she hot?"

"I am not having this conversation with you." Jensen could feel himself blushing and cursed his stupid pale skin.

"What, like I didn't know you were sneaking Lauren into the hayloft back home?"

"You were thirteen!" Jensen thought back, trying to remember if he had noticed Jared following him back then.

Jared just shook his head and rolled away from the table. Jensen frowned at the presence of the wheelchair. "Rough night?"

His brother reached out to rub at his knee. "Had a treatment yesterday. They make me feel achy sometimes. Want to save the walking for school."

"Did you talk to Sam about the aches?" Jensen asked. He had to remember to question her thoroughly about Jared's treatment, about exactly what was going on and how much pain he'd be in.

"They're changing my entire DNA," Jared grumbled. "I'd be more worried if it didn't ache."

Jensen touched Jared's hair, gently. "Still, I don't like it when you're in pain." And Jared wouldn't be, if Jensen could help it.

***

Jensen could feel the tears pooling in his eyes. He fought to keep them open, to not let Ferris see the frustration rising up in him. So much depended on him keeping control, keeping a tight reign on himself, even in the midst of a scene. She frowned down at him and just when he thought she might slap him, Ferris leaned down and brushed their lips together in a kiss. The gentleness startled him, it was such a contrast between the machine pounding into his ass - which was really starting to get sore now - and the strains in his muscles, the bruises all along his back.  

It was the gentleness that did it. Jensen let himself fall, knowing she would catch him. Right now she was his master, she would give the care he needed. So when she finally whispered, "Why are you here, Scut?"  

"Because I need it," Jensen gasped back. He knew he must look all fucked out, skin flushed, lips bitten to hell, hair all askew from her fingers. Ferris liked him like that. He wanted to oblige, he wanted to be the boy she deserved.  

Ferris let go of his hair and stepped away. When she turned off the machine and pulled it out of him, Jensen finally let the tears fall.

***

The injections always made Jensen a little bit horny. He knew that's what they were supposed to do, over time that was, to increase his libido as much as possible. Still, he always left Medical with an aching arm and a stiff dick. And now he didn't have time to find another Scut to rub off with in the Sex Lab. He was about to go on break -- they all were -- for the spring term, and he didn't like going home to Jared feeling like this.

Odd, how in two years he had grown used to this life, even learned to crave the training. They were molding him to be something more, to wield his body as a weapon in the service of the UP. Jensen welcomed the challenge, like his studies in high school, always striving to be the best, to challenge everything. But he still couldn't tell his little brother about his real area of study.

Of course Jared asked, and Jensen had plenty of ordinary sounding courses to talk about. He wasn't exempt from drill or weapons training either. Some days, the idea of what he was becoming scared him; he would be a highly trained soldier, only destined for the bedrooms of their enemies instead of the battlefield. How could he tell Jared about that?

"So you're free for the entire week, right?" Jared asked, all but vibrating with energy. Jensen thought if the kid could jump up and down, he would. Jared, however, still found himself dependent on his forearm crutches, his legs never quite regaining the same range of motion after his second surgery. The gene therapy, however, seemed to be working. Jared had not had a single tumor since, though he still had a year left of treatment to suffer through.

Jensen paused on his way to the shower, hoping to have a little alone time before Jared usurped all of his attention. "Yes..." he drawled.

"Could we go to the city?" Jared asked.

"Which one?"

"You know, DC. The tram goes there."

"It also goes to New York and Boston." Jensen grinned.

"DC is where everyone from the base hangs out," Jared said impatiently, "it's the closest civilian city. And I've never been. Please, Jensen?"

"You're too old for the whining," Jensen shot back, turning toward the shower, looking forward to the pounding feeling of the warm water against his skin. "And, yeah, we can go."

He couldn't deny Jared anything, not when the kid asked for so little.

Jared had been so sick for so long that he hadn't ventured far at all. Sam still made sure he got to school and nursed him after his treatments but nothing beyond making sure Jared was healthy. Jensen wondered suddenly why no friends had dragged Jared off into the city before now. He realized he knew very little about Jared's school life and resolved to do better. He had to.

They spent the next two days exploring the city. Jensen realized Jared was finally well enough to do the walking required, though they relied heavily on cabs and trams for the farthest distances. "I want to," Jared had said. "I won't get stronger if I don't try."

They ended up in a small restaurant Jensen had heard about from somewhere, tucked into a booth bolted in the wall. Jensen made Jared talk about school, because "I'm tired of hearing about your vid-games and movies..."

"And doctor's appointments?" Jared said dryly, raising his eyebrow. "School's fine, Jensen. I work on the newspaper and the literary magazine after classes. Stuff I can do sitting down." He gave a disdainful glance at the crutches leaning against the outside wall of the booth. Jensen caught the bitterness there and wished he could do something about it. He'd give anything to see Jared run again.

"You know, we can work on your upper body strength in the gym," he said, suddenly inspired. "There are lots of weight exercises you can do sitting down."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Jensen said. He'd make time for Jared. And he was required to spend so many hours in the gym, so who would it hurt if he did them with his little brother? His not so little brother since Jared had shot up past six feet after his seventeenth birthday. They went through four pairs of crutches that summer alone.

"Ackles!"

Jensen looked up at the sound of his name, alarmed to see Mike, Tom and Sophia entering the restaurant. Belatedly he remembered where he heard about this place. All three were in their gray uniforms, despite being off-duty; most cadets wore their uniforms around town anyway.

"You slumming now?" Mike asked as he slid into the booth with Jensen and Jared, Tom and Sophia following. "You NEVER go off-base."

"And who's this?" Tom nodded at Jared, a sly little smile on his face.

"Oh, no," Jensen stammered. "This is Jared. My little brother. He's seventeen." He glared at them, hoping he warned them enough. No bringing up Scut business. He kept frowning.

Sophia smiled and held out her hand for Jared to shake. "Nice to finally meet you Jared. Jensen talks about you a lot."

"I really hope he doesn't," Jared said with a laugh, squeezing Sophia's hand just a touch too long before letting it go. "And you guys are...?"

Jensen pointed, "Cadets Mike Rosenbaum, Tom Welling, Sophia Bush."

"We keep Jensen out of trouble," Mike grinned.

"Get me into trouble is more like it," Jensen grumbled.

"Aw, don't be like that, Jensen," Mike winked at him.

Jensen felt heat flood his face. He'd started sleeping with Mike recently, giving in to temptation despite his better judgment. That first night Mike had chained Jensen to his bed, and kept him on the edge of orgasm for what seemed like hours, before jerking off all over Jensen's supine body. All it took was the hot touch of Mike's come on his cock and Jensen had gone off like a rocket. He knew he shouldn't indulge himself like that, what Mike offered was dangerous, too close to Jensen's darkest fantasies, some of the things about himself he'd only scratched the surface of. Things which if it weren't for the Sex Corps, he might not have figured it out at all.

"Anyway," Jensen cleared his throat. "I'm only in town to show Jared some of the sights."

"The ones you've never seen either?" Sophia teased.

"You know, if I'm gonna be harassed we can just go," Jensen said, unable to keep the annoyance out of his voice. He didn't want to stay any more, the longer they did, the better chance Jared had of finding out.

The others protested. "C'mon, let's eat and hang out," Tom said.

"Like we don't see each other every day."

"But now we can pester your brother for embarrassing stories about you."

Jared laughed. "I really don't have any. I'm the younger one. I think he changed my diapers."

Mike quirked a grin and when he opened his mouth Jensen kicked him under the table.

"So you go to the high school on the base?" Tom asked, covering Mike's wince nicely.

They managed to make it through lunch relatively intact. Mike told only one embarrassing story, thankfully free of any sexual innuendo for once. Then it was time to leave. Jensen watched with his heart in his throat as Jared struggled with his crutches to get out of the booth. He wished he had been on the end so he could help, but the cadets had boxed him in so he couldn't get out until Jared did. Jensen noticed Sophia biting her lip at the sight, but no one said anything, and he was grateful.

"I got this," Jensen said, pulling out his credit chit. Lunch was on him.

It took only a week after that for Jared to ask. Jensen waited for the questions, but it seemed like Jared just wanted to enjoy Jensen's time off together. He also had another treatment in the middle of the week, and ended up spending the 24 hours after it in bed. Jensen stayed by his side the entire time, glad for once to not have to depend on Sam so much. He told her to take a few days off, and tended to his brother himself.

The day before they both went back to class, Sam still gone on furlough, Jared cornered Jensen in the kitchen, blocking the door by standing in the way. "Why didn't you tell me about the Sex Corps?"

Jensen froze, the door to the fridge still open. "What?" he straightened and turned around. Jared looked down on him, brows drawn tight and angry.

"Jensen, I'm not stupid. I go to school with military brats. I'm the only one who couldn't answer when they asked what branch you were training for."

"Jared..."

"And you never wanted to introduce me to your friends. I thought...maybe you were embarrassed, cause of me," And Jared held up one of his crutches and Jensen felt his heart plummet. "Then when we met them...I noticed their badges were red."

Jensen kicked himself. He had been so careful, never wearing his uniform home, never wanting Jared to see. "I'm sorry."

"I asked Sam, then," Jared continued, as if Jensen hadn't spoken, "before my treatment. You know she's in the Corps too? She's a Lt. Colonel."

No, Jensen hadn't known. "No, I didn't..." It made sense though. One thing they ingrained in him was that Scuts took care of their own.

"Were you ever going to tell me, Jensen? What you had to trade away for me?"

"Stop it," Jensen finally slammed the door to the fridge shut. "Stop talking like you're not worthy. I wasn't going to let you die and I wasn't going to let you suffer when I could do something about it."

"But to sell your body for me..."

"I'm not a whore," Jensen said, holding tightly to his words so he didn't start shouting. "I'm a soldier. One who'll use whatever skills are necessary to do the job. And you know what, Jared? I like it. I like what I'm doing. I didn't think I would, damn it, but I do. And I'm good at it. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you, you're my brother and I should have. But you're all I've got and I didn't want you looking at me...the way you're looking right now."

Jared pressed his lips together tightly. "Jensen...I'm not a little kid anymore. You can tell me things now. Don't do this, don't hide who you are."

"You're right," Jensen said, feeling a bit relieved. Jared had found out and the world didn't end. "I'm sorry. I won't lie to you anymore, I promise."

"Good," Jared pushed away from his position blocking the door. "So, ah, what's your training really like?"

Jensen laughed and pressed the palm of his hand against his forehead. Trust Jared to start out with the easy questions. Well he could give his brother a little rundown of the history of sexuality, keeping all the juicy details to himself of course, since he really couldn't think of Jared as an adult, not just yet anyway.

***

"You can take a little more, can't you?" Ferris whispered in his ear, her breath misty-warm.  

Jensen just wanted to come and pass out, not necessarily in that order. He'd been ridden hard before, he'd been bound for longer - once suspended from the ceiling wearing a hood and mitten cuffs, cut off from every sense and left only with touch, and the sensation of the plug inside him and the bindings on his cock. He had been the only cadet who hadn't safeworded out of the situation, using the transmitter implanted in the ball gagging him.  

Ferris knew this -- she knew just how far Jensen could be taken. And this time, Jensen suddenly feared, she might take him too far.  

"Yes, sir," he murmured, voice a little hoarse and he swallowed against the dryness in his throat. He hoped he could.  She wouldn't push him much longer, he thought. He trusted her, above everything else. Ferris would take him exactly where he needed to go.  

And then she stepped in front of him with the whip.

***

Jensen wiped the sweat from his forehead as he emerged from the tube that took him to his 30th floor apartment. He had spent the morning on a run all around the base, delighting in the exertion, free from the constraints of the gym or sparring with another cadet. He could run just for the pleasure of it, letting his body go, thinking about nothing more deeply than where his foot would fall on the pavement and how the wind felt in his hair. As the sun reached its zenith, his stomach rumbled and he headed home in search of lunch. Maybe Jared would want to go out to the city this afternoon. Sam had the weekends off; ever since Jared had entered his last year of therapy he'd needed her less and less.

Smiling, Jensen slapped his palm over the sensor next to his door. It slid open and he stepped inside. "Oh," he said, surprised to see Jared on the couch with a girl, both of them surrounded by textbooks and their portable terminals. "Sorry, didn't know you had company, Jare." Jensen was conscious of the t-shirt clinging to his sweaty chest, the way his hair must be sticking up in all directions and he didn't even want to think of how he smelled.

"Oh, hi, Jen. This is a friend of mine from school..."

The girl jumped up and gave Jensen a grin. "I'm Kristin," she said. She had long dark hair and bright almond-shaped eyes. She reminded Jensen suddenly of Cadet McCoy, who had left the Sex Corps after their second year. Mike had called her a wash-out, and Jensen supposed that was technically true, but there was no shame, he thought, in trying and then failing. She wasn't a traitor, like Hartley, whose name still caused Mike to go off on rants for hours.

The girl, Kristin, right, held out her hand to shake. "Sorry, I'm all sweaty," Jensen apologized.

"Oh, I don't mind," she smiled as a flush rose in her cheeks.

Oh, damn, Jensen thought. Poor Jared. He hoped her obvious and sudden crush wasn't immediately obvious to Jared, that it was Jensen's own heightened awareness of this kind of thing that had clued him in so quickly. He knew when someone reacted to him sexually -- he had to. "Well, nice to meet you," he shook her hand quickly, then headed for the kitchen. "I'm just going to grab some food and then I'll be out of your hair."

"Actually, would you mind if I got a drink?" she asked, following him and ignoring Jared completely.

Jensen went to the fridge and pulled out two bottles of the white tea Jared liked. "Here, for you both," he said, careful as he handed them to her.

Kristin took the drinks, but didn't move as Jensen pulled out fixings for a quick sandwich. "Thank you," she said. "Jared talks about you all the time."

Jensen focused on his sandwich, threw on some mustard and then shoved it in his mouth. That didn't deter her. "My Dad's in the Space Corps. I'm thinking about enlisting when I graduate, but my mom's afraid..."

"One sec," Jensen held up his hand. This situation was heading rapidly downhill.  He trotted back into the living room, where Jared still sat, fiddling with a pencil between his fingers. "I just remembered, I have to meet the guys at the barracks, I won't be back till tomorrow morning." There, that should do it. "Nice meeting you," he waved behind him and left the apartment.

Instead of heading for the tubes, he hung a right and ducked around the corner, half-hiding behind the large plants that decorated the hall. If his hunch was right...and there she was, less than ten minutes after Jensen had made his escape. Kristin left the apartment, a backpack hung over one shoulder, and headed for the tube. He waited till she was gone before going back inside. Jared's books were still on the couch, but there was no sign of his brother.

Jensen knocked on Jared's bedroom door, which slid open at his touch. Jared had sprawled across his bed, focused on one of his hand held games. He didn't look up at all. "Hey, Jared."

"Thought you were going to the barracks."

"I just, I just said that," Jensen admitted. "Jared, I'm sorry..."

"You're like a celebrity," Jared snapped. "Everyone wants to know about my Scut brother."

Jensen winced, he had never heard Jared use that term before and while he threw it around himself all the time, hearing Jared say it like that hearkened back to early days when he thought it little more than an insult.

"I should have figured when she said she wanted to come over to study. No one wants to date a crippled freak," as he said the words, Jared picked up one of his crutches and hurled it across the room so hard it hit the wall with a loud clank before tumbling onto the carpet.

"Jared, you're not..."

"Jensen, could you just leave me alone, please?" Jared said, still not looking at him.

Jensen ended up going to the barracks after all.

"Stop moping around, you know I can't stand it when you mope," Mike lectured.

Jensen turned from where he was gazing out of the window of Mike's dorm room. Mike and Tom were on the large double bed, surrounded by dildos and engine motor pieces. Jensen thought they were trying to make a fucking machine, or a super vibrator, but he wasn't really sure. Sophia sat at the desk, one of her textbooks open. Was she giving directions? He'd been ignoring them for so long he realized he didn't know. "I'm not moping."

Mike snorted. "Right. Want to go a few rounds in one of the Sex Labs? That'll clear your head right up."

Once, Jensen would have blushed at Mike's words, embarrassed that their sexual relationship was brought up in front of others. But he'd been on intimate terms with all three of them at one point or another, and although he hadn't had full on intercourse with Tom yet, he knew their bodies as well as his own. Besides, he didn't feel shame anymore about what he did.

"No," he told Mike, "Not in the mood."

The three of them gasped and Jensen had to laugh. He was always in the mood, probably the horniest of the four of them. Jensen wasn't sure if that was the injections or that he finally accepted what he liked in the bedroom. It only took three years of studying sexuality to understand his own role of submissive. Some part of him, however, still feared being consumed by his desire, that he'd fall so hard, he'd never be able to find himself again, become nothing more than someone's plaything, a slave to his own needs. That's why he tried to limit his time with Mike. Mike knew every button and how to push it, and Mike had no problems stepping right up to the limits Jensen set. They played with a safeword, of course, that was one of the Academy rules, but Jensen worried that he wouldn't use it, that he'd be too caught up in his own desire to stop a dangerous situation.

"I had a fight with Jared," he finally admitted and the whole story came spilling out.

"I wouldn't necessarily call that a fight exactly," Sophia said. "You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sure Jared knows that."

"I hope so," Jensen mumbled. He pushed himself away from the window and over towards the bed. "Just what the hell are you making anyway?"

Mike just grinned and flipped a switch. Jensen winced at the powerful engine twirling the vibrating dildo. He made a mental note to stay out of Mike's playspace for a while, at least until the thing ran out of power.

Jensen focused on his work and training the next few days, giving Jared the space he hopefully needed. He kept turning it over in the back of his mind. He knew the names of Jared's few friends at school: Allie, Chad, and Alexis. Jared never really talked about girls he liked, just as Jensen avoided discussing his own bedroom exploits. Jensen wondered if his own reserve taught Jared he should hide himself. He didn't want that, he wanted to be there if Jared needed someone to talk to. However, who could Jared go to if he wanted to talk about Jensen himself?

He was still thinking about it when Ferris called him down in Sex Lab to do a demo. Jensen had to push the entire problem to the back of his mind. He couldn't allow himself to be distracted while on stage. Ferris also called down Tom and asked both of them to strip. While they were occupied, she faced the rest of the class.

"One of the situations we've been discussing is performance. Note the differences between this and exhibitionism," she added dryly. "Picture this scenario: you are undercover as a pleasure slave and ordered to perform for your master's guests." She held up her hand at the giggles that greeted that suggestion. "Trust me, it's happened. The galaxy is a big place boys and girls, and you don't KNOW where you're going to be sent." She stepped out of the way and gestured to Jensen and Welling. "You may begin."

"Uh, begin what?" Jensen asked.

She grinned and narrowed her eyes. "Perform. You're not given any specifics. We'll critique afterwards."

Jensen turned to Tom, who just shrugged at first. Jensen had gotten used to being up here in front of the classroom, but he usually had far more direction to go on. He decided to go with his gut and went for something simple: kissing. Ferris had called this performance, and Jensen was determined to give them a show. He backed Tom up against the table that often doubled as a bed or rack, depending on their needs, and captured those plump lips with his own, bracing his hands around Tom's waist, careful to keep from pressing up against him.

He knew they must make a pretty picture, Ferris had probably chosen them for that reason. Jensen knew what he looked like, what people saw in his long eyelashes, pouty lips and wide eyes. Tom had a similar beauty, almost feminine in nature. But he wasn't delicate, not by far. Jensen angled a bit, so their bodies faced the crowd. He pulled back, biting down hard on Tom's lower lip, pulling the lip out, making exactly what he was doing more visible. He knew Tom got off on the pain. Welling couldn't help himself and leaned forward into the bite. But Jensen couldn't let him have it just yet.

Jensen put his own desire aside. He was hard, but he could ignore that now, it was almost a perpetual state of being for him. This was work, the way his slid down Tom's chest, taking one nipple in his mouth, to bite and nibble at, and pinching the other harshly. Jensen kept moving downward, till he perched on his knees before Welling, that long, smooth cock bobbing in front of him. He didn't notice the hard floor, or rather; he accepted that as part of it, the discomfort the price he paid for his willing submission. Slowly, Jensen moved forward and captured Tom's cock. He worked it, licking the crown just long enough to catch a bitter droplet of precome and pull away, tempting his audience with that trailing strand. 

He put all of his training into that blowjob. Jensen licked, suckled and fondled, the entire time his eyes flicking up to meet Tom's, in what he hoped looked like a seductive gaze. He dropped one hand to his lap, where he worked at his own erection, as if being on his knees and sucking cock were all he desired. And yeah, he got off on it, liked the way that even though he was the one on his knees, the other guy was still at his mercy, only able to come when Jensen decided it. Tom was a bit too controlled, Jensen thought, holding tightly to the table, biting his lips as his hips jerked his dick farther into Jensen's mouth.

But Jensen knew exactly how to make Tom come. He took the cock as deep as he could, letting it bump the back of his throat and as Jensen pulled back, he scraped with his teeth. Any other man would howl with pain. Tom all but screamed with pleasure. He came as Jensen pulled away, long strips of white all over Jensen's face and chest. He fisted his own dick another time or two and let his own come mingle on his chest to join it.

The applause caught him off guard at first. Jensen dropped back, a bit dazed. He shook his head to clear it and accepted the fluffy white towel Tom handed him to clean up. Nothing worse than sitting through the rest of his day sticky underneath his uniform.

"Thank you, Cadets. You may dress and return to your seats." Ferris nodded at both of them. "Now, who wants to be the first to tell me what they did wrong?"

Despite the criticism, Jensen couldn't help but grin. Today's class seemed just another milestone for him to pass in his training. He had come and got Welling off, and the roomful of people hadn't even fazed him. When they got back to their seats Tom shot him such a look of heat that made Jensen wonder what the hell they had been waiting for. He mouthed 'later' to Tom, who grinned and nodded back.

They had never really fallen into bed together. Honestly, Jensen thought they'd be incompatible, both of them needing the same kind of things to get off. They were both considered bottoms, and both on the submissive end of the spectrum. Or so he thought. After classes were over, Tom showed Jensen just how wrong he had been.

They met in Tom's room, Mike waving them both on with peals of laughter. Jensen just closed the door behind him and turned the lock. When he turned back, Welling's eyes were dark with lust. "This time," Tom said, "I'm in charge."

Jensen swallowed hard. Desire pooled in his groin and it wasn't the clinical, practical arousal from class. "Yes, sir."

"Strip, Scut," Tom said, voice hard.

Jensen lowered his eyes and slowly began undoing the buttons of his uniform. His jaw was clenched in a tight grip and he was forced to look up. "Don't make a production over it, I just want you naked." Tom stepped back, shucking off his own clothes. Jensen hurried then to do as ordered. He pulled off his uniform and left it in a pile on the floor, which was so against everything military and itched at his well-trained self.

Jensen stood with his legs spread and his hands clasped behind his neck, the upright presentation pose. Tom circled him, as if inspecting his property. Jensen could feel the eyes on his back, as his body heated and sweat gathered on his skin. He could smell the tension in the air, thick like the smell of arousal.

"You're nice to look at, I'll give you that," Tom said. "But how well do you follow orders?"

"I'm very good, sir," Jensen replied, just a bit of cheek in his tone. 

Tom nodded to himself. He went over to a dresser on the other side of the bed and came back with two items. One, a riding crop, he tucked under his arm in much the same way Jensen had seen Ferris do. He wondered if Mike had picked up the habit too. The other object Tom held in his hands was a long chain connecting two nipple clamps. Jensen hid his wince at seeing those, they were clover clamps which pinched tighter when the chain was pulled.

"Put these on me," Tom ordered in a soft voice.

"Oh," Jensen breathed, taking the chain from Tom's hand. "May I?" he whispered, leaning forward to suck one sweet nipple into hardness. Tom didn't stop him, so Jensen figured it was ok. Once satisfied, Jensen placed the clamp around the erect nipple. Already, it looked pulled tight and sore. Jensen's own chest ached in sympathy. He moved to the second nipple and got that clamp in place. As he pulled away, he tugged on the chain and Tom's eyes closed for a brief moment.

Then Tom swallowed and stepped back, his skin flushed and breath coming quickly. "Do you know how to use this?" he held out the crop.

Jensen took it and nodded. They'd all learned how.

Tom turned away, his back to Jensen, and moved into standing position, his arms behind his neck and his head bowed. "Use it on me. Twenty strokes."

Jensen did. With each switch he could see the way Tom's body changed, the way the tension in his muscles eased, almost as if Jensen provided a massage instead of a whipping. He could hear Welling fight not to groan as Jensen counted out each stroke. Jensen knew Tom liked this, hell, he'd been on the other end himself, but he just didn't receive the same kind of pleasure from giving the beating. He wasn't Mike, after all.

When he was done, Jensen took a step back and let Tom compose himself for a moment. His back was a long mess of red stripes and bruises. He wanted to run his hands along those marks, nuzzle and kiss them. Jensen hoped he'd hit with the right amount of force. With Tom, harder was always better.

Tom turned and took Jensen by the jaw again, his thumb on Jensen's chin. "You are very obedient."

"Thank you, sir," Jensen replied. He stilled, body controlled by that simple touch on his face, Tom holding Jensen in place until satisfied. Jensen breathed deeply, getting a whiff of the apple-scented shampoo Tom used, so incongruous to smell that now, as he waited for his next command.

"On the bed, on your back. Hands on the headboard."

Jensen moved into position, quickly. Whatever he expected, it wasn't for Welling to climb on top of him and slowly swallow Jensen's cock. Jensen bit his lip to keep from crying out. Absently, he reached out with one hand, which Tom slapped away. He pulled off, leaving Jensen's dick shiny with spit, and alone. Jensen moaned. "I told you, hands on the headboard."

His hand joined its mate on the headboard, gripping the fake wood tightly. Jensen swallowed. He'd always liked this, being forced to hold a position on nothing more than his master's word. His nipples tightened and he ached to be touched, anywhere, skin desperate for contact. Tom didn't disappoint. He straddled Jensen's waist and slowly slid down Jensen's cock, using nothing more than the saliva for lubrication.

It was tight, nearly too tight, and raw and hard. Jensen had had a few asses in his time, but nothing that clenched around him the way Tom's did. He gripped the headboard tighter, feeling the bar cut into his fingers as he fought not to come under such intense stimulation. "Please," he whispered. "Gotta come..."

Tom opened his eyes and looked down at Jensen, eyes widening. "Come, Jensen, come, fill me up with you spunk, yeah..." He slammed down hard, his thighs trembling from the strain. Jensen had to fight not to reach out, not to grasp Tom by the waist and control the movement. He never had so much trouble obeying orders before.

"Oh," Jensen let out a long groan and came, his balls tightening and his cock shuddering in pleasure.

"Get me off," Tom pleaded, voice tight. He must be so close.

Jensen, barely coherent after that orgasm, took hold of Tom's cock and jerked it hard, knowing Tom wouldn't appreciate any gentleness here. On the second pass he used his fingernails over the flushed smooth skin and that's when Tom came, shooting his load over both of their bellies.

"Why haven't we done this before?" Jensen murmured, dozing in bed tucked against Welling's chest.

Tom laughed against Jensen's hair. "Stupidity," he decided on. "Actually, I had to wait for Mike to teach me a thing or two."

"Mmm, he's a good teacher."

"He's very good at what he does."

And Jensen knew that for truth as well, being intimately familiar with the way Mike plied his trade. 

It was late when he finally extricated himself from Tom's side, neither of them wanting to give up the sense of peace the afterglow brought. They'd get that so rarely in their lives to come, Jensen knew, though that day hardly seemed real. When he got into his apartment, Jensen was surprised to find Sam in the kitchen, putting away the dishes. "Was I supposed to be here for dinner?"

She shook her head. "Not that I know of. But I think Jared wanted to talk to you. He goes for his last treatment this week, you know."

"And then we hope it's worked," Jensen murmured. "Where is he?"

"His room." She touched his arm before he could turn. "Jensen, remember, he's eighteen, he's in high school. No one else has a parent or family member who's a Scut."

"We can't exactly have kids while we're serving," Jensen said. He wondered if Sam had kids herself, or a family. She spent so much time here, but then again, that apparently was her duty, her job.

"Just think about how he feels, not being able to talk to anyone."

"Can he talk to you?"

She shrugged. "I'm like you, remember? He sees us both as something mysterious."

"I'm still his brother." Jensen turned to go to Jared's room. Before he left, he turned in the doorway and executed a sloppy salute. "Thank you, Colonel Smith."

"Just shut up and make things right."

Jensen knew there was a reason he liked Sam. "Will do."

He found Jared sitting on his bed again, this time apparently doing homework on his terminal as he reclined against the pillows. Jared looked up when Jensen poked his head in and gestured he come in. "Sit," Jared patted the bed. Jensen sat, then swung up his legs so he was fully on the bed, facing Jared.

"I'm sorry," Jared said. "I was pissed off and I took it out on you." He couldn't look at Jensen, still.

Jensen touched Jared's leg, the good one, and Jared looked up. "Hey," Jensen said. "I'm your brother. I will always be your brother. Getting pissed off at each other is part of the job description."

Jared nodded and swallowed. "I just, I really liked her. Kristin. You know? And then, to find out she was just using me to see what you were like."

"It sucks," Jensen agreed. He bit his lip, trying to sort through what he wanted to say, some of his thoughts had come together during the scene with Tom. Strange, sometimes, how sex could clear his head. "And this whole disease thing sucks," he waved his arm to encompass the crutches, Jared's legs, all of it. "But it's not you. You're not your illness. And someday you're gonna find a girl, oh, or maybe a guy, who understands that. High school isn't necessarily the best place for that."

Jared finally smiled at him. "I hope it happens before I die of sexual frustration."

Jensen could feel his cheeks pink as he said, "Well, you know, I have a few friends, and maybe, if you want I could set you up for a session..."

Now Jared burst out laughing. "Jensen, are you seriously offering to get me laid by one of your Sex Corps buddies?"

At his words Jensen relaxed. "Sex Corps" not "Scut." "Well, someone keeps trying to tell me you're not a little kid anymore..."

"Jensen, Dad gave me the talk when I was thirteen."

"Bout when Lauren started coming around?"

"Yup."

"You never told me how much of that you saw."

"Nope."

Jensen figured he wasn't going to ever find out. "I want you to talk to me, kid." He moved to ruffle Jared's hair, but stopped, because Jared wasn't a child anymore. God, he was old enough to enlist if he wanted to!

Jared nodded and licked his lips. "I want to go to college," he blurted suddenly.

Jensen blinked. Of course, he just hadn't realized the time had passed so quickly, that Jared was ready for this. "You working on your apps?"

"Yeah, I have a few places in mind. Not real far, nothing off-planet."

Jensen shuddered at the idea of Jared going off-planet.

"It's just...you're going to be gone soon, on deployment, and I can't stay here. I need to make my own life too. I think I wanna go to medical school." Jared rubbed his knee, the bad one. "I want to try more surgery to fix my knee, so when I do go, I can be a little more independent."

Jensen nodded. "Ok. Ok, we'll talk to Sam tomorrow, see about setting up a consult. And, I'll sign whatever you need me to sign, for college."

Jared smiled. "Thank you, Jensen."

Jensen wondered why he felt like someone had punched him in the gut. This was what he wanted after all, for Jared to be happy, to be alive and living his life. He just never pictured how much it would hurt to know that Jared would be out there, alone, and Jensen could do little to change that. Jared deserved it, he deserved the best life could give him, all the things Jensen wanted, a career, a family, love, a home. Jensen figured he'd have to be satisfied with just the career. But for Jared, he'd made sure Jared would have it all.

***

Jensen could feel her hand sliding along the already reddened skin of his back. The flogging he had received earlier would only sensitize him more to the coming onslaught. He shivered at her touch, heavy against his bruises. "No, please," he begged. He hated that long bullwhip, out of all the instruments on the wall it was the only one that made his breath catch when he saw it.  

"You can take it," she told him, her hand lifting. He knew that meant she was moving away, moving into position to strike.  

His safeword coiled in his belly, all Jensen had to do was open his mouth and speak it, and everything would stop. Ferris would unchain him and sooth him and tell him it was ok. He bit down on his lower lip, drawing blood, the tang of its smell heavy in his nose.  

It still didn't prepare him for the first crack of pain against his back. Jensen tensed his muscles, anticipating the next blow, his eyes clenched shut. She struck again, and again. Fire bloomed all along his back. He cried out, unable to keep himself from doing so.  

Jensen opened his eyes, trying to focus on something else but the pain. The whip came down again, this time wrapping around his torso in a sinuous motion, like a snake. She pulled and he could feel his skin tear. Jensen saw red splash onto the cold floor.  

His heart thudded in his chest and suddenly Jensen couldn't catch his breath. He could smell nothing but the sharp blood. He couldn't speak or shout. His vision narrowed, until he saw nothing but fields of black and then he was falling, falling, falling...

***

Jensen dropped the regulation duffel bag on the tiny twin bed, looked around the small room with it's miniscule window, two desks wedged next to each other and tall dressers and said, "I think I had it better in the barracks during Basic."

Jared made a face at him before putting his backpack down next to the duffel. His second surgery and therapy had been a rousing success and he only needed one crutch for balance. Soon, Jensen thought, Jared might not need any help at all.

Jensen grinned. "Are you sure you haven't changed your mind about commuting?" Jared had kept his promise and chosen a college near by, very close actually, only a tram ride away from the Sea-base into New York City. He could very feasibly commute, taking the tram each day, but Jensen knew Jared needed his independence, needed to grow away from his identity on base as Jensen's brother.

"I'm sure," Jared agreed. He sat on the unmade bed, the plastic mattress making an undignified squeak as he did so. "I can get into more trouble this way."

Jensen gave in to the impulse to ruffle through Jared's hair. He let himself think of his brother as a kid for just a little longer. His Scut friends certainly didn't think so, judging from the going away presents they had given last night at the little get together Jensen hosted at the apartment. Luckily they'd waited till Jared's high school friends had left. Otherwise Jensen was pretty sure Jared wouldn't have been so graceful at accepting the strap-on dildo, cock ring and nipple clamps. "Please don't feel obligated to get into trouble," Jensen said. "I could do without having to worry."

Jared grinned. "You don't have to worry about me. I'll be fine. I'll call you every night if you want."

"Just so I know you're ok." Jensen looked away. He'd be graduating the Academy at the end of this year and be deployed immediately afterwards. Jared would be the one worrying very shortly.

The door to the room opened, revealing a slim teen, clutching a heavy looking laundry basket. "Oh, hi. You must be my roommate?"

Jared stood, balancing carefully with his one crutch. "Hey. I'm Jared, you must be...Gabriel?"

The other kid winced. "Just Gabe, please. My parents are right behind me, fighting with the elevator tube."

"Nice to meet you, Gabe, I'm Jensen, Jared's brother." Jensen helped him with the basket, noting how Gabe's eyes flickered over his gray uniform, but the kid didn't say anything. He wondered if Gabe knew what the red band meant, or if he was just surprised at seeing a soldier in the college dorms.

He stayed long enough to meet the Tigermans and get Jared settled in. Jared walked him back downstairs and hugged him, out of sight of his roommate and possible friends. Jensen didn't mind. He did mind being three inches shorter and grumbled about Jared's height one more time before leaving. Jared merely laughed and waved.

It wasn't until Jensen got back to the apartment that he sagged, realizing there wouldn't be anyone to come home to in the evenings anymore. Maybe he should get a room at the barracks, he thought, just so he wouldn't have to go to bed alone. When he headed back towards his bedroom, he noted the light coming from Sam's room. He tapped on the door gently and it slid open. Sam's suitcase still sat on the floor, only half filled. She sat on the bed, a book in one hand.

"I thought you were moving out?" Jensen asked. Her duty was complete. Jared had finished his treatments and didn't need a nurse or caretaker any longer.

Sam smiled at him and put her book down. She slid off the bed and stepped over to him, letting the folds of her robe fall open. "I was waiting for you."

Jensen shrugged. "I'm fine."

"It's okay to miss him."

"He hasn't been gone long enough for me to miss him," Jensen said, looking away. She touched his cheek and he faced her, suddenly aware of something else in the dark blue pools of her eyes.

"This isn't duty," she said suddenly, just before she reached up and kissed him.

Oh, Jensen thought, falling into her soft lips. He let himself be led to the bed, be thoroughly kissed as she stripped him of his uniform. Jensen slid his hands over her soft curves, freeing her from her robe and silk nightgown. She felt so different from Sophia, her body more mature, but supple and certain of its movements. Sam didn't try to dominate him, didn't give him any orders or demand anything. She merely gave, letting him into her body as if it were a gift.

Jensen had never been made love to before, but thought it might be something like this. He let himself fall and break apart in a completely different way than with any of his training.

"Thank you," he murmured into her hair later, breathing in her rich scent, as they curled together on her bed. His muscles had relaxed, as if he had just taken a long soak in the bath.

She laughed softly, her voice husky with desire. "Thank you. I've wanted to do that for a long time now."

"Couldn't do it with the kid around," Jensen teased, his hand sliding over her chest, thumbing against a tight little nipple. It might just be time for round two.

Later, when Jared called to update him on his dorm and class schedule, Jensen didn't have to fake cheerfulness. He heard commotion and laughter in the background and when Jared said he had to go, Jensen wished him well. "Don't have too much fun. Study once in a while!"

"I will," Jared promised.

For once, Jensen thought everything would finally be all right. Jared would be ok. And maybe Jensen would be too.

***

Jensen opened his eyes, then blinked rapidly against the bright light. He lifted his hand to rub his eyes and caught sight of the medical cuff attached to his wrist. He'd seen these on Jared many a time, used to insert drugs intravenously during surgery. He shifted up on the bed and realized he was in Medical, aware of the machines beeping around him and the discrete curtains that hung around his area. Sophia sat in one of the chairs next to him and reached over to grab his hand when she saw he was awake.

He pulled at the white paper shirt someone had put on him. "What happened?"

"You passed out during your final," Sophia said. "Do you want some water? I'm allowed to give you ice chips."

It all came rushing back to Jensen suddenly, the whip and the blood and how he had fainted of all things. He groaned. "Yeah, water would be great."

She handed over the cup and spoon, which Jensen took gratefully; he wasn't about to let anyone feed him. He slurped at the spoon; the ice soothed his dry throat. Jensen took stock of his body, his muscles felt sore and stiff, but his back felt blissfully pain free. He slid one hand under the shirt to look, but there were no cuts on his torso. "Skin sealer?" he asked.

Sophia nodded and took the cup back. "They gave you something to keep you out while the doctor worked. He did a nice job, you don't even have any of those annoying pink lines."

Jensen thought he might have liked one, as a remembrance of what had happened. Hell, if it had completely ruined his Scut career, he might as well have a scar from the event. 

"I have to go get Ferris. She told whichever one of us was waiting to comm her when you woke up. I just relieved Mike." Sophia gestured. "Tom's having his exam, so you might have company soon."

Jensen remembered with vivid clarity the one time he had accidentally walked in on Mike and Tom playing in one of the Sex Labs. Mike had Tom strapped down to the large table in the front, and all Jensen could see were bright red lines everywhere. He had gasped and Mike looked up, the scalpel still in his hand, the blade crimson with Tom's blood. Jensen had run from the room, ignoring Mike's calling his name and barely made it to a bathroom before losing his lunch.  

No, Jensen never had liked blood. He wasn't a painslut the same way Tom was, he could bear it when needed and he enjoyed being on the receiving end of a flogger or a spanking, but he never craved his skin torn and sliced. Tom somehow did, and would beg for it beyond all reason, unable to climax without the pain. That was Tom's danger, the trap he could fall into so easily. Jensen's lay somewhere else completely.

So it was entirely likely that Tom would be making his own way down to Medical, but probably not in such a spectacular failure like Jensen. "Right," Jensen said. "You can get her."

"Jensen, it'll be fine." Sophia squeezed his hand before disappearing.

He had a few moments to consider the effect of his failing. Would he be able to try again? Would they declare him a wash-out, a few weeks short of graduation? What then?

"At ease, Cadet," Ferris said as he straightened at her entrance into his Medical cubicle.

"Sir," he said softly. Ferris had been more than an instructor to him -- she had served as a mentor as well. He hated to disappoint her. "I'm sorry."

"Ackles, what the hell are you apologizing for?"

"Failing to safeword when I knew blood was a problem, sir," he answered.

"Ah." Ferris dropped into the seat Sophia had vacated. She looked tired. "Jensen, do you think you're going to be sent into a situation where you can safeword?"

He opened his mouth to reply, then shut it for a moment so he could think. "But then why do we use them here?"

"Because this is training." She gestured. "There's no sense in cadets getting themselves hurt or killed because they haven't learned their limits yet. You know where your weaknesses are. Hell, I think you know better than half the fools I've trained. That's important in the field." Ferris rubbed her hands together as she sat forward. "You can work around them, you can work with them, and a smart Scut can manipulate the fuck out of someone foolish enough to try something they don't like."

Jensen nodded. "So I didn't fail?"

Ferris smiled. "No, you didn't fail. You're going on your first mission three days after graduation."

He swallowed down the 'so soon?' that wanted to burst out of his mouth. This is what he signed up for. A war was raging out there, and he needed to be deployed as soon as possible. "Yes, sir."

"The information will be sent to your comm address." Ferris stood. "Dr. Rothery will be your medical contact for the mission prep. Congratulations, Cadet. In two weeks I'll be calling you Second Lieutenant."

"Thank you, sir."

Jensen reviewed his mission notes carefully that night from the apartment. Sam had moved out and been reassigned, but she still kept in touch with both him and Jared, sending them notes when she could. Jared called frequently, so Jensen didn't quite feel like he'd been abandoned. At that thought, his comm chimed and Jensen answered, grinning when he saw his younger brother's features on the screen.

"You look happy," Jensen said.

Jared smiled and his eyes looked sleepy. "I am. Happy."

Something about his face tipped Jensen off. "Oh, stars, you got laid, didn't you?"

Jared laughed and blushed. Jensen was glad to see he wasn't the only blusher. "She's amazing. We've been dating for a month now. She's tall and blonde, actually, she kinda looks a bit like Sam. But, not like I'm going there."

"Oh, no, not at all." Jensen coughed and hoped Jared didn't notice his blush this time. "So you really like this girl?"

"Yeah," Jared said. "I'll tell you all about her when I come to graduation."

"You don't want to bring her?"

"You don't mind?" Jared asked.

Jensen smiled. "If she wants to come. I'm sure it'll bore her terribly. We don't do anything exciting like give out dildos instead of diplomas."

"No, those you save for college freshmen. She found the toys, by the way, and she didn't mind them. That's how I knew she was a keeper."

Jensen gave in to the laughter, nearly bending over with it. "Jared," he said, when he could talk again. "I'm getting deployed right after graduation. Few days afterwards in fact."

Jared's face fell. "That sucks. I'll hardly get to see you."

"Yeah, well. It sucks." That's all Jensen could say. He wouldn't go into duty and the war in front of Jared.

"Where are you going?"

"I can't talk about it. It's a simple recon mission, shouldn't be anything too strenuous." His words didn't seem to ease Jared's fears any. "I'll call you the moment I'm back in UP space. I promise."

"You'd better."

Jensen ran into Mike in Medical the next week. All of the fourth years were snatching up time, finishing their last exams and prepping for their first missions. Mike limped and grumbled as he ducked out of a cubicle and nearly knocked Jensen over. "Whoah, Rosenbaum. What'd they dope you with?"

Mike shook his head and pointed to his crotch. "They made me get pierced for this mission!"

He had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing. "I need to get tattoo'd. Apparently they can remove it when I get back."

"You're gonna be ok with the needles?" Mike asked. He could be a good Dom, Jensen thought, remembering little details like that.

"Needles aren't a problem. Seeing the blood is," Jensen reminded him. "And it's my lower back, so I won't be seeing them."

Mike just grinned and shook his head. "Tom got tattoo'd too. Hey, can I watch?"

Jensen was about to say no, but he figured he might need a hand to hold, so he let Mike come into the cubicle with him. The doctor had him strip off his uniform and allowed Jensen to cover his ass with a paper blanket. "So why the tatt?" Mike asked.

"Apparently it's traditional for sex workers on Meridian to be tattoo'd. It's how you know someone's for sale," Jensen explained, trying to ignore the prep going on behind him. They shaved him first, before laying the stencil. He squirmed a bit to get more comfortable on the table.

"That's where you're going then," Mike whistled.

Jensen blushed. So much for keeping his mouth shut about top-secret missions. None of them should really know where the other was going! Before he could comment, the buzzing of the tattoo needle started and he tensed, waiting for it to touch his skin.

"Hey," Mike said, kneeling so he was on eye level with Jensen. "It's ok. You've been through worse."

Jensen laughed. "I know. First time's always the worst." And before he could elaborate the needle met skin. "Oh!" He expected pain, had prepared himself for that, slightly worried due to his fear of blood. This felt...different, not painful, nothing he couldn't handle. It was like an itch crawling up his back, vibrating all along his skin. He nearly arched into in, but he became conscious of Mike holding him down.

"Don't move," he warned.

Right, there was actually a purpose to this. Encoded in the tattoo would be tracking information, encrypted so tightly even Tom couldn't break the seal. Even with that, there was no guarantee Jensen would get any help on his mission. He had himself to rely on, no backup could be called. Their job was truly one of the most dangerous in the entire Corps. Jensen let Mike hold him down though, and let himself close his eyes and just feel.

***

"Stop squirming," Jensen whispered. He stood between Mike and Tom as they waited to file up the row to the stage and receive their diplomas. For the first time they wore their complete dress reds. Jensen probably wouldn't have the occasion to do so again for a long time, so he appreciated the fitted lay of the fabric, the way the collar clung to his skin, and of course, the new Second Lieutenant bars on his lapel.

They were graduating with the rest of the Academy, which included the Space Corps officers in their dark blue uniforms. It provided a nice contrast against the very small group of red at the edge of the graduates. Jensen imagined what it might look like from a distance, the way the crowd saw it -- the graduates lined up perfectly, marching up to the podium with military precision, saluting General Beaver and then moving on. They must look like toy soldiers, in sync only the way automatons could be.

"Then stop moping," Mike hissed back and Jensen had to smile.

Then it was their turn to move and there was no more time for words.

He met up with Jared later, when the rest of the Cadets -- former Cadets now -- went off to find their families. He would find his friends later, possibly go out into the city to celebrate, but right now he wanted to find his brother. Jared waited with a lovely blond woman. Jensen caught himself evaluating her Sex Corps potential, but then shook that out of his head. This was Jared's girlfriend.

Jared clasped him in a bone-crushing hug, nearly lifting Jensen off the ground. When did he get so big? Jensen swore Jared had gained an inch or two since he last saw him. "Grats, bro," Jared said, stepped back. He hardly leaned at all on his crutch. Jensen grinned up at him.

"Thanks."

"Jensen, this is Adrianne. Dri, this is my brother Jensen."

Jensen shook her hand and met deep brown eyes. "I've heard so much about you," she said. "Thank you for inviting me."

"Sure. Thank you for coming out this way. There's food in the reception hall if you like."

Adrianne ended up leaving shortly after the ceremony was over, she had some papers to write, she said. Jared and Jensen took her to the Tram station, fighting the extra crowds from graduation. They watched as the Tram slid over its magnetic rails over the water. "She's nice," Jensen said. "And very pretty. Way out of your league."

Jared laughed. "I have to do something right. Eventually."

Jensen punched him in the arm. "Hey, you've done a lot right. I'm meeting the guys later, do you want to come?"

"Sure," Jared shrugged and they started walking, away from the Tram station and back towards the apartment. Jared had placed an overnight bag there before the ceremony, he had explained, fully intending to stay the three days until Jensen left for his mission.

Jared walked with the slightest of limps, able to keep pace with Jensen's brisk walk. Jensen wondered if he was continuing physical therapy at the College, but didn't ask. That wasn't what he wanted to talk about, these last three days. After this, after his first mission, Jensen knew he wouldn't be the same person. Hell, he wasn't the same person from four years ago, when he had first stepped foot in the Academy.

"Do, do you think Mom and Dad would be proud of us?" Jared asked softly.

Jensen grit his teeth at the question. He had done the best he could, made the best choices to save Jared's life. He didn't regret his choice, not now anyway. "I'd like to think they are."

Jared snorted. "You think they're watching, from wherever they are?"

He looked up at the darkening sky, and shuddered, knowing there were some things he really didn't want his parents to have seen. "Who knows? Jared, we did the best we could. My path might be a bit different," he absently touched the Sex Corps insignia on his uniform. "But I'm honoring their memory, doing my best to make sure this war ends."

"And me?"

Jensen reached up to ruffle Jared's hair, laughing at his brother's squawking protest. "You're what we're fighting for, you know."

"I think I do," Jared said. "Jensen...please be careful."

They both knew that no matter how careful Jensen was, a mission could always go wrong. But being civilians hadn't saved their parents, either. Jensen liked to think he'd make it, that his training had been solid and his own abilities would get him through. He thought to what Ferris said about knowing himself, and hoped it would be enough. "I will," he promised Jared.

He had to, because he had Jared to come home to, Jared to fight for. Jensen looked out into the vastness of space and knew he could conquer it.

"I will."

end

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